POTTERWATCH
Airs Friday at midnight; please contact a mod to determine if your character tunes in to the broadcast.
Good evening, loyal listeners, and welcome to yet another installment of Potterwatch. Rapier here with tonight's broadcast. For those of you just tuning in, no we are not here to sell naked baby pictures of the boy wizard formerly known as Harry Potter. But for those of you, like those of us here at Potterwatch, who are tiring of the Ministry-controlled Daily Prophet, we offer the news as it is, when it is, or whenever it is that we get another one out to you.
First up, just because they give you cake, doesn't mean you should eat it. Be wary, listeners, as it's lurking around every corner. It's a good time to start listening to your mum when she says to only ingest something when you know where it's always been. Besides that, the cakes taste like parchment that's been marinating in Malfoy's sodded knickers.
Also in this week is the truth about werewolves. Here's a riddle for you, listeners. When is a werewolf not a werewolf? When it's a Death Eater. Do not pet, do not feed. Stay indoors on the next full moon. And remember, just because a former professor is a werewolf, doesn't mean he's undesirable. Tonight's big mystery: what is happening with all of these supposed attacks? I, Rapier, implore you to look no further than the furry manbeast pretending like he's the next best thing since sliced turkey. Fenrir Greyback, kids, he's not your friend.
We know we all love those little journals of ours. But if you're smart you'll keep your nose clean, or at least heavily warded against prying eyes. Just a friendly reminder that just because it was a brilliant idea in theory, it's not always so in practice.
So, where is our bespectacled friend, you ask? That's a good question and, even if we did know, we wouldn't be telling you. After a very public announcement, at least we know a third of the magnificent trio survives. We don't know about you, but we're liking the sound of Viva la Revolucion, even if we would have been a bit more tactful about the delivery of said message. However, do not let this entice you to put yourselves in the line of fire. We'll have a revolution, alright, but you can't partake in such if you're dead. Small victories, listeners, lead to a new world order.
In other news, seems our loving Minister spawned a mini-Minister who was revealed to the public last weekend. Be on the lookout for Daddy's clone, because we're here to tell you that, no matter how sweet and innocent she might look, nothing says, "Psycotic Serial Killer," like a girl seeking Daddy's approval.
You know what else smells fishy to us here at Potterwatch? No, not Dolores Umbridge's frilly pink mustahce. A certain Marked man gets his tattoo and then his parents mysteriously die in a fire? Ashwinder egg suspected? We like to think it was a bit more fiendly than that.
And that's all we've got for you tonight, listenders. We don't know when it will be possible to broadcast again, but you can be sure we shall be back. Keep twiddling those dials: the next password will be striped holy socks. Keep each other safe. Keep faith. Good night.
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