captain america (capsrogers) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-09-16 19:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, peggy carter, steve rogers (captain america) |
Who: Steve and Peggy
What: Bad Dreams
When: Early September
Where: Peggy's Place
Rating/Warnings: Teen/Mentions of dream death, mourning the loss of a friend from the dreams and feels
Status: Complete
The dreams had come back in full force for Steve. He had repeats of earlier dreams, apparently in an attempt to catch him back up to the events that were happening at present in his dreams. Steve didn't mind, they weren't so bad, honestly and he felt that they could've been a whole lot worse.
He wasn't expecting the events of his dreams after they'd went down on the zipline and fought on the train. Steve tried in vain to pull Bucky back up onto the train, but his attempts failed and he watched his best friend fall to his death.
Steve awoke with a start, his heart hammering loudly in his chest and his breathing was labored. He reached over to pick up his phone, quickly typing out a text to Bucky although he wasn't even considering how early in the morning it was. Pushing back the covers, Steve sat on the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his thighs, and he raked his fingers through his hair. It was only a dream, he reminded himself for the thousandth time although it had felt so real.
It was odd to have Steve so far behind her in the dreams because she had dreamt so far past where he was that she sometimes forgot what was coming next in this dreams. However, this time she did know that he would be coming upon the train and Bucky falling, but she didn’t warn him. There were a couple reasons why not - she wasn’t sure if Bucky had dreamt it, wasn’t sure if he wanted to be spoiled - but the main one was that she wasn’t sure how to handle it. Would he be mad that she knew and didn’t tell him? Probably not, wasn’t in Steve’s nature, but she wanted him to come about it naturally.
Tonight being that night wasn’t predicted however. Peggy had been tossing and turning a little bit as she tried to get comfortable with her changing body, so it was easy enough to wake her up when he got out of the bed and moved to the edge. A groggy yawn was given as she turned to look over at him, placing a hand on his back, “What’s wrong, love?”
The warmth of Peggy's hand on his cool flesh caused Steve to glance back at her over his shoulder. Steve took in a deep breath, looking back forward in front of him. Reaching up he brushed his fingers through his hair, "Bad dreams." That felt like the understatement of the year because it was.
"The train." He finally managed, a lump forming in his throat. "I watched Bucky fall from the train." Steve swallowed hard, trying to fight back the tears that pricked at the backs of his eyes. He could never imagine losing Bucky here. It pained him too much, brought back too many memories of when he'd nearly lost his best friend during the war. Steve clasped a hand over his mouth, elbow resting on his thigh.
When she felt him move she sat up in the bed, reaching up to run her hands through her hair, and let out a sigh when he said it was bad dreams. Her stomach was still being a bit wonky thanks to the baby, but she felt like she was safe enough to stay there and not dash off to the bathroom. And then when she heard him explain what dreams they were exactly and her heart fell to the pit of her stomach.
“Oh Steve,” her voice was thick with emotion as she moved to wrap her arms around him and rested her head against his shoulder. This was something she had been hoping he would never dream about, but knowing it would come some day. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could have taken that dream away from you. But remember, Bucky is here. You can go hug him tightly tomorrow. Spend the day with him if you want - baby Freedom and I will be fine.” Yes, she had decided on a nickname for their child.
He felt Peggy's arms wrap around him, and automatically he moved his hand down to rest over hers. "I know, I know it's just a dream." He murmured, eyes closing for a brief moment. He could go see Bucky tomorrow, he could tell his friend that he loved him and that he was sorry but even still he wasn't sure if Bucky was dreaming yet or not. They didn't, or rather, hadn't talked about that particular aspect of their lives.
A laugh came from Steve, it sounded a little forced but he was still amused. "Baby Freedom?" He shook his head, turning to look at her over his shoulder. "I like it." He nodded, and then rubbed his hand over hers. "I'll see if Bucky wants to get together tomorrow." It would be nice to see him, they didn't see each other as much since he'd moved out, and Steve understood that. "I've been meaning to ask, since I now have the house to myself, do you want to move in there with me?" They could always find a different house later, but his wasn't that bad. It had a backyard, two rooms, one of which was empty at the moment that could easily be changed into a nursery for the baby.
