Lady Ithiriel of Rivendell (ithiriel) wrote in untold_logs, @ 2008-06-29 21:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | celeborn, ithiriel |
If you are fine, then I am a dwarf. Talk to me.
Who: Ithiriel, Celeborn
What: Celeborn tries to dig up why Ithiriel's a depressed little elf.
When: uh... probably a day or so ago.
Where: Ithiriel's little house.
Ithiriel: *in her own little house, in her room, with the door shut, staring down at her hands*
Celeborn: *knocks on the door*
Ithiriel: *ignores the knocking* *isn't home!*
Celeborn: *lets himself in, anyway*
Ithiriel: *hears someone moving around in the outer room, figures it's just Aerhen or something, goes back to staring at her hands*
Celeborn: *lets himself into her room**hands her some tea*
Ithiriel: *takes the tea, looks up at him* Ah, I thought it was Aerhen.
Celeborn: I have not seen her. *smiles, and takes a seat next to her* But I came here to speak to you.
Ithiriel: *curls up on her chair, cross-legged, and stares into her teacup* How long have you been in the city? Had I known you were returned I would have come to visit...
Celeborn: A little under a day. *regards her*
Ithiriel: *wrinkles her brow* Is the Lady alright?
Celeborn: She is well enough, but right now, our concern is with you.
Ithiriel: I am fine, though I appreciate the concern.
Celeborn: *raises an eyebrow* If you are fine, then I am a dwarf. Talk to me.
Ithiriel: You are very tall, for a dwarf. *smirks at him*
Celeborn: *chuckles a bit* You pulled out the stitches on your hand.
Ithiriel: *eyedarts*
Celeborn: *puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes*
Ithiriel: Apparently there are spies in the healing houses. *chuckles*
Celeborn: Elrond told me. *winks*
Ithiriel: I pulled a few out, yes. *nods*
Celeborn: *sighs* What drove you to?
Ithiriel: *sighs, and finally sips at her tea a bit* I do not.. really know.
Celeborn: *raises eyebrow*
Celeborn: I am not going to leave this room until I know what it is that is bothering you. Perhaps I should have brought a bedroll.
Ithiriel: *squints at him* This is ... really a very silly thing to be stubborn about.
Celeborn: *gives her a knowing look* Something bothers you, and it drives you to harm yourself.
Ithiriel: It is not as if I go pulling my own stitches out every day. *sighs*
Celeborn: *folds his arms*
Ithiriel: *sets her tea down, gets up, starts pacing* There were a few things that happened while you were gone.
Celeborn: Please fill me in.
Ithiriel: Feanor got into a fight with Caranthir.... he wouldn't stop drawing his wife, I think. They didn't come to blows, but I think they must have later.
Ithiriel: Caranthir did a gorgeous carving of Maglor and me, but in the process of unveiling it he let Maglor know about the argument.
Ithiriel: *stops pacing a moment, runs a hand through her hair* Maglor of course, immediately went to reason with Feanor, and I was forced to remain behind .... I snuck down to the Inn, anyway.
Ithiriel: I missed most of it. By the time I got there, Maglor was threatening to kill himself to go and speak to the Valar. *wrinkles her brow* His words angered and ... hurt me, so I offered to do it myself.
Ithiriel: *turns back to Celeborn* I did not mean it, of course.
Celeborn: *nods his head* We oft say things we do not mean, when angry or hurt, Ithiriel. There is no crime in that.
Ithiriel: Nay, there is no crime in that. It is when you speak the words to two very desperate Feanorians. *sighs, looks at the floor* They decided that I would kill Caranthir, instead, to go and negotiate.
Ithiriel: I could not believe they were serious!
Ithiriel: *flexes her hands, both of them* *winces a bit* I think he noticed my hesitation when he offered to do it himself.... but I could not let him do that. So I did it for him.
Celeborn: *blinks* You killed Caranthir?
Ithiriel: *squeezes her eyes shut* *turns away from him* He put a blanket on the floor to catch the blood. I ... hugged him, while he did it. Something in me had turned off, by then, it was just ... the way you get, in a battle you are not sure you will win, but are resolved to fight, anyway. Like that. One swift, clean strike .... I tried to make it as painless as possible .. *laughs, a bit* He thanked me, before he fell. I shut his eyes.
Celeborn: *listens*
Ithiriel: Maglor was absolutely devestated. *sighs* We burned him in a trunk, out in the same place I buried the ashes of someone else I was.. fond of.
Celeborn: *nods his head*
Ithiriel: They are back, though. In their own bodies. Caranthir first, then Feanor combusted right in front of us, and came back as himself.
Celeborn: *raises an eyebrow, looks surprised* So then, what you have done, is allowed them a true second chance.
Ithiriel: *flexes her hands again* I know. Maglor tried to tell me that, as well. Even Caranthir did.
Celeborn: You have not listened.
Ithiriel: They have their view of things. Of course they do. They got what they wanted.
Celeborn: Why do you let it plague you, so? You did something good, not bad.
