Katou (katoustheshit) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-01-11 17:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, michael glass, yue katou |
Who: Katou and Michael
What: Defining their relationship, kinda.
When: December 26th, during the snowstorm
Where: Chateau Katou
Ratings/Warnings: Lowish, FTB
Status: Complete
Katou had been something of a light sleeper ever since his dreams had taken a turn for the worse, and this morning it was the wind howling outside his bedroom window that woke up. He cracked an eye, momentarily confused by the weight on his chest before he remembered that it was Michael’s arm. Despite the fact that they'd spent the last two nights together, plus a few other times in the last month, Katou was still a little surprised. It had been a couple of years since the last time he's actually slept, as in fallen asleep, with someone else. Part of him was tempted to curl back against Michael and fall asleep wondering how he could simultaneously be so pissed off at someone while also being glad to wake up next to him, but how chilly the house was made up his decision for him.
Quietly, he slipped out from Michael’s arm, slipped on a pair of jeans from his floor, and padded out to the living room to adjust the thermostat. But his attention was diverted from the dial when he glanced outside the large picture window. The snow was coming down hard, so thick that he couldn't even see the street through the curtain of white, just a dim light that seemed to suggest there was a lightpost somewhere out there. Of course it was the annual OC Fuck You Everyone Snow Storm. He briefly debated telling Michael to leave anyway, and then decided he really didn't need to be responsible for the rock star getting lost on his way to the car and freezing to death.
Instead, he made his way to the fireplace, cursed under his breath at the snow that filled the fireplace when he opened the damper, and began to build a fire while debating whether to make an actual breakfast or just settling for cereal.
***
Michael slowly came awake, eyes closed as he felt the now empty side of the bed beside him for Katou to pull him closer to try and fight the cold that was seeping in before opening them and looking around the room. He really shouldn’t have been surprised to find him gone, Katou might have let him spend the night again but Michael wasn’t about to fool himself into believing that meant the other man wasn’t still pissed off at him about that kiss. He really should have told him about it instead of just hoping it would never come out. That realization was followed up by another almost immediately - why did he feel almost guilty about the entire situation he’d put them in? They weren’t dating so...why did a part of him feel like he’d cheated or something. He got of the bed, forcing his brain not to go any further down that path as he found his pants and pulled them on, heading out towards the living room to find Katou.
“Katou?” He called, looking around and pausing just for a moment as he walked past the window and saw the snow. That was definitely something he hadn’t been expecting. Had the weather been so crazy when he’d lived here before? He really didn’t remember but then - there hadn’t been a lot he’d paid attention to those days. He stopped in the door to the living room, watching for a minute before speaking. “Hey. Anything I can do to help?” He couldn’t kick to save his life but he was pretty sure he could build a fire. Or at least help with one. And if there was a chance that his question could be applied to something other than the fireplace - well he’d be okay with it.
***
“Living room,” Katou responded when he heard Michael calling for him. He looked over his shoulder when Michael spoke. “Yeah, there’s some old newspapers in the closet over there,” he said, nodding toward the linen closet behind Michael. “Wanna grab me some? Maybe a blanket? It’s fucking cold in here.”
***
“I think that’s what woke me up.” Michael said, turning around to get the items out of the closet that Katou had mentioned. A full arm load of old newspapers and two thick blankets later he was heading into the living room, putting the blankets down on the couch so he could hand some of the the papers to the other man and put the rest off to the side where he was confident they’d be safe from catching fire.
“How long you been up?” He asked, moving back to unfold the blankets so Katou wouldn’t have to mess with that once he was done with the fire. He could just wrap himself up in it and get comfortable.
***
Katou took the pages Michael passed to him and crumpled them, then tossed them under the logs in the fireplace. “Just got up. Seemed like a good day for a fire,” Katou responded, lighting the paper with his lighter. He stared at the flames for a moment, then, confident they would catch, he got up, wrapped the blanket around his bare shoulders, and say on the other side of the couch. “Glad you're up, actually. Looks like you're stuck here for another day, so what were you thinking for breakfast? I got cereal, or we could make something.”
***
“So...the snow like this - something new or did I just miss it last time I lived here?” Michael asked, wrapping himself up in the other blanket he’d grabbed and trying to make himself comfortable on the free end of the couch. “Yeah well - like I said I guess the cold woke me up. No warm body to help block it out.” He grinned at him. “You mean I could chop for you to cook stuff with the we can make something right? I don’t think me setting your kitchen on fire is something either of us want.”
