Who: Michael Guerin, Maria DeLuca, Alex Manes What: conversations about things Where: Starting at La Sirena and going to Michael’s trailer When: Sept 3rd Warnings: references to sexual activity among consenting adults Status: complete
Michael Guerin was good at a lot of things - drinking, fighting, fixing shit, science - but dealing with his emotions was not on that list. It was impossible for anyone other than Max and Isobel to understand what it felt like to find yourself as a young child, naked and alone, with no memory of who you were or where you came from. And even they didn’t understand how utterly alone and unloved Michael felt when they were adopted by the Evanses and he was left by himself to bounce from foster home to foster home with no sense of stability until he met Sanders and started hanging out at the junkyard.
He thought he’d finally found that with Alex until his father found out about them and Alex ultimately left Roswell while Michael was stuck here to look after Isobel. Sometimes he was resentful of that, wished he could have just taken off and traveled the country, looking for somewhere he could really belong. He knew though that he wouldn’t have ever found satisfaction with that kind of life. Despite everything, he needed to be near Max and Isobel and they were both permanently entrenched in Roswell.
Then he’d let himself hope again when he started seeing Maria. Part of him knew he was being too stubborn by accepting the breakup when he refused to watch her drive herself insane, but another part of him was tired of losing everyone he loved and decided it was better to have a clean break now rather than a slow and steady decline over time.
Now he was trapped with both of them on some magical island and apparently the option of them all being together was actually on the table. Michael found it difficult to believe that he could ever be that lucky, but he hadn’t stopped thinking about it since Wynonna suggested it, though he hadn’t thought it might be possible until Alex did.
They’d gone to karaoke tonight and Alex sang. Michael had heard the song before, back home, but it still knocked him flat on his ass emotionally. When he was done, he suggested that they go back to his place for a few beers. Now that they were here, he had no idea how to begin this conversation.
***
Alex had been working on the song at home, gathering the courage to play it. He hadn't even been sure he would, or if he should, back home. But there, it had felt like maybe he should do it to ... close out with the truth, even if Michael had moved on with Maria.
Here it might mean something different, and it still took a good shot of liquid courage first. Alex didn't mean being on stage or looked at, but he wasn't usually ripping open his own chest and putting it on display. It was vulnerable, and for all his talk, Alex wasn't as good at vulnerable as he liked to pretend.
But he did it, heart thudding in his chest the whole time.
And then a couple of drinks later they were back at Michael's airstream. For some reason. Alex was going to ask him again why they stayed in an exaggerated bread loaf made out of tin foil when there was apartments on offer. But he wasn't complaining for now, just took the beer Michael offered.
He took a sip from the bottle, slouching further into his chair. "Thanks for coming," Alex said when the conversation broke and it got too awkward for a moment too long.
***
The song had been beautiful, and it had made Maria’s heart clench with the romantic gesture of it. She loved Michael with all her heart, but for some reason it didn’t bother her that Alex did too. Love was an infinite thing, and she couldn’t bring herself to feel jealous of her best friend.
As she listened, she wanted little more than for all of them to be together and for all of them to be happy, and for a moment, she forgot why they couldn’t. But it came back to her quickly enough.
Somehow they all ended up back at Michael’s trailer, and she had a beer in her hand.
“It was beautiful, Alex.”
***
“Wouldn’t have missed it,” Michael said. Why was this so hard? He loved both of these people and they both professed to love him. This conversation shouldn’t be hard.
Deep down, he didn’t think he deserved to have either of them, let alone both of them. He took a long drink of his beer, though he didn’t think there was enough alcohol in the world to prepare him for this. “So… uh… I guess we need to talk,” he finally managed to say.
***
Alex was not badly socialized teenager anymore. So he had no excuse for the way he felt his whole face heat up at Maria's compliment. He hid the blush by taking another swig of the beer, much good as that did. "Still rusty," he said. "But thanks. It didn't feel bad, getting up there."
He wondered, belatedly, if maybe he should have asked Michael's permission. It was his history Alex had been singing in part too, after all. But it was too damned late to worry about it now. And Michael didn't seem pissed off. Just nervous and awkward.
Reminded him a little bit of the first time they kissed, actually.
Alex put that out of mind and turned his attention to Michael. "Yeah," he agreed slowly. Alex wanted to just leave it at that and let Michael do all the work. But he took a deep breath and then turned back to Maria. "When you and me were talking about that night - did you mean it?"
***
Maria, unlike the other two, wasn’t nervous about this conversation. She knew it was one they needed to have and wasn’t going to shrink back like a wilting flower when it came up. She loved both of them deeply, and it was ridiculous that they were acting like this when it was clear what they all wanted.
