Network

It has come to my attention that in this economy, money is rather tight and that I remain, woefully, unemployed. And so I throw myself at you, Orange County network, to help me find gainful employment. My skills and work history are as follows:

1. Architecture and construction (in Italy, Iran, and France)
2. Composer and musician (specializing in operatic singing, piano, organ, and violin, but I'm able to pick up most instruments fairly quickly)
3. Ventriloquism
4. Part time inventor
5. Odd jobs starting in Belgium and moving across Europe, up to and including gardening, janitorial work and being a side show freak a performer in a circus
6. Illusionist (or magician if you prefer)
7. Assassin in Iran

I could swear to you up and down that I have, in fact, built palaces for the president of Iran, as well as provided musical entertainment, but I hear he's a hard man to get a hold of these days.

If  you have any need for any of these skills, please contact me here or through a private message.

Your most humble servant,
E.G.

Only three more films to go before I retire as an actor and start to direct and write full-time. Twelve scenes. I have been doing this since I was twenty, it has been a very long time! I am almost nostalgic, but it is for the best. I do not want my future husband to feel he is not getting all of my affections.

(See what I did there?)

Has counting sheep ever cured anyone's insomnia? Like really helped. It's 3:30am and I am starting to think that it is something parents made up to tell us when we were kids just so we would be quiet when we could not sleep.

That thing where someone knows you, knows you ENTIRELY, your past, the horrible stuff you're prone to doing, and the things you do that nobody understands, along with the good stuff, and still loves you anyway?

I finally get what it's like to have that person, to be with them, and to be wanted by them and...

I don't know. I guess I assumed after the dreams started happening, and hell, even before that, back when I'd first run away, that I was never going to have that, at first because I was convinced I was a horrible person, and then, when the dreams hit, because I was convinced I'm not a person at all.

Those things change. Those things change amazingly and fabulously and perfectly, and I finally get what it's like, for the first time in...well, ever for somebody to want me not because they promised someone else, or felt bound by screwed up circumstances to stick around, but because they genuinely want me. It's amazing.

It's amazing, and it's wonderful and incredibly scary and perfect and I have no idea what I'm doing but I know I want to try to know. He's already made me a better person, and I'm pretty sure that being married to him is only going to make that keep happening in the future.

I sort of wonder now if, God, it's like that thing you're into, Ollie, Gibran and what he had to say about love and everything that it entails. That whole 'as love is for your growth he's for your prunning' deal. Maybe last winter, this summer, the way I started out this fall before I met him was all a way of love starting to do its thing. To get me ready.

It's right. I know it's right and if I consider that everything up to this point had the reason of bringing me here and now? I can live with that, with everything that's happened.

It's kind of overpowering, I think....

Uh. Guys? Tank and his ladyfriend made babies.

It's kinda awesome. Even if they're ridiculously tiny right now.

There's something very, very strange about a man named 'Valiant' being such a terrible cheater. And using sorcery, no less

Really wish he hadn't flirted quite so much with me.

I should start an all female mercenary company.

Who's with me?

What should we call it?

Pussy Patrol?
Shepard's Angels?

Garrus, you're allowed in but you have to stay at home, barefoot and making us sandwiches. And you have to wear a dress.

The delay wasn't as bad as I was expecting. The Centre for Phobia Therapy is open, finally, and we're already already finding clients nation wide. It's humbling, really. That being said, there's room for more, and if any of you find yourselves suffering from a severe, or uncommon, phobia, then I encourage you to stop by the clinic in Orange. We'll run an initial evaluation and, hopefully, find you the best course of treatment. I'll also be in need of a few brave souls willing to help test run a few new pharmacological treatments - you'll be compensated, of course, and your candidacy will be determined through a series of psychological tests and medical history.

Finally, on that note, the clinic is in desperate need of a competent receptionist. I had no idea filing papers and taking phone calls was so difficult, but apparently it's too taxing for some people. I'm also looking to take on a personal assistant, as suddenly there's quite a lot to manage. If anyone is interested, you're more than welcome to reply here or via [e-mail].

Is there anyone with a particularly troublesome or difficult injury?

I'd like to offer some medical services. I just shaved about three weeks off of the time it would take a broken bone to heal.


[Locked to Pete Wisdom]

Thank you. For what you did for my father.

So things are half back to normal now, which I appreciate. Everyone else okay? Drunk smoking guy, your bottle of scotch is at the bar.

Anyone who works at a hospital or doctor's office drinks free at the bar all day tomorrow. Just tell the bartender I said so, if I'm not there.

Private to Natasha Romanoff
How're you doing? I hope you're out by now.

First day back. Perry, our gay showrunner, pinched my bum. I got into a tight leather costume and four-inch heels. Get hoisted up to a "pirate ship" in a huge water tank. I promptly slip on a railing and cut my hand. Four stitches and a tetanus shot. (I'm fine now, thank you; it's healing nicely.)

No sarcasm, I am legitimately so happy to be working again.

oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!

I GOT THE PART I REALLY WANTED!

YEEEEEEEE!

Anyone need a boxing partner? I want to get back into it, but you can't really box against a bag all the time.

I've finally been able to cook a little something without burning it and having my children throw up. I count that as a plus.

Most of them were sick this past time, and that was.. something. I haven't ever had a house full of sick people like that before.

It's time for me to go into another job though. Something else to investigate. My last investigation will be on the television soon. I hope everyone enjoys it.

I love the smell of my own perfume. Maybe that's why I wear it? But it's bad. I'm pretty sure it's unnatural how much I love my own perfume.

I could do with roughly 70% less excitement if that's okay with everyone. Seriously, we've been full-tilt for a few months it seems.

No more sickness or other stuff for at least a month or two, okay? Okay.

Finally out of the hospital. It feels really, really great to just be walking around.

But really, I think the first thing I'm going to do is take a shower in my own apartment. It's been entirely too long.

He's getting married. Somehow, right in front of me, without me really noticing it, Roy's grown up. It feels a lot of the time like he's still the eleven year old who came to live with me when I had no clue what the fuck I was doing and it showed. I mean, we got through those awkward first couple of years, and middle school and everything, but still. It doesn't seem possible that he's actually seriously going to be somebody's husband. I'm happy for them, oh fuck, I'm really happy for them both, but it's like that thing about time going fast is suddenly true.

And my little sister is eighteen and sleeping on my couch until she figures out her next step. That one is even weirder. I just met her a couple months ago, but she's still my little sister who I should be giving, I don't know, unicorns and riding lessons instead of taking clubbing so I can make sure she's not drinking or getting drugs off somebody.

It's really weird with both of them standing there as real, actual adults with adult type stuff going on, and shows me that I'm...old and washed out and kind of incredibly pathetic. Is this how midlife crisises start? Are you allowed to have one of those at 36?

Or is the last couple of years my midlife crisis? Either way, I suddenly feel really old and off my game and everything else. ...I'm confused.