Ren Waugh-Solo (behindthemask) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2017-06-08 21:03:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log/thread, eliot waugh, kylo ren / ben solo |
Kylo had been given an instant's warning before the door slammed. It was the sort of warning that allowed him to grab blaster bolts and hold them in mid-air. A slammed door was just wood against a wood frame though and not life threatening even if the storm of emotions behind it felt dangerous. Kylo dumped Millicent from his lap, ignoring the echo of emotional protest from the feline as he headed for the door after the real storm of emotions. Kylo had seen enough of the conversation and Eliot had just given him enough information for Kylo to be aware that whatever information Margo had brought with into quarantine and Texas had not brought to mind particularly pleasant thoughts for Eliot. But this was way outside of that. It was the sort of emotional outburst he didn't usually see from other people, although he recognized the taste of it from himself. One of the many reasons he made a terrible Jedi, and that Luke had been happy to remind him of. Following Eliot wasn't terribly difficult to someone who had the Force, and Kylo had to admit that he'd gotten rather good at picking Eliot out of a crowd recently. Even when he was otherwise calm and mild-mannered, Kylo could turn his head directly to find him without any other tell. This was a giant tell though, and Kylo's brows furrowed together as he stepped out into the night, following the Force more than his vision, although he was able to catch up with Eliot's figure fairly quickly. It wasn't that difficult to see him stalking across the lawn. He was tall, and in the Force it felt like a blazing fire of anger burning brightly. He could have held him still in the Force, but there didn't seem to be any real need for that, and Kylo didn't want to antagonize him, just… be there. Eliot had been there frequently enough for Kylo in the past few weeks. Kylo picked up his own pace and was about three steps behind him before he finally called out: "Eliot." There had been one person that Eliot wanted to arrive in Texas more than anyone. Margo. It was Margo. While he had yearned for Quentin's presence, and was grateful once he arrived, it was Margo that Eliot needed. Margo had long been Eliot's confidant, a constant figure within arms reach, that at times she felt more like an extension of himself than a separate person. He felt a great need for her presence in all matters of his life. She was his great love and he'd missed her; even though he'd made due. He understood that there'd been a chance she might never return. He couldn't sit around and wait for her. He needed to find a way to go on living his life in her absence. And largely? He'd succeeded. He'd been as personable as he always was and made friends without any effort really on his part. And he'd found new additions to his inner circle. Where once had been Margo, Quentin, Alice and the other physical kids now were Petunia, Wynonna, Kylo. Kylo had taken the place of the person Eliot wished to spend most of his time with. His reasons, however, were different than with Margo. Margo was his great platonic love story. Kylo? Well, he wasn't certain what Kylo was ultimately going to be, but he knew it wasn't the same. Still, with Margo's return, Eliot had felt a surge of happiness. It was supposed to have stayed that way. And, yet, it did not. Margo's return to his side brought news of the world he left behind. He knew things were bad back home; Quentin's self absorbed accounts had been at least that informative. But he didn't know just how bad things were for himself and Margo back home. He didn't know about all of the issues Fillory was facing. He didn't know about the strain placed on his relationship with Margo. And he hadn't known about Fen, the pregnancy, or Margo's betrayal. Having Margo tell him, laying it out in the open with an admittedly respectable promptness, had sent Eliot's mood flying out the door. While Eliot had never been a man to pine for the wife, the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids; he wasn't heartless. He'd have been angered about any deal involving any child. Children were not meant to be bargained for political gain. But for it to be his child? And to be done by the person he loved most? He wasn't taking it well. He may have said more to Margo after the revelation but the truth of the matter was that Eliot's mind was cycling his own question over and over. You bargained away my baby? At some point, his phone had been thrown down, and he'd rushed from his room with a dramatic slam of his door. He'd vacated the Cottage through the second story exit and was now crossing the threshold with a determined pace. He didn't have a destination in mind but his hands were shaking with rage and his chest was tight. Part of him wanted to destroy something. Part of him wanted to find a chemical escape. Part wanted to drown his sorrows into a stranger. None of these courses of action were healthy and the worst of it was that he was conscious enough to know that he shouldn't do any of them. He'd been doing so well since he'd spiral so dangerously out of control the last time. He knew this wasn't going to help his child. It wasn't going to help Fen. And it wasn't going to help himself. But the desire was there and he was a creature of habit that was fighting against himself. Of course, then he heard the voice. He came to a stop and his eyes