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[Image behind cut! food porn]

You know, I always wondered how I'd die.

I always knew it probably wouldn't be pretty. I won't be in bed surrounded by fat grandchildren with a tub full of jell-o beside me, because by then I would have lost all my teeth and I'd have a gelatin diet. I thought I'd probably get shot. Or I'd do some epic suicide mission with a bunch of explosives strapped onto me. You know, heroic crap.

But now I know how I'm going to go. And the way I'm going to die is by eating these for breakfast for the next couple years. ( BEHOLD )

And I'm really, really okay with that. Just let me go the way I was meant to.

Sometimes I feel like a righteous man wouldn't have none of these problems, but then I've seen that righteous man and I don't want nothing to do with him.

I'm terrified to sleep.

Do people here

Does anyone here get afflictions? From dreams. I can't explain it anyway else. I can't explain it even really by saying I'm like this because I dreamed it but

This happens. Right? I've read about it.

It's forced my hand in a suspension a temporary step down from my spot with Irvine PD.

I'm probably going to get arrested tonight.

One night stands have some common courtesy rules, too. Geez.

Hey, I need a pricing for patching up bullet holes in my van. There's mechanics on this thing, right?

Also, people, please be armed, as nothing is ever sacred anymore.

[Private to Elizabeth Comstock]
Are you home? There's a safe in my closet, [combination number]. I know you've got your portals, but Aunt Flo's in there, and I'd rather have you be armed with something nowadays.

I hate it when I see someone I don't want to see when the dreams start rearing its ugly head around. I'm also really, really craving a baked potato.

RIP, Auntie Aqua. You were a lady tinier than I, and you're damn welcome for those piggy-back rides.

I'm pretty sure this is what death feels like.

So I got my Demon Blood Talismans - all four of them. Which means I'm at full power, which is kinda nifty, I guess. They're magic boosters to the extreme, amplifies any spell with the right incantation. Downside about it is that it's an extra incantation, so it can lag things behind.

I also need to find a way to convert them to every day accessories that don't look gaudy. It's nice to have them, though. Even if he gave me those in the dreams. Now my sorceress get up is complete! Tough shit I'll never wear the entire thing.

I forgot how the whole 'drinking and breaking bars' thing can be therapeutic. Especially when the place is owned by someone you used to know and they feed you some bullcrap info to piss you off. Then they're surprised when I break their things and face. Arrest me, world, I don't care right now.

Man, people are making me testy lately. I feel better, since we're in a motel with actual running hot water and my Chinese food is floating in the tub.

No, seriously, the stuff floats and I'm multi-tasking. ( Proof )

I've been getting letters from Neal while he and Lina have been on the road. Older forms of correspondence are nice, and remind me of more simple days. Well... more simple days that I've read about. I wasn't allowed to write letters to people in either of my lives, but I have a kind of... fascination with it.

I used to have a collection of stationary and colored ink pens and all of this. I turned it towards the practice of calligraphy and other things, since I couldn't use it to write to anyone but my tutors.

I wish I could write them back, but there's no where I'd know to send a letter to. Still, it's a comfort to hear that they're alright. Mostly. The last letter I got was a little concerning. If either of you are checking this on your phone, I hope you're both doing alright! And that you enjoyed your chicken and waffles?

Anyone else going shopping for Black Friday? I need someone else who is willing to battle the lines with me at the mall to get some killer deals on some clothes. Plus I need a distraction from the dreams that are plaguing me.

So I'm five days in to the next year of thirty-something and I already want to go back. I swear to god I actually FEEL old this time. I went to get out of bed and one of my knees actually creaked. It made an honest to god creaky noise, like it needed oil or something.

And yeah, you know how they say your body never really recovers from getting shot? A few of my old war wounds are getting pretty damned grouchy.

That's it. I want a do-over.

I've been gifted with four large paintings of this. Odd, but I rather like it. Doesn't match anything in my office, but I think I'll keep them around regardless. And along with a set of armor and weaponry, I'm feeling spoiled these days.

At least I can use the paintings to keep that damn horse in. Don't need an armored demon animal trotting around.

Blew a hole in my bedroom wall. The one facing the backyard.

Woops.

Youtube videos on how to fix this seem complicated. I should probably hire a professional, huh?

Until then: duct tape.

Well.

THAT was a fun family scandal to solve. Except for the death-faking. The magic sealing. Being stuck in another dimension. But the Claire Bible manuscript was cool and the new spell is more than nifty. I woke up and scribbled down as much as I could about the manuscript, because, you know, someone thought it was a good idea to destroy it.

My dreams are involving more high-level monsters and from experience, that's never a good thing.

