holland vosijk (voxt) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2018-05-08 20:09:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log/thread, alucard emery, holland vosijk, kell maresh, rhy maresh |
WHO: Holland Vosijk, Alucard Emery, Kell Maresh, Rhy Maresh
WHAT: Holland arrives!
WHEN: Saturday afternoon, May 5 (backdated)
WHERE: Fort Neill
WARNINGS: minor violence (a punch & some magic) from Kell towards Holland, mentions of darker things in their canon
Holland broke to the surface of the Isle, gasping, and clawed his way toward the shore. It wasn’t until he was on land that he realized Kell hadn’t come up right after him. He turned back to look, but just then, a bright light swirled above him. Holland squinted up at it, summoned his power to fight it, but it had hold of him, and no matter how he tried to exert his will upon it, he couldn’t get free.
He had one last, fleeting thought that this was something new, not Osaron - the shadow king could never have summoned something so bright and pure - before he was being spit back out of the portal, into an unfamiliar building.
He stumbled forward, spreading his arms for balance, and looked around him. Unfamiliar people greeted him; called him by name. He was still soaking wet; he curled his fingers gently and willed the water out of his clothes -- or at least he tried, but nothing happened. His brow furrowed, and he tried again. His power was there, still, he was fairly sure, but for some reason it was inaccessible to him. He frowned, and looked up at the people around him.
None of them had moved to hurt him, and he held himself still, wary and silent. He allowed them to give him a shot, to assess him, to take his picture, to try to explain things to him. He filled out their paperwork sparsely, and answered their questions monosyllabically, with a yes or a no. He eyed the door, but did not make a move toward it. One of them told him that he would be held for a short time before being released. He opened his mouth to answer--
And then he caught a pair of familiar eyes looking at him from just outside the room. He didn’t know the man’s name, but he knew his face, and he could tell that the man recognized him too. Holland was unsurprised when they then proceeded to contain him in a room. After a few hours, they came back for him with an increased number of people - backup - and took him outside. Holland followed without complaint.
As soon as he stepped outside, he felt multiple wills exerted upon him to hold him in place. He raised his eyebrows, but did not try to move. After a minute it seemed that they were satisfied with whatever assessment they were performing on him, and their hold on him was released. Holland still did not move immediately, until one of the military personnel told him simply, “Welcome to Tumbleweed.”
Then they left him, all except for the one man that he recognized from home. Holland was unsurprised. He watched the man for a few silent beats, and then said, “What now?”
--
One glimpse was all it took to tell the difference between antari and oshoc. That permitted the questions and concerns, ideas and plans, that suggested themselves on the possibility of Osaron coming here, to another world, a world without an inheritor, without antari binding rings, without three antari (though they were nearing that), without almost any means to defend themselves against that sort of magic. The simplest solution - executing Holland, so that only the magic existed where it could not exist - was not guaranteed to work in this setting. But it had better odds of success than hoping they never, not once, lost power in this facility for all time.
That still left Alucard with the antari responsible for the near destruction of his world - and the others after that, had his fallen - and, more personally, responsible for the death of Anisa, of Jinnar, of Kisimyr, of so many people Alucard had known and loved. That was not a pleasant sensation, but no one else at the base knew Holland or had handled him.
So Alucard kept some attention on the man before him. But he also read because he had been working before Holland’s arrival irrevocably changed his day. “Soaked in that outfit,” Alucard noted aloud. “That does not tell me precisely when you come from. If you do not remember multiple times, there’s a free bit of information about your future for you.” No one had come from as far in time as Alucard, and he felt confident that was the case again.
--
Holland looked down at himself. Almost curiously, he made a dismissive motion with his fingers, to see if the water would now respond to him. It did, but slowly, and it took effort to force all of it out of his clothes and into a pool at his feet. That was interesting. It shouldn’t have taken more than a second’s thought. It distracted him, momentarily, from what the man said to him, but his mind caught it, and replayed it.
“How kind of you,” he said dryly, as his mind turned over this new bit of information. Yes - something in the pamphlet had mentioned timelines, although Holland had not immediately believed it. He had not seen any specific evidence that he had traveled in time, although he was certainly in a new world. This still wasn’t proof of a timeline difference, of course, but the man didn’t seem to be lying. It seemed something rather pointless to lie about. “To offer information so freely.”
