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Thank you to whatever coworker rearranged things on my desk.

You're hilarious. Really. No one has ever done the "move the blind guy's stuff around" trick. My god you're so creative.

Using squirrels to cheat at tests isn't really cheating, right?

I think I had some of those "dreams" everyone mentions. At first, I thought maybe there was something in the tea I drank, but upon more consideration, I don't think so.

And they were strange things, too. I dreamt of being a master of the black arts, though not black arts in a bad sense. Actually, it's all very noble. Though the name Doctor Strange is not the most ingenious choice.

Okay.

I now own the best backpack ever.

And I am not even remotely sorry. Not. Even. Remotely.

Yeah, while my bro's trying to make "the most epic fried rice ever!" I guess I'll check this thing out.

Yo! Name's Finn, and I like to help people! Need help? Contact me.

ETA: Like with yard work, and minor home repair.

1) I think that Deadpool guy has a crush on me. It's kind of creepy when a guy has you on his underpants.
2) Squirrels are sweary in my dreams. And now I know for a fact they are here too.

I feel like I need to write some sort of Frequently Asked Questions page, just to avoid the rush of But you're blind, why are you on a message board? So let's address a few things that I tend to be asked whenever I venture outside of my bubble.

Are you really blind?
Yes, I really am. You can stop waving your hand in front of my face. I'm No Light Perception (or NLP) blind, which is exactly what it sounds like.

How do you use a computer?
The same way most people do, but with some added software. I have a screen-reading program that reads text to me, and a dictation program that I use to write longer documents. Shorter things, like a quick e-mail, I can type on a normal keyboard, and then have it read back to me to make sure my fingers were on the right keys when I was typing. Peer editing is also very helpful.

How do you watch movies?
I don't, technically. I listen to them, like you would an audio book, but with a buddy to explain the action. I usually like radio plays or just listening to music better, but I hear Netflix is introducing audio narration to some of their shows, so maybe I'll check that out.

Am I missing anything?

Guys, I want the weather to stop being gross. :( How am I supposed to have a beach party when it's cloudy all the time?

I just woke up from the strangest dream. It was a lot like my normal life, but my Dad was in the military. And then when I was about 7 some strange man in a suit came to our house to inform my mum that he had passed away in the line of duty. He gave me this necklace and told me to call the number on the back if I ever needed a favor, but I could only use it once. And then it was like dreaming my normal life again because my mum ran off and married that wanker she's married to now.

I need to stop eating mexican food before I go to bed.

I've done it! BY GEORGE I'VE DONE IT!

Never in my wildest dreams, never in the most remarkable corners of my self-conscious have I ever thought it possible, but I've actually gone and done it! It's a whole new world for me, a whole new feeling and array of possibilities.

I cooked something other than Ramen and it didn't burn! With this new found power I shall take over the world!

Throw me your culinary masterpieces, for I am the master of a homemade cheeseburger!

Figured it was about time I jumped onto this thing, never been the biggest social media guy. Always kind of felt like it took too much energy, but I suppose that's just ridiculous and really it's because I was scared of the man and him watching my every move.

But I was a Marine, so, suppose that ship sailed a long time ago. Regardless, hello everyone I know and do not know. My name is Anakin.

I HATE WHEN I GET FEELINGS
FEELINGS MESS UP THE BUTT TOUCHES

On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it when your dog is more decisive than you?

I heard some of my students talking about this network. It sounds like there are some interesting stories on here? Might be good for inspiration. I figured I would check it out.

The name is Ezra Fitz. I am an English Professor over at UCI and I am sure I know some of you on here already. For everyone else, hello. Look forward to hearing your stories.

I like school, don't get me wrong, but between having the wrong body for a week, getting superstrength, and dreaming about saving the world every other night, I'm pooped.

Summer, hurry the heck up, please. I need you like, yesterday.

I have been in America for a couple of weeks now and my father has told me to get my arse in gear no less than 30 times. I realized that I haven't really missed that.

Hi, I am Eggsy. I apparently need to find a job and figure out where to go to college. Anyone know of a school with a good gymnastics program? Might as well get back into it since I am away from the prat back home.

Also I need to know where the best pint is ASAP.

Today's the best! I have my body back, and I dreamed I kicked Thanos' butt. (It was as easy as you'd think it'd be for me.) Well. Tippy-Toe helped! And Utau confirmed it and everything, so you're welcome, galaxy!

I think I'm gonna celebrate by eating some Gushers and hanging out in the tub with a good book.

Okay, so. My brother and I sing? In these dreams. Like we ran into each other in the woods and started singing about who has it worse when it comes to love?

By the way, it's totally me. His lady just runs away from him, obviously she doesn't want him. My lady very much wants to be with me, but she lives locked away in a tower. :'(

You know what? I'm actually used to all this OC BS by now. Like, it's inevitable. I never get overlooked by the weird body changing stuff. At least I'm totally someone a little bit cool I guess.

Okay, but, bigger problem. So I guess I'm still dreaming as me? Which is a bit comforting. Except that of all people in the world to rebuild Asgard, the All Mother picked Tony Stark!? Like now I have to live in this totally cool high tech world of Asgardia constant reminder that he's a person that exists. :(

Good morning! I am now a foxy blonde without any super strength, so boo to that? But at least I swapped with a girl so you know I won't be doing any gross things to your body and it'll come back in like-new condition.

