(ง •̀_•́)ง (ember_celica) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-12-14 20:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, evie frye, yang xiao long |
Feels like the story of my life.
Who: Evie and Yang
What: Tea, catching up and relationship talks
When: Mid-October
where: tea shop
status: complete
Rating: PG
Yang had somehow managed to talk Evie into meeting her for tea, though she still wasn’t quite sure how. Not that Yang didn’t deserve a hard time, she had been a pretty shitty friend lately to everyone and could have and should have reached out more.
But as part of her Getting Herself Back Together program in the wake of Li’s death, Yang was determined to make sure she could repair at least one relationship or at least be able to help someone she cared about.
She nervously waited for Evie and wondered if she’d decide not to show at all.
Even though there were days when Evie felt the hardened, semi-emotionless and harsh person she’d become in her dreams by the time she had to deal with Jack the Ripper, she wasn’t heartless. At least not completely. Her recent vacation with Freya had done wonders to help break some of the hold that her dreams had taken on her, but the effect of a lifetime of always fighting had left its mark on her.
Jack had left his mark on her. She may not be the monster he was, but was still there lurking in the back of her mind. Some nights when she was alone, she almost felt his presence.
But as it was, she wasn’t enough of a heartless person to stand anyone up. She arrived at the café, her hair in a fishtail braid. She bore new scars since the last time Yang had seen her, but most of them were hidden by her clothes. And others, like Jack, were unseen ones.
“Hey, sorry I’m late. Eden was being a little obnoxious,” she apologized as she walked up to Yang. Some days she felt old and tired thanks to the time jump her dreams had taken. Today was one of those days.
Yang looked up and smiled at her. Given some time, she’d be able to tell there were unseen scars; she carried enough of those. But when or if she saw them, she knew it would be Evie’s choice to share or not. And Yang also knew she wasn’t the person Evie would share anything like that with. Not anymore.
“Hey! It’s all right. Have a seat?”
Evie could really use someone other than Freya to talk to, but she didn’t exactly have friends. And if Yang actually wanted to know things, she’d have to earn Evie’s trust back to get to that point. Not that Freya wasn’t helpful because she was, but Evie did feel bad always dumping her problems solely on her girlfriend.
“Thanks,” she said as she sat down. “How are things?”
Trust was a tricky beast, as Yang was well aware. After all, her mother had gone quiet and while she wasn’t sure she’d actually left again, Yang had abandonment issues and really didn’t need yet another kick in the gut. She missed Blake and she worried sometimes that Weiss and Ruby didn’t need her as much as she’d like. Which was stupid, she knew.
“It’s been a pretty good. Training, getting back into school again finally.” She was pretty sure she’d gotten more sleep than Evie had, anyway. “How about you?”
Pretty much anyone other than Freya got more sleep than Evie did. Even if she wasn’t at work, she was planning out her next solo mission somewhere overseas. Since the dreams gave her abilities to take down terrorists, coupled with her military training in this world, she put them to good use.
“I’m glad you’re getting back into school.” And she definitely was glad for that. School was important. “I actually took a vacation for nearly a month? Well, it was a working vacation, but it was still a vacation.”
“I decided to at least finish the general education classes while I figure out what the hell I’m going to do with my life.” Yang wanted to help people, but she wasn’t sure yet. But it was the first time since waking up without her arm that she’d really felt motivated to do something about it. Which was, she supposed, progress. Beating her setbacks was good!
“You seriously took a vacation? Was that the month pigs flew?” Evie was the ultimate workaholic, and Yang had always loved that about her.
“It’s not always easy to figure out what to do with your life. Who knows, maybe something in the general education courses will spark something?” After all, sometimes someone figured things out in the most unexpected of ways.
“It must have been. I don’t think I’ve had an actual vacation since before I joined the army.” Which had been about a decade ago. “I even convinced Freya to go with me, and she works just as much as I do. If not more.”
“I’m hoping. I just want to help people, the question is how.” What appealed to her and what did her skills lend her to? Kids. Maybe something with kids. The thought occurred to her, hitting her like a lightning bolt. She shook it off to think about later.
“I’m shocked, did you actually go somewhere or was it a staycation?”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” There were a lot of ways to help people. Such as what Freya did. Evie helped people in her own way, which was largely just killing bad guys so that they wouldn’t hurt innocent people anymore.