Also, my coffee machine exploded. Why can't I have nice things?

[Private to Genkai]
Hey. So.

I need help.

So.

Lets not bullshit around here. How many of you have developed magic powers?

PARTY AT MY PLACE THIS SATURDAY NIGHT

[Address in Santa Ana]

Rules:
1. BYOB
2. No fighting unless I say other wise.
3. You break it, you buy me a new one + cheese fries.
4. Stay the hell away from any of the bedrooms unless stated otherwise.
5. Clean up your own vomit. NO BARFING.
6. No kitchen breaking.

Other than that, come one, come all!

Housewarming gifts are not mandatory but completely accepted.

Well then.

Excellent reporting there, Ms. Skeeter. My horrible, dirty little, completely obvious secret - that I was not even trying to hide - is out. Oh, woe is me. I'm crying in my Cristal right now.

Yes, that's me, dancing on that pole. I've actually gained quite a bit more muscle tone since I started and I think I look quite dazzling. Do you recognize the costume, X-men? I found that in my wardrobe the other night and just couldn't help myself.

Couldn't sleep last night. Then I zonked out for a minute while driving. That coulda gone real bad.

There's a chance I might die of a heart attack today. I already wrote my will and no one gets any of my stuff. Instead I'm gonna be buried Egyptian-style with all my shinies with me.

I'm going to be out of town for a few days. I just need to get out of this place and all of its chaos for a bit, that's all. I didn't actually end up enrolling in college this semester like I thought I would, and I have a lot of free time on my hands. And I need to practice using my portals in a place I don't care about damaging--

I forgot to leave a note, sorry! So I thought I would just post this here. I know everyone I live with is on this thing. But I'm going to be boarding this plane in another minute or so. I should still have limited net access in flight. And my phone.

Ever wake up really hung over with a Taylor Swift song in your head? And for some reason your mouth tastes like waffles, when you know damn well you'd remember if you ate waffles last night or not? At least I'm not on the news, so it couldn't have been a TERRIBLE night.

But seriously. Waffles. Must obtain.

So who is going to take me out tomorrow night?

A girl like me can't stay home on the weekends, that's like criminal.

Since this is a network, I might as well do some actual networking.

Since the business deal has now been finalized meaning the fucker is finally dead, I'd like to proudly announce that I've become the new owner of Castle Casino & Hotel, located in our very own San Clemente. We proudly feature a unique gaming environment, accompanied with over 100 gaming tables, over 3,000 slot machines, an all-you-can-eat buffet with the freshest items, and live music lounge.

The attached hotel is a full-service venue, able to hold receptions and meetings, as well as a rooftop pool.

We are currently in the hiring process for multiple positions. They include, but are not limited to: cocktail waitresses, stage dancers (your clothes will remain unless I want a private show), dealers, floor management, an array of hotel personnel, and so on. If interested, please send all your resumes directly to me.

We will be holding a grand re-opening in September and would like to extend invites to those interested. I will be holding a VIP event in the music lounge for selected parties.

( casino images )

Remember: Gamble responsibly.

So this whole "cutting down on drinking" made me realize 80% of what I do is go to bars, and, well...drink. I may or may not have a problem.

I need a hobby. Or something else to do besides color coordinate my closet, make sure my socks are all paired up and iron the damn curtains. Big sis would be so proud for once.

And what's the deal with scantily clad women with horrible laughs in my dreams? Seriously? That castle was hideous, and I did that kingdom a favor by blowing it up. I'm just saying.

Finally finished piecing all of my dreams together. And figuring out which ones are the ones that weren't dreams after all.

Guess it's back to gunning Patron on my bathroom floor. Clarice, this is an anti-blink zone.

You know, watching Sharknado might be the dumbest thing ever, but let's face it: out of any other location in the entire damn world, we'd be the ones getting hit with something ridiculous like that.

Then it gave me an urge to go to Home Depot and buy this baby:



I'm ready to dive into a shark and cut him open from the inside. Are you?

So I'm pretty sure I now know what it feels like to be killed? All things considered, it was pretty quick and painless. I think somehow the wound manifested overnight and eventually closed up due to this Resurrection spell I could almost kiss you, Sylphiel. Almost, because my sheets and mattress are ruined and I still look like a dead person.

So much for having nice things. Oh, well. The world's not ending in my dreams anymore, so that's a total bonus!

Also, if anyone wants to learn the most useless spell ever, let me know. I can summon a jellyfish that seems to be perfectly fine living out of water, and it tried to give me a hug with its tentacles. I may have also named him Gourry.

I don't know why I thought challenging a body builder into an arm-wrestling competition was a good idea.

