Stephen Colbert, Bastion of Truthiness (truthy_patriot) wrote in undertherainbow, @ 2008-12-06 03:28:00 |
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Entry tags: | cassidy turner, denny crane, jade sha cortez, stephen colbert, tachikoma |
Not a good Hallow-weenie.
What's the deal with this acid-laced, cracked-out crazy world dominated by Oompa-Loompas with extremely dodgy web developing qualifications? My God, a man can't even buy a copy of Dog FancyGentleman's Quarterly now without being assailed by limb-shedding corpses of the undead, or maybe that last time it was just Barbara Cartland posthumously signing her last novel at Borders, I'm not sure.
But lo, this Hallowe'en, evil pagan liberal holiday that it is, I ventured out, braving the bawling hordes of children dressed up like root vegetables and Tinky Winky to visit my adoring public and suddenly, there were zombies everywhere, the undead feasting on the brains of hapless citizens with a stunning swiftness that defied the laws of physics. It took me back to the Republican National Convention all over again.
Good times.
But folks, you know things are bad when shambling reanimated corpses are trundling around town without anything to do but get up in your skull. First they want your brains, then they're going to want something totally ridiculous, like equal rights under the law, and the right to get post-mortemly and post-brain-gorgingly hitched. I've got a plan to stop this madness, right here and now, before the next outbreak of graveyard shenanigans:
I call it, "Proposition 10."
I plan on getting funding for my movement from that niche, fundamentalist group, known as The Living Who Would Rather Like To Not Have Their Brains Eaten, Thank You Very Much.