InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Don't call me Len."

Taylor Davis is a bitch (taylordavis) wrote in threadsfln,
@ 2011-06-24 21:33:00

Entry tags:

! thread, felix white, taylor davis

WHO: Taylor Davis and Felix White
WHERE: Fellix and Kip's place
WHEN: late Thursday night/ early Friday morning
RATING: pg13 probs
STATUS: just beginning!

Taylor's heart still felt like it was stuck in her throat. The decision to kick her dad out of the family home was the hardest yet easiest decision she'd ever had to make. Him staying there wasn't just tearing her apart, it was ruining life for all 4 of the Davis kids. He had to go, but she felt so guilty just kicking him out. Where was he going to go? What would happen if he had to sleep on the streets? Would he be safe? These questions and so many more were making Taylor's brain hurt. What she needed to do was curl up and just go to sleep for days. Maybe even weeks if her body would allow it. She didn't want to be a weepy mess, but she couldn't stop crying. She was being the girl who cried on the bus and she didn't even care that people were staring at her. When she got to Felix's apartment she didn't even say anything. Taylor walked straight into the apartment and into Felix's bedroom. His bed was big and comfortable and Taylor felt right at home when she curled up on it. She motioned for him to come lay with her and she snuggled up right against him. For just a few minutes she didn't want to say anything. She just wanted to hear the sounds of his breathing next to her. "I've never felt like the worst daughter in the world before now," she admitted quietly, almost wondering if Felix had fallen asleep. He was just being so quiet and understanding. "I wonder if he hates me. And what my mom would say if she were here and she saw me act that way towards him," Taylor's voice grew heavy and it cracked with sadness. "I just... You know? I couldn't let him stay here anymore knowing that he'd just keep letting me - I mean, us - down all the time." The tears were coming slowly and she just buried her face in his chest. She wasn't embarrassed to cry in front of Felix, but she did feel bad unloading all of her shit on him.

Taylor rested her head on one arm and looked at him. Felix put up with a lot when it came to Taylor and because she felt brave that night she was going to come clean. "I'm sorry. For everything. I know the last thing you probably want is to deal with me and my issues with my family. I don't know why you're the person I want to turn to for these things, but you always are," she said, resting her head back against his chest. "So I guess, you know, thank you. You didn't have to let me come over tonight. I know it's really late and you were probably asleep... Or playing video games with Kip, which is just as important," she said the last bit under her breath. "So thanks, Felix."

(Post a new comment)

felixw
2011-06-25 03:38 am UTC (link)

Felix knew how it felt to have a shitty father. He didn't know what it was like to have an alcoholic father and he couldn't sympathize with Taylor in that aspect but that didn't mean it hurt him any less to get called up and told that he was a waste of space. So he understood, and he was more than happy to be there for her whenever she wanted him to be and he'd back off all the same. When she texted him he knew that she was hurting almost instinctively. Felix might not be good at a lot of things, but he could at least pick up on emotions. Instead of smoking pot and playing video games, he'd spent the evening cleaning up his room and when Taylor showed up at his apartment he let her direct what she wanted to do. It wasn't up to him to offer cheer up ice creams or a game of yahtzee to take her mind of things. Instead, he let her take his bed and he joined her when she asked him to. As he slipped his arm around her, he wanted desperately to say something - anything, but that wasn't how he worked. He was a rock, not a statement forcer so he let it be. For once he didn't have to focus on how much he loved her, just on how much she needed him to be for her right then and there.

He hadn't fallen asleep, and when she began to speak ever so quietly he listened intently with a troubled expression clouding his features. "You are not the worst daughter in the world, and your mom would be proud of you for dealing with this for so long without expecting an immeasurable amount of help off of people. You've done what you can, and you've put up with more than you can handle. I know she would be proud." Felix told her firmly, shifting his hand to run through her hair when the tears began to fall. It killed him to see her like this. It killed him to see anyone like this because of their parents. Parents were supposed to protect and nurture, not make their children feel like shit because of their own shitty actions.

"Hey," he began softly, leaning back to look at her as she sat up. "You don't have to apologise. We don't ask for these things to happen to us. And you know I never have anything ever to do with my life so you don't have to think for a second that you're imposing on something supposedly more important. You're welcome whenever." Felix shifted again to engulf Taylor with both of his arms in a hug, careful not to strangle, maim or suffocate her. "If you want to stay the night I can sleep on the couch or something? Give you your space?"

