|Enjolras isn't a statue, really (solo_patria) wrote in valarnet,|
@ 2013-01-06 00:34:00
|Entry tags:||emile joly, enjolras|
Trust dreams to show you how selfish you've been, I suppose. I had the same one I had last night again today, with so many actual poor, actual ill and suffering and dying people in front of me, and woke up with the knowledge that I have been spending the past two days doing far too much feeling sorry for myself and far too much of staying at home curled up and moping when, big deal, I have a bit of a cold.
That's no reason for me to have stayed at home in a blanket fort reading when I could have been out drumming up more support for our food drive, when I should have been working on the details for the service project that I want to do a few months down the line, and when I should not be focusing only on ME when there are people out there suffering from this illness instead of just malingering the way I've done.
I've let my friends come and take care of me instead of going out there to help the people really infected and really sick. I've wasted their time, and put them at terrible risk and for what exactly? My own stupid ego? This is unacceptable and I am ashamed of myself for being so weak, so selfish, and so very, very out of touch.
I cannot continue letting this behavior stand. Since I am doing far better than I imagine many people with this virus are, I must find some way to help with it. I've read that there are wards set up for those who are actually sick. Perhaps if I go there and offer my services since I've already got a touch of it?