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So I'm sitting in a plane, waiting at a gate. You know how it is when the flight lands and everyone pops up out of their seats like the plane is on fire and they need to jump off of it before they die? And they clog up the aisles run people over trying to get their crap out of the overhead bins.

Like they're monkeys.

I figured - hey, might as well surf the net on my phone while I wait for these assholes to 'Exit the plane in an orderly fashion'. This is the network my phone decided to connect me to. So hi, everyone.

Also - and maybe more importantly - Dad, how are you? You might want to head to the airport.

There is snow.

And snow is fuckin' awesome.

Like the best. Ever. Well, at least in this land of one season.

Buuuuuuuuuuuut

This week got more awesome, and I am totally off the market you guys. Best. Ever.

( Cut for vaguely NSFW, visible to all )

So, I heard this was the place to connect with the community or something. I'm new to the area, so I figured I should find out what's what around the area. I'm from California, but I'll admit I've never been out to the OC before. My name is Alistair and I've just moved out here and need recommendations on what to do around here.

How the hell do you guys deal with not having snow? It’s December and I’m not falling on my ass every six feet. Hell, I’m still in a t-shirt and one pair of pants. I CAN FEEL MY NOSE. What is this? Where did winter go? Who’d you piss off to end up without a whole season? HOW DO YOU MANAGE CHRISTMAS WHEN THERE ISN’T ANY SNOW? Man, California. There’s something wrong with you.

This is witchcraft. Summer's gonna kill me, isn't it?

That's how that works, right?

You guys skip out on winter so summer's just gonna be a bajillion degrees in the shade and we're all gonna melt and it'll be awful.

Man.

I never thought I'd say this, but I think I might miss Winnipeg, and who misses Winnipeg? Nobody who's been there, that's for damn sure.

I can't even recall the last time I had a dream, but last night I dreamt about Brienne joining my Rainbow Guard. Loras was not too pleased with that. Then I met Catelyn Stark. She came to me to deliver a message from her son, who had also claimed the crown. She also admonished me for treating the war more like a game. I gave her a tour of my camp then had Brienne show her to a tent. It's interesting, because I've known Cat Stark for many years since even in the waking world Robert is friends with Ned Stark. Perhaps I should pay a visit to the Starks soon. After all, Myrcella is staying with them at the moment.

I can't quite believe that, not only is Christmas almost here, but I've been back here for a whole year now. How is it possible that an entire year has gone by? In a few months I'll be getting married. It's all so surreal.

Of course. As soon as I am on the market again, a colleague invites me to their wedding.

If anyone wishes to be my plus one, let me know - the catering should be splendid, and I promise to be a perfect gentleman when you are within earshot.

I should have known that my restlessness as of late would lead to this (no, not earthquakes). I suppose I was curious to see what happens next, but I was getting used to no dreams. As always, Odin's idea of mercy is the worst punishment. At least I look good in chains.

That said, I'm acquiring quite the Asgardian wardrobe.

I am going to go get shambolically drunk. Who wishes to join me and keep me from ending up in Miss Skeeter's column?

Hoorah, I have a week off of shooting. Apparently, I have been struck with the truth problem going around. In the middle of filming, I started wondering aloud what we were having for lunch, which made the three girls with me start laughing and ... we couldn't use the take, so we started over, and I talked about sandwiches. I am going to lose my reputation at this rate, so I said I was feeling ill.

As if I didn't already have my foot in my mouth enough.

The voices in my head tell me it's time for Ice Cream. Or a blight, but I'm hoping for Ice Cream.

You'll be pleased to know (I hope) that Carol and I are getting married.

I don't know when or where or anything, but we kind of both proposed to each other. And now we're getting married.

I do believe I have managed to find myself a nice little winning streak here. New flat, new job, fresh start and no obscenely annoying neighbors yet. I suppose it's a start at least. Also quite excited about next month's approach. Oktoberfest and Halloween, double money maker at the bar for sure.

I'm still trying to get my baring around town though. Can anyone suggest a decent farmer's market in the area? Do they even have farmer's markets here?

I found the thing, they wouldn't shut up.

Five miles of beer is a lot of beer. Miles? Liquid miles? That doesn't exist in terms of measurement. Shame on me.

Will wobble home. Someday.

It should be noted that I have always used condoms in literally every one of my scenes at work (if you do not know what I do and you are curious, Google me). I also get tested for all STIs and STDs every three months. I have funded campaigns to make this standard practice, actually! I know there is a lot of panic right now surrounding things - I had to film a scene in Arizona, of all places, due to new legislation here.

Never let it be said that Zevran is not sensible.

I did not realize that selling marital aids to old European women would be quite so exhausting! I feel it mostly in my calves and my hip flexors. I do wish I had someone to massage them for me, but alas.

I will need a show of hands: who missed me?

Is it just me or is relearning to do something almost harder than learning to do it in the first place? Since I got the okay to stop wearing the sling, I've been at the gym three times a week working on my upper body strength and it feels like my arm is useless, but I know I've just got to keep working on it. I mean, I haven't been able to do anything with my right arm for almost three months. I'm not expecting to be able to do handstands and flips and things right off the bat. It's only been two weeks that I've had use of my arm, so I know it'll take some time.