It was kind of an answer to the unasked question, but since it was unasked, Holland did not volunteer anything further.
--
Alucard shrugged. He remembered how much time they had spent together and knew the way Holland could be. Everything was within a matter of days, these times Kell and Rhy and now Holland came from. It was not particularly difficult to remember spending time together on The Ghost, even to fighting within each other’s general vicinity. Especially not Holland’s greater control over how much wind he set in the sails.
Then the fate of the world had been at stake. Common cause bound them, and incredible threats forced teamwork. This situation had nothing of the sort. Alucard could have lied, could have named Holland an existential threat that needed to be eliminated (he wouldn’t have been the first danger to come through the portal), and had killing Holland been the end goal, it would have been the simplest ways. Not lying came with the acceptance that he, that no one, was likely to be killing Holland for his past crimes.
So what was there to do with Holland? Alucard did not trust to throw him to the wild and to leave him unwatched. “You have been given all sorts of information freely here,” Alucard pointed out. “A little more. You cannot directly help your world here. Perhaps you can learn something, and perhaps that can help. But there’s no guarantee. Nor can you return yourself to your world, my world, or the other one from here. Not with Antari magic.” He was welcome to try. But Alucard wondered if it had anything in common with the inability to traverse within a world while at sea. Whatever it was, it removed just about every reason Holland had to get them all killed.
--
Holland flexed his fingers, testing his grip on the water at his feet, how easy and difficult it was to make it ripple, but otherwise remained still, both his black eye and his green one fixed on Alucard’s face. It amused him that the man was still reading his book; he was clearly confident in his ability to react quickly enough if Holland attacked, not that Holland had any interest in attacking him. He was only interested in the man because he had remained in Holland’s general vicinity even after everyone else had left.
“How would you know?” he asked instead - not purposefully antagonistic, just genuinely curious. The man was clearly not an Antari, although his proximity to Kell made it unsurprising that he understood how Antari magic worked. Holland wanted to find out if his blood magic would resist him now, just as the elements did, and he wanted to know why that had happened, but he knew better than to expect a real answer if he asked.
It would not have surprised him if this world was sealed against the others, or if it had never been connected in the first place. There might be multiple worlds in between this one and any of the worlds that Holland knew, all of them closed off, or never opened. Holland could not help but feel a flicker of fascination with that idea - the chance to explore worlds he’d never seen, without the Danes or Osaron to worry about. But he smothered that flicker before it could show, maintaining his perfect, quiet calm. There was no point in getting his hopes up, especially not so quickly.
--
A half-nod recognized Holland’s point. No matter when Holland had come from, Alucard had not expected him to take anyone’s word for it. Instead every person who came through could bash their head against the worldly walls as pleased them. Perhaps other people here could travel between worlds and did. But it was not anyone’s home, their world. That big of news would have traveled. Or died out when they left. Either way, it left people here in the same position.
Further, Alucard was not an antari. He could not travel between worlds the way they did. But Kell had arrived first, without Rhy. If anything could keep those two parted for a couple weeks, it was only because Kell could not return to Rhy. Holland could believe him or not, but Alucard did not have to tell him how he knew. He had only shared that he knew because it made Holland more likely to behave. Less likely to cause the destruction of this world. “Rules for travel between worlds differs here.” There had been the port where it took a bean to travel to a world and only their bracelets brought them back. The worlds were not like pages in a book here. That was how antari traveled.
“One way or another, you will have to learn to live in a new world,” Alucard stated. The irony pained Alucard. He was fairly certain Holland did not have long to live when Kell returned him home, whether that was physical or simply lack of will Alucard could not declare with certainty. But it had not looked good. No, if Kell had frayed, Holland without magic… It would have been a sorry sight, had it been someone else.
But this. Where was Anisa? Or Jinnar? Where were any of the good people who had died? When would they get a second chance to live their lives? Had they ever a chance to be in the same room as that portal, Alucard would have glowered at it. Holland. Of all of them.
