February 2020




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Feb. 16th, 2020


What does this town have against the 20 carnivals it seems to have a year?

Feb. 9th, 2020


Since there's more than enough new blood around here...

My name is Marina Andrieski. I own the club Carpe Noctem. We don't do free drinks, but the atmosphere more than makes up for it. Now, I'm looking for people to work for me. Bartenders, waiters/waitresses, and bouncers. We're open Wednesday-Sunday from 9:30pm-2am. If you're closing or opening, the hours might vary a little.

I'm not going to sit here and hold your hand, but I have staff to train you on what to do and what the drill is. Please note that if you're not comfortable with BDSM, you might want to check somewhere else. If you're interested, you can comment here. Public or private. Whatever's more your speed. If you're not interested in work, but interested in what we have to offer, feel free to stop by the club. Mind the forest and the unusual creatures.

[Tony Stark (MCU)]
Not now, but later, I have a job for you. For now, I have to go check out this magic group at the bureau. Since apparently Penny's entire sex life depends on it.

Also I have the coins that should help us figure out the Stoppard Cube, but I think that might have to wait till everything calms down, too.



i texted you and i even called you which i don't think anyone does with phones

Jan. 12th, 2020


So if people can't lie does that mean it's time for a truth telling meme?

Jan. 11th, 2020


I read an article that 80% of people fail at their new year resolution by Valentine's Day. I wonder how many have failed by the 10th of January.

The Tano gym is offering specials beyond extras like Crossfit packages and personal training.

[Filtered to Lois Lane & Lucy Stevens]
I picked up a set of lockpick tools and barring that a sledgehammer. In case you wanted to go back and check out that locked corridor in the hospital.

Jan. 10th, 2020


I'm pretty sure there's a very special place in hell for people who hack other people's phones and change alarms and ringtones to HUMAN-LIKE SCREAMING GOATS for fun.

I will get you back.

Jan. 5th, 2020



Someone open up a portal to a goat dimension? I've got whatever the word for a shitload of goats is fraternizing with my alpaca and fertilizing my driveway.

Dec. 9th, 2019


For those who have gotten items from Santa before, has receiving your houses from home caused more or less heartache?

Dec. 1st, 2019


With Quidditch on hiatus until January, I'm going to open the pitch up on the weekends for community access the first three weekends of the month. I encourage you to come and visit. You can practice free flying, play a pick up match, or we could even try to organize a day of Quodpot if we get enough interested players.

All this being said, the Pitch will be closed for the winter holidays beginning on December 23rd. We will resume operation on January 6th.

And, for the month of December, if any interested party would like to try flying lessons but has been too afraid to up until now, we will have the first lesson be free to interested members.

Don't forget we are still recruiting for the community league and hope to see some bright new faces come January.

And all this being said? I've settled on my choice expedition for this year. RJ and I are going to be heading to Iceland for the New Year. We leave on Boxing Day. I intend to return on the 5th of January.

Nov. 25th, 2019


What the fuck? Now I can't talk! I open my mouth, I form words, but there is NO SOUND. Do you know what this means? It means NO SARCASM. HOW CAN I BE SARCASTIC WITHOUT WORDS?

Nov. 24th, 2019


I woke up this morning and I couldn't hear. I know that someone mentioned not being able to see, but [...] did that resolve itself? Should I come in to be seen?

Nov. 23rd, 2019



Well, this has been a cheery month. Is anyone else experiencing weird blindness? I'm glad that I know my ship well enough to get around without issue.

[ooc: just assume all replies are voice-to-text]

Nov. 18th, 2019


Attention ladies of Tumbleweed!

I'd like to introduce three of my darling sons for your eyes

cut for images )

And it should go without saying, of course, they're all delightfully single!

I don't know if this is generally what we use the network for, but if not, why not!

Nov. 15th, 2019


There's some dude dressed up like Waldo in town. Saw him when I was getting my coffee, shouted FOUND HIM, and then couldn't find him again.

Anyone else fine Waldo?

Sep. 23rd, 2018


Network Post: Crowley

Hello, boys and girls, and Moose. Name's Crowley. King of Hell. 😈

Get your freaking out or pissing yourselves or impotently threatening me out of your systems while we're not face-to-face. Let's be civil. Have me round for tea or buy me a drink. I promise I won't bite unless I feel like it.

Sep. 21st, 2018


I realize that we're over our comfortable limit for crazy at the moment, but anyone want to volunteer for contracting an ancient curse? Cross something off the old bucket list? I've got some sliders here with your name on them.

Sep. 18th, 2018


Being ten foot tall is wrecking my game, dude. I thought being 5'8" was a killer for some guys, but no. People scream and holler, and I think I just got fired from my job. No more old school vagina tools for me. Also sleeping in the BARN is getting hella old.

