Montgomery Scott is a miracle worker (warp_speed) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-12-29 14:58:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, james kirk, montgomery scott |
Who: Jim Kirk, Montgomery Scott
What: The Enterprise, geekery, fix its, shuttles, and Mars.
When: Sometime before Christmas!
Where: Uhh... *points skyward*
Rating: It's pretty tame, yep. PGish.
Status: Complete!
Jim leaned over the console, watching as a form coalesced on the transporter pad. He quite enjoyed ninja-beaming someone on board, and he was taking a particular joy in the person how materialized. He was wearing his uniform, and he straightened, stepping out from behind the console. “Mr. Scott, you’re late.”
Scotty had been yelling at Porthos to stick to eating the lunchmeat off the lower shelf of the fridge, as he was grabbing himself a nice cool bottle of Irn-Bru off the top shelf. Honestly, that is why he marked the packets with their names on them, so Admiral Archer's prized beagle would know which one it could get it's dog slobber on, and stay the hell away from his sandwich fixings. Those were very important things, after all. You don't mess about with a man's sandwich fixings.
Instead of being in his kitchen in front of the fridge, mouth opened in a mid-rant of profoundly Scottish proportions, Scotty was standing on the transporter pad in a black t-shirt and black and white Scotts family plaid pajama pants. And he promptly dropped his bottle of Irn-Bru onto the gleamy glossy floor of his ship.
"I’m aff the whisky, after this," Scotty finally said, once he registered where he was and what happened. Blaming too much booze for his seeing things...wait, he wasn't seeing things. He was mostly sober, other than one drink with dinner and too much nuclear orange soda pop, and he knew damn well what it felt like to be beamed around. Those revelations were followed by a pained cry as he went into a downward lunge for the bottle, because he had gotten soda on the transporter pad. "Och! Ye couldae warned me, Kirk! I mean Cap'in...I mean ye...ye right arse! How'd ye manage this?!"
"She just showed up one day, and the government couldn't do a damn thing without the command codes," Jim replied, coming over and clapping Scotty on the shoulder. "They got us on board, and the ship had the grand idea of going after a Dilithium cache, with Uhura and me on board. Now how the hell have you been?"
He ignored the mess. Because he was the captain and he'd replicated some rumbas to clean up messes. He decided he shouldn't mention any engine christenings.
It was best not to mention any christening with anything to do with his engines. They're his. He says so. If they were going to have an arm wrestling contest over it, Scotty would probably win by kicking Kirk wherever his foot landed and running off while calling dibs on the entire engineering section of the ship. Including the still for the making of sweet, sweet alcohol.
It was a morale booster!
Also? Thank gods for rumbas. They probably couldn't clean the sodapop off his foot? His mun would pay good money to have that happen.
"When'd that happen?" Scotty asked, his voice almost plaintive, like he knew he had missed out on super duper grand things. "She didnae show up with enough dilithium in her? Me poor bairns! I wasnae here when she needed me most."
Insert crestfallen face, here. That only lasted about five seconds before Scotty asked, "How's the food? Did ye use it to impress Hermione yet?"
Scotty knows the type of guy that Kirk is. Totally.
Engines, transporter, captain's char. Jim had a list. "A few weeks ago, actually. Ship is locked in orbit for the time being. We don't have enough command crew or crew to go anywhere, and several functions are locked down, but you should see the data we scanned while we were in warp."
“The replicators turn out decent food. Contraceptives. I can’t get any disease cures, we need McCoy for that.” He rubbed the back of his neck and actually blushed at the insinuation he did any impressing.
Was Kirk blushing? Kirk was blushing. Scotty’s eyes looked ready to bug out. Not merely ship related, we assure you.
“First, I swear ye got a pink tinge happening, in the face area. Second, I hope ye didnae do anything in engineering that I wouldnae do. And last, did ye try a sandwich out of the replicator an' how was it?"
Because those were important questions. And he totally had to point out that Kirk was going red-faced. It was most definitely serious and most definitely related to one Hermione Granger.
And here is where Scotty patted Kirk on the back to congratulating for getting into some Hogwart's knickers!
"You're seeing things. Come on, let me show you your engines." Jim grinned at him. "We've gotten pretty familiar with them."
“I’m nae seeing things.” Scotty grinned right back at Jim and eagerly looked ready to follow. “I’ll let ye aff the hook, lad. Ye didnae adjust anything, I hope? I’ll have tae recalibrate everything.”
Or he’d enjoy recalibrating everything. It’s not like he’d need an arm twisted or anything.
