Colin nodded, quietly glad lying helped...even if it was still lying. It made Zach feel better. He'd just write his mother and ask for forgiveness. She wouldn't be able to give it to him for a long time possibly, but maybe she could give it to him.
He relaxed against Zach, smiling a little at the kiss. "I'm sorry I scared you," he said quietly. "I just want you to be safe, to be happy." He didn't think he was doing a very good job, but he wanted to be. Maybe he just wouldn't talk about these things with Zach. Maybe there was someone else to talk to. He didn't like the way that sounded or felt. "I love you," he said, moving to wrap his arms around Zach's neck. "For always. Even when I am old and wrinkly and laugh really funny and have teeth in a glass at my bedside." He gently nosed Zach's cheek, keeping the rest of what he wanted to say to himself.
Somehow Even if you don't want me anymore sounded like something that would only make Zach upset again, and he didn't want to do that. Not again. He hurt him too much already. He had to be good again. He had to.