WHO: Rey & Finn WHEN: January 25th, late morning, after this WHERE: The Millennium Falcon WHAT: Rey seeks out Finn in the wake of her update WARNINGS: Spoilers for TROS
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Rey was exhausted.
It didn't matter that it wasn't even noon yet when she stepped aboard the Falcon. Every part of her felt drained and ready to curl back up in bed. Which, in actuality, she hadn't left all that long ago. While she'd woken in the middle of the night, rushing to verify Ben wasn't in critical condition and proceeding to sit with him in silence on the Cottage porch, she'd eventually found her way back to Whitespire. It had been her intent to tell Margo she needed to return to the Falcon. It shouldn't have been hard to do.
And yet, upon waking the other woman, Rey's reserves came tumbling down. Any thought of a calm explanation ("I need to go home and see Finn") was thrown out the window the moment she tried to summon the words. Instead, her face crumbled and the onslaught of tears she'd managed to stop earlier in Ben's company came rushing back. She still felt the weight of it all crashing down on her and she ended up curled against the other woman, face pressed into her shoulder, with occasional incoherencies breaking from her. It was more names than anything, spoken in conjunction as intake of shaky breaths. She was going to owe proper explanations to the woman.
She'd slipped back to sleep at some point, having exhausted herself, and when she woke again, the desire to see her eldest friend was still at the forefront of her mind. It was his arms her last memory held, wrapped tight around her and Poe, as she did the same with her own. She'd kissed Margo goodbye and made the journey home.
Coming onboard, she looked down a corridor, listening for Finn. "Finn?" She spoke out, voice hoarse.
Finn was still getting used to, well, being directionless. There had been the First Order and then there had been the Resistance. In Tumbleweed there was nothing. No driving cause, nothing to focus on, nothing to give him meaning in moving forward for a cause.
But there was Rey. And there was the Falcon. And while he might not be a mechanic or a pilot like Rey, he knew his way around systems. The Falcon was like having a purpose. As much as arguing with Chewie occasionally counted as purpose. Peace might be a goal, but here it just felt like an illusion. Something static and waiting to crumble apart. And so Finn worked, because work made sense.
The Falcon itself had a personality for a ship too, which he was learning. He was probably learning that back home too. Or maybe he wasn't. Maybe he didn't spend much time on the Falcon back home. Right now though he was going through the targeting system. That seemed like something he'd do for the Resistance too.
But hearing the rasp on Rey's voice, Finn's skin prickled with sense and concern. Something so strong, that he didn't have words for yet. He was on his feet and in the hall before he could even trying think. "Rey?"
She was moving to peer around a corner, hand reaching out to press against the panel to steady her, when she caught the sound of his voice. Her gaze swiveled, looking back towards him over her shoulder, and relief washed over her expression. She pressed her lips together and quickly turned on her heel, so she could head in his direction, and she wasted no time. Now knowing exactly where the person she wanted was instead of carefully looking, she accelerated her steps and it wasn't long before she threw her arms around him.
She'd work on explaining soon enough but for now? She just wanted all of her senses to know he was here with her. Even though she'd logically known he was still here, it had felt like she'd been yanked away from him upon her waking, when the last moment she could recall was of his and Poe's embrace.
He could feel her more than see her when she started his way. Finn's arms wrapped around her, right and now familiar for him. The simple joy of being held by another person, the comfort it provided when no one else could take that away or demand that it was against regulation.
"I'm here. You're here." He offered gently, knowing that something was different but not knowing what. It didn't matter though. "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."
There was a nod of agreement to his statement. It was something she'd known, but it was grounding hearing the reassurance from him. She was silently glad that she had memory enough to know he'd made it through Exgeol, too; instead of a period of uncertainty that was accustomed to so many of her friends who went through this.
"I..." she tried to start before pulling backwards so she could look at him, expression uncertain of how to go about the words. "...Remembered more from home," she explained.
Oh he thought but kept that inside as he held onto her. A hand reached up to touch her cheek, grounding her in the fact that he was here, she was here, and no one could take that away. Not even the future.
"Tell me what you need to." He whispered softly. Because if Rey needed to say it, he would hear it even if it wasn't what he wanted to hear. What mattered was helping her.
There was an exhale of relief at the feel of his hand and she brought her own hand up to cover over top his, offering him a weak smile of appreciation.
