Enjolras isn't a statue, really (solo_patria) wrote in valarnet, @ 2013-04-01 01:15:00 |
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Current mood: | sore |
I want to die.
Do you remember, valarnet, when I said that I wasn't actively suicidal? I am now forced to change that assessment as there is nothing better that I would like than to be able to quietly, comfortably die. I understand of course, that others have been through worse, and it was no excuse to be as bitchy as I have been to most of you these last couple weeks. but I also would really like to just find some sort of weapon, and aim at my face or...something.
Seriously. I do not have enough pain medication in the WORLD for all of this right now, as the Trichinella have decided it is time to make their home in my muscles, and to stay there for the moment. I do not have enough medication, or enough TIME for any of this, with a project tomorrow and a deadline for a story on the project Tuesday, and finals all looming and all that I want is to curl up somewhere, alone, and to be left alone to die in my comfortably dark apartment, with a cold pillow shoved over my face.
It will not happen and I know that, but I cannot help wishing for it as it is. I feel I would be better off than going through this at the moment. There is pain and then there is pain.
I had never been under the impression, before this year, that something physical could fell me. How very, very wrong I was. Is anybody with a truck willing to come and run me over til I die or something like that? I would be very ETERNALLY grateful, I can promise you.