"Oh no, we didn't adjust anything, on purpose. The only equipment we've been playing with have been sensors and scanners. Scientific things. She's actually got a knack for it, but that's not hard to believe." Jim smiled, unable to help the proud tone in his voice or the fond, happy gleam in his eyes.
"She might give Spock a run for his money. And unlike Spock, she’ll sleep with me.”
“On purpose. What dae ye mean, on purpose?” Scotty was eyeing Kirk warily, since he knew he was in for a recalibration check somewhere, somehow. Actually he’d enjoy it, because he felt back in his element. Just add whisky! “And it’s Hermione, ye know. She can dae everything and magic yer pants aff. Also, if ye tried that with Spock, he’d likely smack ye around again.”
Scotty made a face like he smelled something stinky, all while shaking his head in the DO NOT WANT sort of way. Last thing he wanted was those two having a row again.
“I know the lass is smart, but she’s not universal smart like a Vulcan is,” Scotty also added, mindfully. “Nae matter what? I’d imagine a Hermione is a whole lot better than sleepin’ with a pointy-earred computer.”
“You know what they say about the quiet stoic ones,” Jim said jokingly, as he entered the turbolift. A few seconds later they were in engineering and Jim let the doors swish open so Scotty could get the first look at his engines unimpeded. He wisely stepped aside, and gestured ‘after you?’
"I dinnae want to know if it doesn't involve a fandom that I can geek on," Scotty replied to that joke, insinuating that if Kirk and Spock had relations? Then Kirk could keep that to himself, because that was his business! If it involved what color and type of knickers Hermione wore? Then he would start taking notes.
All those thoughts were obliterated with photon torpedoes, the moment Scotty laid eyes on familiar stomping grounds. He went running in, and wrapped his arms around the first thing he could hug onto, without fear of burning, radiating, or losing a limb. It looked to be a large metal tube, likely a conduit. For Scotty? It was one piece of his ship that he could hug from the inside while grinning sappily. "I missed ye, lass. Did ye miss me tae? Aww, ye did. I can tell by the warm lovin' hum."
Engineers. They're a speshul sort of people.
Jim thought that he could leave Scotty here, and come back an hour later and the man would still be hugging some part of the ship. There really wasn't any place that Scotty could be happier, and it was probably the best present Jim could have given him. He watched, brushing his shirt down. "I hate to tear you and that conduit apart, but there's more to the ship we can explore. I'd also like to free up the shuttles. I have a plan for Hermione's Christmas present and I need a shuttle for it. Wasn't why I beamed you up, but what the hell?"
"Right now, if ye wanted warp nine? Ye'd have warp nine, if I had tae leap up on top of the warp cores an' jump up an' doon on them until I got ye that wee bit extra oomph ye'd need. This' like Christmas. It's like New Years. It's like New Christmas Years, after a few tew many wee drams that arenae sew wee."
That accent had officially hit warp nine, figuratively speaking. He finally let go of the conduit with the greatest of reluctance. And a smooch against it, like he was kissing the ship on her rosy cheek.
"I can get ye a shuttle," Scotty said like he was sure of it, and he could even have it done, yesterday. "Dinna fash yersel about tha’. Lead on, lad!"
"I need to go to Mars," he said simply. Jim walked out if the section and headed for the shuttle bay." I can do it later but I still need the clamps released."
"Releasing clamps is me specialty, Cap'n. I can have it done in twenty minutes." Scotty was following along but he pointed over at Kirk as they were walking. He'd rounded that up by a factor of four, because he knew it would take five minutes flat to do that, and wanted to make himself look like a superstar. Dinnae ruin it. "Nae a minute less!"
Jim wondered if Scotty rounded that shit up, but he never said anything. He liked being impressed, and hell if it worked, it worked. He nodded his head back towards Scotty. “Lets get them released, then I want to show you the bridge!”
It was true that Scotty so rounded it up, constantly. That much was evident when the entire task was done in about four minutes and thirty-two seconds, not including the time it took him to jog back over like he had been promised a never-ending bottle of scotch, fueled by magic so it was always half-full.
"Done! I know this ship like the back of my hand," Scotty announced with pride. And without bumping his head on anything, for once. "Have ye noticed anything out of sorts with the ship, other than the crew's missing?"
"The autopilot taking us half-way to the edge of the quadrant in search of Dilithium, then taking us back and locking the ship down tighter than a chastity belt. We can operate scanners and many of the subsystems, but we can't go anywhere."
