Mary Crawley (forgetwhatisay) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-11-06 14:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, mary crawley, sybil crawley |
Who: Mary and Sybil
When: A little bit ago, following this.
Where: Mary’s bedroom
What: A bad dream
Rating/Warning: PG-13 (Triggers for loss of life & pregnancy issues)
Status: Complete
Sybil had asked Mary earlier if she could sleep in her room tonight. She had a dreadful feeling that her dreams were going to be bad tonight. It could be Tom's warning getting under her skin and giving her the chills, but she would feel safer if she wasn't alone.
As it grew late, Sybil--already in her pajamas and ready for bed--knocked lightly on Mary's door.
Mary was sitting in bed, dressed in her nightgown, reading a book. Or rather, she was staring at the page while her eyes crossed. She wasn't even sure which book she'd chosen from the small pile on her bedside. As the knock roused her, she blinked and looked at the cover to discover John McCullough's biography on John Adams. Her uncle's library was full of American History books. Mary had taken a few to her room because they so easily put her to sleep.
"Come in," she said, dropping the book on the table. She was already expecting Sybil, so she'd left the door unlocked.
Sybil slipped inside and closed the door carefully. It wasn't that late, but Merrill and the baby had gone to bed already, and she didn't want to disturb them. "I didn't wake you, did I?" Sybil wasn't quite sure what the proper greeting was at this point. She and her sister hadn't shared a room before.
Mary shook her head. "No, I've been waiting up," she said. It was somewhat obvious she was only occupying one side of the bed, rather than lying in the middle. She didn't pat the second pillow, but it was there, waiting for Sybil.
Sybil smiled a little. "Thank you again," she said as she sat down next to Mary on the bed. "How has your day been?" she asked, though maybe she should have asked how her sister's dreams had been. It was a hard topic to talk about.
For Mary, every day seemed the same: she went to work, she came home, she dreaded going to sleep. "Who cares?" she replied. "The night is the frightening part. But I'm glad you're here tonight."
Sybil shifted onto her back, frowning a bit. "Should we...compare notes, do you think?"
Mary, too, tried to get comfortable. She pulled the covers up to her chin. "Yes," she nodded. "For me, the war's just begun. And... that horrible thing with mother."
Sybil blinked, startled. "It's only just started?" She knew they went at different paces, but that seemed so long ago. And mother... Sybil wasn't sure what to say about her dreams, or how Mary would handle something happening to Sybil. Still, one spoiler at least seemed harmless enough. "Well, you needn't worry about Matthew, if you are. He'll be fine, in the end."
Mary blinked. Matthew's name was once she hadn't yet spoken aloud. Matthew wan an enigma, a threat and a man like she had never met before. She swallowed hard. Whatever Sybil was referring to now, if it had to do with the War, she didn't want to speak about it. "Well..." she said, slowly. "Let's attempt to sleep. Perhaps the War will be over in the morning."
Sybil nodded. If her sister didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't press the subject. "If you ever need to talk, you know just where I am." She settled back onto the pillow to sleep.
Mary sighed again. In the dim lighting, she looked pale and worried, though she'd recently took to looking like that at all hours. Funny that her heart was beating so wildly, as it did every night before bed; she ought to have been flushed, especially now that her sister had brought up Matthew. Would she dream of him again? Would the dreams ever be happy ones?
She turned off the light, knowing it was useless to fight sleep when she was already so weary...
...The first thing that came to Sybil was pain. Pain so vivid and real that later she would be surprised she didn't wake up screaming. Maybe that was normal and to be expected, but it seemed like something was wrong. She was vaguely aware of arguing, though she couldn't pick out who or what was being said.
There were moments that seemed clearer, moments of peace. Seeing her baby girl for the first time, looking up at Tom, talking quietly with Mary.. But otherwise, things seemed jumbled together and blurry. There were even strange flashes of times back during the war, and not much made sense.
And then the pain came back, even worse. She started shaking uncontrollably, and there was turmoil all around her...
Then everything went dark and Sybil awoke, crying in her sister's bed.
Only Sybil hadn't only been screaming in her dreams. The sound Mary awoke to was frightful, nearly animistic, and yet so human that it made it all the more terrifying. Her sister seemed trapped in the nightmare and Mary tried everything she could think of to pull her out of it, shaking her, screaming, too, even slapping her at one point. It seemed like so much time was passing, but in reality it was only a few seconds, and once Sybil's eyes opened, Mary realized just how quickly everything had unfolded. "Sybil... Sybil..."