shut as he let out a slow exhale. He wanted to hold onto the anger. If he let go of it, he was afraid he would be fully overtaken by the pain in his chest. And that was not a display he wanted to give Kylo of all people. Swallowing, he responded. "Yeah?" Kylo took a step up so that he was next to Eliot, likely infringing on his space in all honesty, but that was something that he tended to do when he was uncertain, a way to sort of balance himself, and the truth was that Kylo had no idea what he was doing. Not really. They were almost exactly the same height, something Kylo had technically noticed before, but it slid into his consciousness now - a useless piece of information that wasn't going to be useful as he tried to reach out and steady his friend. He archived it and instead considered Eliot. There was a lot that could be told in the Force without Kylo digging for it. Standing by Eliot was a bit like standing next to someone who was yelling -- it would be impossible to not hear, although, and it was probably not even a conscious attempt, as Eliot spoke the volume turned down just a bit with the tiniest bare bit of control over those emotions. Kylo wasn't particularly good with sympathy, and he didn't even know if that was what was required here. Eliot's anger was obvious and that it was likely over something to do with Margo was something that could be deduced, but what it was about specifically was more tangled, and while Kylo could have probably pulled it out from among the emotions that Eliot was projecting, he determined he wasn't going to. Oddly, it felt important that Eliot tell him, maybe because Eliot hadn't told him about the marriage. Was this as petty as a test? Did it matter if it was? Kylo frowned at himself and shook off his own questions about his motivations. Ultimately, Eliot was one of the few people here who seemed to have even attempted to understand him, or to accept him at face value, which meant that Kylo did care about what was going on with the other man. His eyes fixed on Eliot's face, considering him seriously, as his words came out evenly: "When we've just the one planet, I'm missing a ship, and we neither of us have the lack of ability to control dimension hopping, I don't think you're going to be able to outrun whatever this is." A beat. "What did she say?" He felt Kylo's presence move closer and he hesitated to open his eyes at first. But, soon enough, he did and he shifted so he could be facing Kylo. He was aware of how his emotions were swinging back and forth, trying to find a point to land on, so it wouldn't have surprised him if he were to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror or be told how his eyes were already beginning to turn red from tears he had refused to let fall. They'd been wiped away as he'd demanded answers from Margo and the only trace of their existence now lay in the color of his eyes. Clearing his throat, he gave a moderate laugh as his gaze dropped to the dark grass beneath his feet. "Haven't tried to see if I can get to Fillory from here. Who knows, maybe it's possible. Just got to find the damned clock," he muttered, but he highly doubted it. They weren't in his home realm. It was likely this realm had a fountain in the Netherlands, since so many other realms did, but he couldn't swear by it. But the comment was a hint. Something was wrong in Fillory. He took in a steadying breath and looked at Kylo. "She traded my baby away," was all he was really able to say. It didn't include the lead up of explanation about the war or the circumstances; all of which better explained Margo's reasoning. But did it matter? Reasoning or not, ultimately, it was that very simple and painful decision that was what upset Eliot. He could allow logic in, and would soon, but that was going to make him have to think more and more on this and how he felt about Margo's reasonings. He wasn't ready for that. There was something unmistakably raw in Eliot's eyes, and Kylo dropped his own gaze for a moment, not entirely comfortable with it and also a bit confused by Eliot's words. In theory the 'she' was Margo, but it could also, potentially be the wife that Eliot had in Fillory. It seemed likely that anything that happened probably had to do with Fillory. But so far as Kylo knew Eliot didn't have an actual baby. Of course there could have been time passing. While that hadn't happened to him - so far as he knew anyway - everyone that he knew had memories of the events he had or at least not many beyond that, he had picked up on the fact that Quentin had memories Eliot didn't have. So it was possible at least, that when Eliot said baby, he meant actual baby. Kylo swallowed on that one as he pulled his gaze back up to meet Eliot's again. It occurred to him that he was in way over his head. He barely knew what to do with his own family problems, much less figure out how to help Eliot with a family he didn't have any memory of. But there was no one else. No one else had followed him, and Kylo had some inkling of what it was like to feel absolutely alone when things seemed to be spiraling. He'd been there himself a few times. He'd even had a few moments like that since he'd arrived, and Eliot had always been the one person who had been around. "Margo?" He started with clarification, because if he had it wrong and trod off down the wrong path altogether that would mean backtracking and trying to undo a mess. And he was going to ignore the fact that he was obscenely uncomfortable with the idea that Eliot might be a