InsaneJournal

Prompt 14 - What do you dream about?
I'm not sure if it’s a dream or just a memory that played nightly after it happened. I mean nothing changed from the reality of that day, and nothing was in slow motion, or anything else dreamstate like. We’re all in the Tutor Center and Jimmie is still holding his gun on us.

I don’t know. Maybe I played it over and over again wondering if I missed something. If there was any way for that day to end differently. Would Keith still be alive if Jimmie hadn’t left the center? Would Jimmie still have committed suicide because he just got tired? So many questions and there never were any answers. Maybe that’s another reason why I saw it every night. I was hoping to find answers, to find a reason beyond that I stopped being Jimmie’s friend and noticing he was in trouble.

Sure, I could use the excuse that I was away on tour while he was having trouble. But the truth was that I didn’t stay in contact with any of my friends when I left. I didn’t call Luke as much as I should have and I never wrote to Peyton or Brooke. I told myself it was because of the tour and everything, but it wasn’t. That’s just an excuse. It was because I knew they would shine the light of truth on the person I’d become and it wasn’t really a pretty picture. In my dream Jimmie might have represented the friends I let down. The people that I didn’t share the burden of life with.

I guess I hoped I could save Jimmie night after night. He was a good person and I really hate that everyone only remembers the day that he was too tired to go on. Too tired to fight the teasing, the jeers and everything else life handed him. What is that saying? Twenty/twenty hindsight. It was a horrible day, but there was good that came out of it. Marcus, who was an ass, stopped being one. People that would have made fun of Jimmie or others like him took a minute before they did it to someone else.

I’m not naive enough to think it stopped. It probably only lasted a week or two, but in that week or two we got along and thought about others.