--
As soon as Kell heard that Holland was here, he headed toward him.
He didn’t have a plan -- or rather, he did, but it was exceedingly simple. He wanted to hurt Holland the way that Holland had hurt him.
To say that Kell had looked up to Holland at one point in his life would be an overstatement. But he had, the first time he had come back from White London after seeing Holland, been very interested. He had never seen another Antari.
Master Tieran had weeded out some fakes, and he had told Kell stories about Antaris who had come before him. But that didn’t change the fact that Holland was still the first of his kind that he had met. He had thought they would have some natural affinity, but Holland had quite quickly squashed that notion.
And so his own feelings toward Holland had remained complicated -- because he wanted a reminder that he wasn’t the only one in the universe, but Holland only ever served to tell him how spoiled he was. A reminder that grated on Kell, because he certainly didn’t need to be told that he was a in better situation than Holland, but neither did that deny him any of the complications that came with being an Antari.
He could have forgiven Holland for what had happened with Vitari, because he knew Astrid and Athos. What he could not forgive was what happened with Osaron -- because Kell had looked Holland in the eye, and Holland had traded him -- had traded his world -- to a demon that Holland had brought back with him.
He could still feel Rhy struggling to live while Kell’s magic was blocked off by the collar created by Holland and Osaron.
He arrived near the base, terribly aware that someone might try to stop him and equally aware that he had no intentions to stop.
“You fucking bastard,” Kell snarled before punching Holland in the face.
…
Holland didn’t have a chance to answer Alucard before his attention was caught by the sight of Kell, alongside his brother the prince, coming around the corner. When he saw the look in Kell’s eye, he thought it was just as well he hadn’t gotten his hopes up, either about getting to explore this world or even living through this particular experience. Alucard didn’t seem to be about to kill him, but everything about Kell’s demeanor suggested violence.
He remained where he was and let Kell approach. He didn’t move, either to defend himself or to dodge, as Kell threw the punch, though he certainly had time enough to have done either, or both. His head snapped back, and one of his feet stepped backwards to catch himself as the force of it shifted his center of gravity.
“Hello, Kell,” he said a moment later, mildly, as if Kell had not just punched him.
--
Rhy had been able to feel Kell’s anger the entire walk over. He had not said anything, because he was angry at Holland too. He spent the walk debating, in his mind, how best to handle the situation. He wanted Holland dead, but they had needed him in the fight against Osaron, whether Rhy had liked that or not. They had almost fallen short even with Holland’s power being shared with the other two Antari, and if Holland had not been there to sacrifice his magic to the Inheritor along with Osaron, it would have been Kell who’d done it - if Kell had been able to succeed.
Without Holland, either the whole world would have been lost, or Kell and Rhy would have been dead. Rhy had been willing to die, at the time, but he much preferred the outcome where Holland did it for them.
He picked up his pace as Kell did, as they neared the base, and moved to Alucard’s side. He put a hand on Alucard’s arm as Kell moved toward Holland. His grip tightened a little, unconsciously, as the pain of the punch echoed in the knuckles, wrist, and forearm of his other hand.
--
“Don’t,” Kell snapped, in no mood for Holland’s dry platitudes -- as if it had been nothing when he had tried to give Kell to Osaron, and is if it was nothing that Kell was trying to return the blow.
He raised his fist again, the threat of a physical blow, but rather than hit Holland, he let his magic tighten along Holland’s bones, just enough so that he would feel the pressure. He knew that goading Holland into any sort of fight was not a wise idea, but he was beyond caring.
…
There was nothing Kell could do to him that would truly affect Holland. Kell did not have the gift for, nor the true interest in, inflicting pain that the Danes had, and he certainly didn’t have the ability to cause the psychic pain that Osaron had inflicted on Holland’s psyche.
If he’d ever allowed himself to care, the fresh betrayal from the man who’d just saved his life might have stung. But Holland never allowed himself to care.
“Are you going to kill me, Kell?” he asked, only the very slightest rough edge to his voice betraying that anything was happening to him. It was not pain, per se, but Kell’s magic had tightened along the bones in his neck, and so he could not quite keep his voice normal. His expression remained mild and calm. “Don’t miss my heart this time.”
