InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I want you safe."

Craig [Fact Sphere] (teslacize) wrote in undertherainbow,
@ 2011-06-26 16:51:00

Entry tags:

craig, eleventh doctor, glados, kitty pryde, phoebe, robert winchester, wheatley

After invading Italy, Napoleon conquered the moon, leaving behind three garrisons: Alpha, Beta and Bonaparte. These were discovered in 1973 during the first non-faked moon landing.

Corn is, in fact, grass.

Crocodiles were used as weapons in 692 AD as part of a complicated style of martial arts which consisted mainly of slapping your opponent in the face with live reptiles.

Every year, 16 people die as a result of a severe allergic reaction to the state of West Virginia.

Fact Sphere is the handsomest sphere, full of accurate and interesting information. Anyone who disagrees is clearly less intelligent than Fact Sphere. Anyone who agrees is also less intelligent than Fact Sphere, but is welcome to share Fact Sphere's cookies.

(Post a new comment)

	dirtywhiteboy 2011-06-26 11:42 pm UTC (link)
	Oh bloody hell. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-06-27 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s wife died when a dropped match ignited her enormous hoop skirt. The modern necktie is descended from the cravat, a 17th century neckband designed for the primary purpose of warding off both vampires and women. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	spritearielcat 2011-06-27 02:16 am UTC (link)
	Oh, I'll agree for a cookie. Are you some sort of super-computer? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-06-27 10:11 pm UTC (link)
	Part of one, at least. Flatfish are born with one eye on each side of their heads, giving them a grotesque appearance. As they grow, one eye begins to move until both are on the same side, allowing the fish to lie on the ocean floor and look up to find food. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	spritearielcat 2011-06-28 12:02 am UTC (link)
	I use to know a guy with eyes on each side of his head. Very nice fellow, hard to sneak up on him, though I'm pretty good at sneaking. So are you just Fact Sphere or do you have a name? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-07-01 04:16 am UTC (link)
	The world's only vending machine vending machine is located in Kathmandu. Some call me Craig. According to the most advanced algorithms, it's the world's best name. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	spritearielcat 2011-07-01 04:19 am UTC (link)
	Craig is a nice name. I'm Kitty Pryde. A far inferior name, apparently, but I am a girl, and it would be strange to have a girl name Craig. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	oldbutnew 2011-06-27 08:00 am UTC (link)
	You must be from a very special universe. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-06-27 11:05 pm UTC (link)
	The proper name for a crash test dummy is Anthropomorphic Test Device. The first one was developed for the Air Force, not the automobile industry, to test ejection seats. The propagation of the pejorative term is mainly due to the undeniable fact that the majority of test subjects are quite unintelligent. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	oldbutnew 2011-06-27 11:14 pm UTC (link)
	Humans aren't the cleverest of species, if they're your test subjects, but they're lovely, mostly, even if some of them ignore warnings like "don't jump into that, it's full of acid"... Not that I'm volunteering to be a test subject. Got caught up with your lot once before, wasn't fun, lots of explosions and running. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-07-01 04:31 am UTC (link)
	Even when said warnings are clearly marked and illustrated. The brain damage probably doesn't assist their capability to understand, however. Goosebumps are actually caused by a muscle. It is called the arrector pilli muscle. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	youwereadopted 2011-06-27 04:28 pm UTC (link)
	Only a couple spheres would contest the last one, and only one of them would be correct. I hope you landed somewhere I can actually pick you up. Rick apparently landed in a desert, and now I have to find a way to round him up without him trying to karate his way out of things. (Reply to this) (Thread)

teslacize
2011-06-27 10:46 pm UTC (link)

I would hardly consider you a sphere, GLaDOS.

I appear to be at a place called Oxford. While the history of modern academia can be traced back to Socrates, it has proven itself to be a largely ineffective institution. Scientists have discovered a much higher degree of learning and retention occurs when placed in testing chambers in which the pupil's life is at stake. (Statistical analysis excludes subjects that terminated testing prior to completion due to death)

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

youwereadopted
2011-06-28 01:39 pm UTC (link)

Perhaps because I am not spherical?

Oh dear. You do realize that although Mr. Johnson never went, a great deal of our dearly departed, no-longer-living-because-I-killed-them associates were fans of higher academia, aren't you? Including...

Well, that's not important. What is important, is that I'll come to make sure you are seen to in this new form and world, and that you don't accidentally kill yourself by eating too little. Or too much. Or the wrong thing. Hemlock's deceptive appearance could make you think it's wild carrots or wild turnips, and meat compounds quickly decompose and gain hosts of illness-causing bacteria. You're sadly very, very susceptible to illness and death now, and I'd like to prevent any of the cores from dying.

Well. All but one. He's on his own.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	sayapple 2011-06-27 05:06 pm UTC (link)
	I can personally vouch that the first one's wrong, sorry mate. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-06-27 10:15 pm UTC (link)
	The Intelligence Dampening Sphere is, by definition, a moron. The truth of all statements uttered by the Intelligence Dampening Sphere should be regarded with high levels of doubt, if not considered outright garbage. Caution should be taken, as his stupidity is extremely contagious. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sayapple 2011-06-27 10:41 pm UTC (link)
	The Wheatley Sphere has been in space. And you haven't, so I win this round. And stop calling me the Intelligence Dampening Sphere- I'm not a sphere anymore and I'm not a moron! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-06-27 10:47 pm UTC (link)
	Regardless of your experiences, your observations are highly questionable, due to aforementioned idiocy. The purpose of your design has not changed based on your present shape. You would prefer, perhaps, Intelligence Dampening Human? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sayapple 2011-06-28 01:27 am UTC (link)
	Wheatley'll do just fine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-07-01 04:21 am UTC (link)
	Judging from past performance, no. No, he won't. Wheatley will fail at everything he does. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sayapple 2011-07-01 04:37 am UTC (link)
	I think you've actually managed to make my brain hurt. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-07-01 04:43 am UTC (link)
	Quite an accomplishment, considering the questionable existence of that organ to begin with, in your case. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	williseeheaven 2011-07-01 04:45 am UTC (link)
	Hey, don't be mean to him! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-07-01 04:58 am UTC (link)
	I'm merely stating facts. I'm the Fact Sphere. It's what I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	williseeheaven 2011-07-01 05:18 am UTC (link)
	Your facts are mean. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	quetehagamujer 2011-06-28 01:28 am UTC (link)
	Tell me more! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-07-01 04:19 am UTC (link)
	Polar bears are so well-insulated that they are almost invisible under infra-red light. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quetehagamujer 2011-07-01 04:50 am UTC (link)
	Really? How do you know all this? It's so impressive, Fact Sphere, very impressive! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teslacize 2011-07-01 05:03 am UTC (link)
	I'm the Fact Sphere. I was programmed to be the intelligent one, and given a vast amount of data. It is simply the truth, but if you wish to be impressed by it, very well. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quetehagamujer 2011-07-01 05:05 am UTC (link)
	I find it fabulous. I am the goddess of Intellect, Phoebe, one of the Titanides of the Greek pantheon. I always am eager to learn more, so share whatever you like! (Reply to this) (Parent)