“We went to Europe. Paris, Prague and Milan. Then we came back to New York City for a week before coming back here. So it was actually going somewhere.” Sometimes Evie was still surprised that they’d taken a vacation, but it had been a good one. And a much needed one.
Yang had never visited anywhere that wasn’t the US or Korea, so all those cities sounded kind of fantastic and she was just a little envious. But Evie seemed to lighten up a little as she talked about it. “It sounds pretty awesome. And I’ll bet it was extra nice to do with with someone you love.”
Evie was a frequent flyer, though 99% of her miles were business related, not for vacation or sight-seeing reasons. And even then, the majority of places she’d been were deep in the middle of war zones, so not exactly the best places on the planet.
Though when mentioned that little l word, Evie blinked and looked at her like she’d suddenly sprouted five heads. “What? No. That’s not it. I mean, yes it was more than nice to go on vacation with Freya, but that’s not how I feel.” Was that a lie? It was difficult to tell. Evie hadn’t really reflected on what her exact feelings for Freya were. She knew she really liked being with her, but she didn’t think about it any deeper than that. It sort of went hand-in-hand with her fear of whether she was moving too slowly for Freya’s taste.
Both of Yang’s eyebrows disappeared into her hair and she gave Evie a sort of sad smile. “I guess I misunderstood. Or maybe I was projecting. I’m sorry.”
It had certainly seemed like Freya made Evie happy, at least, but as much as Yang could goof around about things she wasn’t going to push it. Especially not now. Love was a complicated thing and Yang pushed her own feelings about the emotion and the people that made her feel that way aside before they made her hand start shaking. Someday Blake would be healthy enough to see her again and that was all that mattered. Yang could live with everything else or nothing else, whatever happened.
“It’s okay.” Freya did make her happy, and she liked being around her. But they had yet to take certain steps in their relationship. Evie couldn’t help but to start fretting over whether she was moving too slowly for Freya or not. She picked up her tea and sipped at it to try and hide that she was fretting.
“Anyway, yes it was a very nice vacation. It was good to get out of here for a while.”
That was not what Yang had intended and she hoped she hadn’t messed anything up. She’d screwed over Evie romantically enough already.
Yang sipped her tea and agreed. “Mood.”
Ironically enough, Evie’s fretting and the pace at which she was taking her relationship with Freya was a direct result of the relationship she’d had with Yang. But she didn’t want to wade into that jungle right now.
“Is it crazy that I kind of want to go on vacation again?”
“That’s not crazy at all,” Yang said. “There’s like, this pace to a vacation that’s different from your regular life and it’s totally normal to miss that. When there’s no pressure and you can just…exist.”
“Exactly. Even when I was working, I was still having fun.” Evie had made some contacts that would ultimately help her plan the little mission to Russia that she was planning. She was looking forward to sticking it to Putin, in a manner of speaking. “Sometimes you just need a change in your routine to help you refresh yourself.”
“You would do a working vacation,” Yang mused. It amused her, because it was so suiting and fitting to Evie that she couldn’t really have expected any less.
“A change in routine can’t hurt, though. We all need that sometimes.”
“It was about the only way to convince Freya to take a break. She was running herself into the ground, and I finally decided both of us needed to get out of here before one or both of us died from overworking.” Which was probably a thing. “We both needed to make some contacts in Europe anyways, so it worked out.”
“So you had to make your girlfriend take a break?” They were made for each other, Yang decided.
“Yes, I did. I’m pretty sure there was a stretch of time where she wasn’t even sleeping, just using magic to keep herself going. She didn’t want to leave, but I baited her with a working vacation.” Evie had managed to have a silver tongue in that regard. Figuratively speaking.
Yang couldn’t help but grin. “I’ve had to bait Ruby into taking breaks from things sometimes too.” While Yang did well in school, she’d also learned how to balance that with doing things that weren’t school.
Also, eating. Yang felt like Ruby forgot to eat a lot of times.
“I think you’re good for her.”
“Ruby is a very dedicated worker.” Evie didn’t know Ruby all that well, but Ruby had helped build a couple things for her various weapons. Her 19th Century dream gifts needed some 21st Century upgrades.
Evie sipped her tea, trying to hide her slight flush at the compliment. “I do my best to make her happy.”
“She’s dedicated and brave.” And sometimes a little too much of both. Yang had some concerns about her mental well being but had yet to decide how to approach her about it.