father to a child. Instead he continued calmly. "Margo traded your baby? Like a child? To whom?" "Margo," Eliot repeated to effectively answer Kylo's question. And, for the first time since Eliot had really met Kylo, Margo's name was not spoke with a sense of love and praise. It wasn't held up as something cherished. When he repeated her name, now, it was said with a hint of disgust for her actions and pain from betrayal. He sucked in a steadying breath, determined to keep himself together. And now there were the questions. Eliot had to try to find the words. It wasn't as if this was an experience he remembered. He was just given a recount by Margo and he had to rely upon her framing of the events. There was a possibility that there were parts he did not know about or that she might be keeping from him. "The Fairies," Eliot replied. It sounded ludicrous when he said it aloud, but that was almost true of a lot of his life back home. "Our...magic is tied to this spring and it was broken. She made a deal with the fairies to fix it, so I could use magic in a dual, and the exchange was Fen and I's unborn child," he managed to explain, though there were pauses throughout as he tried to put it all into words and maintain composure. "She thought she could come up with a way to get out of the arrangement but they kidnapped Fen." The worst betrayals came from people you thought you could trust. They were the ones that hurt the most, and the ones that dug like knives into your heart. Kylo shifted his stance slightly, keeping his gaze on Eliot as he explained. There was so much about Fillory and Eliot's life at home that Kylo really didn't know about. It was something he'd been intending to remedy during his time at the cottage after Han & Leia's wedding, but he was getting a bit of a crash course in it tonight between marriages, and babies, and fairies, and magic. And it did sound a bit fantastical, but he supposed to anyone on this planet the Force seemed fantastical. "Fen is pregnant with your child and the fairies have her now, at home," Kylo repeated, both to give himself some time to figure out what to say, and to make certain he had the details correct as he'd been given quite a bit of information tonight, most of it he'd had no knowledge of before. He'd never given much thought to the idea of having a child, but if he ever did have one he would want to be a better parent than he felt his own parents had been to him. If someone kidnapped that child he would tear things apart to get it back. Eliot's burst of anger made all sorts of sense now. "Margo should have talked to you," he frowned, voice certain. "You've every right to be angry, Eliot. It's you and Fen, who is your wife - arranged or no - that will be impacted the most by what she did, and when you don't know, you can't prepare to counter attacks like that." Eliot gave a nod of his head. The details were correct and he didn't need to clarify anything that Kylo had repeated. "And she doesn't know if Fen is okay. She was trying to get to the fairies but was pulled here instead," he added on, letting out a sigh as he said it. There'd be no resolution to the question. It was going to linger on the forefront of Eliot's mind until either someone else from home came, with a 'news' update, or he was given an upgrade of memories that may include the fate of his wife and child; one of which he'd barely gave a passing thought to in months but now was near sick with worry for. "She should have," he agreed bringing his hand up to rub at his face before sliding his fingers up through his hair. The longer they spoke of the situation the more the anger faded into the pained ache and exhaustion. "I know we'd do everything to get Fen back but I can't know if we succeed," he tacked on, before letting his hand collapse by his side. "I should see if Quentin knows." He could understand Quentin not wanting to tell him about it or perhaps not knowing. Quentin was wrapped up in his own turmoil and might not have wanted to let Eliot know about something he couldn't change from this realm. Glancing to Kylo, he let his eyes linger. He didn't have anything else to say but just having Kylo there was making him feel a slight bit calmer than he had when he rushed out of the Cottage. "He's from further than you," Kylo nodded briefly. "It might not hurt to see if he remembers that much." Kylo kept his eyes on Eliot for a moment. It was no longer quite a storm, but that didn't mean that he was okay suddenly either. Anger could fade into equally painful or even more painful emotions and Kylo suspected that was where Eliot was. His gaze flickered across Eliot's face and then he nodded his head in a direction away from the house. "Let's walk." He couldn't tell Eliot that it would be all right. He had no idea if it would be after all. And he knew very little in the meantime about even the situations that might give him a good ability to guess in an educated fashion. He reached over to touch Eliot's shoulder gently as he turned to keep walking, needing the action to help his thoughts a bit. "It isn't your fault, you know," he offered quietly. "What happened to Fen, if you were kept in the dark you can't blame yourself for it now." "We'll see," he agreed, before he glanced off in the direction that Kylo had nodded his head. The notion of having company in this moment, as he figured out his feelings, hadn't been what he'd felt he'd wanted; but now that Kylo was there, he was grateful for it. He gave a small nod before turning on his heel so that he