WHO: Rogue WHEN: today WHERE: The Cabin WHAT: Finally packing up Erik’s things. WARNINGS: losing a loved one
The boxes had been stuffed in the back of the closet for months on end. Purchased back in September with the intent to fill them to the brim and yet every time Rogue had took a step toward them, reached a hand out to remove them from their place in the shadows she had halted, a coldness enveloping her that she hadn’t been able to overcome. But his scent no longer lingered in the shirts, his impression that had once been noticeable to her in the pillows and mattress a thing of the past.
A new bedspread lay unopened on the chair, the one they had purchased together neatly folded in a pile on the dresser. But she couldn’t quite muster the strength to pull the boxes out and start the process of removing them from the home. Instead she sat at her vanity, staring at the reflection of the room behind her, taking deep breaths to try and calm the sense of the room closing in on her. At least there was no more tricks of the light happening, nearly convincing her that she caught a glimpse of him in the mirror, his absence fresh as she’d whirl around only to be met with empty space and disappointment.
But the metal ring did twinkle, catching the sunlight that shown through the window, and catching her attention. She could remember the proposal, the feeling of elation when she’d said yes and he had slipped it onto her finger. Forever had turned out to be a handful of months and Rogue guessed she should have felt happy for that time even. It wasn’t as though her kind got much of a chance at happiness for any length of time. Bitterness could have won out and she’d nearly let it, but instead resignation had begun to set in. She’d loved and she’d lost. But at least she had loved and been loved for a time.
It took several shaky breaths and pauses before she managed to slip off the ring, not entirely sure what to do with it once her hand was bare. She settled for the small dish that held a few other pieces of jewelry, laying it inside. One day maybe she could give it to Anka Irene or Hope. But there was little point in wearing it any longer.
Just as there was no point in keeping clothes that no one in the house could wear.
Several moments passed as she gathered the strength to actually rise from the chair and turn toward the rest of the room. Funny how her hand felt heavier with the ring off. Rogue flexed it, trying to memorize this new feeling, thumb swiping along where it used to be, before turning her attention to the other items that needed her attention.
She could never really remember how long it took to go through everything, each piece of clothing carefully tugged free from its hanger or out of the drawer, fingers sliding along the fabric as she remembered the last time she’d seen him wearing it, before she finally folded it neatly and placed it into a box. The tears started at some point, silent and steady for awhile before petering off to an occasional tear as a particular memory evoked more than she could handle. Bamfy found her at some point, curling up on her lap to offer some comfort as she sat staring at the piles of boxes that held all that was left of the man she’d known.
There were countless photos of him up in the house and he lingered in her head, but it was only a sliver of the man she had loved, one that she was pushing further away from the forefront with each passing day. It hurt too much to keep him around any longer. Anka Irene’s link to him nearly gone, her memories dwindling into nothing. It hurt to know their daughter wouldn’t remember him, not really, even with the stories she might be able to tell the girl along with Hope. But it wasn’t fair to try and keep her latched onto a ghost who might never show back up in their lives.
“Bamidbar Chamad,” she murmured to the bamf, nodding toward the boxes. The synagogue would figure out some way to disperse the various clothing items to those who would need them.
A flurry of bluish black mist and the lingering scent of brimstone was all that was left where the boxes had been piled up. She stared at it for a long moment, the scent and mist disappearing before Rogue finally made her way out of the bedroom.
For the first time in what seemed like forever, she didn’t try to reach out to the metal around her for comfort, knowing it would be awhile before she would be able to do so again.