(Reply to this) (Thread)

taylordavis
2011-06-25 04:19 am UTC (link)

It was times like this when she realized just how wonderful Felix was. He never judged her family or her. He didn't think that she was fucked up or that she was a bitch for keeping people at bay for so long. Felix genuinely cared for Taylor and she almost never had people like him in her life. Taylor knew Felix was right. She wasn't the one who was in the wrong and she wasn't a bad person for doing the right thing. Taylor nodded against him, feeling too exhausted to find her voice again. It always amazed her how much crying and being truly emotional could take out of her. All she wanted was to just stay like this. "I know. But it makes me feel less like a jerk when I apologize for just showing up like this. Like, a sobbing, weepy mess." Felix deserved sainthood for all the times she'd come to him for support and affection.

She still felt like she was going to throw up from all the adrenaline that had gone through her earlier in the night but she was starting to feel a little better. Of course the feeling of seeming like a completely failure wouldn't just disappear overnight, but it would ease once she put her mind back to work-related activities and taking care of the boys at home. Felix wrapped his arms around her and she closed her eyes to really feel it. If she could have shut her mind off at any moment by willpower alone, she would have chosen that moment. Felix's hugs made her feel like everything would be okay again and that maybe this wasn't as big of a deal as she was making it out to be. Taylor had every intention of staying the night but the last thing she wanted was to sleep alone. She shook her head as her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Do you think you could just sleep here with me? Just for tonight?" At that moment she felt so vulnerable and alone, two things she never wanted to feel. "I just don't want to be alone right now," she told him quietly, hoping that he wouldn't abandon her for the sofa.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

felixw
2011-06-25 04:48 am UTC (link)

Originally, Felix had intended on sleeping on the couch because he felt weird even entertaining the idea of sharing a bed with Taylor for a night. It probably shouldn't be a big deal, but to him it was definitely a very big deal. They had hung out on each other's beds before but that was different than sharing for a night, wasn't it? Especially when you kind of really wanted the other person to like you back and you were certain they didn't. He could practically hear Kip shouting from the other room for him to grow a pair or get out. Man up, that's what he'd have to do. "Uh yeah, sure, yeah we can do that." He replied a little more awkwardly than he was going for. "Do you need like, pajamas or anything? Because you can wear some of my old clothes. I promise I do my washing regularly. So they're you know, clean." Foot in mouth, keep going.

He extracted himself from the bed for the moment, being careful not to shove Taylor off unceremoniously while he grabbed his three thousand sizes too large old man striped pajama pants and a Star Wars t-shirt that he was pretty sure belonged to Kip and had got mixed in with his stuff. Felix wanted so badly to not feel awkward, but it was hard for him sometimes. He felt like the lanky kid in high school again. "I can leave the room while you change if you want. I should probably do that, actually." Felix suggested while scratching the back of his unruly, curly Jew hair. Get a haircut.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

taylordavis
2011-06-25 05:18 am UTC (link)

The uncomfortableness was apparent in Felix's voice when he agreed to sleep with her for the night. She didn't understand why he was trying to make it weird. It was a completely innocent request. Suddenly Taylor began to feel a little self-conscious. "You don't have to if you don't want to, Felix," she told him when she sat back up. Taylor glanced down at her attire and realized she was still wearing her stupid work uniform. "Yeah, would you mind?" All of Felix's clothes would hang off of her, but anything would be better than the dumb black tshirt that had her name tag pinned to the front of it. Taylor hopped off the bed and took the clothes he'd gathered for her. Once he left the room Taylor let out the hugest sigh and tried to regain her bearings. Her fingers tangled at the roots of her hair and she counted down from ten to one, focusing on her breathing. She didn't want to cry anymore tonight but she just felt like she was scrutinizing every single little thing that was being said to her. Felix would never purposely try to make her feel like her company was unwanted, she was just overanalyzing.