could begin to walk in the specified direction. He was fine with remaining in silence if that was to be the way of their evening. But, when Kylo placed his hand upon his shoulder, his eyes shifted to look at the man. The smallest smile greeted Kylo from Eliot and Eliot hoped that this conveyed how grateful he actually was to have him there in this moment. Then he took in a steadying breath and gave a small nod in response. "I know," he began, before letting his eyes move out to look in the darkened distance. "It's just frustrating trying to think of what I could have done, without knowing what I did do," he explained. He had no idea what actions he had taken that may have indirectly led to that path. The 'what if' scenarios were already beginning to pile up. What if he'd been a better help when they first arrived in Fillory? Would he have been able to aid them in stopping the Beast before Ember had ruined the well spring? That was what Margo had been trying to get stabilized and why the deal with the faeries even came to pass. Or what if he'd focused harder on trying to find a solution to the issue with the spring? Did he even try? He had no way of knowing and it was maddening. Sighing, he brought his hand up to swipe over his face, before letting it drop to his side. "I don't know what to do about Margo," he then admitted, not looking to Kylo as he said it. Eliot was furious with her but she'd admitted what she'd done. She didn't hide it. And he didn't think he could just willfully turn her away from a home that was both of theirs. But was allowing himself to be understanding, and forgiving, meaning that he was betraying Fen in some way? He wasn't sure. Kylo didn't know if he was expecting the smile from Eliot or not, but something felt calmer when it came. He looked to the path ahead, listening for once instead of speaking himself, or trying to come up with answers. Probably it helped that he couldn't have answers for this. He was self-aware enough to recognize his own ignorance in this matter. If nothing else, the conversation he'd just had with Eliot, the fact that he hadn't known that Eliot was married in Fillory, and the fact that he hardly knew much about Fillory at all, were all blatant reminders of this. He glanced over at Eliot trying to read his expression briefly. "You'll drive yourself crazy thinking of what could be or might have been, when you've no power to change any of it. Trust me," Kylo said dryly. Kylo had no particular attachment to Margo. He'd met her briefly before, but only briefly and he hadn't thought much of it then because Eliot had been very little more than an acquaintance at that time, not someone that Kylo had felt that he could trust enough to tell his own dark secrets too. Possibly it made him more objective. "You could tell Margo to find her own place," he stated frankly. The cottage was Eliot's, in Kylo's opinion. He was the one who had been here first, before Quentin, before Margo, and he seemed to be the one who invited others to stay, Petunia, and now Kylo, and Millicent. He was well within his right to say I don't want you around. Similarly to how Hux could easily have moved any one off the Finalizer. "She gave your child away. You're well within your rights to not want her around." He thought on that for a moment. Kylo was right and Eliot knew he was right. After all, hadn't he just given similar advice to Quentin less than a month prior? When they'd spoken about Alice's situation? Of course, it was a lot easier to advise someone of a truth than to take it in and accept it. "You're right," he acknowledged, as he kept his gaze forward. But then he shook his head in minor disagreement. "I could, but I don't believe I will," he admitted to Kylo, as he took a moment to look at him, wondering if the man was going to think this a foolish course of action. But the truth was that even knowing what Margo had done, and being furious over it, Eliot still felt a need to have Margo close. That need wasn't going to go away anytime soon. Eliot didn't feel as though he had many people in his life he could hold in close proximity. Margo was one of the few. "She at least was trying to fix it. And she didn't hide it from me. She could have easily, you know? I'd have been none the wiser." He looked back ahead. "I just don't think we're ever going to be the same from here on out," and that was said with a sense of great sadness. Kylo gave Eliot a side glance, a mood check really, but he wasn't surprised when Eliot said he wasn't going to. It, might not logically follow with what Margo had done, but it did seem to logically follow Eliot's relationship with Margo, which Kylo had figured out early on was incredibly close. In all fairness, Kylo didn't know if he had anyone he was that close to, and there was some jealousy at it. To have someone betray you, and yet still be willing to give them a chance, it did sound like foolishness, but on some level Kylo maybe wanted someone he could be that foolish over. He nodded, his gaze shifting back to the darkness in front of them. He wondered idly if he would have kept it from Eliot if it had been him. Really that was probably a bad comparison, would he have kept something like that from Hux? Hux was the closest relationship he really had outside of Snoke - and Snoke was a teacher not a friend. He shook off the thoughts, really neither of his relationships were like Eliot's relationship with Margo, which was part of the point really, Kylo could point fingers or direct, but he hardly had any