Sep. 16th, 2018


Hello there! I'm Dr. Chakrabarti. While I'm relatively new here and it's a Sunday morning after a ridiculous event, I highly urge anyone that went to the ball yesterday to come in for an once over, even if you were not injured or otherwise affected by last night's events. You may be asymptomatic or may not realize something's off.

Also, it'll give me a chance to get to know everyone here and give me a baseline to work off, in case something in the future happens where you need a doctor in your life. I've been told that people are skittish about blood draws around here, so rest assured, I'll only be doing that and any tests only if you consent to them. You should be getting checked up yearly anyway, so you might as well get it done now. Added bonus: you get to talk to me and I absolutely think I'm hilarious company.

I'll be down at the Bureau's medical wing all day today, so feel free to call in ahead of time to see how long, short, or non-existent the queue is so you're not waiting around forever. And if you like waiting, bring a book! I recommend Crazy Rich Asians for a fun read. I devoured that and the rest of the books in its series within a week.

EDIT: So far it looks like that people have been affected by the fairies. Things we are seeing so far: Tinkerbellism (Approximately six inches tall), going giant, spewing out the truth, and transforming into animals (wolf, horse, and bird). Possibly a coma like sleep as well, still looking into those cases. Vomiting pearls when trying to speak. Intangibility. Decaying - Those of you suffering from this one, I highly recommend finding a large freezer and sitting in it immediately. Or anyone with ice powers that can cool you down. At the very least, put those ACs to use asap. Mutism.

If you believe you can assist with any of these things, please find the person afflicted on this post and offer your help.

EDIT 2: If there are any animal specialists available, we may have some people that might appreciate you looking them over. Also, any psychologists or therapists being on standby would be appreciated.

Sep. 8th, 2018




Who the hell buys the entire stock of carrot cake from the nearest bakery?!

Sep. 6th, 2018


This place is weird. Since when do rabbits in the wild have zero fear of human beings like the squirrels in Union Square? What's next? Do I turn into a cartoon rabbit now?

Sep. 4th, 2018


Excellent news!! My birthday is this weekend! I don't really know why it's that excellent, buuuuuuut I'm excited! YAY!!!

So who wants to do something awesome for my birthday? Not really sure what that entails, but I think we could find something fun either in town or maaaaaybe not even in town. Maybe really out of town. We could go back to

Aug. 26th, 2018


You can probably 0% tell by looking. But I'm an #adult now.

Aug. 23rd, 2018


Vex is gone.

Still open for business.

That's all I got.

Aug. 20th, 2018


How do you get rid of a cartoon light bulb over your head? It only shows up from time to time, but it's really damn annoying. People keep asking me what my idea is, and if you know the clientele of Needful Things, then you know how they like to sit and talk at you for hours.

Aug. 17th, 2018


I'm dreadfully disappointed to be excluded from the fun. Imagine all the explosions.

Aug. 16th, 2018


"Hey Jason. What do you want to do for your birthday?"

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe turn into a cartoon and not be able to take my helmet off."

Story of my life. Lives. Whatever

Aug. 14th, 2018


Buried beneath all the cartoon junk, I just wanted to say happy birthday to Doc Holliday. Wherever he is. Back in Purgatory, I guess. He'd be a 167 today. Ha, I'd love to see his face when I mentioned that.

To John Henry Holliday!


I was far too hungover for this when I initially woke up, but if I am subjected to this absolute ridiculousness, well [...] I'd say this was because you threw a blanket at my head for laughing, but I'd have done this anyway.

not an ic cut )

So is this going to be a thing?

Aug. 11th, 2018


Well, interdimensional travel's sure a new one. Please tell me there's a bar somewhere here, I could use some bourbon.

And on the off chance — hey, Bennett. Figure out a way to get me the hell back home, would you?

Aug. 8th, 2018


It is curious what parts of Victorian England are still in print in this day and age. Even now I have found a book with different flora for each day with their symbolic meaning and a short poem. I was looking for some more modern books on poetry to add to my collection of the romantics. I think Wordsworth has registered the most of the romantics for me of late.

I suppose this is the opportune time to ask if anyone else has a preferred poet of late.

Aug. 6th, 2018


Just so you are aware, I calculate a 42.7% chance of the portal sending giant cat overlords in bow ties on August 14th. For your safety, please do not fight them. Placate them with catnip and pretend to worship them until the portal self-corrects and sends them away.

[General Organa]
Have you ever been to Hawaii?



cut for image )

But that said, if anyone's feeling up to helping a girl out, I wouldn't say no.


So I have plenty of lovely employees, but I'm always looking for more. Do you know how to tend a bar? Do you know how to take an order? Do you have what it takes to make someone call you mistress/master? If so, Carpe Noctem wants you. Come see me or Kenzi at your earliest convenience and we'll see if you'll fit in with the rest of us weirdos.

Now, a few notes! I will be buying the first ten members of Displaced to show up this coming Thursday their first drinks. And if I like you enough, you may or may not get drinks on the house for the rest of the night. Impress with me your outfits and we'll see how it goes.