“Yes, Baby Freedom,” Peggy couldn’t help but tease with a smile. Steve seemed like he was starting to come around and shake off the dust of the nightmare and she really hoped that he wouldn’t dwell too much on it. There were more things coming in the future and they would affect both of them once he finally dreamt of them. She felt awful for keeping them a secret, but he hadn’t asked her for spoilers just yet. When he said that he would check with Bucky tomorrow she leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek because it would make both of them feel better in the end.
However, she hadn’t been expecting that second question and her cheeks colored. Well, it would be the next logical step, right? She couldn’t just squirrel away in her own place and just leave him as her boyfriend and father of her child. She loved Steve and she wanted to be with him - she was just a bit skittish when it came to moving relationships this forward, but it seemed right. They would have time to look for a bigger place in the future. So hopefully her pause hadn’t taken too long and she gave him a smile, “I would like that.”
"That's hilarious, but quite fitting." Steve agreed with a half-smile, the shock from the dreams slowly wearing off. Part of him still wanted to reach out to Bucky now, to make sure he was okay, but that was irrational wasn't it? He knew that Bucky was okay, he was with Sharon and Viv and things were fine in his part of the world.
Letting out a long breath, Steve kept rubbing his hand over Peggy's arm, using her to ground himself. He didn't think much on her pause, it was a big step considering everything, and even if they were expecting a child together she didn't have to live with him if she didn't want to. Steve would just make himself a permanent fixture around her place if that was the case. He glanced over at her and gave a nod, "Good, I'd like that too. I don't like when we're apart at night, which I know doesn't happen that often, but still." Turning his head he let his eyes roam over her face for a moment, "I love you, Peggy Carter."
“Good, glad you agree with that. Apparently people tend to name it after the fruits/vegetables that they are the size of, but I’m not really into that since the baby will keep growing. And I don’t want to think about food,” Peggy commented as she watched Steve’s face. If he mentioned wanting to call Bucky now she would probably tell him to go for it, but send a text in case he was asleep and he didn’t want to wake Sharon either.
The touch was sweet and she leaned into it and smiled when he agreed that it would be a good thing for them to do. It was sweet that he didn’t like being apart at night and she wanted him to be more involved in her life anyway, so it made sense. A deep blush colored her cheeks when he declared his love for her and her face broke out in a brilliant smile, “I love you too, Steve Rogers.” She only needed to move her head slightly so she could capture his lips with a kiss.
He'd heard plenty of people call their baby a peanut, or something else. Steve hadn't minded that, thought it was cute even, but he did enjoy the idea of calling their little one Baby Freedom. "I can't blame you, but eventually your appetite will come back." He hoped that it would anyway, and that she wasn't one of the few that suffered with morning sickness throughout her pregnancy.
Steve was nothing but honest with her in regards to how he felt. Sure things had been harder for him to admit when they'd first started dating, but he still thought it had been too soon for him to tell her that he loved her. After all, they'd just met but he'd known the moment he saw her. He leaned back slightly, kissing her softly. One hand came up to cup her face, and then he pulled back after a few moments, resting his forehead against hers. "Why don't we try to get some more sleep, I'll give Bucky a call first thing in the morning." Or a text, probably a text.
“I know it will,” Peggy let out a small sigh, “It’ll get better eventually. That’s what everything I read says. First trimester is the worst and then it seems to get better for the second trimester. Then it’ll probably be awful again near the end when I just want this baby to get out. She had some cravings, but she couldn’t wait until she got to the point where food was good again and she wanted to enjoy it. Besides, a part of her wanted to send Steve out on random errands to go get something for her - it seemed like part of the experience.
Peggy loved him in the Dreams and she had loved him here, but they had to come to it on their own terms. She knew it was meant to be that it would eventually happen and it finally did. They were fulfilling a destiny that they had missed out on and she was enjoying this journey far more. “That’s a good idea, love. You can spend the whole day with him tomorrow,” her comment was interrupted with yawns and she pulled Steve down to the mattress with her and snuggled up against him. She would be there for him whenever his dreams got hard.