Enjolras isn't a statue, really (solo_patria) wrote in valarnet, @ 2013-05-08 00:38:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | enjolras |
I'm being given a new opportunity, a new and rare one that will really, really get my career jumpstarted. I'm lucky enough that it doesn't have to be about the money in my case, but about telling the story and getting things moving along, but even so, this is the kind of chance, and money, I'd be stupid not to jump at. But the thing is...
The thing is, it requires breaking my anonymity. I've had a blog since Junior year of High school. It's grown with me through college and through everything else, as I tell stories of the injustices in the world, work to rally against them and has gotten me several different perks through the years, but the major factor involved has been my anonymity. I'm not going to mention my name here, since that'd be coming out but coming out is exactly what I'm being asked to do.
You see, I've had an offer to run a collection of pieces that I haven't published anywhere else (I do blog under my name for various other organizations, which is how I got Danton and how that story was published). Not all of my pieces, but enough of them that anyone with half a brain would be able to determine who I am when they come out, if they have seen the blog before. There's taking those pieces down and publishing, I guess, but that option feels cheap and dishonest, so essentially I'm left asking myself whether or not it's time to reveal myself by allowing these pieces to be published, which could very well jumpstart my career and get my name out there, even as they might establish my positions pretty clearly, and a lot of them aren't popular.
I could reach more people, maybe, but I'm also losing a part of myself that I've kept guarded for six years if I say yes. It feels selfish, but I LIKE having the curtain to hide behind. I LIKE being safe here, without my articles calling for radical solutions to societal problems seeing the light of day.
In my last life, I would have wished to be allowed to speak up and identify myself, and HAD to use the pseudonym to keep from being arrested or killed, or worse. In this life, all I risk is the safe place that I had to talk about such things. I think I'm going to say yes. I pretty much HAVE to say yes if I want my words to reach anyone, but on the other hand? I'm also kind of scared about it and reluctant anyway.
Why is it so hard to do the right thing and so tempting to do the selfish one?