Mary found herself struggling to catch her own breath. She leaned back, placing her hand on her chest. Her heart beneath was beating like a kicking horse. Her other hand gripped Sybil's. "What... happened? What was... it?" she asked between gulps of air.
Now was no time for playing coy, or worrying about spoilers. Sybil could barely think straight, still dizzy from the muddled dreams. "I died. I was having a baby and I died."
Mary's hand--no, both of them--went cold. They fell numbly into her lap. "You were having a baby and you died?" Yes, the emphasis was on the second part, but honestly Mary didn't know which half of the statement had shocked her more. "Tom's baby?"
Sybil nodded. "We got married.. It's later, much later." She didn't know how she'd gotten so far ahead of her older sister. If anything, it seemed the reverse should be true. "I'm sorry," Sybil said, tears still rolling down her cheeks. "I didn't want you tell you all this."
Mary took a breath and glanced at the door, worried that someone might have heard them, but the hallway was silent. Still, she pushed herself from the bed and walked over to turn the lock. She didn't want anyone suddenly bursting in, without giving them any time to prepare.
"You die, having the baby...?" she asked. She needed everything to be much clearer in her mind that it currently was.
Sybil nodded, wiping at her cheeks. "Something was wrong, I don't know what." Even if she'd been told and understood in the dream, medical care had changed so much she probably wouldn't have known now. "The baby--I think the baby was okay." She was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to call Tom and make sure of that fact, even though in actuality there was no baby. "I don't even know her name."
Mary stood by the door for a few more moments, digesting what she could before walking back to Sybil. She sat down on the edge of the bed, not knowing what to think about dream babies that didn't exist in this world. Oddly, though, she did share one of her sister's thoughts. "Maybe you should ask Tom... Maybe he's dreamed about this, too..." She sounded like she was in a daze, which she was. "Who was there?"
Sybil nodded slowly. "He dreamed about it already. This was what he warned me about." She imagined the whole thing would be worse without knowing. "Poor Tom," she said softly, imagining what it must be like to wake up grieving each night.
"It's.. A little blurry. I think I must have been feverish, or something. Things didn't make sense, I wasn't always sure where I was. But you and I had a talk before, I remember that."
God, had it all taken place at Downton? Women had their babies at home back then. Mary massaged her temple. She was at a loss for words, which was rare for her, and frightening.
"I'm sorry, Mary." Sybil didn't want her sister to ever have this dream. She didn't want anyone to grieve for her. It felt awful, hurting them like this, even though she knew it wasn't her fault.
But Mary knew she was doomed to have it. If this was part of Sybil's future, it was her's, too. More than ever, Mary feared what Tom Branson could do to their family, even if it wasn't reasonable. Or kind. "Why do we have to live in such a time...?" She paused and shook her head, not sure what she was trying to say herself. "Mother's miscarriage, the War... And this."
Sybil shook her head. "I don't know. I'm just glad I woke up." She'd been nervous about that. Maybe this meant no more dreams for her. It was hard to say.
Sybil looked over at her phone. She couldn't stop thinking about how much she needed to speak to Tom, despite the late hour. She hated the idea of him waking up alone. "Mary, do you mind if I make a call?"
Mary knew exactly what Sybil meant, and she also knew she had no room to persuade her sister otherwise. She'd only just suggested the same thing moments ago. "Do you... want some privacy?"
Sybil nodded, getting up. "I can go back to my room." Whether or not she'd come back to sleep here--whether or not she'd be able to sleep at all--she wasn't sure yet. She paused at the door, turning back to her sister. "Thank you, Mary. I really appreciate you being here."
Mary needed some water, or perhaps something stronger from Uncle Frodo's wine cellar. She followed Sybil out into the hallway, lowering her voice to a whisper. "If he says anything, let me know. Please. That is, if you're able to..." She swallowed and nodded. "You're welcome."
And then she spontaneously wrapped her arms around her sister: Mary, who was never much for hugs.
Sybil hugged her sister back tightly, choking back a soft sob. "I'll tell you," she promised. "No secrets." Downton was full of far too many secrets. But even in the dreams, Sybil went to Mary. She could count on her. "I love you, Mary."
She nodded against her sister's cheek, choking and clenching her eyes shut. "I love you, Sybil."