I love kids. But the people who design playground equipment are clearly evil and need to be stopped. Either that, or we need to raise Freud from the dead to help them, because yowza.

Edit: Then someone in my CSS class just emailed me this. WALKING AWAY FROM THE INTERNET

Actual footage of me during finals week.



Actual footage of me now that I'm done with finals and on Spring Break until freaking April.

I would be remiss as a math nerd if I didn't wish everyone a happy Pi Day.

This is a dark chocolate raspberry pie I made just for the occasion, because yes, math nerds can bake.

( Cut for Food Porn )

No. No no no no no. I didn't want to have weird dreams but you all INFLUENCED me and I dream I'm some girl-squirrel hybrid and who calls themselves Doctor Doom anyway? Like, did you get a Ph.D in doomery? Must not have, because that guy was eaaaaaaasy to beat. You owe me, Iron Man.

And I really shouldn't be able to lift my sofa with one hand, huh.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT, INTERNET.

I'm not sleeping for a week.

So, apparently the guys at work don't like it when I tell them what I'm really thinking. I wish I could just keep my trap shut, because every time I open it I can't help but tell the truth.

Of course, the one time UCI is in the news it's total lies and bullshit.

This flag thing has totally gotten out of hand thanks to the media.

I think I hit my head or something. Every time I think a thing, it comes out of my mouth. Saw a guy with a cute butt, and I said "Oh, wow, your butt looks super squeezeable."

Yeah, I don't think he's going to talk to me ever again.

BRB, hiding under my bed with fruit snacks.

WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE AND DREAMS? Did I stumble onto some weird cult site or something? Don't sacrifice me, I'd be awful at it. Even though I'm an awesome screamer, good lungs, no asthma or anything.

Seriously, it's weirding me out.

But, in good news, it's almost Friday which means I have my favorite class (Database Systems, in case you were wondering) with the hot guy. Mmmm, hot guy. He kinda just sulks in the back and runs off after the bell so I can't ask him out. Stupid hot guy.

You'd think of my dreams were kind enough to give me a mongoose-lizard they'd give me something to feed it, too.

I don't suppose anyone knows where one can house a twenty foot long giant reptile?

New Food Truck in front of Stark Tower at 11. It'll hang out until 9.

You're welcome.

PERSON NEAL WHO RUNS AN OUTREACH CENTER THAT APPARENTLY LOGAN OWNS:

I didn't know how to get a hold of you. Logan's my ex something something and said you might need help? I like helping, helping is good.

EVERYONE ELSE:

Did you know that KFC in the Philippines has a Double Down hot dog? I kind of want one now, but it also kind of looks disgusting. I think I'd probably only eat it if I was really super drunk.

Edit;
Korea has a Double Down Max, which is a Double Down with a burger in the middle.

NOW I'M HUNGRY

THANKS KOREA

I AM SO ANNOYED

I MADE A TUMBLR

IT JUST KEEPS FORCING ME TO SEE THESE TIPS

"YOU HAVE A BLOG" I KNOW I JUST MADE IT

"REBLOG THINGS" NO THAT IS NOT RAD, TUMBLR.

oh my god, sorry I really needed that off my chest.

Uuuugh, why are you so far away from me, Spring Break? February is the worst month because the only holiday it has is a crummy one, and then after that there's just nothing until Easter. I feel like we should hibernate or something.

OH. Also: I'm Doreen, I just joined this network, and I'm over at CSU Fullerton. Go Titans, or something. (Our mascot's name is Tuffy, I just looked it up. That's so not threatening.)

I know that there's at least two people who are gonna get a kick out of this. So, I drive Lian to school like usual and when we get there, I go to give her lunch money and discover that my wallet was not in my pants. Turns out I'd left it on the kitchen table. So, luckily I had some extra cash in the car, but then I had to decide whether I was gonna go to work without or go home and get it. Of course with my luck, that would be the time I'd get pulled over for something stupid and how would it look if a cop didn't have his driver's license? So, I went he and got it. This would only happen to me.

Oh yeah, and I'm gonna need a full time sitter for Lian for the summer for when I'm working. Any takers?

OH DEAR GOD.

So I'm walking home from my last class, when I hear the barfy noise. You know, that weird gulpy-gaspy-gulpy noise that people when they're gonna barf make? Apparently this idiot was drinking in the middle of a freakin' Tuesday, and was walking right toward me.

Thank god I have good reflexes, I managed to jump out of the way and maybe shove this other guy in front of me. I should probably feel like an ass for getting some other guy barfed on, but life's too short to regret not being vomited on.

College. Can I be done now?

I can't believe I'm expected to make nice and normal at everyone, over the bloody internet.

There's not enough scotch on the planet for this.

Fuckedyfuckfuck Fuck-a-Duck fuckIT.

Hello. I'm Pete Wisdom. I work for a overseas company that sells plushies and things with tiny plastic chokey bits to toy stores, for all of the world's ankle biters to gnaw and drool on. I'm here because my bosses think that I'd be the perfect regional sales representative. How kind of them.

I am so happy to meet you all. So, so happy. With all of the absolute...happiness. Rainbows and baby fluffy animals.

Where's the nearest pub?

And show me all of your weird so I can write a sarcastic report and then go light myself on fire.

Ooh, new internet site. Hi, people! I'm Doreen, how are you? I figured this would be a good way to burn off stress from finals, chatting with total strangers. Yay, dangerous fun!