WHO: Justice of Toren & Seivarden Vendaai WHAT: Leaving for a mission WHEN: August 1st WHERE: Athoek Station WARNINGS: References to drug addiction
There were few preparations to make, before heading out to the base for deployment. Equipment, tech, any local clothes would all be provided there. Breq simply dressed as neutrally as could be permitted with what she had and what she knew about where she was going. Station knew, as soon as Breq knew. Naturally. The first few minutes were silent conversation and negotiation. Breq was perfectly comfortable having Station checking in on her every moment of every day she was gone, something as natural to Station as breathing was to humans. That went a long way toward smoothing matters over. Station had known what Breq’s choice had meant. Now the time had come.
Station then suggested, in Seivarden’s ear, that she return to the corridor end where they had been sleeping to meet with Fleet Captain. Breq did not listen in to hear what words Station used. Instead, she prepared tea, Daughter of Fishes. Just as with Station, this conversation would not be a surprise to Seivarden. Simply, Breq had not forgotten all that had happened last they were separated. She refused to stay because of it; Breq had meant what she said, not being what Seivarden depended on to stay sober. The tea, however, would be comforting. And it had, now, come from a cooperative, not citizen Fosyf.
When Station whispered that Seivarden was close, Breq served the tea into the two enamel bowls and held them, bare handed, to pass one to Seivarden as she crossed the barrier. “Good day,” Breq greeted her. It was Breq’s morning, Seivarden’s lunch. Or something like it, given the split sleeping schedule. There was not time to wait for Seivarden to sleep and to wake again. The tea did not help with that. But it helped. “How are you doing?” Breq asked. Could reach for. Wanted to hear it from Seivarden. To know, again, after she shared the news.
--
Seivarden had been at work in the main concourse when Station interrupted her, but she knew without being told that whatever Breq wanted to meet up with her for, it was important. She got to her feet, brushed some dust off her trousers and gloves, and went back to their corridor to find her Captain.
She accepted the tea eagerly, and without complaint. Daughter of Fishes was good, and Breq had been able to rationalize drinking it -- some of it, at least. Seivarden was not as picky, because tea was tea and it had no politics unless someone used it for that, but she understood Breq’s principles too.
“All right,” she answered honestly enough. She had Breq, and Station, and now a regular military-type schedule, as well as plenty of work to do on Station to occupy the rest of her time. All of those things were comforting, and kept her head above water. She missed Ekalu, and Ship, but there was nothing to be done for that. Certainly nothing worth complaining to Breq about. Seivarden was fairly sure the question wasn’t really probing for a detailed answer, but merely a lead in to something else. “And you?”
--
Seivarden often did well, or seemed to, when Breq was around. It was a good thing that Seivarden was doing all right just then. Anything less would make it a more difficult task. Not that it would have stopped Breq. People’s lives would be saved as a result of her mission. She wouldn’t turn that aside. They would not be apart as long as they had before, in Athoek system.
“Well enough,” Breq replied. She was eager for the mission, for doing something that affected people in this world. There weren’t enough details, yet, for her to plan ahead. One step at a time. This was the first one. “I will be leaving for a couple weeks. You will need to stay on top of Station’s repairs and to help the horticulturists have everything they need during that time,” though the gardeners had come enough times to mostly be left to their own devices. It was still safer to have eyes on them, ones that could handle any problems hands on.
The reason was not hard to guess. “Once you mistook me for Special Missions,” Breq made it more clear, “Now I am. And I have a mission.” She couldn’t say more.
--
Seivarden had seen the post for spies, and seen Breq’s response to it. It was not a surprise. It wouldn’t have been a surprise even before that, frankly. Seivarden was, at this point, always half-expecting Breq to run off and do something dangerous, and it was actually a little bit of a miracle that she’d lasted this long before finding trouble to get into.
But it still wasn’t the best news to hear, for personal reasons. “Oh,” Seivarden said, and then mustered a smile. She nodded in response to the instructions; none of them were surprising. “It was only a matter of time. Will you be in contact?”
It wasn’t hard for them to remain in contact via their comms, and especially via Station. But sometimes, Seivarden knew, missions required a lack of contact. She doubted that Station would be left out of the loop, because that would require disabling the comms altogether, and only Seivarden could have done that, with Station’s help.
--
It was a brave face, but even without reaching for Seivarden’s internals, Breq saw some of the signs of stress. Even before she actually left. The anticipation of being more or less on her own. There was still a military schedule and a multitude of responsibilities. And plenty of tea, the time to work out. Likely little difficulty finding someone to pass some of the time with should Seivarden find that helpful. Still.
“I do not know,” Breq replied honestly. “Briefly, if so.” But she could not be distracted worrying about Seivarden when there was little to nothing she could do about it. “Station will monitor my internals,” Breq continued. Even if they did not talk directly, Station would be able to assure Seivarden that Breq was doing all right. Even if all other communications were lost, Station’s comms reached the whole planet and some ways beyond it. Whether whatever warning Station could give someone would be enough… Breq was not counting on anyone outside her team to get her out of anywhere.
She drank a sip of the tea. It was good tea. “You will be able to know I am all right.” As much as that said anything about the next day, the next five minutes, from the moment Seivarden asked.
--
Seivarden nodded, accepting that answer. It was what it was. She knew that either of them, if they were reading her internal data -- Station certainly was -- could tell that she was stressed by the prospect of a few weeks mostly on her own (not entirely, because she still had Station) on a planet that still baffled her most of the time. But there was no need to express it, or show it in any purposeful way. It was there, and she would deal with it.
