It felt like an eternity, waiting for Xena. She’d pulled herself partly upright, leaning back against the headboard and closing her eyes. Everything hurt, and her chest felt like someone had stomped on it. She had a feeling Xena had something to do with that, not that she wasn’t grateful.
Where was she, anyway?
If she’d gotten herself killed on the way, Gabrielle was never going to forgive her. It wasn’t so long ago she’d thought she’d lost her in the dreams. And if anything happened to her here… Well, she didn’t want to think about that.
Xena did lead a risky life, with dangerous friends, and dangerous enemies. It was one reason she kept questioning what she was doing with Gabrielle.
Gabrielle couldn’t defend herself - getting stabbed made that obvious. She wasn’t the amazon she’d become in their dreams, not yet, and until then Xena was going to be permanently paranoid.
She let herself in through Gabrielle’s window. “Hey.”
Gabrielle opened her eyes at Xena’s voice, turning her head to look at her. She didn’t have the energy to question the fact she’d came in through her window. She was just glad she was there.
Her response was quiet, the panic mostly gone now but obvious pain taking its place, “Xena.”
“Shh, shh….” Xena kicked her boots off and came over, sitting on the bed and taking her hands. “I’m here. I’m here.”
She felt the tears starting when Xena took her hands. “I died, didn’t I?”
At least, she had for a little while. Gabrielle hadn’t had a chance to sort out her feelings about that yet, or about the fact the injury had followed her out of the dream.
Xena would have hugged her, but she was more concerned for the injury. “For a little while, yes. I had to invent CPR, but I brought you back.”
She sounded a lot more calm than she actually was, except for a slight crack on the last two words.
Gabrielle was trying very hard to pretend this was a normal conversation, that she wasn’t sitting in her bed bloody and crying and her girlfriend hadn’t had to break in through her window. She was having limited success. “I thought so. It explains a few things.”
Like why she felt awful and why her chest hurt so badly.
“Let me see,” Xena said, gently trying to get Gabrielle’s night shirt open. She needed to see if the wound was still open, if she needed stitches or a doctor, or if the Dreams had closed them back up.
She needed to see that Gabrielle was all right, though she wasn’t really thinking of her as her girlfriend yet. She didn’t know if they’d reached that level or not.
Fresh stitches might not have been out of the question, but most of the bleeding had stopped. The worst of them would need cleaned and bandaged, but it seemed the biggest danger had passed, despite how she felt. They could both be grateful for that.
“I thought we weren’t going to make a habit of this,” Gabrielle commented softly.
“This was not how I wanted to see you naked,” Xena quipped, as way of breaking the tension. She was inspecting the wounds with a clinical eye. “I’m sorry. This was my fault.”
“Don’t make me laugh.” It did earn her a smile, though. She would have taken her hand again, but she was doing her best to stay still until Xena was done. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I got us involved in that war, it was my fault,” Xena said firmly. “If we hadn’t been there, you wouldn’t have been hurt. I’d just.. Wanted to see an end to it.”
Gabrielle wanted to protest. She didn’t want Xena blaming herself. If she hadn’t gone out there on her own, she wouldn’t have gotten hurt either, but she’d do it all over again.
But sometimes you had to know when an argument was lost. She did reach for Xena’s hand this time, her fingers wrapping loosely around her wrist. “I know.”
“At least we ended it, but the price could have been a lot higher than I wanted to pay.” Xena brushed her fingertips along Gabrielle’s cheek. “More than anything that day showed me how much you meant to me. I just wish it hadn’t taken you almost dying for it to be clear.”
“I guess sometimes we have to almost lose something to realize how important it is.” Though Gabrielle felt a little strange saying it when, in this context, she was the important thing in question. “I don’t blame you, Xena. And I always knew you cared.”
She wished that was the low point. Xena knew it would get worse. That they’d both lose people important to them and they’d both lose each other on more than one occasion. At least here, Gabrielle wasn’t alone. She’d have Xena to support her, something that Xena had lacked - Callisto hadn’t exactly been very good at that sort of thing and that had been before the dreams. “Yeah. I care.”
She’d never needed to hear it to know it was true, but it was nice to hear Xena say it anyway. “Thanks for being here.”
“What, you didn’t expect me to drop everything and come for you?” Xena asked, raising her eyebrows. The only times she wouldn’t were if she were incapacitated or neck deep in gang-related stuff.
“I did.” Whatever they were now, whatever they had been, she trusted Xena to be there when she needed her most. Always. “But I shouldn’t.”
“I can’t…. always be there, but I’ll try when it’s important.” Which was most of the time, as far as Xena was concerned. “I know it’s hard to admit, but we both have lives here, and other friends.”
Some of whom wouldn’t get along.
That was all Gabrielle could ask. All she really wanted was to know there was a place for her in Xena’s life. “I just want to be part of your life, Xena, and I want you to be part of mine.”
“How come every time I think it’s a good time to kiss you you’ve got a chest wound?” Xena asked.
“Because you have terrible timing.” Softly clearing her throat, Gabrielle pushed herself up a little straighter, trying not to wince. “Xena? Kiss me anyway. Gently.”