Jim rubbed the back of his neck. "It's like the ship is waiting."
"That's odd. It wouldnae behave like that unless it was programmed that way." Scotty scritched his fingers against the side of his neck as he thought, so that they almost mimicked one another. "Spock's on the network, does he nae remember anything yet? I could dive intae it but he was the science officer, he'd know about the scanners an' programming. Or have ye tried the overrides using command codes? I remember mine, ye know. All we need is three."
As for what the ship was waiting for, Scotty couldn't even give an educated guess. Not without someone to 'talk' to it's onboard computers, and his fingers weren't as fast at entering information as, say, Uhura or Spock's fingers were. He was more used to figuring out mindbending ways of beaming people's pets to Mars or other impossible places, and crawling around in the guts of the ship, while avoiding radiation poisoning. That was why he gave Kirk a sympathetic shrug, while looking genuinely apologetic.
"Maybe, laddie," Scotty paused, before taking a wild stab at a possible reason, "she's waitin' for the rest o' the crew?"
“Sometimes I think the computer has a sense of humor. Or a mind of her own. She flirted with me the other day. And Spock hasn’t remembered much yet, that I can tell. Just me, you and Uhura right now. I’m practically chomping at the bit to get him and Bones up here.” Assuming Spock didn’t decide to hate him or reject the whole idea. “So maybe she is.”
"Could be. But I dinnae think she'd flirt with you, when I'm the one who takes care of her with the hands on approach. You get the head of her but I get all the other bits," so says Scotty, with a note of pride in his voice. Because if one thinks on it, he's the one who gets up the ship's skirt, so to speak. Pervy mechanic!
As for the rest of what was said, he waited a moment and then said outloud what Kirk was thinking, with all the tact of a scottish bomb being dropped on someone's head without blowing up first, so when things went kaboom? The poor victim had a headache first. "What if he gets up here and opens up a can o' whoop arse on ye? Again? I think he had a unfair advantage, ye know. From my perspective at least. It wasnae very logical, him being a...wait, he's not a Vulcan really, so maybe ye'd have a fair shot at it? Gae on, then! Ye need tae get doon there an' kick his arse, while ye still have a chance at it."
Next, he'll be saying the best diplomat that he knows of is a fully loaded phaser bank. Because to Scotty? That's oh-so-true. And oh-so-bluntly-effective.
"She already has. Jealous?" Jim grinned at him, then punched him in the shoulder. "I'm not going to fight Spock. Not unless he really wants one. I'm over it. I don't need a rematch. I got the Captain's chair, and I'm dating a Gryffindor."
Like that was all he needed in life. He pulled out his Starkphone so that Scotty could see Hermione in all her glory. Sitting in the Captain's Chair wearing science blue.
"GET AFF! I'm nae jealous, ye right arse! I get the best parts, ye simply need tae not blow 'er tae bits since I'd be glaring at ye as me body floats through space." And in response to seeing that, a part of Scotty's brain that contained fanboy-goes-to-any-conventions exploded spectacularly. So much so, that he grabbed hold of Kirk's wrist and practically shoved his face against the phone.
"Och, that...is...brilliant." And now Scotty's been diverted away from even thinking about the missing crew members or if anything needs re-calibrated, or where he last remembered leaving his tool sets down in engineering. "Lucky. That seems fitting. Is there any where she's wearin' less?"
Because no one would put that past Kirk, or his ability to convince a girlfriend to wear less and less while taking photos.
“Not yet,” Jim replied, yanking his phone back. “I’m working on that one. Promise. Not that I’ll let you LOOK or anything like that. This one is special. I’m not going to fuck it up like I did with Bela and Janice. And I fucked those up big. Somehow. I’ll get back to you when I figure out how.” He put his phone in his pocket, and clasped his hands behind his back.
“So. Want to go to Mars so I can get her her Christmas present?”
"I dinnae think ye fucked it up, laddie. I think ye ran into runners. Not like I did, where I fucked it up, by having a NOT runner who was...." A gloriously green alien space spy/saboteur? Scotty wasn't sure how to put it, precisely, so he said with a note of regret in his voice, "...it was complicated."
There, that summed it up nicely. Photos of half-dressed Hermiones might make him feel better, but he wasn't about to ruin Kirk's big great thing he had going with the girl. After all, Kirk was the bestower of great space adventures, and Scotty was all too willing to tag along and grab at his own face like he wanted to rip it off his skull when the ship was banged up. Which gave him something to fix, so the complaints were really a moot point. He enjoyed fixing stuff and cursing Scottishly the whole time.