--
Alucard watched, not quite sure where Kell was going with it. As it happened, Alucard had no qualms with Kell killing Holland. The man more than deserved it, from each of them. But his throat tightened as he saw - physically and magically - what Kell was doing to Holland. Not enough for Holland to lose consciousness. No, Alucard sensed Kell wanted the man to feel it. But it was not enough to kill him either. And that, that pain when it accomplished nothing, even worse the way Holland so casually accepted it, as something that was not new...
“Either kill him or lay off of him,” Alucard announced, taking one step forward. He didn’t say what would happen if Kell didn’t make one of those decisions. There wasn’t a point to threatening, just now. He understood hating Holland, even the desire to make him suffer, but Alucard had limits, and he wouldn’t stand by as one person abused another.
He was not looking for a fight with Kell, much as he wished they had come face to face in the Games, but it wasn’t about who Kell was or who Holland was. His mind reached out and gripped the water Holland had shed, though he didn’t do anything with it yet.
--
“Don’t kill him,” Rhy said, although he hated the words even as he said it. “We need him.” He let out a breath, then clarified further: “At home. We can’t risk him dying before he stops Osaron.”
He didn’t know what point in time Holland had come from, but his black hair and black eye made it obvious that he still had his magic, even though he hadn’t used it yet. After using the Inheritor, Holland’s hair had gone white, his black eye disappeared; Rhy had noticed, even in the barest of seconds he’d had before the portal had pulled him out of that moment.
Because he suspected Kell needed more convincing - and possibly Alucard did, too - he added, “Without him, either Osaron wins, or you will die stopping him, Kell.”
He didn’t add, and I will die too, because Kell didn’t need the implication, and Holland didn’t need to know that, if he didn’t already.
--
Kell didn’t know what he had come to do -- likely not kill Holland, but now that he was standing here, he knew it was likely the safest option. He didn’t know if he could do it -- it takes a lot to kill an Antari -- and he certainly knew that he wasn’t interested in doing it with an audience at his back.
His irritation flared when Emery had the audacity to step forward and give him an ultimatum. He was about to tell him to fuck off when Rhy spoke. His brother was two steps ahead of him, because Kell was about to argue that they could find another way, without Holland. But Rhy knew that while Kell would gamble his own life to achieve that, he wouldn’t gamble Rhy’s.
“What then?” Kell asked Rhy sharply.
…
Rhy didn’t have an answer for that. He knew that they couldn’t kill him. The military had clearly decided that Holland was to be released, and the palace’s cells were not here in Tumbleweed. He considered Holland for a long moment, and then said, “I’m not sure. I’m open to suggestions.”
--
This was all really very informative. It fascinated Holland that they all had such drastically different viewpoints on his presence. They all wanted him dead, sure enough, but the prince seemed insistent on keeping him alive; meanwhile, the man whose name he still didn’t know was willing to kill him, but didn’t want him tortured. Holland’s eyes had cut over to him when he stepped forward, giving him an appraising glance.
As a result, the news that he would be instrumental in stopping Osaron was not the most interesting part of the whole exchange. Although he did feel some measure of satisfaction in hearing that, even if it was heavily implied that he would lose his life in the process. Or perhaps because of that implication.
“I’d like to go to the library,” he said mildly, with a glance at the book that the man with an unknown name and unknown motives was still holding. He gave a small shrug. “Just a suggestion.”
--
Alucard turned the page in his book because he was still reading, despite all the melodrama and the potential for a fight that turned to any number of parties. For all the other two were antari, Holland was weaker with elemental magic, and Alucard was more intimately familiar with how each of them fought than they were him. But it was better that there was not a fight. Better that his opinion of Kell had no reason to slip further.
“Rarely a poor idea,” Alucard replied. He was fond of them himself, and Holland was not their prisoner, not truly. Alucard had far better things to do with his time, even as he felt the obligation to keep an eye on Holland’s goings and doings. Certainly, knowledge was a potential weapon, but everyone received devices here, and most things were on the internet. And the sooner Holland came around to the realization of what life here was, so long as he was here, the safer it was for everyone else.
