Anders (crazycatman) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-10-24 16:02:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, anders, tinkerbell |
Who: Anders and Tink
When: Yesterday, October 23rd
Where: Their house
What: Anders kills someone, decides to flee the country
Rating/Warnings: Highish. Magical violence against Tink, talking about murdering people.
Status:
Anders hadn’t been doing well since he’d dreamed of killing that poor girl. She’d been cornered by Templars in the secret tunnels that led from the Gallows, and Hawke and his friends had helped him slay the Templars. But then that girl, the poor, frightened girl, had called him a demon, and Justice would not let that stand.
Justice had killed an innocent mage girl, because she had called him a demon. One of the people that he had sworn to protect. One of the people he was fighting for. The thought that Leliana was perhaps correct, that he should attempt to exorcise Justice, had crossed his mind a couple of times, but he had put the thought down every time. He was stronger here. He hadn’t been broken by the Circle. He could control him.
That was, until he had discovered that someone had been watching him. He wasn’t sure exactly how long the person had been doing so, and he didn’t know who had sent him, though he had his suspicions. There hadn’t been too many people who had been concerned over Justice’s presence - not too many people who even know about it - and while it was possible that the government had put spies on him because of his efforts with his revolution, he hadn’t thought he had made any waves big enough yet to warrant that kind of attention.
He’d kept an eye on the person for a few days, just to make sure he wasn’t being paranoid. He’d only meant to confront the man, to see if he could find out who exactly had sent him, but no names were forthcoming and Justice had very little patience. Before Anders knew what was happening, the spirit had taken over and had killed the man.
He’d gone home immediately, and washed the blood off of himself. His bloody clothes he’d put aside - he’d have to burn those before he left - and pulled all his clothes out from the closet and the drawers, all his possessions in front of him. He’d left Germany under similar circumstances - killing a man, and leaving his live-in girlfriend without only a note. He hadn’t come to America with many possessions - a couple of worn books, some clothes, and Sir Pounce-A-Lot. He’d accumulated quite a lot though, especially once moving in with Tink, and now he had to figure out what he was going to take with him. He could keep his staff from his dreams - just remove the blade from the end and use it as a walking stick, though he’d probably get a few looks. His robes were too big, he’d have to leave them. The embroidered pillow his dream!mother had made him was absolutely coming. The books from his dreams would come, those he could buy in this world would stay. A couple of choice outfits, his medical degree. Though, maybe he should leave his degree as well. What if Justice turned on a patient some day.
Where could he go? Somewhere with a low population, where he could find a shack out in the middle of nowhere and not hurt anyone again. Nunavut maybe, people there spoke English. And a lot of people in Switzerland spoke German, though it might be harder to find a place out of the way. He spoke a smattering of Spanish; perhaps Bolivia could be an option. Though, maybe it didn’t really matter where he went.
Poor Tink was convinced that they could work their way through this. She had no idea how bad things were getting--how bad they’d gotten--and she was in the dark with how much Anders was (or could be) struggling. She headed home after finishing up some work at the garage, and let herself in through the front door.
Going through files and invoices in the office was a little less greasy and sweaty than her normal day’s work, but it made her less tired, too. She was thinking maybe they could go out and get something to eat for dinner, or take a picnic to the beach or something. Something fun. Something just the two of them.
“Anders?” Tink called out. There was a lift in her voice. She was wearing jean shorts and a tank-top today, with her wings out. There was a very slight sparkle around her, the last of her pixie dust wearing off after a long day. “Hey, are you home?”
“Shit,” Anders cursed. He hadn’t expected Tink to come home while he had been packing his things. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to tell her, but there really was nothing he could tell her except the truth.
“I am,” he said, standing from his pile of things and leaving their bedroom to meet her. There wasn’t much time; he had to finish packing and buying his plane ticket quickly, preferably before the end of the night. “I wasn’t expecting you home.”
“I only worked a half day,” Tink replied, wandering through the house to meet him in the hall. “Hey!” She brightened at the sight of him and stepped closer. One hand lifted to touch his side. She went up on her toes to kiss his lips in greeting.
Something should have tipped her off. She should have noticed how he wasn’t himself--she should have seen the nerves in his shoulders, the anxiety on his face. But Tink was a silly girl in love. She’d had a good day, and was looking forward to a good night.
Anders shied away from her touch, feeling the pain in his heart acutely. Justice had been right, of course. Tink was a distraction, one that he’d been better off without. He’d have to leave her, and that was probably going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done. He should have ended things as soon as Justice had shown up.
He’d been warned before then that Justice was dangerous. His dreams had told him as well, and yet somehow he’d been so convinced that he was strong enough to deal with the spirit that he hadn’t put in place any precautions.
“I’m leaving,” Anders said. There was no point in dancing around the subject, all Tink had to do was go into their bedroom to see that he was preparing to do exactly that.
