WHO: Alucard & Rhy WHAT: Rhy finally tells Alucard that his bond to Kell transmits pleasure as well as pain. WHEN: Backdated to last Sunday evening, 9/9 WHERE: Maresh Palace WARNINGS: A lot of talking about sex and privacy/consent issues and then a suggestive fade to black.
Rhy had finally, after a lot of persistence, convinced Kell that it was best to tell Alucard about the depth of the connection in their bond. He felt bad forcing the issue after Kell had only just started in a sexual relationship, but he still felt certain that it was the best for Kell as well. The only other options to try to keep the secret of being able to feel each other’s pleasure through the bond were to try to schedule their sex lives, and that wouldn’t be good for either of them. The only way for both of them to be happy, in the long run, was to be honest with their lovers - although Rhy did not insist that Kell had to tell his. That was his choice. But he had only kept the secret for Kell’s sake, and so he needed Kell to agree that Rhy could tell Alucard.
His main argument had been that the secret would come out sooner or later. Alucard was exceptionally observant, especially with Rhy. There was no way Rhy could keep the secret, and trying to would damage the relationship that he had worked so hard to strengthen.
Even though he was relieved to be successful, he still wasn’t really looking forward to the conversation. He doubted it would go badly, but it would nevertheless be… awkward.
At dinner, which thankfully included wine, he sat on the same side of the table as Alucard, which had become a habit now that it was always just the two of them. He almost always ended up wanting to reach for his lover at some point during dinner, even if it was just a brush of their hands, and the proximity made that much easier.
They were mostly done eating by the time they’d made it through the comfortable small talk, catching each other up on their day, lightly flirting in between. At an appropriate pause, Rhy put down his fork, picked up his glass of wine in one hand, and took a sip. Then he put his free hand on Alucard’s knee and looked at him, calm but intent.
“I have something to tell you, my love,” he said. “A secret I’ve been keeping, that I hope you will forgive me for not telling you sooner. It was more Kell’s secret than mine, and he asked me to keep it.” He shrugged lightly. “But circumstances have changed, and it is more my secret now, so I convinced him that it was time for you to know.”
--
The shift in mood was swift, as smooth as Rhy made it. Alucard stopped drinking his wine and even set the glass down when Rhy touched his knee. Rhy had clearly made a decision about something, something worth making a decision about (beyond everyday care and concerns). So Alucard watched his face, aware of his posture, the serious set. The tone of his voice and the way this topic took an introduction. A secret that changed hands. Not impossible, clearly, but a difficult matter to solve without being told.
Oh Alucard had guesses. The silvery strands which wrapped around his fiance and stretched in the direction of Kell’s new abode, as they more regularly did these days, instead of turning about depending on where each brother was in the palace, simply could not be ignored. They were as much a part of Rhy as his breath, his skin, the warmth of his body beneath Alucard’s touch. He knew that all too well. So for a secret to be shared between the two, even as it changed hands, it likely had to do with the bond no one fully understood. Alucard could stare at the circles around Rhy’s heart and the strands which burrowed beneath his skin. But it was slow to understand such rare magic backwards.
As much as Alucard had spent time watching that magic, considering it, anything the brothers had chosen to keep a secret was bound to take longer to discover. So it seemed Rhy would share it before Alucard did. He rather suspected that had something to do with it. So Alucard nodded. “Please tell me, Rhy,” he encouraged, careful not to be demanding of Rhy’s secret. As much as those words spoke more softly than Alucard truly felt. But then puzzles, especially magic ones, were hard for him to stay away from.
--
Rhy smiled, a little crookedly. “It’s going to sound a little funny,” he said, and then, “I suppose it is a little funny.”
He paused, and then came right out with it. “You already know we can feel each other’s pain, and magic… but we can feel each other’s pleasure, too. I knew about it before we came here, because he… well. He was out at sea with you and Lila.” His lips twitched. “It doesn’t bother me very much, but it makes him very uncomfortable and angry. So there have been times when… for instance, after I got upset that he told me he was leaving, I chose not to be with you immediately, even though I wanted to.”
His hand moved and took one of Alucard’s, playing with his fingers, brushing over his rings. This hand had multiple, including the royal seal that Rhy had given to Alucard for his birthday. “I know that… you had the right to know that he would feel everything that I feel when I’m with you. Emotions, too. So I am sorry that I didn’t tell you. Neither of you were getting along yet, and he would have been humiliated. He and I could have worked it out, but I was worried it might also ruin your chances at friendship.”
