Emma Frost is tired of trying to be good (ice_queen) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-10-31 14:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, emma frost (white queen), ezio auditore da firenze |
Who: Emma Summers and Ezio Auditore
Where: Ezio's office
What: a therapy session
When: 10/29
Warnings/Rating: PG-13, possible triggers for discussion of gun violence, temporary character/baby death, murder and NPC suicide
Status complete
Emma was grateful to be on the final stretch of October. In a few days she would or would not be seeing Scott off to go to the future to see his daughter, and then she’d go bond with her father over her dead brother and then she’d focus on Christmas.
She was in a relatively good mood, despite all that, when she arrived at Ezio’s office for her session. She looked around for the doctor, unbuttoning her sweater and draping it over her arm. Her body language was much different than their first meeting. She stood up straight with her shoulder relaxed. Her hands were still clasped over her belly, but on top of it rather than protecting it. The only thing that marred her professional and confident appearance was the oversized Uggs she’d taken to wearing while her feet were swollen.
Ezio was running slightly late, but he could only apologize to Emma. “I am sorry for my tardiness, signora. My previous client had a very difficult evening last night. You look very nice, incidentally.” She looked happier, which was a marked improvement. Hopefully it was because of an improvement in her family situation.
“I understand.” She valued punctuality, but he’d been on time for their other sessions, so she assumed this was a fluke. “Thank you, I’m more or less on maternity leave now and it gave me plenty of time to get ready.” She smiled and took her seat.
“Ah. May I ask if that’s the reason you look much more relaxed?” Ezio closed the door behind her, going to sit down. “The last time you were here, you were fairly wringing your hands. You appear much calmer now.”
“I suppose that’s not the only reason.” She admitted. “Though objectively things are actually slightly worse when it comes to what we discussed then. Nate has moved out after a rather messy blow up between him and his father. Then Scott and I fought for the thousandth time this month.” She sighed. “But things are better now. We’re trying to work on communicating more, and we’re having sex again, so at least things are trying to return to normal.”
He understood why that would be cause for improvement. “Good. I am glad for the positive signs. And to be honest, it speaks well of your son to try and step back instead of rush in. He has clearly received your maturity.” Ezio nodded. “Would it pain you to discuss what you and your husband fought about?”
“No. It’s. . . well a long story.” Emma took a deep breath. “I don’t remember if I discussed the content of my dreams last time. I think perhaps I mentioned my powers, and I know I talked about my husband and his interest in a woman from the dreams.” She tried to decide how best to begin. “After my husband spoke to her on the network it was clear he’d made a serious error in how to handle her. I knew that talking to her meant a lot to him, so I tracked her down and asked her to give him another chance. I couldn’t ask Scott directly if she’d done so, because if she had not it would be another blow to his ego. So I asked around the issue, and in so doing made him suspicious. When i finally said what I meant bluntly he assumed I’d done something extremely unethical with my abilities to get Jean to talk to him. In hindsight I know I overreacted, but being accused of abusing my powers by him was heartbreaking. So we fought over that a little, and then we made up, more or less. I forget how we got from point a to point b, but we’ve been doing well enough since then.”
Ezio blinked. “Does he always assume the worst of you?” It sounded as though he was being very unfair, but he couldn’t jump to conclusions, of course. “Or was there a reason he would jump to conclusions in such a manner?”
“I think it was the strain. He’s not normally not so judgemental of me, or willing to assume the worst.” She frowned at the memory. “Honestly I spent most of the day crying after he said it, and he didn’t apologize until much later. I understand that he probably wanted to do it in person, but honestly a text would have saved me a lot of worry and angst.” She didn’t want to admit how close she’d come to calling her lawyer this month. She was a little afraid of how strong that urge had been.
“I do not like to say this, but I will: a lady as strong and independent as you should remember that you owe nothing to anyone.” Ezio shook his head. “Your marriage stays together at your pleasure, Signora Emma. At your husband’s as well, but there are lines which must not be crossed. A loss of trust in either of you can be irrevocable.”
“That thought has been heavy on my mind.” Emma admitted. “If things had remained tense even a day longer we’d likely be having a much different discussion.”
“I do not wish for that, of course. But so many people think they must stay together at all times, and sometimes, a marriage simply ceases to work. I am glad you have found a way to get through it.” Ezio nodded. “Did you explain to him that a text would have been better than making you wait for an apology, out of curiosity? The more you are honest with each other, the better.”
“Honestly I was just so relieved that we stopped arguing I didn’t feel the need to mention it.” She sighed. “I’d still rather not bring it up, honestly. It feels like an unnecessary argument, and we’re still in the middle of a situation which can easily spawn many necessary arguments.”