He shrugged and started to turn away from them, his steps in the general direction of the library, though it was a bit of a walk. Alucard wasn’t opposed to stretching his legs to do so, and a small enclosed space with the four of them sounded a worse idea.
--
Kell’s eyes shot back over to Rhy when Alucard simply agreed, as if sending Holland along to the library was a suitable plan for what to do with the other Antari. He wished beyond anything that Alucard was not here, because he was just another factor to negotiate that Kell did not want. He wanted the certainty of how Rhy would act and that he would be in agreement with him, and Alucard muddled all that.
...
Rhy met Kell’s gaze. He, too, was unsure about how to react to Holland’s suggestion, but he did not have a better one. They had no way to hold Holland - even if the palace’s cells had been here in Tumbleweed, they were not made for holding Antari, and he knew full well that Holland had only stayed in them of his own choice.
“Alucard,” he said, after a moment. “I think perhaps we should let Kell escort him to the library. Give them a moment to talk. To… figure out how they are going to coexist.”
--
Rhy was doing his best to smooth things over. The trouble was, in many cases things ran smoothly when one person beat another person whenever they wanted, whenever they grew angry, whenever they disliked the attitude or actions another person did. Alucard had been working to get along with Kell, for Rhy’s sake and because Kell being an ass was the only reason for their issues. Well, sometimes Kell was still an ass, and it caused issues.
“Certainly,” Alucard smiled, looking back at Kell, “so long as it doesn’t entail figuring it out on Holland’s face, throat, or other body parts unenumerated.” He glanced over at Rhy, serious for all the light tone. Since Kell could not well go and kill the other antari, with Rhy practically forbidding it, any violence was precisely pointless. No one had stood up for Alucard, for any number of reasons. Holland didn’t have to be a saint or even a halfway decent person to deserve better than that. Rhy knew enough to understand the position Alucard took. Kell simply had to respect it.
--
Rhy sighed inwardly. He did understand Alucard’s motivations, but he also understood Kell’s, and even if his emotions hadn’t been linked to his brother’s, he would have known that telling him not to do something would have only made him angrier.
“I trust,” he said firmly, “He will find a way.” He looked at Alucard as he said it, not Kell, and his tone said, leave it alone. “Come. Let’s leave them to it.”
He did look at Kell then, over his shoulder, as he moved towards Alucard. He took hold of his lover’s arm, and made to steer him away.
--
Holland, meanwhile, had not moved. Truthfully, he had not expected his suggestion to be so readily accepted, and he still did not know what to make of the motivations of the man holding the book. But at least he had a name now. Alucard. He made note of the direction in which Alucard had started to walk - presumably, possibly, the direction of the library.
He watched the whole exchange closely, eyes flicking from one speaker to the next, his expression unchanging. He watched the prince and Alucard move away, and then his gaze returned to Kell.
Mildly, he asked, “Are we actually going to the library?”
--
Kell’s irritation only increased when Alucard suddenly decided to become Holland’s protector -- as if Kell routinely and regularly was a fan of torture for the sake of torture. Especially when he had punched Holland all of one times after everything that had Holland had done and put him through. Kell was not the one in the wrong here, and he didn’t appreciate Alucard Emery treating him as if he was a criminal or something that was within his right to command.
He kept his gaze on Rhy the entire that Alucard spoke, jaw tight, making it perfectly clear to his brother just how not fucking happy he was with this treatment.
Once Rhy and Alucard treated, Kell shut his eyes at the sound of Holland’s voice, because he was genuinely at a loss for what to do with the other Antari.
“Shut up, Holland,” he said.
…
Holland did not shut up, although he was silent for a moment, thoughtfully, before changing the subject. “Have you tried to go back?”
He would have assumed that Kell had tried it already, although Kell did sometimes surprise him. He had his brother here, after all; perhaps Kell had not tried because he didn’t want to go back. It seemed unlikely, but not impossible.
--
Kell could feel his brow knit up. He was fairly certain that this was one of the longest conversations he and Holland had likely had. He just didn’t know what to do with the other Antari. In many ways, he never really had.
“Yes,” Kell said, feeling defeated by giving Holland an honest answer that he had asked for.