He took a deep breath. “But… he has at least somewhat gotten used to it now, and you are getting along, so hopefully now it won’t ruin anything. Also -- he has now taken a lover.” His lips twitched again, in vague amusement. “And you were bound to notice the effect of that on me soon enough. So even if he still doesn’t like it, there is no more chance of keeping it a secret.”
--
Alucard listened, holding back most reaction in his face. It was something… not to laugh at how many times Kell had felt Alucard and Rhy having sex. There was no point in bothering to try to count. It added something of a sensation of having been watched, though not quite. Alucard knew his tendency to tease Rhy until the man could not take it anymore, and that habit, that very enjoyable experience of watching Rhy’s body react without thought, had clear implications with regard to Kell. Alucard had not intended anything of the like, but it was far too late to be concerned about that.
No, nearly as soon as the connection had been revealed (truly it was an obvious and unsurprising fact, one that made Alucard feel as though he should have figured it out months before), Alucard also reached the conclusion that Kell would have little to no effect on Alucard’s behavior with Rhy. The only possibility of such was that, since Kell was having sex, if Rhy was turned on and wanted to do something about it, even were that reason Kell’s sex life, Alucard was inclined to oblige him. When Alucard kissed Rhy’s skin, there was only one Maresh on his mind.
It was not as though Alucard could ever forget the bond, given the magic he saw surrounding Rhy at all times.
With great effort, Alucard managed not to smirk. “Only Kell’s knowing I knew would have affected our ability to get along,” Alucard said. “It would not have changed anything for me.” It hadn’t. It was simply another part of what it meant to have Rhy Maresh as his lover, as his husband. Alucard had already made plans about Kell’s safety, both for Kell’s and Rhy’s sake. If Kell were ever of a mind to discuss the issue with him, Alucard would. But otherwise, he did not have anything he wished to say about it with Kell himself.
He sighed. “I would have preferred to know,” Alucard said. It had not been Kell’s choice or Rhy’s for each other to feel the other having sex. It certainly would not have come to mind when Kell made the bond. There had not been time, and even knowingly, it would have been made all the same. Compared to Rhy’s life, it was nothing. During those years apart, Alucard had grown far more comfortable with his sexuality. Little on a boat was secret, and the distance from his father had granted him that freedom. And with it, well, it was rather difficult to embarrass Alucard.
But it was something that was his, something that affected him, even though it affected Kell and now Rhy in a more obvious intimate way. Kell knew far more about Alucard’s inclinations, his sexual habits, and the physical way he bared himself with the man he loved than Alucard had certainly ever intended, than he had thought in every conversation, every moment in the same room, since Rhy had arrived in this world. Sanct. Than Alucard had known back in Arnes either. Kell knowing that about him, learning more about him every time Alucard and Rhy were in each other’s arms, felt like something Alucard had the right to choose. He had shared the story of what had happened to him, as much as he had been willing to tell Kell so that it could reach Rhy’s ears if he died. It had said at least as much. But that had been Alucard’s decision.
“If there is or ever becomes something of this nature, something of yours and Kell’s that pertains to me, to what I should have a right to know, I only ask that whatever issues it causes for him, or for you, should be worked out in a more timely fashion to the point I am informed,” Alucard kept his voice soft, even as it was firm. “It should not take the threat of me figuring it out for myself for either of you to deal with any humiliation or other feeling that would come of me knowing. Not when it affects me.” It had been six months. Six months during which Kell could have dealt with whatever issues, that Rhy could have helped him with it or at least advocated on Alucard’s behalf.
“My right to know what concerns me, to know the consequences of my actions, are as important as how it makes him feel,” Alucard said. “If that makes it harder for us to forge or to maintain a friendship, let it. We dealt with our issues because our love of you is more important, something which is still true with another issue added to the heap.” It was the fact that it had been hidden so long and that only the threat of its revelation had changed anything that bothered Alucard. Though he could only be glad that it hadn’t been true that first summer and that he had not, as such, learned about it then. It would have been a much more awkward and uncomfortable conversation. For his part, at least.