“I definitely meant it,” she said to Alex, her eyes open and imploring. “I think we all agree that night was the best one of our lives. It certainly was for me.” She paused. “But if we’re going to go into this, there are some things that we need to discuss. Like my powers. Just because I would be in a relationship with both of you doesn’t mean that things are going to change in that regard.”
***
Trust Maria to dive right in. It was one of the things Michael loved about her and also one of the things that infuriated him about her, particularly in regards to her abilities.
He sighed, running a hand through his messy curls. “DeLuca, I’m not going to say never use them,” he said. “I get it, okay? I understand that you want to know. But Alex pointed out that there are people here who might be able to help. Moreso than at home. So will you look into that?”
It was still surreal to be having this conversation. Of course the night the three of them had spent together was the best night of his life, no question about it. He hadn’t dared let himself hope that there might be a repeat though, let alone a long term thing.
***
It was a sidestep from where Alex had started them off, but a necessary one, since that was what had split Michael and Maria in the first place. If not for that, they probably wouldn't be having this conversation at all, and the two of them would still be together.
"I know. And like Michael said, the outlook here is different than home. I just think if you're going to do it, then you should go in on it together, not going it alone, and try to get all the data you can, and take it slow. Not ... stop or don't - but wade in, not jump into the deep end. I know that's probably rich coming from either of us, since both of us have pulled our share of dumbass stunts. And I'll have your back no matter what you do. But one of us has to figure out how caution works someday, right? Can we start with you?"
***
She crossed her arms, looking from one to the other of them with her face set in annoyance. “Look. I’m willing to talk to other people around here. I know there are a lot of people with weird abilities, and that it isn’t even all that strange of a thing here. So sure. I’ll talk to people. Find out what I can. That I’ll do. The rest of it? I don’t plan to back off. I don’t plan to ignore the fact that I can help or even save people because of it. And if you guys can’t handle that…”
She was quiet for a moment, hoping that they understood how important this was to her. She didn’t want to be told by anyone - especially a man - how to live her life or how to use her abilities. She would look into it, that was her compromise.
***
Michael cast a sideways glance at Alex, a pleading look, as if to say ‘please help me reason with her’ though he knew better than most people that Maria DeLuca was not going to acquiesce to their request easily.
“Can we at least set up some kind of agreement where if one of us notices that you’re slipping too far, you’ll pause?” he asked. “Like a safe word?” Because of course the three of them would need a safe word in a non-sexual capacity.
He was trying, he really was, and he wanted this to work out.
***
Alex resisted the urge to rub at his temple. "What about the fact that people here don't really seem to need a lot of saving? There's superheroes and Jedi and I think a god or two running around."
He got it, being unwilling to not step up and help when you could, and not able to let a part of yourself go unknown. Alex just worried too, the same as Michael did.
But at least it was something.
He had a feeling the added concession Michael wanted wasn't coming, but Alex tried anyway. "Not stopping," he said. "Just pausing and trying to figure out a way you can use what you can do without losing yourself too much. Here, where it's safe to not push it because there's so many other people who can step up to keep people safe. Can you work with that, you think?" he asked her.
***
“A safe word?” She gave Michael a look that told him that they were absolutely not going there. Then she turned her head to Alex and sighed deeply.
“I’m not stopping. But I can...talk to people. Look into it. See what happens.” That was the most she was willing to give. If that wasn’t enough, well, she didn’t want to ruin a good thing but she also didn’t see it as being a good thing if she was forced to give up a big part of who she was to be in a relationship. That wasn’t who Maria was. You got what you saw.
“Is that good enough?”
***
It would have to be good enough because there was no way that Michael was letting this opportunity slip through his fingers. If they were both willing to be with him, then he’d do whatever it took to make it happen, even if he wasn’t convinced that they should want to be with him.
“Okay,” he said. “As long as you’re willing to try, then I can accept that.” He felt like she would be safer exploring things here than she would be back in Roswell, especially if she had both him and Alex to support her.
He looked between them again. “So what’s this going to look like?” he asked. “I mean, obviously I want to be with both of you. But what about you two?”
***
Alex gave Michael a questioning look. He'd had enough reservations to walk away from someone he loved over this before. But if he was willing to take it, then so was Alex. "Deal," he said. "And if it's not life or death on the line, try to have one of us there to keep an eye out for you, when you can? Or at least someone else around?" Alex wasn't sure how it all worked yet, but he didn't like the idea of her being alone for it, whatever was going on. It didn't have to be them, but someone.
And then the topic changed back and Alex's cheeks heated again, taking a drink. "I don't know. You've both known me long enough to know that I'm pretty damn gay or I would have managed to trick myself into girls for the sake of not getting my ass kicked years ago. But that night, with you two - it was different with Maria. Or maybe because it was both of you. I already knew her, and knew I loved her and she loved me. Maybe that makes it different for me, maybe it's just that it's Maria. I don't know how it'll go. Maybe most of the time it'll be you in the middle, Guerin. But I'd like to find out. Where better than middle of no where fantasy island?"