She didn’t think the last needed to be said, but her body prompted her to say it anyway. What she wanted most was to be held, but she was still a mess. And she didn’t even know if Xena could stay. Like she’d said, they both had lives here, even if Gabrielle was starting to feel like hers was on hold.
“I’ve got a better idea,” Xena said. “I’ll kiss you, but we really need to clean you up, first.”
So she got up, picked Gabrielle up into her arms, and carried her into the bathroom. She set her on the toilet, then returned to her room to pull the sheets off. The sheets were ruined, as was the comforter, but she though the mattress might be salvageable. She’d still get Gabrielle a new one, but with some bleach it’ll do until then.
Then she came back into the bathroom, stripping down as she did so. “All right, let's get you naked and into the shower.”
Only then did she kiss Gabrielle, on the cheek.
It was hard to be disappointed when Xena was taking care of her, even if she didn’t like feeling so useless. Gabrielle thought this should probably be stranger than it was, but since the dreams a lot of things felt different than they should. It was a shame circumstances meant she couldn’t fully appreciate this moment. “Okay.”
Gabrielle was already half undressed anyway. She carefully eased her shirt the rest of the way off her shoulders, but she wasn’t too proud to let Xena help her out of her pants. That thought struck her as funny, and she had to remind herself that laughing would hurt.
“You know I was just starting to get around on my own again,” she observed mildly, “The dreams have a funny sense of timing.”
Xena had gained a lot of muscle from her dreams. And scars too. Ironically her legs had made out fine, despite wearing a roman style battle skirt.
“I have to rack my brain but I don’t think you’ll be this badly hurt for awhile,” Xena assured her. Gabrielle was light - lighter than she should be, as she carried her into the shower to wash her down. “...The knife wound looks good. I’ll have to glue or stitch the other wounds, but the dreams will heal them - time passes funny there.”
Xena probably really didn’t need to carry her everywhere. With help, Gabrielle was sure she could have made it the distance to the shower. But it was also oddly comforting, and she wasn’t going to object.
“I’ve noticed.” The more dreams she had, the more she remembered. Things she hadn’t dreamed about, didn’t think she’d dreamed about. And it felt like she’d known Xena longer than she should have. Absently, Gabrielle trailed a finger across Xena’s abdomen, pausing to study one of the scars that marked her body, silently taking inventory. “There are bandages left. From before.”
She still wasn’t sure how she was going to explain this at her next doctor’s appointment.
Xena shuddered, wishing they were in a position to really enjoy this - few things were as nice as Gabrielle’s gentle fingers on her skin or scars. Except maybe those times Gabrielle wasn’t gentle.
She cleared her throat, and finished cleaning Gabrielle up before turning the water off. She’d just wanted to avoid soaking her clothing but now she had Regrets. “Do you want to go to the ER, or do you want me stitching this up?”
Gabrielle seemed to actually consider it for a minute, but there was really only one answer. “You should do it.”
She nodded, bringing Gabrielle one of her painkillers from the previous wound and a glass of water. “Take this. Trust me.”
Then she checked the bathroom for rubbing alcohol or hydrogen peroxide. She poured some into a glass, then borrowed Gabrielle’s robe to make a run to her motorcycle. She kept a kit in it for moments like these. The needle should already be sterilized but she wanted to be sure.
Business like made this kind of thing easier.
Why did she get the feeling she might regret this?
But she did trust Xena. And she’d been good at this sort of thing in the dreams. Judging by some of the scars, she was probably good at it in this lifetime too. Besides, Gabrielle didn’t fancy the idea of going to the hospital and trying to explain how this had happened. She already felt terrible enough.
“Did you take the painkiller?” Xena had also grabbed something for Gabrielle to bite into. It was going to hurt even with it, the painkiller was mostly to dull the pain after.
“Yeah.” Oh, she was definitely going to regret this later. Setting the glass of water aside, she closed her eyes and took a steadying breath, then she nodded. She was as ready as she was ever going to be.
Xena started to talk while she cleaned the wound, “So there’s this road in Nevada. It’s about in the middle of the state, a little in the North. They call it the loneliest highway. If was one of the roads I took when I came out here from Colorado. Just me and …” Callisto “A couple of others from the gang.”
Gabrielle tried to focus on Xena’s voice. She knew she would get through this. She was tougher than she looked. But she also knew this was the easy part. “Why do they call it that?”
“If you’re lucky you’ll see maybe one car the entire hundred mile stretch. There’s no towns or rest areas. Just desert. At night it was kinda surreal. Like you were somewhere between realities.”
“It sounds beautiful.” And a little sad, she couldn’t help thinking.
“It was. Beautiful and desolate,” Xena agreed. She leaned back. “There, you’re all stitched up!”
And it had been less awful than she’d expected. It still hurt, but the worst of it was over now and all she wanted was clean clothes and a bed. Okay, and for Xena to stay the rest of the night. She didn’t want to be alone. She couldn’t stop wondering what might have happened if it had been worse. Could she have died here, too?
“I’d like to see it someday. The loneliest highway.”
“I’ll take you sometime. I wouldn’t mind spending a week or two on the road with you.” Xena smiled, putting the kit away before washing her hands. She returned to Gabrielle and stroked her face, then leaned in and kissed her.