Question though, has anyone else just known how to fight because of their dreams? I was with Barbara the other day and someone tried stealing my bag and I pretty much took him down without even thinking about it. I've never hit anyone in my entire life and I wound up incapacitating this guy. Am I the only one or has this happened to anyone else?

Yesterday I got a certain letter, from a certain college after the initial tests I took to see if they'd be interested even with my GED. As it turns out? I'M IN I'M IN I'M IN! I'M GOING TO CHAPMAN FOR INTEGRATED EDUCATION. I'm going to focus on community learning, I think, so that I can come back somewhere like the ranch, and really get the things done there that I'd like to help with.

I am so incredibly excited and it still doesn't seem real but even so. ROY HARPER IS GOING TO COLLEGE!!! I almost can't wait.

I want to do some sort of fundraising endeavor for OKC, but I do not know what to do. So many people have things that are obvious - restaurants hold dinners, car washes hold car washes - but I do not exactly have ... a fundraiser oriented skillset.

I could just throw a party. Hmm.

My ears! They are here!

... that sounds mad, but they are!

Arcane warrior. I rather like the sound of that.

[Backdated to yesterday. Pepper's birthday is May 6th fyi]

I just got an e-mail reminder from Sephora. They're offering me 15% off at their store this week because it was my birthday on Monday. Guess who forgot again?

Although to be perfectly fair I forgot too. I've been so busy with planning this wedding on Saturday it completely slipped my mind. It's the big 4-0 too. It's a big one too.

Today I got to watch a grown man go through the five stages of grief after something got in his eye.

I have never laughed so hard in my life.

I had the most amazing dream. You were both there, and we were having the most brilliant time with this cute, dorky bloke.

( here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama. Funny llama, fuzzy llama, llama llama duck )

Anybody who wants to sing the rest of the song with me? You totally CAN! This is Marguax and today she finally was able to come home! The trip was kind of awkward because I'd tried to force a resolution on an issue that has nothing to do with me, so, as far as family trips went? Weird city. But I'm pretty sure that it was worth it, and she's settling into her new home quite nicely. I can't wait until she's able to show!

So why is it that when you finally call someone out on the fact that they've replaced you, when you've tried to avoid bringing up that fact for months now, that you're the one who ends up feeling shitty? I mean, Hell, it's not as if he doesn't have a RIGHT to have a romance and be happy. Hell *I* have one and I'm happy. I just...

It's... Just that I'm no longer any active part of the guy's life and he's stopped giving a shit about me and it HURTS and when I finally tell him how I feel, I'm the one who feels guilty about it?

I'm...confused. And NOT the one at fault.

I am both nervous and excited about cameras taping Roy and myself for the television. I truly do not think my home life will be so interesting; any reason that people may find me interesting is because of my work. And there is only so much of that they can video!

Personally, I think the person who will come away from this a superstar is Buddah, my dog. (I do not know why the people I adopted him from spelled his name in such a way.) But just wait until everyone sees him shake hands, roll over, and dive into the pool!

Now that I've got living arrangements settled, I wanted to introduce myself. I'm Maia Amell, and I'm the new librarian at UC: Irvine (for all intents and purposes). I'm taking classes there, as well, as they seem rather interested in getting me a teaching position there for ancient studies.

It's almost like they think I'm an expert in my field.

I feel as though I'm covered in bruises, the liquor is gone, and the fridge has been raided. The proper food fridge, thank god. This can only mean one thing: my brother has come to visit.

For anyone who's interacted with someone named Edward Hyde, I'm going to offer an apology. He might be my twin brother, but the resemblance stops at the physical. Edward is rude, brash, impulsive, and unfortunately rather violent.

Hopefully he'll disappear again soon enough, and stay away for a while.

I feel as if I am in need of a hobby. So I appeal to your wisdom, Valarnet - what do you do for fun? I already read many books and practice fighting with daggers.

So. Today, I accidentally saw a stuntman's bum. For whatever reason, he has a tattoo of a pirate queen on it. And it looks exactly like me in my dreams. I'm amused, to say the least.

Setting up multiple Slip and Slides and coating them with lubricant to make some sort of massive slide to my pool is a bad idea, yes?

Because if nobody disagrees with how inherently wonderful this idea is, I am going to do that tomorrow.

My trousers seem to be misbehaving today. I know I have said that before, but this time I really mean it.

Treacherous, unreliable things, trousers.

Are you an actor? Would you like to be? I actually have a great need for voiceover talent for speaking parts in films. ... also the other parts, but even just the speaking parts would be of a great help!

Simply let me know!

Today, I had a letter, cosigned by their lawyer, informing me that I have been formally disowned, with the agreement that tuition for the next semester (and following) "will be covered, provided that you manage to pass the semester, and contingent upon your remaining free from academic probation status".

My family name and fortune may be retained if I "return to Massachusetts to complete (your) course of study at an approved university, agreeing to a position within the firm upon (your) graduation" and "cease the antics learned in California and grow up".