…
Holland looked at him more intently. “So? What happened?”
The specifics of it were important. His elemental magic was clearly dampened somehow - he’d thought perhaps that was just his proximity to the building, but Kell’s command over his bones had not seemed affected. He had not had an opportunity to try any blood spells. Did the spells simply not work? Did they cause any side effects? Maybe they needed to get to a different place, or maybe there were worlds in between that they had to get through first.
--
Kell very much wanted reassurance that Holland wasn’t going to hurt Rhy again. But he knew that Holland’s word would mean little in this instance. There was nothing to be done, he knew, other than to keep a keener watch and to warn others to watch out as well. Kell did not like that plan. But it also, apparently, was already the one that Rhy had come to.
“Nothing,” Kell said tiredly. “I bled all over the place and scared a lot of people.”
…
“Mm.” It was not a very informative answer, but also not unexpected. Holland’s gaze drifted away, into the distance, unfocused. Then he looked back at Kell. “The reason that I want to go to the library is because I want to understand this world. And if possible, the worlds connected to it. I want to find my way back.”
He spread his hands. “And if I leave, this world will be rid of me. Isn’t that a good thing for you?”
--
“You’ve proven to be really good at hurting me no matter what world you’re in,” Kell answered. He didn’t really think that Holland could succeed where so many others had failed, but Kell was worried about letting Holland do just about anything right now for fear of some consequence that Kell couldn’t predict.
…
“Yes,” Holland answered. Kell’s statement would have seemed a non-sequitur from Holland’s, but Holland understood what Kell meant. He did not trust Holland not to hurt anyone - particularly, Kell or anyone that Kell cared about. Holland saw no point in arguing with that; he did not think Kell should trust him, either. “But you convinced me to help you stop Osaron. And from the sounds of it, I will succeed, and likely die in the attempt, so you will not have to worry about me for much longer.”
Tilting his head, he considered Kell thoughtfully. “I’m not, nor have I ever been, personally motivated to hurt you. Only under orders, or as a means to an end. For whatever that is worth.”
He doubted it was worth much, but it was true, and there was no reason not to say it.
--’
“I shouldn’t have had to convince you to help me stop Osaron!” Kell burst out. His anger still felt unwieldy and he didn’t know exactly what he wanted out of this encounter. An apology from Holland would mean nothing. He wanted it to have never happened. He would have never gone so far to say that he trusted Holland, but he had never thought that Holland would do what he did to him under his own free will.
“You shouldn’t have let him out in the first place, Holland! And what difference does it make to me if you had personal motivation or not when you decided that I was a worthwhile trade for him?”
…
“I was trying,” Holland said, evenly, “To save my world. You were willing to give my life to save your own. Your world was willing to sacrifice mine to save itself.”
He did not intend his words to be excuses, only explanations. He was certainly not going to offer an apology. He inhaled, and let out a long, slow breath. “I’ve only ever wanted to save my world, and to gain my freedom, to keep my magic as my own. It makes a difference now because I am free, and I will finish what I started.” He paused. “I would never try to convince you to trust me. Trust is always dangerous. But my interests are currently aligned with yours.”
--
“You had no idea what was happening in your world when you met Osaron,” Kell answered. “And I don’t buy that you were stupid enough to believe that he was going to help your world. You traded your freedom because you didn’t want to die.” It wasn’t something he had anticipated from Holland because he had thought Holland didn’t fear death because he knew fates that were worse.
“And I was only willing to trade your life because you brought danger to it,” Kell said. “Don’t act like I would have done the same to you, Holland. You know I wouldn’t have.”
…
Holland actually laughed, a dry and mirthless sound. “No. I was glad to die. I was ready for it to be over. Osaron saved my life and offered his help. I didn’t trust him, but I thought I could contain him.” He shrugged. “When I couldn’t, that was when I offered you.”
His green and black gaze met Kell’s, intently. “You have no idea what you would have done under my circumstances, Kell. And you will never know.”
--
“I wouldn’t have offered you up just because you were the nearest Antari!” Kell snapped. “Congratulations on trying to use me just like everybody else had used you!”