Because it's not.

But on the bright side, I think I punch way harder than he did.

Is it too early to start drinking?

Margarita truck. It's happening.

Woke up an hour ago and I can feel my face. My face does not feel good. BUT I HAVE THIS.

So my ex is a crazy ass angry sorceress with a fairly deep and probably valid grudge.

Please advise.

I kind of just set my apartment on fire.

On the bright side, those roaches I kept having issues with are definitely dead.

My landlord's gonna kill me.

I just saw an ice cream truck rental that said you can sell/serve margaritas or soft serve ice cream from it.

I've finally found my calling in life.

Good God.

Had a Dream where I almost got married for the money and then didn't, and then blew up a castle.

Blowing things up is a constant theme in these things. And so is people getting mad at me for it. Not much different than real life, I guess?

I thought I rocked the wedding dress though. Fighting in it is a bitch and a half.

Ever been held hostage by a mummy man who can't do sorcery for shit, a wolf-man with fleas, a brooding chimera who thinks wearing white is conspicuous, and a fishman (read: a literal over-sized fish with arms and legs)? And they stood around you and insulted your nose and your figure?

WHILE ON YOUR PERIOD EVEN

I don't recommend it. Also, my dreams don't know the concept of being chronologically correct, because I'm pretty sure this came before I blew up that crab of a dark lord.

I've been sleeping all day. And I woke up with white hair.

Like, all white. Woke up from a dream where I saved the world (whoo!) and defeated a dark lord named after my old boss, imagine that with a black magic spell, combined with this light-saberish weapon called the Sword of Light. Took so much out of me my hair turned white from all the energy drainage in my dream.

probably explains why today's been lazy

I feel like there's no point in doing hallucinogens in the OC when you have these dreams. Seriously.

I'M SO FREAKIN' HUNGRY

I'm gonna order pizza and chinese food. If anyone feels like coming over, let me know. And don't judge my old lady hair. This better not be permanent, damnit.

God, this is weird. I can't believe I'm doing this.
Let's hope this works.
Oh, well, here goes nothing...

I have a good friend who I think deserves a date with a nice guy. She and I have been on strings of dates with losers lately, and have tried everything from Speed Dating to Internet Dating (match.com, etc.). It's been disastrous. We thought we'd try something new this time.

My friend Joan is a wonderful person. She's intelligent, witty and beautiful. She has a great job, keeps herself well groomed, and makes enough money to support herself.

Thought I'd test the waters and see if there are any eligable bachelors out there who would be interested in a date (or possibly a double date) with Joan.

( [Click me for a picture] )

Leave a comment if you're interested, and we'll get talking!

Pretty sure I shouldn't fucking exist.

I know this is going to come as a surprise, but I have never, ever, gotten to run around outside in the snow and play with anyone. Not once in my life!

I'm going to go to one of the parks and see if I can start a snowball fight or build a snowman! And then probably get something warm to drink.

There's a nice park in Laguna Beach if anyone wants to join me!

Need a place to drink. Also need a place to eat. Would rather go to a place that offers both. People of the world wide web, give me recommendations. I don't know what the hell California has to offer. I'm not picky. I can assure you, I can eat an entire farm right now and still want a bakery for dessert.

What the actual fuck just happened.

Work can be a delight. The sound of screaming happy patients music in my ears, the data showing me such wonderful things. It's a good time to be in my field. I'm helping people.

I'm Claudine and I run the Milbury Clinic. We specialize in general care for low-income families and individuals. All are welcome.

Dreams teach me that it don't matter how smart you are, you can still be a fuckin' fool.

Nothing compares to holding a sixteen year old version of your best friend's mother and trying to console her. When she's the same woman that did the same thing to you when you were a kid. God time travel sucks.

Making arrangements to get the kids off to visit with my dad for a couple weeks this summer. And for me too for at least a week of that. And my dad had this great idea for a road trip for them that I'm apparently not invited on. I see how it is.

Wednesday at Eve is going to be a special event. Waving the cover charge, a couple new bands will be showcasing.

Ladies only, as always.

Claire

You're invited. Special guest.

The Frost Academy will be celebrating its first graduating class in just a few short weeks. Five exceptionally gifted young men and women, off to grab their own piece of the world, if they can. And of course they can, because we've given them every tool they need to not only succeed, but astonish.

Which means, of course, that we'll have five new slots for first years in another few months. Most of them are already taken, but I've got two open. If you are the parent of a gifted child and you're finding educating them to be an exercise in frustration, by all means, schedule an appointment. It's a bit late in the year to have applied to a school like mine, but as I've got the slots open, I may as well fill them at the last minute.