“This is fair for now. But I really must suggest that at some point, you do bring it up. If, God forbid, something of this nature, you argue again, he may do the exact same thing again, causing the exact same hurt. And that is avoidable.” Ezio looked over at her. “At least please consider what I have said?”
“You’re right, I’m not arguing that.” Emma said with a nod. “I just don’t have the emotional energy for it right now. Beside, it’s come to my attention that I’m extremely demanding, so I need to do this when I’m not in the mood to demand so much.”
“It is important to only have these discussions when you are ready, this is so.” Ezio nodded. “Assolutamente. And who has called you demanding, out of curiosity? Sometimes demanding is confused with decisive.”
“He got upset when I demanded an apology, and he’s frequently felt like he’s been backed into a corner.” She sighed. “It’s making me rethink everything about how we interact. I’m afraid to yell at him anymore for anything because instead of talking he just seethes and broods and won’t say what’s the matter, and I feel like my feelings don’t matter as much to him as his do to me, sometimes.”
“Have you advised him of this?” Ezio felt like a broken record, but he had to keep posing the question. “Signora, you two both appear, from an outsider’s perspective, to assume the other can read your mind. Listen to yourself. You should not yell, and he should not seethe. You should speak honestly, and openly. Like adults. And if you feel as though you are not as important to him as he is to you, he needs to know that. He will either work to fix it, or ... there will be another way.”
“I suppose I’m afraid that we won’t be able to fix it.” She said, softly.
He hadn’t expected to hear it so bluntly from her, but was relieved when he did. “Signora, I think that sometime in the near future, I might suggest having your husband accompany you here once. Just once, so we might discuss some things. He may decline, of course, but I would think it good to extend the invitation. I will telephone, if you are not comfortable asking.” She was so obviously hurting, and it seemed silly for her to suffer when honest discussion, unhampered by ego, ought to help.
“That’s probably a good idea. I’m sure he’ll come. I think we’re both looking for a peaceful resolution. In all likelihood we’re just stressed out about Faith’s impending birth, and Scott may or may not be traveling through time soon, which has its own attendant stress.”
Ezio blinked. “Pardon?”
“Oh, right. You take everything in stride so well, I forgot that you’re relatively new.” She pursed her lips together for a moment, then shrugged. “In. . .I want to say March, Scott, Nate, and a woman who was close to Nate were pulled out of their bodies and sent to the future. They were in a coma for two weeks and when they came back they’d been gone twenty years, and had a vision of a horrible future that they had to prevent. During the course of that time Scott had a daughter named Rachel, and Nate had a son named Christopher. They’re intending to go forward in time again to convince those children to come back to this time. At first I didn’t want him to go, because he was essentially raped, and we had an argument about it. Recently I changed my mind, hoping that seeing his daughter would give him some peace. He has not yet decided if it’s worth the risk to go or not.” That was the very, very abbreviated version of it
Ezio stared for a moment, then rose. He needed to pace, to deal with this kind of thing. “I have no doubt you speak truth, Signora Emma, but that is ... lunacy, in several ways.” He laughed. “If they experienced medical trauma in order to do this, there is no guarantee that they will not experience it again. And yet, I must say, I understand why your husband may decide to undertake this. If I had children that I could get back, I would move heaven and earth.” He’d done so in the dreams for his family, even if it had ended in failure.
He chose his next words carefully. “Signora, that said, I must ask. Did you demand he not go, or did you ask?”
“Neither. I told him that if he went I would go along. I spent two weeks without knowing what had happened to my husband. He fell over lifeless at work. I watched it happen to Nate. He was speaking one moment, then he yelled and fell over. His mother, the one who gave birth to him, became so unhinged her memories of him had to be removed or she would have destroyed herself and likely Nate as well. I was not willing to put our family through that again. If we went together and he stayed for years and years at least we would have each other there.”
“I understand. Thank you.” Ezio was silent for a moment, thinking.
When he looked up, his face was somewhat grave. “Emma, let me speak from my own heart. I think that while you are far too harsh upon him at times, I think that he ought to be aware of how much you love him. Because a wife who did not love her husband would not volunteer for this insanity. Especially with a little one on the way. You could lose this child in your hunt for two more. And I am not certain that either of you - from what I know of him - can focus on the future while being so tethered to the past.”