Perhaps that was a dig too far, but from Kell’s standpoint, it wasn’t too far off the mark. He knew that the Danes had gotten a vicious enjoyment out of controlling and disgracing Holland that Holland certainly wouldn’t have gotten from Osaron possessing him. All the same, knowing how awful it was to be an Antari controlled by something else simply because of their power, Holland had offered Kell up on a plate.
…
Holland didn’t so much as blink. It wasn’t an unfair statement, and he wasn’t going to refute it, but it also did not hurt his feelings. “Congratulations on succeeding in not being used,” he said, with only an edge of mild irony. “Something I have never accomplished.”
Truly, although he doubted Kell would ever believe him, he did hold some respect for the other Antari. He would not have allowed just anyone to kill him, no matter how much he had wanted to be free of the Danes. It was not just about Kell’s power, but his cleverness in that feint that had aimed to drive the metal through Holland’s chest; he would not have allowed anything less.
And Kell had also saved his life, which meant that eventually he would get over this betrayal, at least enough to work with Holland. Whether that would happen here remained to be seen; whether it was even necessary remained to be seen.
“What do you want from me, Kell?” he asked, after a moment. “What is the point of this conversation? You seem determined not to believe anything I say.”
--
“You know that’s not what I’m saying,” Kell growled. “But, yes, congratulations, Holland, your life and your world has always been shittier than mine. When are you going to be done making me pay for that?”
That was it at its core: Kell had never refuted that White London had it much worse than Red London. He’d known full well that if he had been born into the wrong world, his life would have been Holland’s. That was something he had never been fully able to explain to Rhy or anyone else.
“I want you not have to allied with Osaron!” Kell said, and he knew what he was asking was impossible -- was an unfair request to Holland now, but Kell was still hurt by the other Antari’s betrayal and this, apparently, was the only outlet for him to express it at this time. What he wanted was another Antari he could trust and relate to, and Holland had always refused to give him that.
…
“I can’t take that back,” Holland pointed out. “And I’m not sure that I want to. If his effect on my world lasts, I can’t say that I won’t consider it worth the price. Saving my world is what I have always wanted, and Osaron knew that. If he played me, if it was all for nothing, then yes, I would take it back if I could.”
His eyes narrowed. “I have never tried to make you pay for being from a better world. I don’t know what I’ve done to give you that impression.”
--
Arguing with Holland over this was like going in circles and it was maddening to Kell. He couldn’t understand how Holland couldn’t be at all remorseful over what he had done when he had seen some of the outcomes.
“You have always treated me like some brat who was sent specifically to pester you,” Kell shot back.
…
Holland stared at him. Of all the things Kell could accuse him of, disrespect was not one of them. Maybe when Kell was younger he had not thought much of him, but much of his criticism had been, in fact, intended to make Kell aware of his weaknesses so that he could improve. He could not have done it nicely, even if he’d been inclined towards such a thing, because Athos was always watching.
But he was not sure that Kell would accept that explanation, and he didn’t particularly feel like adding to the circular nature of this argument, in which Holland explained his motives and Kell stuck to his own interpretation anyway.
“This is,” he said finally, “The first time you have ever acted like a brat. You are poorly trained, and irritating at times, but nevertheless, I respected you.”
--
“You’re unbelievable, Holland,” Kell said, unable to come up with any other words. His anger couldn’t rise any higher, so he realized there was just nothing else to be done. He was finished with Holland. Years of being entangled as the two Antari, and there was apparently nothing else to be said.
“There,” Kell said finally. “There’s the library.” He pointed. “I don’t want to see you again, do you understand? Do not come near me, and do not come near my brother.”
…
Holland raised his eyebrows, but that was approximately the response he expected. He did not think any other way he could have put it, any further detail he could have offered, would have gotten any further. And why would he put the effort into winning Kell’s good graces? He had no reason, and if anything, that would likely only seem more suspicious.
“Thank you,” he said, in response to Kell pointing out the library. Alucard had moved in that direction already, so Holland likely could have found it himself, but having the building itself pointed out did help.
He did not respond to the rest; even if he could guarantee to stay away from them here, he was going to see them again at home. He turned and started to walk away.