***
“Guess Mr. Hot and Steamy wouldn'ta left you,” Katou said casually, shrugging his shoulders. “I got me five built in knives so I don't really need a chopper,” he reminded Michael, “but if you wanna I won't say no. It sucks if I get food stuck under my nails.”
***
Michael winced a little bit at that comment about the guy he’d kissed. “Guess we’ll never know because I’m not interested in finding out. It was just a kiss because of some magic mistletoe - not like I went online or something looking for somebody.” He responded, looking away from him at the fire, proud of himself for how level and calm his voice was. “I don’t mind helping out in the kitchen.”
***
“You could if you want to. I wouldn't care,” Katou snapped, realizing even as he said it that he maybe wasn't entirely convincing. Though that sucked too. Here Katou was getting all bothered about Michael kissing some dude, and Michael was hoping he had fun on his date.
The fire crackled as the tinder caught, and Katou glanced over to make sure everything looked okay. “Might as well use up some of the good from last night. Ham omelettes?”
***
“You’re missing the point Kat - the point is I don’t want to!” Michael snapped back, realizing what he’d done just as the words slipped out of his mouth. Both shortening the other’s name that way and admitting that he wasn’t looking. He leaned his head back against the couch, eyes closing as he swallowed hard.
“Are there any of the greens left? Could mix those with the ham for the filling maybe?” He said, hoping that if he just pretended his little slip hadn’t happened they could ignore it.
***
Katou froze, a little stunned and not quite sure what to make of Michael’s pronouncement. It felt like there was a hand squeezing his heart, but he couldn't decide if it was a good feeling or not. There was a part of him that was pleased. Katou didn't want to sleep with anyone else either and he sure as hell didn't want Michael to have make-out sessions in the snow with someone else. Sure, Kanan and Carolina had tried to talk him down, explain that it was the mistletoe. Katou got it. He'd been forced to make out with Izzy a few years back and he didn't even like girls.
But he used it to remind himself that that's just how dating a rock star would be. Kung Jin was different. He didn't get out much. He pretty much had only ever hung out with Katou. But Michael was different. He'd go on tour and have people throwing themselves at him, and even if Michael didn't succumb - and why the hell wouldn't he when there were plenty of people out there better looking than Katou, and with better attitudes - Katou would still have to see it in the tabloids. He might not have shared blood with the man, but he was his father’s son. He was mean and violent, and he'd always broken off relationships long before they got to the point where Katou would even start feeling jealous. How much longer did he and Michael have before he traded barbed words for closed fists? It would be better if he just put a stop to things now.
“Well, that sounds like a you problem,” Katou said coldly, getting up from the couch. He was halfway to the kitchen when he started wondering what the hell was wrong with him, and he added more gently: “I’ll take care of breakfast. Just keep an eye on the fire and try not to let my house burn down.”
***
Michael was so busy cussing himself out mentally that he almost missed that cold response from Katou but it registered and he barely kept himself sitting on the couch. He couldn’t afford to give anymore impulsive responses right now. He’d done that already when he’d told Katou he didn’t want to be going on dates with anybody else. Not through using an app or anything else. If it hadn’t been for the snow he’d have been out the door and it did cross his mind for a brief second to find his phone and see if he couldn’t get a company to come pick him up. He’d make up some excuse for why he’d been here later but that would involve having to go back in Katou’s bedroom and he just didn’t want to face that room right now.
He lifted his head up at that added comment, staring into the flames as he answered, refusing to give in to the voice that was telling him to at least look at the other man. “Yeah. Sure.” There was a note of something that sounded almost like resignation in his voice but it was hidden under the calmness he was fighting to keep. Or at least he hoped it was hidden from Katou.
***
Katou worried his lower lip with his teeth. It was definitely better for Michael to know where they stood before he got himself in to deep. It would be good for Katou to remind himself too. Michael should want to hook up with other people and Katou should be totally a-okay with that.
Then why did this all feel so wrong?
There’d been a time when Katou was a teenager where he'd lived by the adage “no regrets.” Back then, what that meant was never taking chances; never doing anything which could possibly end in pain. He thought he'd learned that all that had led to was more regrets.
“I haven't actually hooked up with anyone lately,” he said, “except you. You know, in case you cared or something.” Which he apparently didn't. Why the hell was Katou the only one getting twisted up in knots over Michael potentially hooking up?
***
Michael sat on the couch for a minute, at war with himself for how to respond to Katou’s revelation. Part of him wanted to sit there and leave it hanging but the other part wanted to get up and go over there and put to rest once and for all any idea that Katou might be dealing with that Michael didn’t care about whether or not he’d hooked up with him. Maybe giving in to some impulses at times wasn’t a bad thing.