--
Rhy heard him out entirely before responding. His hand, touching Alucard’s, went still, and he looked down at it as guilt flared abruptly in his chest. Not an unexpected emotion, given the conversation, but it still managed to take him off guard.
“Yes,” he said quietly, “I know. I would have preferred to tell you sooner.” He had made the decision, and he still didn’t see how he could have made any other one under the circumstances. He could have, perhaps, pushed harder for Kell to get over it. But the problem with Kell was that the more he pushed, the worse everything got. He was fairly certain that wouldn’t have worked. “It was a decision I had to make very soon after we got together, and I had to choose between what was best for you and what was best for Kell. You already know which one I chose.” He swallowed, and shook his head. “As for telling you without him knowing… I couldn’t have done that. I gave him my word. I could have tried harder to convince him sooner, but I still don’t think it would have worked.”
He shrugged helplessly. “He was incredibly angry. I felt it, every time, after we… he’s gotten better at calming down afterward, but I can tell he still hates that he has to feel it. I don’t entirely understand why, because he won’t say. Every time we spoke about it, he was even angrier. I didn’t see any other way except to let it go.”
Finally, he lifted his gaze to meet his lover’s; an apology in his eyes. “I am sorry. Truly. And there is nothing else like this, no other secret between me and Kell that affects you, I promise you that. Nor will I make the same decision again, though I don’t know that it will ever be an issue.”
He wanted to ask for forgiveness again, but he didn’t. He paused, and then added, “In case you were wondering… not everything comes through the bond. Just the very strongest sensations and emotions, and they’re not necessarily… specific.” His cheeks heated just a little bit, very briefly; this was a slightly embarrassing thing to try to describe, even to his lover. “He can’t read my mind, or see through my eyes, or feel every little touch. Nor do I think Kell has ever tried to imagine those details.”
--
It was not a matter of who was more important to Rhy. Alucard knew it was Kell without so much as a thought, and that was okay with him. He had abandoned Rhy to save Anisa back in London, despite nearly every expectation that it would kill him. Bard’s protection had been little, and Alucard could have easily have burned away to nothing. Simply, Anisa was that important, was more important. That had risen previously in their discussions about this world and its possibilities, about home and whether or not they would choose to return should it be possible. No, Alucard never expected to be most important to Rhy. He could expect, at best, third place.
Still, their relationship had to be a healthy one. They had worked on so many issues, had shared so much of themselves, and they had committed to doing that and more for the rest of their lives, as they knew them. It was not some massive explosion, some issue that impacted the very being of their relationship. But it was something. It mattered. And as much as Alucard was not inclined to hold it against Rhy, he did not want it to form a pattern of behavior, one that would harm and eat away at their relationship. That was the greater issue.
“I had no expectation you would tell me without his knowing,” Alucard replied. He had only meant that it would not have changed anything for him when it came to developing a relationship with Kell. After all, it was not as though the antari felt what Alucard felt, his emotions or his sensations, the way he reacted to Rhy. And if Kell imagined what Alucard and Rhy looked like together, that did not bother him. He had, after all, seen Bard and Kell together, that having been necessary so as not to end up as fish food.
It raised some questions about the soul bonds he and Kell were working on, and it made Alucard grateful that they were working toward something different. And at least, knowing this about their bond, he would not be as surprised if it were a cost of another soul bond. There was an overdue conversation with Anisa.
For the moment, however, there was the conversation with Rhy. “I understand why you waited, even as I dislike the consequences,” Alucard said. That had not been the issue, and Alucard understood the desire on Kell’s part to have some measure of control over what happened to him, even if he took it at Alucard’s expense. Beyond the possibility that Kell, indirectly, found himself turned on by Alucard, he had no idea what would make Kell so angry about it.
He shrugged, smiling. “The particulars of what or how it affects Kell does not bother me. I lost my shame about such things some time ago. Though I am glad,” Alucard lifted Rhy’s hand to kiss it, “that you are the only one to know the full extent of my affections. You are the only one they are for.” He had, quite, reached a limit for how much he was going to think about Kell while bedding Rhy, even without a bed in the room.
