Caranthir the Dark (caranthir) wrote in untold_logs, @ 2008-07-10 01:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | caranthir |
Who: Caranthir and Head!Haleth
What: Caranthir's conscience tells him what he didn't want to tell himself.
Where: Caranthir's head
When: Sometime after arguing with his brother.
CAranthir: ...
Haleth: It's nice to see you too, Caranthir.
Caranthir: *grunt*
Haleth: You are contemplating marriage?
Caranthir: Perhaps.
Haleth: She is too good for you.
Caranthir: *furrows his brows* What?
Haleth: she is better than you are.
Caranthir: *snorts*
Caranthir: You give her too much credit.
Haleth: her spirit is brighter, you would drag her down into your darknesses.
Haleth: You have become very dark and joyless, Caranthir.
Caranthir: I have spent seven millenia in lonely darkness, joy is still difficult for me to come by.
Haleth: It is not good for those who are unevenly matched in spirit to be joined. Your loneliness will weaken her spirit.
Haleth: If such is true of humans, whose bond is not as... *vague hand gesture* ...it will be twice, thrice as true for the elder kind.
Caranthir: How do you know she would not strengthen me?
Haleth: Because, Caranthir, there is not a love strong enough to keep the darkness inside you away, until you first be rid it yourself.
Caranthir: ....
Haleth: You ought to try listening to me instead of gaping slack-jawed. Time has wisened me to the ways of love considerably.
Caranthir: I do not seek to chase away the darkness. I cannot. no one can. But I can be better than I was.
Haleth: I watched the children of my people grow dark with the shadows we crossed through, and they became sick with it, sleepless and angry and uncontent and full of hate. It was only as we put the shadows aside that we grew together again.
Haleth: If mortal men can put those things aside, surely one of the great elf lords can find in himself joy and peace again in times of prosperity.
Caranthir: You cannot possibly tell me that it was easy for you and your people to put that aside.
Haleth: It was not easy, but we did it.
Haleth: Nothing in life is easy, Caranthir, why do you think I can be hard and cold and full of anger? But we healed. As we healed we began to love again.
Caranthir: It oft takes a lifetime of man for an elf to heal from some things, and they do not always recover. For all our strength of body and spirit, we.. feel things, too deeply.
Haleth: And the Haladin did not feel, too deeply, the loss of our brothers and sisters, our mothers and our fathers, our sons and daughters? We did not weep and cry when the shadows came at night?
Caranthir: Of course not. *scoffs* I am not trying to have a contest here >.<
Haleth: I am merely saying if MERE mortals can do it so can elves. *prods him lightly with her spear*
Haleth: why do you wallow? why do you dwell? You should find something which gives you fierce joy and pursue it violently until the sea calls you home.
Caranthir: *sneers a bit***then sighs, deflated* That is the thing, there is nothing that -gives- me a fierce joy. I find things, that I find joy in, but then circumstances or my own arrogance destory them.
Haleth: Well then be like a child, and learn to be humble, like one just beginning to learn the ways of the world.
Caranthir: *waves a hand*
Caranthir: I do not think it matters.
Haleth: Then you are a fool and, as I said, she is better than you are, and you are not deserving.
Caranthir: Perhaps you are right. All I touch turns to ash, does it not? *eyetwitcheS*
Haleth: Perhaps if you stopped carrying a torch things you touched would not light up in flames. *a very wry twinkle in her eyes*
Caranthir: I -try-. >.<
Haleth: *slaps him in the shoulder with the butt of her spear* Listen to yourself. If you contemplate marriage, it should be joy you feel, not self-pity and self-loathing. If you think you can wed while you hate yourself, you will only find that you will hate the one you are trying to love, too.
Caranthir: *dryly, and pointedly at her* I've find that very easy at times, in both cases
Haleth: You are not ready to marry. If you were one of my people and came to ask for blessing I would tell you to grow up first. >.>.
Caranthir: *rolls his eyes*
Haleth: *prods him again*
Caranthir: What now? You tell me I am not worthy to love, let alone marry, what now??
Haleth: ...I am glad to see you, Caranthir, and I am going to help you change. *magnanimously, as if doing him a service*
Caranthir: *eyes her**as if the last thing he wants or needs is her confusing his feelings further*
Haleth: *is really not a confusing person. is patiently not interested in the heartbreak that Caranthir means*
Caranthir: *does not CHANGE things >.<*
Haleth: *will MAKE Caranthir change himself.*
Haleth: *can do that, has done it in the past. >_>.*
Caranthir: *did not ask for her help, does not want her help >.<**just feels...like his heart got ripped out**goes to FORGE THINGS*
Haleth: ...yes, I'm glad to know you welcome my help as much as ever. >.>
Haleth: *follows Caranthir around the forge telling him how if he'd be more humble and giving he'd feel happier and be a better companion for Avarian*
Caranthir: *does his best to IGNORE her because he isn't INSANE*
Haleth: *of course you're not insane, Caranthir. You dumbass.*
Caranthir: >.<
Haleth: *prods him in the shoulder* You're dreaming, hm? Fell asleep and are now having a bad dream about a dead woman.
Haleth: You'll wake up and probably forget all about it. And forget all my good advice, it's kind of a shame. You could change to make yourself fit for Avarian. If you'd only TRY.
Caranthir: There is nothing to CHANGE.
Haleth: Because your attitude towards life is absolutely perfect.
Caranthir: I do not know where to begin.
Haleth: Begin at the beginning. Show her respect, instead of constantly trying to demean her. Admire those things she does well. They will grow into true appreciation.
Caranthir: I do these things >.<
Haleth: If you did them enough I wouldn't have to tell you to do it more, now would I?
Haleth: Pursue something that thrills you. Every day, try something new.
Haleth: Perhaps go running. Go swimming. Try a new kind of fighting. Try something new.
Caranthir: *snorts* Theatre work.
Haleth: Does it thrill you?
Caranthir: It is enjoyable.
Haleth: You're prevaricating.
Haleth: You should have a fierce pride in the mastery of your work, as you did when you learned to hunt bear with me.
Caranthir: I am adrift, and I know not what will 'thrill' me.
Haleth: That is why you must TRY NEW THINGS! *prods him again* Be like a child. Learn!
Haleth: Immerse yourself completely in something you've never done before.
Haleth: if it fails to excite you, move to something new.
Caranthir: I have been trying, but I keep getting DISTRACTED by important things >.<
Haleth: Well keep trying. Honestly, Caranthir, it's like I have to hold your hand and tell you, "stand there. Open your mouth. say nice things."
Caranthir: *why can't he get the sexy blonde seductress head people?*
Caranthir: *That at least would be entertaining*
Haleth: *nice try. isn't going to wear slinky clothes for Caranthir*
Caranthir: *would probably die laughing*
Haleth: *Caranthir was just complaining she's not entertaining enough. >.>.*
Haleth: Think about what I said, Caranthir.
Caranthir: ...Maybe. *which means I will*
Haleth: ...good. *prods him again, in a friendly sort of manner* Hopefully you won't be seeing me again! Eat your vegetables and wash behind your ears and Grandauntie Haleth won't come scare you in your sleep.
Caranthir: *can think of..no, won't say it XD*