She didn't know what she needed to say to him. She hadn't had a chance to go over any of it back home with him yet. And she'd failed in trying to talk to both Ben and Margo. She sighed. Fingers slipped under his hand, so she could pull it down from her cheek, but keep it in her grasp, holding it tight. Her eyes fell down to the flooring. The question of what she felt he needed to hear versus what she wanted to discuss were two very separate things.
"I wish Poe was here," was what she said at first. Her eyes lifted to look at Finn. "He's fine," she quickly amended because she didn't want that to be misconstrued, "But I wish he was with us."
There was that strange, flipping sensation at the confirmation that Poe was safe for at least a bit longer. And that to know that Rey would need to be too. But that left a whole Galaxy's worth of people, planets, more than he could ever really know. And who knew if there was even an end where Rey's new memories we're from.
"I always wish that." He smiled ruefully as he looked at her. "But you've got me. I might not be as good at this. But I'm here. And I'm not leaving."
"Yeah," she felt her smile warm up some with that. She wasn't surprised given who Poe was in their lives. And she'd wanted him back by her side ever since he'd left so the statement wasn't truly news. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you here," she admitted, giving his hand another squeeze. The last time this had occurred, she'd had both Poe and Finn to cope with.
She'd never gone through this without one of her family at her side. But she'd not really come out and said what happened last time, keeping it more to herself than anything else.
"Lucky for both of us, we don't have to think about that." His own hand squeezed back, a call and response of affection. His smile crooked with put upon charm as he said it, wanting to put her at ease but wanting that ease to be true.
"You don't have to talk. If you don't want to." He offered gently, his smile going soft along. "Either way."
It was lucky and she couldn't help but take in some ease from the words. He always was able to do this for her and she appreciated it more than she could possibly articulate.
"I know," she said before exhaling. It was so much and trying to find the words was still difficult. Nudging her head, she led them towards the galley and took a seat around the Dejark board. Once there, she stayed silent for a good long time, but didn't willfully let go of his hand.
When she finally did speak, she had her eyes on the board. "When I was in Chicago, people knew who I was. It wasn't like here. They recognized me. And...I was asked all the time about my parents," she explained, voice quiet. "And I used to try to find out what I could. It was...a terrible idea." It just led her to conspiracy theories that hurt to consider true.
"I wish I didn't know now," she then whispered. Her parents may have been trying to keep her hidden from Palpatine, but they'd still been the direct cause for a life of torment under Unkar Plutt. Being pulled from the truth and having time to think on it, without the Galaxy at risk, was twisting all of her feelings on the matter.
Finn followed. There was never any question that he would. He took his seat by her, hands still woven together. She had been his grounding more than anyone else in his entire life. He could be that for her in return. He would be that for her.
His thumb ran soft lines against her hand. Parents. Neither of them had known theirs. Not really. Not with true memories. Rey had been left to scavenge on Jakku and he had been made into canon fodder. But Rey had enough of a memory that even leaving Jakku had been painful in a way that he could never really understand. She didn't hate it the way he hated the first order. It was more complicated for her, and his was complicated enough.
"You are pretty smart, but not all your ideas can be winners." He offered with a gentle humor. It probably wasn't the right thing to say. His expression fell more serious as he turned to more fully face her. "We all have things in our past we aren't proud of, whether we control them or not. You know now. And that doesn't have to be good or bad. It can just.... Be, I guess."
It could just be.
That was a notion, wasn't it? There'd been a peace at not having to chase those questions any longer after her last update. She'd accepted the truth she'd always known, it no longer was the promise that had bound her to Jakku and the question that she always came back to, and she'd felt free of it. And now? She was back to the questions again.
Could she just let it be?
It was a possibility. But there was the other piece of it all and she found herself thinking back to Leia. She'd withheld the truth of Vader from the Galaxy, kept it to herself, for so many years. Was that the model to follow? Or was it better to speak about it? "I hadn't thought of it that way," she admitted, before turning her gaze back to him, and offering an appreciative smile.
"It doesn't change who my real family is, anyway," she then added, leaning just slightly to nudge him with her shoulder.
"Well that's the truth." His grin brightened, glittering with the surge of joy that confirmation gave him. Of having a family with her, a little piece of the Galaxy just for them that couldn't ever truly be taken away. That bond, the same he had with Poe and Rose, it was the most precious thing Finn could describe.
"Whatever happens, I'm with you." He added, giving his own affirmation. "We're rebel scum, the both of us."