There's even a form for me to fill out and sign and date to indicate my decision, along with a place for a witness to sign it for me.

I shouldn't be surprised. I really shouldn't be surprised and it's exactly what I wanted but I can't help hating them a lot right now. It's not the money. It's the way they decided to do it that...

I guess I shouldn't have expected more, but I'll survive. I took two pairs of shoes, my boots (yeah I was a little teary there. I'm man enough to say it) and some clothes in to sell today and I've emerged okay for all the major expenses, dropped off some resumes, and I've been taking a look at my expenses this afternoon. It's kind of shocking and depressing and disgusting really:

( Courf's Monthly Budget Attempt (Current) )

So, clearly, I've got some big decisions to make, even once I've GOT a job, considering this is what I'm doing AFTER rent. Dropping lessons isn't an option I'm remotely entertaining and if that means I'm getting shampoo at the dollar store, cutting back on the coffee, stopping with the clothes, and making some changes, I'm willing to do it.

There are a lot more important things to consider, sure, but for now, it's a start?

I am so very, very, overwhelmed...

Does anyone else get just exhausted whenever people ask where you're from? I mean, sure, I've got an accent. But isn't it quite obvious I've come from Scotland?

I think all Brits that move to America must be troubled with this too. I feel it's the very first thing I get from people: "Are you from Scotland?" Bloody hell, of course I am. How else would I have gotten the accent? Not exactly the prettiest one, I'd say, so why would anyone just try and learn it?

If the question's just meant to make small talk, it's bad. Small talk is probably evil.

Suppose I've just heard the question so much that I've started to get annoyed.

...And I suppose that introduces me quite nicely. I'm Elissa Cousland, and I'm from Scotland. Where are you from?

I wonder. If I wrote a movie based upon my dreams, would anyone watch it?

Isabela, obviously, you'll be one of the starring characters. You'd approve who I cast as you.

Pirates, templars, and lots of nighttime trysts in tents. I'll have to figure out the locations, it'd be hard to shoot in tents.

♫ I just had sex
And it felt so good
Roy let me put
My penis inside of him
I just had sex
And I'll never go back
To the not-having-sex
Ways of the past

Have you ever had sex?
I have it felt great
It felt so good
When I did it with my penis
Roy let me do it
It literally just happened
Having sex can make a nice
Man out of the meanest ♫

So, someone at work mentioned this place and I thought I'd check it out. I'm Justin Taylor and I work in the art department of Black Widow. My favorite pastimes include drawing and surfing. Although I haven't had the chance to go surfing in awhile. I should fix that soon. Anyone else around here surf?

Okay. So, the big mushrooms and all that are gone. But now I'm dreaming about becoming a nun, and running an insane asylum? Full on, black floor length habit, sniping at underlings, and freaking caning patients? In one dream I had a young man who'd done something, and he bent over my desk, trousers down, and Mother Superior here was whipping the hell out of him. I'm ... kind of creeped out, honestly.

Oliver, I can hear you laughing now.

I have been nominated for five AVN awards, so I feel somewhat obligated to go this year. Normally I do not, but five is quite a few, no? I do not want to appear ungracious. Roy, will you be my date?

A little bird told me that a friend I have may have been nominated for Best Newcomer: Sound Editing. Hmm.

So. Um. I came to the OC to meet with buyers for my shoe line. Not screw around with somebody's Alice in Wonderland crazy-ass hallucination shit. Never had a trip this bad even in my twenties. Explanation? Please?

If you don't know me, by the way, the name's Velma Kelly. Of the San Francisco Kellys.

Since I haven't publicly fucked things up on the network since Thanksgiving, and I'm totally addicted to negative attention and have to get my fill or something...

Barton, I've got like half a bottle's worth of ativan in a baggie that I swiped from your place months ago. Think you want it back?

I really should not have to fill out Workman's Compensation forms within my industry, but alas, that is how I spent my afternoon. It cut into my ability to plan Valentine's Surprises!

Best Mardi Gras party ever.

I may have had my watchdog big brother trailing me all through the complex party so I couldn't do the drinking, try to score anyone's pills or anything else. This sober shit is killing me, by the way, so it's when a drink would REALLY help but I guess people don't want me to end up hooked on booze or something on top of everything else, so I get it. Sucks, but I DO get it.

I did, however, end up with a shit ton of beads. Like seriously, 22 of them. Not a bad night, actually. His horrified faces as I made my way through the party, and possibly ended up screaming through his window to give me beads made the whole thing even better. I mean, not like he's gonna get a heart attack any time soon, so it was pretty much hilarious.

And I guess waking up sans hangover wasn't the worst deal ever. Probably.

Valuable Information for my favorite big brother, and everybody else entering the dating waters this valentines day!

It's cute how teachers think that getting kicked out of their class is some kind of punishment...

I mean, what happens next? Forbidding me to do the homework?

Oh my God. I got myself kicked out of class. I think I want to die.

...Worth it.

I think it's total bullshit that I'm getting nightmares about my nightmares. What the fuck.

I'm bored, someone entertain me.