***
Maria was well aware that Alex was pretty far down the gay side of the spectrum. She didn’t mind that at all, and the last thing she wanted was to make him uncomfortable. She’d thoroughly enjoyed being with him that night, but if it didn’t happen again, well, she loved him dearly and really just wanted him to be happy.
“I love both of you,” Maria said with an easy shrug. “And whenever - or if ever - Alex is comfortable with it, I’ll be there for him too. If he wants to try to find out if he’s maybe a little bi, well, he can experiment with me whenever he likes. If he’d rather just cuddle, I’m totally okay with that, too. I don’t want anyone to feel forced into doing anything they’re uncomfortable with. I want this to be three people who are totally comfortable with each other and don’t feel pushed in any direction. So I guess what I’m saying is, Alex, if you want to have sex, I’d love to. If you don’t want to - well, it’s not going to make me love you any less.”
***
“Okay, so don’t get me wrong, I get why you both immediately assumed I was talking about sex, but I meant more the relationship part,” Michael said. “Like, the three of us are committed to each other and that’s it. No one else.”
He definitely wouldn’t want anyone other than them and hoped they felt the same way. “I mean, I’m okay if you two want to hang out without me though. And I’d like to be able to take you each out individually sometimes.” Since he hadn’t really gotten the opportunity to date either of them back home due to circumstances, he didn’t want to squander this chance.
Making himself this vulnerable wasn’t easy for Michael and he was certain he could only do it because it was Maria and Alex.
***
Alex couldn't help but laugh, and it came out as more of a snort. Maybe he should have thought of it in relationship terms, but ... it wasn't like he and Michael ever got to really have one. Sneaking around in high school, and then hooking up, fighting, imploding, rinse and repeat once Alex came back. What they'd had when they were kids might have meant everything to Alex, but he knew damn well that it wasn't what any kind of real relationship was meant to look like. He just didn't really know what the real thing DID look like, either. Not with the two of them, not really with anyone. Definitely not with the three of them.
It didn't mean he didn't want to try to find out, but he was in the dark.
"Hey, some of us haven't gotten laid since we were deployed unless it was with you. Shoot me for having a one track mind," Alex said dryly instead of addressing that seriously for a second.
He gave Maria a look and a quick smile. "I get that. I think that's part of why it worked ... 'it' being the situation, not my dick, though that too. But why it worked with us. I knew you weren't going to change how you looked at me either way. Just promise me if you change your mind - either of you - then you tell me so I can back off and give you space to figure it out with just the two of you."
He looked back at Michael. "You and Maria can take whatever time together you want. I'd never get in the way of that. And if you want time with me, either of you. I'm here. You sure you want to just jump in like that - all in, all at once, exclusive and committed?" It didn't leave a lot of room for outs without having to admit they'd failed. Neither Alex or Michael were especially good at that, history said.
***
“I can promise that,” she said. She knew she could because she knew that there was nothing Alex could do to change how much she loved him, and that because of that love she just wanted him to be happy and comfortable. Her love for Michael was newer, but it was just as strong.
She looked over at him quickly.
“Straight to commitment, Guerin? Are you sure you’re okay?”
***
Michael rolled his eyes at Maria’s question, though it was certainly a fair one given his track record. Still, he felt like he needed to address Alex’s concerns before he answered her.
“Look, if we’re doing this, we’re doing it. All of us. I don’t want to hear any of this ‘if you two don’t want me anymore, tell me’ crap,” he said. “I know how I feel about both of you and I’m tired of not getting what I want. If you two are going to offer me the moon, I’m sure as hell not going to turn that down.”
Could it all end up as a disaster? Sure. And with Michael’s track record, he wouldn’t even be surprised if it did. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be all in though. The night the three of them spent together was hands down the best night of his life. They were stuck in this weird ass world and they may as well take advantage of not being under the judgmental eyes of all of Roswell.
“So, yeah, DeLuca. I’m all in. Are you?” He shifted his gaze to Alex. “Are you?”
***
Alex smirked at Maria's question and then tilted his head at Michael, expression softening. Even when he didn't want to be, Alex was a sucker for those big statements and surprise gestures from Michael. He had been since the first time Michael sprang one on him.
"I'm still offering. I just never want to be the reason you DON'T get what you want, if that changes," Alex told him quiet. "For either of you." He gave them both a somewhat impish smile. "Can I add in a clause in case Superman shows up, or Aquaman turns out to go for guys too? Temporary fourth clause for specific heroes? Or even if they don't, should Maria have to miss out on that?" he teased. But he shifted in his seat, good leg stretching out to knock his foot into Michael's ankle gently. "I'm in."