Ithiriel: *shakes her head* I ... do not know. Perhaps I simply cannot see it as something good.
Celeborn: *takes her hand and holds it up* With this, you have taken a life. Yet, by taking a life, you have done something for the greater good, and taken a little bit of the fell magic from this world, and setting the scales of balance a bit more to where they should be.
Ithiriel: You do not understand >.< ... no one seems to. ... I am not sure that _I_ even do.
Celeborn: It is not a bad thing, to lose one's killer edge, Ithiriel.
Ithiriel: Nay! That is not it, either. *goes back to pacing* For I had it, do you not see? Everything shut off but the ability to make that blade do exactly what I needed to, and .... It was like she was a little sack of flour, only bleeding ..... but... You say that it was a good thing, dark magics .... I healed that body. I took a shattered hand on that body and made it whole again.... and then I KILLED it..... and it never did ... an eru-damned ... THING to me, but I did it, anyway, and I wonder now if I could have done it to Maglor just as easily, or Gladharil, or even you....
Ithiriel: *takes a deep breath, lets it out* And then I was numb, and it was all about doing what had to be done, even with Maglor crying in my arms, and I could not force myself to feel, though he told me I aught to grieve, as well.. *shakes her head*
Celeborn: You did what you had to do. We all do things we do not wish to. We all do things we might hate or despise, but that does not make you any less than you are. What sets us apart from the Enemy is the ability to grieve. If you have not let it out, then you need to.
Ithiriel: *shrugs* I cried on Caranthir, when he returned.
Celeborn: *looks thoughtful* You fear yourself because of the numbness.
Ithiriel: It is why I pulled the stitches out. *nods her head*
Celeborn: You wanted to feel again. *nods* You're going the wrong way about it.
Ithiriel: Probably, yes. *lets out a bit of a sigh*
Celeborn: I am the wrong person to talk to you about this, though.
Ithiriel: *turns to look at him, blinks* You are so easy to talk to, though.
Celeborn: *smiles softly* There is another who should just, just as easy. I will be speaking with him, shortly, in fact.
Ithiriel: *frowns*
Celeborn: And then, you will both speak to each other, whether you wish to or not.
Ithiriel: *worries at her hand with her other hand* Nay.. nay... he is so happy that Feanor and Caranthir are back, and I would not unsettle that ... it has taken months to see him smile like that.
Celeborn: A relationship does not work itself out, Ithiriel. You will need to share with him your ills as will he have to share with you.
Ithiriel: *has some genuined fear in her eyes* I will be too much trouble, he is so... skittish, and I was stronger, before he left, and.... now I cannot even wield a bow again, and perhaps if I do not upset the ship he will just... stay happy, which will make me happy enough. *nods*
Celeborn: *puts a hand back on her shoulder* Ithiriel, listen to yourself. You would rob him of happiness, in your fear.
Ithiriel: Perhaps I should just.. forget about this,and let him have his fathers, and sail away. *looks down at her hands*
Celeborn: Do you truly wish that? Nay. *shakes his head* The future is often clouded. And we all make mistakes. I made one that I must rectify. *winks at her* But what would this world be like, now if, I had let my own doubts and insecurities, rob me of a life with Galadriel? For me, at least, it would be a lonlier one.
Ithiriel: You made a mistake? *blinks*
Celeborn: Aye, I did. I am not infallible.
Ithiriel: I suppose not..
Celeborn: Shocking, is it not?
Ithiriel: A bit, yes.
Celeborn: *smiles at her*
Ithiriel: Perhaps you should go and take care of ... rectifying that. *eyedarts*
Celeborn: I shall. Once I have talked to Maglor. *Smiles again*
Ithiriel: *winces* He has done nothing wrong, that I am aware of.
Celeborn: Nay. But you cannot have communication when it is one-sided. That is what you both have now. One-sided.
Ithiriel: *rubs at her face with her hand*
Celeborn: *gently* You are beeing foolish and reactionary, Ithiriel.
Ithiriel: I have lost two. I do not wish to lose a third. *sighs*
Celeborn: So you would push him away and lose him regardless? That strikes me as less than intelligent. *winks*
Ithiriel: If I push him then I have lost him for something I understand, on purpose, instead of .... out of death, or simply something unknown that I have done, or a way that I am ....
Ithiriel: *lets out a sigh* I know I sound stupid.
Celeborn: Perhaps you ought to let things happen on their own, rather than trying to twist them to suit you?
Ithiriel: Right ... yes. *nods*
Celeborn: *knowingly* Ithiriel...
Ithiriel: I will speak to him.
Celeborn: Is that a promise? For sooner, rather than later. *nods his head, accepts it as that.* In fact, I shall speed him along to you, after I have finished talking to him.
Ithiriel: *nods her head*
Celeborn: *squeezes her shoulders and winks* Do not make Galadriel have to come down here and talk to you, too.
Ithiriel: We would not want that. *chuckles*
Celeborn: *stands, nodding his head*
Ithiriel: *nods her head, too* *sees him out*
Celeborn: *heads off!*