The kiss was worth the wait. She could better appreciate it now that everything was wearing down to a dull ache. “I wouldn’t mind spending a week or two with you, either.”
Gabrielle reached for her hands, keeping her close for a little longer. “I accepted my life with you was dangerous, but Xena, if something like this happens again…” What if next time she couldn’t call her? What if she didn’t get the chance? “I don’t want to die alone.”
She knew Xena knew more about the dreams, generally and specifically. She’d been at this a lot longer than Gabrielle had.
“That won’t be a problem. I promise.” Xena would never leave her alone. Even after she died, she wasn’t ever going to leave Gabrielle alone. She’d always be there.
But she wasn’t looking forward to Gabrielle dreaming that.
After a minute, Gabrielle nodded. “Okay.”
She stole another light kiss before releasing Xena’s hands with a small smile. “Clothes.” Then she had to ask, “What are we going to do about the bed?”
“For now? Bleach, plastic, then flip the bed,” Xena said. She slipped behind Gabrielle and hugged her from behind, her voice soft in her ear. “We’ll go bed shopping tomorrow. You didn’t bleed in too badly but you never know.”
“Thank you.” Gabrielle leaned into the hug, smiling. She couldn’t help thinking this was comfortable, that this was right. “Can you stay tonight?”
“I don’t have anything to sleep in,” Xena replied.
Now, that was completely unfair. “Are you going to let that stop you? Because I’m not sure it’s a good enough reason.”
A slow smile crossed Xena’s face, and she pressed in against Gabrielle’s back. It was one of her favorite tactics in their dreams. “I guess I’ll just dry off, and then take care of your bed like this.”
Mhm. Definitely unfair. Gabrielle closed her eyes, careful to keep her voice light and even. “Yeah? I think I’ll need to supervise.”
Laughing, Xena picked her up, carrying her back to her bed room and sitting her in a chair. The worst part of the cleanup turned out to be maneuvering the mattress in Gabrielle’s small room, but she got plastic in place after bleaching it and flipped it over.
Despite the fact it hadn’t really been her fault, Gabrielle fought the urge to apologize. It wasn’t that she minded watching Xena do all the work, but she hated not being able to help. “Why do I get the feeling you’ve done this before?”
“Because I have.” Xena turned and sat on the bed. She still needed to put sheets on it, but she wanted a break. “Both for myself and.. When Callisto was living with me.”
“Right. Because you’re friends here.” That was still weird, and a little awkward. Gabrielle wasn’t really sure how she felt about it.
“Long story,” Xena explained. She got up to put the sheets on the bed. “But I found her here, and wasn’t directly responsible for the tragedy here.”
And one day, maybe she’d want to hear that story, but she wasn’t there yet. For Gabrielle, she was still someone who’d tried to kill them both. “Xena, you don’t have to explain.”
“.. I want to. But maybe not tonight. Think you can get into bed under your own power or do you want help?” Xena sat on the edge, patting the blanket next to her. In the moonlight through the window, she seemed to shine like some Greek Goddess, all chiseled muscle and tanned skin.
Gods, she was beautiful. She was going to have to get used to that again. Gabrielle wondered, not for the first time, how she’d gotten so lucky. It was best not to question it, she decided. Then she realized she was staring again. “It isn’t fair what you do to me.”
But that didn’t really answer the question. Slowly, she managed to get to her feet and make her way to the bed. It didn’t hurt as much now, but she had a feeling that would change by morning.
Xena watched her, and wished not for the first time that she wasn’t in so much pain. And not just because she hated Gabrielle being in pain. She scooted back, to the opposite side of the bed. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Easing onto the bed was only a little more uncomfortable than walking, mainly because it meant putting pressure on still fresh wounds. She settled next to Xena, just shy of touching, and made herself comfortable. “You should.”
As if she didn’t know the effect she had. But Gabrielle didn’t mind the excuse. “You’re beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you,” Xena countered. She leaned back against the wall, resting her arms behind her head and looking down to Gabrielle next to her. “We could be here all night with this. It’s silly.”
But she didn’t sound like she minded it. Seeing someone in the modern world was a bit different from the ancient one. She didn’t always know where she stood or what they actually were.
“Well, maybe silly’s what we need.” It had been a long night, and the dreams had left her rattled. Silly would be a welcome change. So, “Beautiful. Smart. Strong. Those blue eyes and all that leather. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”
“Glad you like the leather.” Xena put her left arm around Gabrielle and pulled her close. She rested her cheek in her hair and inhaled deeply. “You really gotta stop waking up injured. How am I gonna seduce you if you’re saying ouch every couple of minutes?”
Gabrielle smiled, relaxing against her. “I love the leather.”
There were plenty of things she loved about Xena, and certainly no lack of physical attraction. “You know, it isn’t all that fun for me either.” Though she couldn’t deny there were some benefits to letting Xena take care of her. “But I don’t think seducing me is going to be a problem.”
In a week, maybe two, she’d be back to herself again. Maybe sooner, if Xena was right and the dreams helped her heal faster. She could only hope nothing else got in the way between now and then.