InsaneJournal

What makes you lose your temper? [private]
There are a lot of things that annoy me, but it's become a necessity, over the years, for my temper to be reined in as tightly as I can manage. Losing my temper is something of a luxury, actually -- really losing it, with the shouting and stomping and throwing of things. I can't remember the last time I let myself scream at anything.

I have had to learn how to channel my anger -- how to use it, make it work for me. As good as it feels to lose control, it's not helpful, and the situations that make me feel that way, these days, are often the ones where I need to be focused and useful. I need to be better than just inane screeching. I need to be calm and steady and solid -- that's what this city needs from me. That's what these people need from me.

I'm not a good leader if I come apart at the seams every time things get hard.

That doesn't mean I don't want to scream at the unfairness of it all every time I lose someone who was probably only a name and a face to me -- someone who followed me because I led them. It doesn't change that I really want to haul off and smack something when I lose someone I did know. It doesn't stop me from looking for a scapegoat to lay the blame on when we're teetering on the brink of doom (again).

I'm not always above that kind of intense emotion, but I'm supposed to be.