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Although I don't expect to get many Trick-Or-Treaters, I bought a bag of candy at the market. At least I'll be prepared should someone knock on my door on Wednesday. And if not, I've got a bag of candy to myself.

Was there a memo on going crazy that I didn't happen to get? All the folk around a fella start to lose it, and he begins to wonder if he's being set up for one of those television shows.

With Halloween just around the corner, I feel it my duty to remind everyone to stay safe.

Parents, please make sure your trick or treating children are supervised and collecting their candy in safe neighborhoods. Remember to bring flashlights with you, look both ways before crossing the street, and use crosswalks whenever available. It is a good idea, also, to fasten reflective tape to your costume or trick or treat bags so that drivers are aware of your presence. And always inspect the candy before allowing yourself or your child to eat it.

I wish that we could simply enjoy our holidays without having to take precautionary measures, but I would rather you were all healthy and whole this Halloween than the opposite.

I would also caution against the kinds of activities bored teens are likely to get up to on his holiday. Egging things, toilet papering things, and especially 'spooky trips to graveyards'. That last thing can be extremely dangerous, and the other two will just get you in trouble.

I think my Madonna costume looks more like a Cyndi Lauper costume. Hm. Some last minute tweaks are in going to be necessary.

I have also slept with half the local high school's football team, Azula and Ty Lee at once, Jim Kirk, The President, and three of the people working at my father's office. Including his Secretary.

It just figures that the cost of a pack of cigarettes would go up right around the time I decide to pick the habit up again.

I wish they sold them in single servings. Sometimes you just need one.

Today will be the day that you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.

Savvy?

Everything is sore. You'd think that wouldn't have hurt as much, considering.

[Pepper]

Are you all right?

Oh.

Well, then. Of course. This isn't confusing at all, is it?

You suppose if I turn myself in, I get to keep the gold? Not a chance, Sheriff. Not a chance.

No, I'm not here to take your lunch order. How do people confuse envelopes and sandwiches? And no, I'm not going to chase down the sandwich guy, either. I'm not your lackey, and you're not the only one busy working. The mailcart I'm pushing might give you a clue that I, too, have a job to do.

Sigh.

At the risk of being melodramatic, I'm a mooooonster, don't look at me!
Does anyone have hair-grooming techniques for a gross ratty mane?
How the hell am I supposed to talk around these tusks?
I'm going to break the cameras.

So clearly I'm not going to work tomorrow.

You call it 'cheating', I call it a damn clever and cheap costume idea.

Never bugger with a woman what has a sword. Savvy?

Tick tock, Tick tock. Thirteen hours and this child is mine. Do you still want me to keep him, or would you like to play the game?

It's been a long time since I've paid a visit to my grandmother.

I turned down my acceptance to Harvard. I'm going to go someplace local instead. No sense in wasting all the money, right?

Pond! COME ALONG, POND? If you're reading this, be a dear and check in with Rory, yes?