"I don't want to lose him. Time travel is risky, but much more so for him. The greatest risk is that he simply won't be able to get back. From a practical standpoint it makes more sense for us to stay together. I can't raise our child alone. But I think that maybe time away from me would be good for him.” She shrugged. She hoped Scott wouldn’t go, but she’d given him the choice and she wasn’t taking it back.
Time away might be good for him? Ezio raised an eyebrow. “So you would rather risk your marriage with time travel, than risk it with an open discussion?” It seemed asinine to him; beyond stupid. Scott Summers could be killed, and then where would this proud woman be? And if they were both killed, who would their children turn to then?
He shook his head. “I can only speak my piece; I certainly cannot demand you obey.”
Emma shrugged. “I can’t really tell him not to go. I understand why he wants to see his daughter again. I have faith that Nate won’t let anything bad happen to him, and making one more demand for any reason won’t make our issues any better. I don’t have any good options. I can only hope Scott makes a good choice. After all, he can choose not to go.”
“I agree with you that no option seems good.” Ezio still felt like this was all some elaborate joke. “But if one must pick from the lesser of many evils, I would pick that you go with him. Despite what I have just finished saying.” He looked over at her, eyes softer. “Emma. The statistics for the survivability of marriages after a child has been lost are grim. If, Dio ce ne scampi e liberi, you lose your little one, however. At least you are together to experience it. If anything happened to your little one while you were alone ...” He shrugged, a classically Italian fluid movement. “You would be grieving many. Also? For all your arguments and mistrustings and ego clashes ... your presence upon a trip where he may reconnect with his children, I am sure, would mean the world to him.” Her presence implied acceptance, and a willingness to mother these children.
“I want to meet these children, but I won’t go if he’s going to make it an issue. I’m hoping that he’ll stay and the others will bring the children back. He might have some guilt about not going, but he’ll get his daughter back, and I know that would make him happy.” Well, she thought it would help, at least.
“If you do not go, all I would suggest is that he understand why.” Ezio couldn’t entirely hide the exasperation in his tone, as amused as it was. “You both appear to be entirely incapable of sitting down and being honest with one another, but if you are going to travel in time, it is a time you must be.”
“It didn’t use to be like this.” Emma sighed. “We’re mentally linked, you’d think that would put us more in sync.”
“One might assume. Or you might both be jumping to the conclusion that since you are mentally linked, that you do not have to explain your actions.” Ezio pointed out.
“We didn’t, before. We understood each other. Ever since-” Oh, this explanation was going to be fun, Emma thought ruefully, “Ever since I was shot things have been tense. I really do think we’ll both be much more relaxed when Faith is born.”
Ezio looked at her, sighed and laughed. “Santa Maria e di tutti i suoi angeli, Emma. We do not have to discuss this if you do not wish it, but of course this will make your husband paranoid and over-protective. However, I might also venture a guess that in wanting to protect you, he is going too ... oltre misura. Overboard, I think is the word.”
“I think that’s a fair thing to say.” Emma rubbed her forehead. “This is a rather large can of worms, quite worthy of its own session. I think it’s best saved for another time. I don’t want to overwhelm you.” Her voice was soft. She felt bad for how insane her life was. Ezio just didn’t have the kind of memories or experiences required to take all this in stride. In a way she hoped he never would.
“I am open to whatever you wish to discuss. I merely defer because I do not wish to cause you pain.” Ezio smiled. “It is my job to try and help, Signora Emma.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not one of my best moments, but it does need to be dealt with in time.” She thought for a moment, then took a deep breath. “There’s a terrorist organization that’s targeted people with powers like myself and my husband. One of their more recent members was a geneticist that wanted to graft our powers onto others. She kidnapped two girls first. One was a former student in the dreams, the other was her wife. Then they took my son. They attacked when I was out with one of my friends, who was also a mutant. They shot me with darts that shut off my mutation, and I was in my. . . I want to say sixth month at the time so I was already largely unable to run. I stayed behind so she could get away and warn my husband.”
“I was held for a couple days, I think. My memory of the time is fuzzy. We were kept lightly sedated and our powers remained inaccessible. My former student was shot in the stomach to keep her wife in line. She took amniotic fluid from me, and then shot me to make a point to my son.” She touched her forehead again. “I was dead for hours. The next thing I remember was a wizard standing over me, casting a spell to-” Here her voice broke. Talking about her own death was one thing. Talking about Faith being dead, even briefly, was another. “He brought us both back.” She finished, her voice much quieter.
Ezio felt sick, hearing the story. “I am sure you have dealt with some of this, but it never hurts to repeat some truths: those people were monsters, and you were violated in a way that makes me ill to think of. You are immeasurably strong to get through it with even some semblance of your sanity.