experience with anything like this. "She would be foolish to expect it to be the same," he said aloud. Really it was likely foolish for Eliot to expect it to be the same too, but something curbed Kylo's tongue on that one. Maybe he just didn't want to hurt Eliot more than he'd already been hurt. Kylo would be around, after all, to watch out for things and make certain Margo didn't do something that would harm Eliot further. He breathed in, trying to pull back on the conversation he'd had with his grandfather about attachments. "Then again, I hardly have any friends," he admitted, feeling atypically honest. "So probably I'm not the best person to take any advice from." "I doubt she does," he murmured. It was Eliot, really, who was worrying about how their relationship was going to change as the time passed on. He didn't expect it to remain the same and knew that it couldn't; but he was also the one more likely to mourn what wouldn't ever likely be again. It was part of his general attachment issues. He glanced to Kylo but didn't necessarily frown. He didn't want it to seem as though he was belittling the declaration or giving pity. It was something that Kylo felt to be a truth and it wasn't Eliot's place to counteract it. "I don't know. It's good advice. I just don't think I'm going to be able to do it," he explained, before looking ahead. He was silent for a moment, before he continued. "I have very few friends, too," he stated, as a truth and a sort of attempt at comfort. Eliot was good at getting people to like him but that didn't mean he had many true friends. Even with the additions of Tumbleweed, he could count them all on one hand. "And, I know I'm only one, but you've got me." Kylo nodded at this. He wasn't going to discount Eliot as a friend. The man knew as much about him as anyone here, more than many probably and somehow didn't seem to be put off by his numerous family troubles. The thing really was that if Kylo were counting friends it would be Eliot and Hux. And Hux was a question mark even. Kylo really didn't know where Hux put him. They'd only sort of begun to explore anything and in typical Hux form, he'd been closed off and prickly. "And you have me," he offered back rather solemnly. "And if you need me to kick Margo out later, all you have to do is ask," he added dryly, lips turning up just slightly in a smirk. "We could send her to go live with my parents. We can do visitations every other weekend, and on holidays." The return statement summoned a small and heartfelt smile from Eliot. He'd suspected Kylo felt the same but it was still a comfort to know that he was counted as a friend by the man. Eliot glanced to him at the statement regarding Margo. Almost immediately, a massive grin took form and he seemed to give a rather genuine laugh at the idea. "That is a recipe for disaster. Either Margo and your Mother would be at each others throats in under 24 hours or they'd band together against your Father," he told him, still smiling widely as he spoke. "I almost want to see which way it would go," he then added, before looking forward again. He shifted, moving to snatch his phone from his pocket so he could check the time, before he stuffed it back away. "How do you feel about heading into town for an ice cream?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "If it's going to be some sort of showdown then we might want to schedule more regular viewings for us. Weekends and holidays are too far apart," Kylo's voice held mirth even though he hadn't laughed. But the edges of a smile turned up the corner of his lips as he realized Eliot was grinning. Kylo was relieved to see that. Maybe he'd figured out how to do something right. "Or possibly we shouldn't risk setting them both on my father," he shrugged. Really he'd done more than enough to make his father's life, well, he'd done more than enough to his father's life. The edge of a smile passed into a genuine one at the suggestion of ice cream. "Yeah, all right," he agreed, turning his head towards Eliot. He was pretty certain the tightness wasn't gone. Kylo knew that there had been too much emotion early in the evening for that to be the case, but the smile felt more like Eliot and that in turn gave Kylo a warm burst of hope that Eliot wouldn't be caught in this place too long. "I'm buying though," he countered. Although possibly he should get a job if he was going to buy ice cream for Eliot often. But he wasn't. That was just for tonight because probably it would start to mean something if it was often. "Perhaps we can arrange for dinner every Tuesday or something. Things always get interesting when you incorporate a dining table," he said in jest. Then he gave a nod. It wasn't necessarily aligning in disagreement or agreement, but simply acknowledging that perhaps they shouldn't wish two head strong women's wrath upon Han. It was true. The feelings and the thoughts hadn't completely gone away, nor did he think they would anytime soon, but he was at least allowing himself to think of things other than Fillory and his inability to change the circumstances there. One day he'd find out what happened. Either through a viewing of his own 'fiction' or by a memory upgrade in himself or one of his friends. Until then, he'd quietly hope for his family's safety. Which was a bit of a new concept for him. He gave a moderate smirk. "Well, if you insist," he responded before glancing ahead of them both so that he could begin navigating them through the quiet night away from the vicinity of the cottage. |