Well, this is a right turn-up for the books, and no mistake.
What? What is? you ask eagerly. (That is, you do in my mind, since you aren't here to actually do it, and when are you coming to visit? (If you bring Syd, he can go do manly things with Dardanos and Jasper and keep them out of our hair. Is that cruel? But maybe Jasper and Dardanos would get along well with Syd, what do you think? (But perhaps you don't have to bring Syd for the whole time. (Though of course he's invited for as long as he wantsyou want him. (Also, no need to make fun of me! Syd's yours, I wish I was irresistible, and the last thing I want is the responsibility of getting some bloke to eat, we'd both starve!))))))))))))))
(Oh! And just because I want you to visit doesn't mean I'm going to keep the place once my month is up, but I might keep it long enough to get a summer by the sea out of the deal, because who wouldn't want a summer by the sea? And don't scold, but I hurt my ankle again, I am so stupid sometimes, and if only I could figure out how to quit walking so much and I was going to be so optimistic in this letter because everything is lovely, truly it is, and then I remembered I hurt my ankle and it's like all the lovely things disappeared in a cloud of smoke and all I can think about is--
(That's why I'm such a flibbertijibbet about the war, you know. If I don't take it seriously, or admit that I want them to hang anyone who was I don't want to talk about it. It's so serious. So dreary. So grim. And even though it's over, it's not over.
And even if anyone wanted me around, I couldn't do what you're doing, and support the family, or even get some bloke to eat. I know you think I'm letting the side down, not properly keeping up appearances, off Viv goes to live in some rustic village by the seaside, isn't that just typical? But at least she's irresistibly irresponsible, and doesn't have to worry about-- But it's not like I have even a Syd to depend on (I know, I'm saying something positive about Syd, don't worry it won't happen again) but whatever I might think about him he has been dependable enough, hasn't he?
Anyway, the point was the damn family doesn't want me around, I'm the family disgrace, and I refuse to be the poor relation. You know, poor Viviana, she doesn't have any magic so she didn't have much of a chance of getting properly married -- she might be pure but the risk, darling, and think of the children -- so she sits around knitting socks and doing all the dirty work and you can always count on her to be properly grateful and not to impose. Can you imagine?)))
(I didn't mean to say any of that. I didn't mean to write any of that, I want to talk to you. But I'm not going to start over writing, who knows what might come out next time I put quill to paper. It's like opening a present from great-uncle Aloysius, you never know what might jump out, so dangerous, I had no idea. So you'll just have to -- Oh, Cassie! You understand, don't you?)
But what I really wanted to tell you was that yesterday I had a civil conversation with Acantha. She scolded me quite politely for having muggles to dinner without giving notice or taking proper precautions (the house elf had to hide in the sideboard, and it fell asleep half way through dinner and it was all I could do not to burst out laughing every time it snored. My neighbors (the ones with the phone I use to call a cab about twice a day -- they think I'm mad, but I think they like the plants I gave them. At least, the first few. What else is a good thing to give people you hardly know?) they politely ignored the noise, but John from the cake shoppe decided it must be the heating system acting up, and offered to have a look at it for me. It was quite a job discouraging him without ever implying that I doubted his ability to fix anything and everything (and if I lived in a muggle house, I'd have let him go at it then and there, I do love competence. And I know if it had been the heating system, he'd have had the thing apart in a trice, and fixed in two shakes of a spanner.
But Acantha was quite right, of course I should have warned someone about the muggles before showing up with them (though the look on their faces when I came in with my muggle guests was worth it!), and she didn't even imply that having muggles to dine is just not done, though I could see her thinking it. (Next time, I'm going to invite John and his sister, and talk about the muggle economy the whole time. What do you think the horrors will think of that?) And I kept thinking of the poor house elf snoring, so I didn't say anything awful to Acantha because I was far too busy trying not to laugh in her face.
And then, since I was being so cooperative, Acantha brought up something that, she said, had been worrying her quite incessantly about me owning the house. It turns out they (all the local witches and wizards) play quidditch in the field to the side of the house in the summer. And they have picnics there in the spring, and some sort of animal show in the fall, and a ball in December in my ballroom (I didn't even know there was a ballroom), and Acantha wanted to explain to me that it was my duty to host these things.
Which is to say, to let her host these things. And she'd be happy to keep on managing the rest of the household as well, taking care of ordering the food and so on and so forth and by the time she'd explained everything that had to be done I was so bored just thinking about it that I told her to do whatever she wanted.
She was so smug at dinner, and Jasper was surly. Dardanos, as usual, was above it all. Which reminds me, I met his fiancée! She's adorable, in a laughable sort of way, and she'll make him a horrible wife, which is just what he deserves.
But did I mention how nice Jasper was after I twisted my ankle? Like a real gentleman. He must have seen it from the window because I was lying there deciding whether I was going to die right away or whether I could stand to wait five minutes first and then gracefully expire from the pain, he rushed down and picked me up and carried me back to the house. I will love him forever, or until the next time he offers me money to go away. But I think they've given up on that. Maybe they're getting used to me.
Oh! And I think the house is haunted after all. Not really the house, the boat shed, where my lovely sailboat is kept. I saw someone walking through the wall, that's why I fell, I was so busy staring that I tripped. So stupid, to be distracted by something so mundane as a simple ghost. But the horrors insist I must have imagined it. The ghost, not the hurt ankle. They took that seriously enough; oddly, Dardanos went off and brought back a real mediwitch from heavens knows where, there isn't one in the village. Anyway, despite what I said before, you don't need to worry, because the mediwitch healed it back to how it was before I fell, which isn't perfect but I'm no worse off. Except for feeling so dreadfully discouraged about it if I stop to think, so I don't. It also hurts more than it did, but I might be imagining that.
And Jasper promised not to turn the stairs into a chute ever again. Which didn't hurt my ankle at all, and I didn't even think of how it might have done until you said that.
But then he turned my necklace into a snake at dinner. Just for old times sake, I'm sure, or because he couldn't stand the thought of me thinking of him as a gentleman. Acantha turned it back into my second best pearl necklace, and there weren't even any guests to notice. Sometimes I feel like there are currents in this household I can't even begin to understand, but this wasn't one of those times. Acantha and Jasper have been arguing with each other for days, and I've been reaping the benefits.
In other good news, I wrote Sam and asked him to stay (and make me a new dance, but now I really don't want to dance, which is silly and I'll get over it), and he said he would come! So soon I shall have someone here I can rely on not to imply I must be raving mad at the slightest sign that I might believe them and go away. Not that John (he resists nicknames) isn't a darling, but unfortunately muggle. Sam, I can tell everything. No, not everything, not like I tell you, but everything like an actual friend instead of a muggle friend I have to lie to, or people who hate me except when they want to make a point. I can't wait for him to get here.
I feel like I've forgotten to tell you something important, but I simply can't think what it is. If I remember, I'll tell you next time.
As always, Viv
P.S. Now that we've established that I'm not pregnant... You're not pregnant, are you?
P.P.S. You don't think Kitty would throw things in a shop, do you? She might have to buy it, and you know that she and Markus are economizing. But don't tell anyone, that's a secret! You know, the sort of secret that everyone everywhere knows? What did Markus