The makeshift pajamas were balled up in her arms and she finally got around to changing. The pajama pants were much too large, even after tying a knot in the back to hold them up around her waist. Eventually she gave up on trying to keep them up and decided that the tshirt was long enough to be appropriate for sleepwear - it did hang past her knees, after all, and she'd worn shorter dresses than that. The pajama pants stayed pooled at the edge of the bed and Taylor climbed back into Felix's bed, propping herself up on a pillow and pulled the blankets up around her shoulders. The worst part was that even though she was completely exhausted, she wasn't tired enough to sleep. Her body was tired, but her mind was wired. Taylor would probably be up for hours replaying the night's events in her head, thinking of all the different ways it could have went down. She buried her face in the pillow and wished that she could stop thinking about it all. Every day she was taking care of people and making sure they were all right but now that it was herself who was feeling like shit, she wasn't sure how to cope. She was so good at helping other people sort out their feelings and emotions that she never gave herself the time to figure out her own.

When Felix came back into the room Taylor nudged the pillow next to her. "You didn't sound so sure that you wanted to sleep in here or not so I didn't nest around it in case you needed to bring it into the living room or... wherever." Taylor was barely making sense. She curled her hair around her finger absentmindedly and pulled her knees up to her chest. "Do you think things would be a lot different now if we hadn't broken up in high school?" she asked him, truly wondering what his thoughts would be on it. She brought it up because she had often thought about it, and because she didn't want to think about her dad or her siblings anymore.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

felixw
2011-06-25 05:38 am UTC (link)

Taylor gave Felix the nod to leave the room and he did as much, shutting the door quietly behind him and sliding down into the couch to gather his thoughts. He really didn't know why it had to be a big deal, but now that he'd made himself all awkward he wasn't sure how to make the situation in his head any better. Thankfully Kip was playing games on his computer in his room because he didn't think he could handle the heckling if he came out to find him sitting on the couch. He sighed, ran his hands through his hair and stood to join Taylor back in the room once he thought he'd given her enough time. He contemplated getting into pajamas himself, but he didn't really care if he fell asleep in his t-shirt and jeans and so he keenly ignored the fact that she'd left the pants on the floor and joined her in the bed.

He was tense and on high alert, he couldn't help it but he managed to shake his head and deny her suspicions. "You took me by surprise is all, if you want me here then it's cool with me." Felix reassured her with a smile, but he wasn't feeling too sure of himself. Her next question threw him further off guard and he blew out a gush of breath for lack of anything to say. "I honestly don't know. Probably. I probably wouldn't smoke so much." He shrugged one shoulder and looked at her. Truthfully, he knew things would be a lot different if they were still together. Felix would probably have a job if he had a girlfriend. Women sort of gave men ambition. "I mean, I think you would have broken up with me anyway, if we stayed on past high school. I don't have a lot to offer if we're being honest."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

taylordavis
2011-06-25 05:58 am UTC (link)

Taylor raised an eyebrow at his reasoning. How could he believe that he didn't have a lot to offer someone. It amazed her every day that he wasn't with someone. Felix was a great guy, even in spite of the fact that he was high nearly every day. Sure, sometimes he lacked ambition, but he was genuine and caring and fun to be with. Taylor had contemplated setting him up with some of her girlfriends before, but every time she'd thought better of it because for real, she was selfish and kind of wanted Felix to herself. He was just so good to her, and he was good with her brothers. Taylor had to shake her head. She didn't even care that he smoked or that he didn't have a proper job. "I'm not so sure of that, though," she said quietly. Taylor wasn't even sure why she was getting into this, but it could have been because she was on an emotional spiral and couldn't help herself. "You've given me so much and we're not even together."

The thought of being with Felix entertained her mind for a moment and she bit down on her lower lip to keep from laughing aloud. She was so young and dumb back when they were together in high school. It actually seemed like it was so long ago that it didn't even happen. "You probably would have broken up with me," she said with a laugh. "I mean, lets be real. I'm not the easiest person to care for. Obviously. I mean, look at me. My life is the hugest mess. No one, not even you, would want to be pulled into this emotionally." In all honesty, Taylor was getting so sick and tired of not having anyone to rely on. She'd had her fun with short-term boyfriends and meaningless flings. Taylor wanted something, no, someone substantial. Before she hunkered down and got more comfortable, Taylor reached over Felix to turn out the lamp. The room was bathed in darkness, the only light came in from the streetlight through the window. Taylor cuddled up next to Felix once more and found his hand in the darkness, curling her fingers around his. "All I'm saying is that you should give yourself more credit. You're better than you think."

(Reply to this) (Parent)