strange drabblething.
Because I am odd. O/D/E-centric, set after this challenge. Nothing overtly sexual, but if incest, homosexuality, or Raisa screaming "THREESOMES" bothers you, look away now.
“So.”
Oh, and he made it sound like it was so fucking easy. East smiled awkwardly, lacing his fingers on the table. Dorian could hear his foot tapping nervously. Dorian and Ophelia, to their credit, were hardly anxious; both of them were staring at East blankly, Dorian gripping Ophelia's (gloved) hand tightly on top of the table as if to say 'Me Tarzan. This Jane. Tarzan like Jane. Not blonde monkey.' Aforementioned blonde monkey looked between his best friend, his sister, and their clasped hands nervously, occasionally changing order.
“So,” he repeated.
“I don't know,” Dorian started, “if I should kill you now or wait until you help me kill Longbottom and Higgs before I end your life.”
“In my defense, it wasn't my fault and it was pretty gross to me too.”
“Gross? Gross?” Ophelia's eye twitched very slightly, and Dorian winced as her grip on his hand, once lax, tightened. “Let me tell you what is gross, East. Gross is trying to steal my brother from my boyfriend. Gross is finding my brother anything other than moderately annoying and sexless. Gross,” she continued, almost hysterical, “is--”
“I have scrubbed myself raw and vomited for a week.”
East blinked. “Seriously?”
“Yes,” Ophelia replied, her eyes actually sending shivers down East's spine. “I was there.”
“For the vomiting,” Dorian added hastily, “not the showers.”
“Well, you know, on the plus side, in a few weeks we'll probably find this --”
“No,” Dorian said, just as Ophelia hissed “we won't.”
“ -- no? Okay.” East tilted back in his chair slightly. “I mean, it's not really a big deal. It's not like – Oph and I didn't do anything. It's fine.”
“It is not fine. East, people think we are in a relationship. People --”
“What do you mean, 'Oph and I'?”
Dorian turned to look at Ophelia. East cocked his head slightly.
“Don't you mean,” she said slowly, “'Oph and I didn't do anything, and neither did Dorian and I'?”
Dorian and East turned to look at each other.
“Don't you?” Ophelia repeated.
East coughed politely.
“Oh, Merlin. Oh, Merlin, Dorian, I cannot believe you --”
“I wasn't in my right state of mind! I like you better! That scarf looks great on you!”
“You had sex?! With my brother?! You won't even kiss me, you bastard!”
“East, for the love of Salazar, help me out here --”
“I don't know, you seemed pretty willing at the time --”
Dorian only missed being strangled by Ophelia by lunging across the table to make an attempt on East's life. After a brief moment of struggle and several kicks to the shin, East pulled the pair of them apart.
“Now, now, guys, we just need to calm down. I think we all know the solution here --”
(“A THREESOME?!” screamed Raisa, beginning to charge onto the scene, but she was quickly apprehended.)
“ -- which is, of course, a group Obliviate.”
“But I may never have sex again,” Dorian blurted, falling suddenly quiet at Ophelia's hard stare.
“Right, then. We're agreed. One... two...”
~*~
Pinned to the inside of Dorian's robe.
I remember. Do you really think I'm going to give up the only time I or anyone else will ever get to shag you ever? -East
Taped to East's forehead as he sleeps.
So do I. Do you really think I'm going to give up the only wank material I have? -Dorian
Charmed to the front door of the Slytherin boy's dorm.
You lot need to be more careful where you put these. Anyways, I remember too. What, you think I'm going to give up the mental image of you two getting it on? Hell, I just wish I'd joined. -Ophelia