“That said. I would not at all be surprised if your husband has not rebounded anywhere near as well as you.” Especially after the dreams, he could feel that powerlessness, and he made the conscious choice to tell her that much. “I have had a few of these dreams, as you may know,” Ezio began. “Some of them were lovely. I had a fine family, a loving mother, and a large house in the heart of Firenze, in the Renaissance. And then, someone denounced my father as an Assassin, to the Templars.” He kept his composure. “Assassin and Templar are ancient foes; Templars want to rule the world for its greater good, while i Assassini are in favor of free will.
“At any rate. In the dreams, I found out about my father’s incarceration. Ran to the prison. Vowed to do anything to save him. I took notes to Umberto Alberti, the magistrate. Begged on bended knee for Father’s life. And then the next morning, I overslept.” Ezio looked up to meet Emma’s eyes. “I ran to the piazza, just in time to see Father and my two brothers being hanged. In spite of the things I had been promised, and in spite of all the prayers I had sent skyward.” He empathized with Scott, almost to a painful degree; the idea of losing that which one loved most often sent a person into a panic they didn’t even realize.
“That sounds terrible.” Emma said, sympathetically. “I saw your network post but I wasn’t sure it was appropriate for me to comment on it. It’s very hard to see your loved ones die, especially by such a brutal method.” She remembered Christian again, and put her hand against her forehead to partially obscure her expression. Time had softened her memory of the emotional pain and terror, and most of the details of her brother’s corpse, but she still remembered the sickening way it moved as her father cut him down. She was feeling ill again, after all of this. “I’ll be right back.” She turned to diamond so she could get up quickly. Puking in his office would be very embarrassing.
Puttana. Ezio nodded, looking down as she left the room, not noticing her texture change of sorts. He felt embarrassed; he’d been trying to make a point and he wasn’t certain she’d gotten it. Plus, she’d clearly felt bad.
When he heard the door again, he was profoundly apologetic. “Mi dispiace, Signora Emma, I am very sorry. I tried to make the point that I understand how your husband feels, but all I did was upset you; I hope that you may forgive me.”
Emma was mostly composed when she came back into his office. She felt stupid for how she’d reacted. “No, I’m sorry. It’s just. . . I thought of my brother.” She took a deep breath. “I understand why he’s upset, of course. It’s all very logical and makes perfect sense. It just also hurts.”
“Of course it does. Dio mio, I hope I have never given the indication that it should not hurt. But knowing where everything stands is important, and a bit of hurt now will lead to immeasurably less in the future.” Ezio’s eyes were soft, but he tried to keep his tone normal; Emma Frost Summers did not seem the kind of woman who wanted sympathy. “I wish to high heaven that I could take away my patients’ pain, but I can only try to help them understand it.”
“I understand my pain.” Emma said, stiffly. “And I understand my husband’s. We need a way to work past our mutual pain so we can stop hurting each other with our incessant asshattery.”
“With respect, bella donna, there have been things you were not aware of. Or were aware of, but not to the degree necessary.” Ezio didn’t believe that anyone ever truly understood their own psychological state, even himself or other professionals. “That said, I do not believe you can work past anything when you both appear to hoard secrets and feelings. There is much tiptoeing in your marriage, and there should be little to none.” He shrugged expansively, a Continental gesture. “You may of course be right that after your child is born, some of the stress will lift. But it may simply be pushed underground again, as you will have a little one to care for.
“It is my educated guess that both of you are used to navigating life for yourselves, and sometimes even for other people. Unless you both accept that you cannot be self-sufficient at all times, you will grow further apart.” Ezio didn’t want to be so blunt, and he hoped she wouldn’t yell at him, but it was the truth. And she needed to hear the truth.
Emma sulked for a moment. This was all getting too far under her skin and she didn’t know how to deal with that. She felt raw and unstable, and she hated it more than anything else in the world. She had to take deep breaths to keep her anger under control. She was here for this, in a way. “We can’t afford weakness. If there’s another attack we must be ready to fight it, and that goes beyond physical training and keeping a communicator on hand.”
He didn’t like upsetting her; that was never his intention. But getting her back on her heels might be good, in a way. “Please correct me if I am wrong, Signora Emma, but I would assume that trust between ... fellow soldiers, as it were? I would assume that trust only makes both combatants stronger. You have two sets of tools to draw on instead of one. I am unsure why letting go of your unwillingness to trust would make you weak, when it comes to your Scott, at least.”