She took a sip of her tea, and then asked, “When do you leave?” Soon, she was guessing, because of the way Station had interrupted her work to ask for her to come to this meeting.
--
“Her stress has increased, like you expected,” Station said silently, just in Breq’s ear. “I will keep an eye on her.” Something else Breq knew. But still, it was a comfort to know and to hear it. “Thank you, Cousin,” Breq replied just as silently. Station knew she could reach, would share the data if she did.
Breq also took another sip of tea. It was a small wait, for an answer Seivarden likely knew well enough. Somewhat like the ones she would ask in days to come. “I will report within the hour,” Breq replied, “And leave sometime after that.” Today, certainly today. Though how long it would take to reach their destination, it could well be tomorrow before she did anything dangerous.
“I will not be bringing any of our things with me,” Breq said. She didn’t expect even her civilian clothing would leave the military base. “Five would be upset about that.” She had not liked Breq ever going without proper things, at least a couple shirts, a pair of pants, a tea set. She smiled, missing the way Five fussed over things. Amused that she had been right about the last trip Breq had taken. And smug about that too.
--
Within the hour. It was not a surprise, but it left Seivarden without much to say. Nothing worth saying, at least. There were obviously no preparations left to be done; Breq would have asked for her help prior to sitting down for tea. She was not being given any special instructions, any part of the mission, which was to be expected, considering both the circumstances of the group Breq had joined and how badly Seivarden had done on the last mission she’d been sent on.
She managed a quirk of a smile at the comment about Kalr Five, though it only made her miss the crew and their ship. At least when Breq had been on Station before, at home, she’d had the ship and the crew around her. Even with that, it had been hard on her.
But she was determined to do better. Even if she could not manage to avoid being stressed by Breq being gone, she could possibly avoid turning it into a problem for Breq. And that would probably have to be good enough. She searched for something to say that would not fail in that goal before Breq had even left.
“I won’t tell her,” was what she decided on, with a wry quirk of a smile. “If she shows up here, or if we remember this later.”
--
“I doubt you will need to,” Breq suggested, with a touch of humor to her voice. “If she can guess that I traveled anywhere, without anyone’s assistance getting ready for it, she can assume the rest.” Certainly Breq was not trusted to bring everything a citizen or person of her rank (that rank was even more meaningless here than it had been around Athoek) would require for anything of any length. The fuss would be enjoyable, if it meant having Five around. If it came from any of her Kalrs.
It was still about the best conversation they could have just then. No point to prod any injuries or sensitive spots so soon before Breq was leaving, when Seivarden would be closer to alone. Station’s voice in her ear possibly the only thing to keep her from drinking or bludgeoning her mind with any variety of the drugs this planet possessed.
Breq did not comment about remembering this later. The idea that she would forget anything, that any memory would be taken from her, made her angry. It did nothing for this conversation. Possibly nothing for the mission. She drank more of her tea. “Do look after anyone who shows up while I am gone,” Breq said instead. She said nothing about hooking them up to Station or about waiting to do so until she was back, if it were possible. Seivarden could do it. But Breq had more experience.
--
Seivarden smiled, because it was true enough. And also true that Breq never did anything quite like her rank would suggest, or in a way that any other person would do it, regardless of what she was doing. Seivarden would worry more if she did start behaving that way, truthfully, but Kalr Five would probably be pleased.
“Take care of your leg,” Seivarden said, wryly. “You may have a heavier duty prosthetic now, but you still might mess up the leg beneath it, and there aren’t any more correctives here.” Breq knew that, of course, and would do what she was going to do regardless. But it seemed worth reminding her. She paused, then said, “I’ll be fine. And Station and I will look after anyone that shows up.”
If they did. Seivarden was beginning to wonder if they would. The portal could bring anyone at any time, of course, but it had been two weeks already.
--
Nor were there people trained to use them. Even with Station aware of her every modification, the continued pains in her right hip when Breq abused it was a reminder of what lesser medical care could be like. It was nothing against the doctor on Nilt. She simply hadn’t known what she was dealing with. And on that, she had been honest.
“I am aware of my limitations,” Breq replied, “And I was honest during their medical exam.” Even should they not have been able to determine them. Even if the person running the exams had left Breq slightly on edge. There had been no good reason to lie about it. And given enough time - she had been weeks now on this prosthetic, her leg growing back nicely - it would be no issue at all. Just not so soon as this mission.
“Good. There’s plenty to keep everyone busy,” Breq made a small motion of apology to Station. She was leaving before it was fully repaired. Then came another long sip of the Daughter of Fishes. There was not much else to say.
--
There really wasn’t much else to say. Breq’s decisions had been made, so there was no need for discussion of them; she wasn’t disclosing any further information about the mission itself, either, maybe because she couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. The distinction didn’t really matter. She was going, and Seivarden would find a way to deal with that.
She truly didn’t know how it would affect her. Last time, she hadn’t really realized how stressed she was until it had all come to a head in her fight with Ekalu. She hadn’t meant to depend on Breq, but there was literally nothing else that she’d been able to hold onto, nothing and no one else familiar from the time before she had been frozen. Having another ship and another crew had helped a lot, but neither Ship nor the crew were here. Station was, but they didn’t know each other as well. She supposed they would just have to get to know each other better, now.
Sipping her tea, she considered what else to say. Finally, what she decided on was, “Good luck.”