“What?” Tink asked, sinking back down onto her heels. The smile on her lips and the brightness of her face faded instantly at those words. Even her wings wilted considerably. Hadn’t he only just returned? Why was he leaving again? So soon? Was this because of Justice? Or was this something else? Something she’d done?
Her eyes were a little wide, her expression confused and concerned. Scared. “Why?”
She’d been so happy to see him, and Maker did he hate how crestfallen she had become at his words. “I killed someone again,” he said. “I’ll need to leave the country. I’m sorry, Tink.”
It took a breath for those words to sink in. He’d told her about why he’d left Germany, and she was honored that he’d trusted her with that secret. Besides, she was convinced that he’d done enough good in the world for the karma to balance things out. But… it was Justice this time. It must have been.
“I’ll go with you,” she said, once what he’d said registered in her head. It wasn’t hesitation, just the time it took to process his words. There was a whole lot more determination than she thought possible with that statement. But she was willing to drop everything to be with him. “We can pack the cats and go.”
“No,” Anders said emphatically, perhaps a little more aggressively than he had intended. Tink couldn’t defend herself from him if Justice took control. She wouldn’t be able to fight him off like Hawke could in his dreams. He didn’t think he’d ever hurt her, but at the same time, he hadn’t expected to take another life here, no matter how easy it was for him to do in his dreams. “You can’t come with me, Tink. I don’t know what I would do if I ever hurt you, and I can’t guarantee that I can control Justice.”
“I’ll take my chances.” Tink frowned a little, stepping forward. She was a stubborn fairy when it all boiled down to it, and she’d already thought she’d lost him once. She didn’t want to lose him again. “Your leaving will hurt me, Anders. I don’t… I don’t think I can live without you anymore. We already tried that, and I was completely lost.”
“I cannot have you come with me, Tink,” Anders snapped, his eyes glowing like blue fire for a second before he squeezed them shut, forcing Justice away from the forefront of his mind. “You’ll get over it, Love. That’s the end of this discussion.” He turned on his heel to go back to their bedroom so he could continue to pack his things. He couldn’t have Tink talk him out of it, or talk him into going with him. She wouldn’t be happy, living somewhere far away from any other humans, not to mention the risk that came with being near him. He should have never allowed himself to fall in love with her.
Tink wasn’t satisfied with that. She ignored the blue in his eyes--though she was sure she’d seen it there for a moment--and shook her head. This wasn’t the kind of thing that a girl just got over. This was powerful, deep, life-changing love. And she wasn’t going to let it get away so easily. She frowned when he turned, and grabbed his arm so he wouldn’t leave. “No! That’s not the end of this discussion! You can’t just… you can’t just leave me. Not after everything we’ve been through!”
All it took was Tink’s touch for Justice to take advantage of Anders’ state of mind and to seize control. Blue fire erupted under his skin, appearing like cracks along his entire body, and Justice wheeled on her. “You will no longer be a distraction for me,” Justice said, the voice of Justice and Anders overlapping, though Justice’s voice by far overpowered Anders’. “This discussion is over,” he bellowed, thrusting out a hand and casting Stonefist to catch Tink in the stomach. If she would not stop her inane prattling, then he would make her stop.
Tink wasn’t a big girl. She was average height, and she was average weight (with most of it in her hourglass shape, thankyouverymuch) but she wasn’t hefty or heavy. When Justice came through and cast his spell, used his hand, gave the push… it sent Tink across the room. She hadn’t been expecting the blow, so it caught her off guard. Completely. The wind was knocked out of her with the force of the punch. She was flung into the wall, her head cracking into it, then the blonde slumped to the floor. Her vision went spotty for a moment.
Oh no, Anders thought. Oh no no no no. This was too much. This was a line Anders had never wanted to cross, and when Justice took a step forward to continue the onslaught, Anders grabbed control of his own body again, the inner glow disappearing suddenly, and recoiled backward into their kitchen table. The kitchen table Anders had bought to replace another one Justice had destroyed.
What had he been thinking? Justice was dangerous. He had been warned of that time and time again, and there was Tink sitting in front of him, hurt, because he wouldn’t listen to anyone. He wasn’t stronger here. It didn’t matter that the Circle hadn’t tried to break him in this world, he still couldn’t control Justice. Part of him knew that he needed to see if Tink was okay, to make sure that he hadn’t broken anything or hurt her too bad, to do some healing and fix things.
But Justice was still seething, and Anders wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do magic without Justice taking advantage of that and taking control again. And Anders was actually having trouble even looking at Tink without being distressed, and that, he knew, would be a prime opportunity for Justice to come to the fore. And so instead, Anders turned away and went running for the front door, wrenched it open, and ran out of the house. He’d have to find somewhere where he could actually calm down and take a couple of breaths, and he’d have to contact Leliana. She had said she would be able to help him when the time came.