***
“Yeah,” Maria said. “I’m in too. How can I say no to this?” It was really a dream come true. The two people she loved both in her life both loved her. She wasn’t going to turn that down. She couldn’t.
She laughed at Alex’s clause. She wasn’t really all that interested in banging superheroes, but hey, if they wanted to for a one time thing, she didn’t give a damn.
“So. This mean we’re all living in Michael’s shitty airstream? Surely we can find a bigger, nicer place than this.”
***
“Uh, just because I’m all in doesn’t mean I’m ready to move in,” Michael said, holding up one hand in a ‘stop’ gesture. “But you are both welcome to visit my shitty airstream anytime you want. I might even make omelets in the morning.”
He also gave Alex a withering look. “If you need superhero clauses, we can discuss that,” he added mostly because he didn’t think that Alex was serious. If he was, well, Michael would at least be willing to hear him out. After all, he was the poster boy for sex doesn’t have to mean anything.
***
Alex thought there were a lot of reasons for Maria to say no, but he was glad she didn't agree, and just smiled at her and then rolled his eyes. "I'll come over here anytime, but you know they've got big, nice apartments with actual insulated walls that they let you stay in for free, right?" he asked. "I even searched for bugs and didn't find any." Call him paranoid, but free apartments usually had SOME kind of cost. He'd still take it over the airstream.
"So you want us all to sleep alone and what, do this the slow way? Date nights and cold showers?" Alex asked, still teasing a little. He hadn't really meant it about Superman, either. It was just ... kind of weird trying to find the new boundaries of something he'd never even thought about before the last week, not in any real way.
***
“Alex has a point. I mean, we’re making these big grand gestures and commitments and yet we’re all going home to our own beds at night? Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Of course, I’d suggest pretty much anywhere else over the Airstream.” She rolled her eyes.
“There’s no half way with this, guys.”
She was still a bit dazed that she was getting into this, but hell, it was what she’d wanted since that night in Roswell.
***
There really couldn’t be any halfway with this. Maria was right.
“Okay,” Michael said. “But we need to have our own spaces. Because there is such a thing as too much togetherness.” Plus he wasn’t giving up his airstream. “But maybe we could move into a three or four bedroom apartment. That’ll give us enough room.” And they’d need a really big bed.
***
Alex couldn't help but laugh again. "What she said," he agreed. It didn't make sense to him to try to work out something together, then retreat to separate corners each night to let them all overthink it all. "Guerin's not really a half way guy anyway." He knew Michael had a reputation for being a guy who ran from commitment now and had no interest in relationships. But Alex knew it was bullshit. Michael fell like a ton of bricks and Alex had seen him do it twice now at breakneck speed.
"Don't let us twist your arm," Alex told him, kicking again lightly before leaning back. "But yeah. That could work." Enough room that they weren't on top of each other all the time, but not some kind of arbitrary line of separation, either.
***
“Sounds good to me. When you guys drive me nuts I can escape for a while but I don’t have to travel all the way across town to find you.”
It sounded good enough for her.
“So, when is this happening?”
***
“I guess as soon as we can figure out the moving arrangements?” Michael said. “I mean, for that part. The relationship part can start now.”
He gave them both a knowing smirk. “Which means you’re welcome to stay here tonight in my shitty Airstream.” It seemed appropriate, no matter what they wanted to say about it, since it was the first place the three of them had been together.
***
Alex laughed again, shaking his head. "I'm good with staying here tonight. I've got at least a few more dates with someone else go go though - I signed up for speed dating to try to get over my jackass ex and his girlfriend." And it was too late to back out now.
"But if we're doing this, then ..." Alex put the beer down and pushed himself up, finding his balance and then leaning in to Michael, fingers cupping his chin and tipping it up, kissing him slowly. "I missed you," he said, quiet but full of depth when the kiss broke. "Both of you," he added, reaching over for Maria's hand, pulling her in to kiss her too.
***
“Oh, yeah, I signed up for that too,” she remembered. “Trying to move on from my impossible ex and all that.” She grinned back at the two of them. “But still, nothing wrong with going and making friends.” She hadn’t really expected to meet anyone, anyway. Honestly, she was just trying to get out a bit more.
She moved closer and gently returned Alex’s kiss, then gave the same to Michael.
“I missed you both so much.”
***
Michael could not imagine being more content than he was at this moment. He rested on hand on Alex’s knee and the other on Maria’s waist, smiling at both of them. “I’m doing speed dating too,” he said. “Weird date night, but we’ll make it work.”
For now though, he wanted to focus on physically being with his boyfriend and his girlfriend. And remind himself that this was really happening.