Additionally, from this past weekend, lost and found has five wallets, three wedding bands, and two adult toys. Also, a pair of stilettos in a men's size 11 that I'm keeping if they're not claimed.

Carpe Noctem's hours are as follows:
  • THURSDAY | 9:30 PM – 2:00 AM
  • FRIDAY | 9:30 PM – 2:00 AM
  • SATURDAY | 9:30 PM – 2:00 AM
  • SUNDAY | 9:30 PM – 2:00 AM
We also do private sessions in our play rooms outside of our club hours by appointment. Master James and Domina Katia will now be taking on new clients. See me or Kenzi for arrangements.

Additionally, if anyone would like to buy me a drink, I won't say no.

Jul. 30th, 2018


Hey, baby girl. How do you feel about massages? I got a Groupon. Buy one, get one free. You up for it?

Jul. 27th, 2018


Hey, you make cookies, right? Do you do special orders?

Jul. 26th, 2018


Half-price drinks at the Roadhouse tonight, in honor of those sent back. Feel free to drop by.

[Harvey Specter]
Hey, I could use a hand on the legal/paperwork side of things. Do you have time for me to come by or can I set up an appointment?


Who's up for getting something shitfaced tonight? And who is up for getting laid tonight? Bonus points if you're both. Bonus points if you look like Jason Momoa.

IDK how many people he knew around here, but Doc Holliday's gone. Disappeared. Poof!

Doc's gone.

Jul. 25th, 2018


Holy shit, there's a fucking DRAGON in the middle of town. And not like Dolls's kind of dragon, a legit dragon.

Jul. 21st, 2018


There is some weird shit out there for sale. Needful Things actually has a "Dimple Maker" from the 30s. Apparently, dimples were in. It looks like a torture device. Anyone want to try it?

The best thing though... a PACK SMOKER. A whole pack. Who needs to smoke that much in one sitting? Look at this thing:

Jul. 15th, 2018


My skydiving lessons have been super great recently. Best adult life decision ever.

[Filtered to Natasha]
Hey, boss. You super busy? I mean, probably. I've seen your schedule and stuff.

Jul. 9th, 2018


So, we've unfortunately had some recent vacancies at In Vein Clinic. Anyone who has some experience in either medical tech work, or nursing or medicine can see me if they're looking for a job. Anyone looking to eventually go into a field such as CNA or phlebotomist and want to start off at the clinic can also see me and potentially get a loan for such courses.

Jul. 1st, 2018


I have so many pictures from all my amazing adventures now, so I feel somewhat accomplished. I have now obtained a unicorn onesie or three. I look totes adorbs in it. Even if I can only bear to wear it for a little while. These would have been PERFECT back home, but alas. I guess I should get used to whatever's going to be coolest and stare wistfully at other things.


Last week, when the world turned into a faerie land for a day, there was a faerie man who followed me about and expressed his undying love for me. He simply wouldn't take no for an answer. It was flattering at first but then grew a bit irritating. Take note men, following a woman about is not a way to get them to love you.

Apparently I should have taken him up on his offer. He was actually quite handsome. I wonder what faerie men are like in bed.

Albus has decided that he would prefer that he and I merely be friends.

Jun. 21st, 2018


This town is too punny.

Waves, you'll be happy to know I got a job finally. I won't be mooching off you anymore. You're looking at a cashier/stock/sales rep for Needful Things. Something fishy about the guy who runs it. People say he practically gives things away. Not sure if I hope they're cursed or not. Figured it'd be a good place to keep an eye on things, and hey get paid for it too.

Jun. 8th, 2018


Who's an Earp gotta screw around here to get a job that isn't boring as fuck? It's not that I want one, I just really don't want one. I've been a waitress, bartender, secret agent against demons, and a stripper! I'll tell you right now, I make a shitty bartender. I drink more than I sell.

Jun. 5th, 2018


I found a place outside of town for skydiving lessons. It's my new goal. I'll have to work around things a bit, but I'll figure it out.

May. 26th, 2018


Well, jumping to the future’s a new one. Anyone seen a 37 year old African-American man, 6’2” approximately 180 lbs with no regard for protocol. Answers to Slick, will argue if called Kid despite the fact that he behaves like one?

Guess I can rely on the coffee, but if they keep it up with that powder creamer, they’re going to have to find somewhere else to go.

May. 23rd, 2018



I'm supposed to be the widow of a creepy skull that belongs to the demon son of this super evil witch that tried to murder meeee. NOT GET IT BACK ALL GOOD AND NORMAL. Okay, I don't know if I actually married it, but there was a ritual thing and the Blacksmith never said I wasn't. She never said I was either, but!

No one wants a skull for a present. WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED?

May. 17th, 2018


Well. Kind of managed transfiguration. A little.

If anyone sees a tequila bottle running around with four legs, let me know. I should probably fix that.

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