“But that’s the goal. Making her happy without it like…” Yang waved her hand. “Being forced. If that makes sense. Different things make different people happy, the trick is learning what those are without compromising yourself in the process.”
“It’s definitely a balancing act. Learning how much is too much, learning what makes people happy. And yet sometimes I prefer being back in combat because it was simpler.” Evie shrugged a shoulder. “At any rate, I try my best, which is all anyone can do.”
Fighting really was simpler, wasn’t it. You know the likely outcomes, and the goal, and what moves to make to edge into a win. At least, Yang had learned how to think ahead a lot better than she used to. She was still trying to apply those lessons to the rest of her life.
“That’s a good way to look at it. Sometimes you don’t think your best is enough, but it really is enough, that’s just your brain trying to trick you.”
Fighting was straight-forward. But relationships, just like people, were complicated. Though at least Evie wasn’t running away from the relationship with Freya. She was just absolutely terrified that she was fucking it up because she was taking things slowly.
“Technically, your best isn’t always enough. The trick is knowing that you did your best and being content with that, even if it wasn’t enough. Sometimes we don’t win no matter what we do.”
Yang nodded, a shadow flickering across her face for just a moment. “I know. Feels like the story of my life. But that doesn’t mean I should stop trying.”
“No it doesn’t. I just means you keep trying and moving on with your life.” Which was rich coming from Evie given she didn’t always move on from the losses she endured. Her dreams had weighed heavily on her. She had laser focus, but that wasn’t always a good thing.
From the look on Yang’s face, she certainly thought that was rich coming from her, but this didn’t feel like the kind of time to call someone on things. “Yeah…”
She looked down at her tea, then back up at Evie. “I wanted to say I’m sorry. About pulling away and not… keeping in touch.”
Evie well knew she didn’t let go and move on from some things that happened in her life. She also didn’t move on from some things that had happened in her dreams, but it was who she was. Stubborn and sometimes far too English for her own good.
She looked at Yang and nodded a bit. “It hurt. I tried to pretend that it didn’t, that I didn’t care, but I do care. Sometimes I think I care too much.” Evie and strong emotions didn’t always go well together. She was a rational person, someone who followed her head before her heart. So the times when she followed her heart and ignored her head were the times when she got into trouble.
Yang accepted Evie’s honesty and nodded back, swallowing her own emotions. For the girl that wore them on her sleeve, she was getting better at not emoting all over people when they didn’t need it. “I just… didn’t know if me being around would make it worse. And then …”
It was just excuses, and she didn’t want to just dump her own hurts and problems on Evie. So she kept it vague. “All my ...” hopes, plans and dreams died “...I kind of lost track of myself.”
Honestly, most people who got dumped the way Evie had would hold a grudge and never speak to their ex again. But that wasn’t quite Evie. Underneath the hurt and anger, she still cared. And she wanted to see if they could actually forge some type of friendship again.
And, well, the fact that Yang was here talking to her was evidence that she did actually want to try. At least for the time being. Evie would still be cautious in her approach, but her trust could be earned again.
“I can understand. Things tend to happen and we get caught up in them.” Evie had had her own problems. Mostly dream related.
Yang still felt like that had been for the best. Even if the only way she could see her best friend was pictures she had and her Dreams, she also knew she would have ripped Evie’s heart out worse than she had. And Yang would rather be the bad guy than make that worse.
“Lets try to not get too caught up in them,” Yang offered. “And that goes for both of us.”
As shitty as it had been, things certainly seemed to have worked out for the better. At least on Evie’s side. Unless she went and screwed things up with Freya. Or maybe Freya would have a dream lover come here and sweep her away, too. But that wasn’t the point.
“I’ll try. But if the world continues going the way it’s going, I can’t promise I won’t get caught up in work.” Whether that was her legitimate job or the solo missions she undertook to rid the world of a few bad people, it was anyone’s guess. Her dreams at least had come to an end so she wouldn’t have to deal with that anymore. She just had to deal with the scars her dreams had left her with.
“No, I get that.” Yang wasn’t an assassin, but she wanted to make the world a better place. She just knew she couldn’t go in guns blazing, not like how she would have before everything. “If you ever need backup, ask.”
Sometimes Evie missed being in the military, but after her dreams she was used to doing things on her own. But she would soon put her skills to use for the Agency. And whatever else Natasha wanted her to do. “The same goes for you.”