"Ye can try tae get her blootered, ye know. Drunk. Though that might backfire so forget I said anything." He was thoughtful for a moment, his mind straying to thoughts of how he was going to get sexy with the green (now ex-)girlfriend on a trip to Mars. He pushed that aside and said, "Like I'm gonnae say no? Aye. Of course!"
"Runners? You think I might have a thing for the runners?" Momentarily, Jim wondered if he'd picked another runner, but thought better of it. Hermione wasn't the sort of person to run from her problems. He clapped Scotty on the shoulder, not saying a word about any green aliens. That was a sore wound he didn't want to open in his friend. It would hurt, and this wasn't a time for hurt. He thought it was time for other things.
"She doesn't drink much, but she's fun when she does. Come on, lets go back to the shuttle bay. I got her a moon rock on our first date, so I want to get her a Mars rock."
Considering that Scotty had some time to think about everything in regards to Gaila, it was a wound that was healed over into a faint but lingering ache. It was enough that he knew where he went wrong and what went wrong, but he was realistic enough to know too, that you can't live in the past and you can't change it either....unless you're a time skipping crazed Romulan named Nero who can implode planets. THEN one could change the past! Uhh.....
Anyway, that solid month where he had went on a super fantastic binger in Scotland had helped him get through the most miserable bits and talking things out with his family had helped quite a bit, too. The rest was simply accepting his part in it for losing his temper over finding out about the subterfuge...and his sense of duty stupidly kicking in, when there really wasn't...anything holding him to any duty.
But if there was a ship now and he knew full well that Kirk was the captain of that ship, then that sort of changed things. There had to be some sort of protocol...that they were EPICALLY DISOBEYING BECAUSE THE SHIP WAS THERE AND THEY COULD TAKE IT TO MARS IF THEY WANTED. Bwahaha!
Needless to say, Scotty's eyes were aglow a bit at the mere thought of taking a proper shuttle out for a spin.
"I think ye might have. Maybe it was a conquest thing and yer past that now? A Hermione is not a runner, if she's the same Hermione we both think she is, with magic and a fat ginger cat," Scotty guessed, grinning sheepishly at the shoulder clap and appreciating that Kirk didn't bring it up the whole past with ex-girlfriends and stuff. "Let's go then. I think I can rig the helm controls so they can be manually operated, without helmsmen. But that'll take time and I cannae do that without the proper tools for the job. Which I need tae find after we get back from Mars."
"She does have Crookshanks," Jim replied jovially. It was as though that observation had put wind to his sales, and he put his arm around the other man as they entered the shuttlebay. "If we can get this ship moving, think of what we could do? Where we could go? The good we could do?"
Jim was getting more pepped up the more he talked and the more they walked. By the time he reached the shuttle, he was ready for Klingons or Romulans, or any other number of things to come there way.
"Hey, think we'll get caught in a wormhole?"
"A Hermione without a Crookshanks wouldn't exist, anywhere," so said Scotty with a note of authority, patting Jim on the back when they had neared the shuttles. "I could try tae get her moving, but it'd be a skeleton crew, and ye'd need Spock and McCoy probably, because...overrides. We're still only two people. Does Uhura have any codes or does she nae remember them?"
Scotty's enthusiasm was mounting at the prospects of going into space...well, further into space, at least. And then at that question, he perked up a bit more.
"It's always possible. Ye want tae try?"
“She has codes and she remembers them. With you that gives us three, but I’d feel a lot better with five.” He’d prefer everyone. All of them. With Sulu and Chekov god know’s where, it felt a bit like they were missing some of the best parts of the boy band.
“Of course I want to try it.”
"Och, that's brilliant then! But ye want more of us in case something goes wrong." Scotty wasn't sure where everyone else was, and he shrugged apologetically before boarding the shuttle. "No harm in trying the wormhole thing, either! Lets. But lets also wait until after ye give Hermione her Mars gift? Since there's no telling where we'd end up."
Seriously. Of course Scotty would try it, because this is a man who beamed an Admiral's dog off to who knows where without having his theory of transwarp beaming fully figured out. Then he listened to a future Vulcan who handed him his own future finished beaming equation and Scotty was all too eager to beam HIMSELF off to a ship IN WARP because he really wanted a damn SANDWICH.
Dear James T Kirk,
What part of the whole "lets go play in a wormhole" is not exactly the safest or wisest idea, ever?
Lovingly Signed,
Everyone who is SANE.