“I trust him, but we can’t spend a week crying over things that happened but have no permanent effect on our lives. We don’t have time to deal with what happened.” Which was stupid, now that she was talking about it. “It’s something we’d have to do together, but I’m not sure I can get Scott to talk about what happened openly.” She wasn’t sure she wanted to be connected to his mind as he processed what had happened.
“I will respectfully disagree that this has not had a permanent effect on your lives,” Ezio pointed out. “Perhaps not permanent, but long-lasting. I have no reason to doubt that you are right, that your husband is still experiencing worry and doubt and exhaustion over how badly you were harmed. And while there is of course no good time to deal with trauma, it will out, regardless of one’s schedule or convenience.” He just didn’t want her marriage to be a casualty. “La verità fa male, Signora. The truth hurts.”
“That’s a goddamn fact.” She noted ruefully. “I’ll try to talk to him about it.”
“It is a good idea. Though all you can do is try, I believe that this man loves you and loves his unborn daughter enough to understand that this is necessary.” Ezio wished he could talk to this Scott, but he knew it likely would not happen.
He’d probably complain, but hopefully he’d see the necessity and suck it up. “We’ll see. I’ll try to do so before the time travel trip. Whether he’s going or not things will likely change in its wake.”
“Of course.” Ezio nodded. “And no matter who decides to go” - if anyone, hopefully - “I hope that you will all be safe. There is such a strange disconnect, with you and your family, I must say - you are painfully aware that life is so precious and so fleeting, and yet there are so many disagreements. I do not say this to be rude, but to alert you to it.” He smiled almost shyly. “I am told sometimes my style is rough, but I, like you, signora, do not believe in sugar-coating. Only in tact.”
She laughed once, wryly. “I suppose that’s true.”
“All that you can do is to tell him how you feel. Tell him what you need, and what you are willing to give. If this is not good enough for him, you need to be prepared to rely on your formidable gifts to make it through.” Ezio sat back. “If you allow him to experience grief as he needs to - if he allows himself - he will begin to heal.”
“I can only encourage him.” Emma said with a sigh.
“This is a good thing, that you have said - you can only encourage him, yes. But it should be an ‘encouragement’ that you are the woman he has married; the woman he loves.” Ezio was secretly a romantic, and he knew it.
Emma nodded. “That will make him listen, but I don’t know if he’ll take my advice, even considering the truth of what you’ve said. I couldn’t be with a man who wasn’t stubborn, I’d walk all over him.”
“I do understand - marriages must be between equals. But you also would not marry a fool, and if you make it clear to him that there are lines you will not allow him to cross, he will risk losing you.” Ezio looked over at her. “I cannot imagine anything in this world that I might choose at the risk of losing my family.”
“Giving him ultimatums will only make him dig his heels in more. If this is going to work I’ll have to be subtle.”
Ezio raised an eyebrow. “An ultimatum is never a good idea, of course you are right. But do you really mean to tell me that if you said, Husband, I feel as though there are things we must work through despite the pain it will cause, or I will fear for the future of our marriage, that there is a conceivable chance that he might say no?” If so, then maybe his assessment of the man was incorrect, because that seemed nothing short of insanely foolish.
“I don’t think including even a subdued threat is the proper way to go.” Emma said with a shrug. “While it may be true, it is still also a threat, and we won’t get anywhere if I put him more on his guard.”
“If you are not happy, and he will not listen, then he is a fool.” Ezio said bluntly. “And he will lose you. Though I hope it does not take a separation for him to see this.”
“If he won’t talk about this without threats he’s also a fool.” She said with a shrug.
“You say threat, I say honesty. Is it not true that if he crosses some certain lines, you will go?” Ezio could see her point, but still.
“Yes, but honesty must sometimes be tempered with tact, as you have mentioned.”
Ezio laughed. “I concede, Signora, you are absolutely right! But that does not mean you should not speak up. Which you have agreed to do, so perhaps we can stop there.” He smiled. “Respectfully, bella donna, I think that both of you must learn to trust each other. But of course, I know and you know that such does not happen in a day.” Still, at least she seemed committed to making it work.
“Yes. We’ll certainly work to fix it.” She stood slowly, gathering her purse. “Thank you for your time.”
“You are welcome, Emma. I hope I have not been too harsh. As we spoke of before, there is never a need to sugar coat anything. But the truth must not be ignored.”
“That we can agree on.” She said with a nod. “I’ll likely see you next week, the way this week is shaping up.” She wondered what tonight’s conversation would do in the long term.
“My answering service can reach me outside of hours, if things truly become dire.” Ezio said. “Do not be afraid to use it.”
Emma nodded. “Thank you. I’ll let you know how it turns out.”