--
Rhy felt a flicker of relief when Alucard said that he understood. Not full relief, because understanding was not necessarily forgiveness, and it was followed quickly by the statement of disliking the consequences. There was nothing else Rhy could say or do to make it better, though. He had already agreed -- already knew that he wouldn’t make the same decision again, without being asked. In retrospect he could see that the fact that he had made the decision so soon after getting back with the lover who had broken his heart, albeit unintentionally, had swayed him heavily in Kell’s favor. He had not truly known whether he could expect Alucard to stay, and he had needed his brother on his side more than ever in that vulnerability.
But he was not so vulnerable now. His relationship to Alucard appeared to be unshakeable, even by the worst of what he’d revealed to his lover, including this.
His emotional state calmed considerably when Alucard smiled and shrugged it off, and he smiled back. His heart skipped when Alucard took his hand and kissed it; he was still so easily flustered by every little thing, but now that he was sure his heart was safe, it was a very enjoyable feeling.
“He may not know the extent of your affections for me, but he is very deeply aware of mine for you,” he said with a small smile. “They are far too strong not to go through the bond, whether we are in bed or not.” Kell would likely feel the swell of his heart right now, and the way it skipped; Rhy couldn’t help that. But Alucard could feel his pulse, too, in his fingertips, and he could see the rest in Rhy’s face, hear it in his voice. “But they are still only meant for you.”
His fingers curled gently but possessively around his lover’s. “And if -- when -- there are moments when the bond causes his pleasure to overlap with mine, you needn’t worry that it will draw my focus away from you.” He didn’t think Alucard was worried, but it still seemed worth saying. “It may distract me under other circumstances, but when I’m with you… everything and everyone else ceases to exist.”
It was true even now; the world had narrowed down to just this. To the touch of Alucard’s hand, the warmth of his leg and arm close to Rhy’s but not quite touching, the look in his eyes as he looked at Rhy. He had set his wine down at some point, without thinking about it, and both the drink and the rest of his dinner was forgotten.
--
It was what it was. In lieu of anything further happening, of any other revelations or patterns of behavior, Alucard found Rhy Maresh the brother of much greater interest. Especially to him. Especially the way Rhy reacted to every little thing. For all the flirting during dinner, they had been relatively chaste. Even this was fairly tame, nothing which needed to be avoided in public. Indeed Alucard had declared his intentions publicly, and when their wedding came, they would both shout them to all the world. And most importantly, each other.
This time, Alucard smirked. “Even were it distracting,” Alucard took Rhy at his word. There was little point in questioning it. “I am fully confident that my immediate and physical attentions draw your attention far beyond anything you could feel from Kell.” His thumb rubbed against the back of Rhy’s hand, what was revealed of it. Their only point of contact at that time, their hands.
Alucard ran his eyes over Rhy’s body. First his face, where they had been focused. Here they shifted from listening and observing Rhy’s face to running along the lines of his face, his thoughts of kissing each stretch of skin so exposed clear in his eyes. His gaze continued slowly, to where Rhy’s skin disappeared under his shirt. But Alucard could well imagine exactly what it looked like as his eyes dropped.
Enough of Kell. Alucard wanted Rhy to think about something else the rest of the night. With his other hand, he grabbed his wine, to drain what little of it remained, and Alucard turned his chair, leaning closed to Rhy. “You look,” Alucard teased, “as though you have spent some time imagining specifically what we could do now.”
--
Sanct.
Rhy had not really expected Alucard to be worried, but he had also not expected that smirk. His heart stuttered and restarted at a faster pace, as his mind could not help conjuring possibilities of what Alucard could do to keep his attention.
“Your confidence,” he said, with just the barest hint of strain in his voice from the effort it took to keep his tone even, “Is very well deserved.”
His blood was already warm, but it heated even more as Alucard’s gaze ran over him, and his breathing grew a little shorter. Rhy couldn’t even find it in himself to be the slightest bit embarrassed by his reaction. He was also long past the insecurity of wondering whether Alucard’s intense focus on him was a problematic imbalance in their relationship, if he wasn’t reciprocating enough, as it had grown increasingly more and more obvious that this was the dynamic also pleased Alucard the most. So Rhy just gave in to it, allowed himself to want without any reservations.
He lifted a hand and brushed his thumb along Alucard’s cheek, just above his jaw. “I spend a great deal of time imagining everything we could do, my love.” He didn’t mean that just in a sexual way, but definitely, absolutely that, too. He smiled before leaning in, pausing just before their lips met. “But the reality is always so very much better.”