He chewed on his lip for another second before standing up and moving over to where Katou was. “So nothing happened with your Grindr date that you stood me up for?” he asked, moving close enough that he could have kissed the other man. “Because I want to set one thing straight - I don’t want to think about you hooking up with anyone else. I couldn’t shake that thought through the entire show.”
He swallowed hard. “I haven’t hooked up with anyone except you since I moved back to California. And as for it being a hot and heavy makeout session in the snow - that Skeeter bitch is a fucking liar. It was a kiss. Nothing more.”
***
The seconds seemed to drag on, lasting an eternity. Finally, Katou came to the conclusion that Michael really hadn't cared. He bit down hard on his lip and shifted his weight to turn back to the kitchen, and then Michael stood.
“He slobbered on my chin for a minute, but that's all.” That had told Katou enough about how the night was going to go that he'd decided he'd be better off just going to a movie.
Michael's mouth was too close and too tempting; Katou couldn't think clearly. He took a step back to clear his head. Even after the night before when Kanan and Carolina had told him how the mistletoe had affected them, and even from his experiences when he was 17, it was still a relief to hear it hadn't been a hot and heavy make-out session. After all, all he'd and Izzy had done was a quick kiss, and Kanan and Carolina were all lovey dovey anyway.
But even still…
“You don't wanna date me,” he said, not meeting Michael’s eyes. “You got way better options, and they're all gonna throw themselves at you. I'm just some vengeful, violent, jealous,” junkie. He'd been clean for almost two and a half years, but it was still how he thought of himself. “Asshole.” He said instead.
It was better to warn Michael away before he got a chance to find any of that out on his own.
***
Michael reached out with one hand to grab Katou’s chin, trying to force him to look at him. “Let me decide what I want okay Kat?” There was a firmness in his voice that hadn’t been there when he’d been on the couch.
“They do,” he said simply, shrugging as if it meant nothing to him. “But they’re throwing themselves at my name not at me. Which makes it really really easy to admit that I’m not interested in them. Especially when they’re just as happy to go with one of the other guys for the night when I don’t take what they’re offering.”
“And I’m an emotionally stunted musician who can’t admit to actually feeling anything most of the time. What’s your point?” He realized after a second that he might have taken the wrong tactic there and he swallowed. “What I meant is - you think I haven’t realized that you’re an asshole and get jealous at times? Yesterday drove that home for me if I had any doubts. But I stayed. Because it’s not like I can claim to be any better.”
***
Katou let Michael guide his face, and looked at him. The firelight danced across his features, and Katou, never one for poetics, was taken in for a moment.
He smirked. “Yeah, a jealous vengeful psychopath and an emotionally stunted musician sounds like a fucking great idea. The hell could possibly go wrong?” he asked, rolling his eyes, but he still leaned forward to close the gap, pressing his lips against Michael’s.
***
Michael laughed a little at Katou’s question and kissed him back, stepping closer to him as he let go of his chin. He pulled away to look at him. “Knowing us - a hell of a lot but maybe some good too. As long as I can stay away from mistletoe and you...don’t ever mention that fucking app to me again.”
***
Katou reached up, resting his forearms on Michael’s shoulders. He shouldn't have felt this giddy. This was obviously going to go wrong at some point, but the more he thought about it the more certain he was that he'd regret not taking the chance than he would taking it and screwing it all up. “If you want me to delete it, all ya gotta do is ask you know.”
***
Michael put his hands at Katou’s waist to try and pull him closer. “Delete it,” Michael said, almost growling the words. “I want you to delete it. Please?”
***
At Michael’s urging, Katou closed the distance between them, skin to skin. “Well, since you said please,” Katou said, almost as if it was a chore, though his grin belied his tone. He turned his face up to begin planting kisses on Michael’s neck. “So…” he started huskily, between kisses, “you ever fuck in front of a fireplace?”
***
Michael wrapped his arms around Katou’s waist, pulling him closer as he ducked his head down to give him a hard kiss. “Well you did say I needed to ask.” He told him with a grin. He let out a low groan as Katou started kissing his neck. There were definite benefits to having known each other for as long as they had before this - Katou knew exactly how to get to him.
“Not yet. Help change that?” He asked, drawl coming out as he stroked one hand along his back.
***
“I haven’t yet either,” Katou purred, nipping at Michael’s collarbone as he started working the taller man out of his pants. Sure, he’d thought of it a few times over the last three years that he’d lived here, but up until now, he’d always had roommates. “But I’ll bet it’s hot.”