WHO: Kady and Penny WHEN: back on Middle Earth WHERE: the Shire WHAT: Feelings are not friends. WARNINGS: D:, but not really. Just classic avoidance.
Penny wasn’t hating this Lord of the Rings bullshit. He wasn’t enjoying it much, either. With most things, he was in between but still pretended he was having a horrible time. People had asked him to travel them from place to place and it was grating on his nerves. Not to mention people on the network being drunk asses-- Okay, maybe he was hating it.
The only thing good to come out of it was the appearance of Kady. Middle Earth didn’t have much to do with her arrival but he found out about it while in a field in Rohan. The two had a night of drinking in a tavern and he managed to not try and kiss her, touch her, or say something real.
Not to sound like a hopeless romantic, but Penny felt every moment with her was a gift to him. He didn’t believe in a god (which would horrify his Hindu parents) but something good was giving this to him. They were walking around Hobbiton after buying some of the little people’s weed. He’d gotten a little better at blocking people out (like Loki and Murphy) but the radio still was in his head. He hoped maybe getting a little high would help silence them a bit.
“Do you just want to troll around this place for a bit or find a place to smoke this?”
Everything was still pretty much a blur for Kady. Her arrival and the subsequent journeys around Middle Earth had completely thrown off any sense of equilibrium. She could handle that, her life usually being completely screwed up in ways she couldn’t quite fix, but this was different. It wasn’t an endless mess of horrible circumstances forced upon her. If anything it was an almost calm without that nonsense of it being before the storm that usually poured down on her. Julia had her shade, Penny didn’t have cancer, and there wasn’t any vengeful demon god or whatever Reynard was running around to fuck with them.
The whole thing made it very hard to relax but she was slowly getting used to the lack of crap that usually came her way. Especially once it was clear that everyone else still seemed embroiled in all sorts of ridiculous drama. She probably shouldn’t have judged considering her own life choices, but whatever, judging others was fun.
And Penny was there. Whether or not she should continue to push him away was still up in the air though.
“I’m pretty sure we could do both at the same time and these tiny guys wouldn’t give a shit.”
Penny shrugged, “Good point there, Kady.” He liked to say her name. It sounded so good in his mouth. Get a hold on yourself, man. Penny kept walking until there was a break in the buildings, he reached out and carefully took Kady by the elbow (if allowed), and guided her to the alleyway.
“Did you get papers or a pipe? The pipes are ridiculous.” He wanted to ask her about what Julia had told her-- if anything. She apparently told Alice something. Odds are, he wasn’t involved. He was a background character in their adventures. The guy who was able to take them back and forth to Fillory.
The contact was as electrifying as ever but she pushed any acknowledgement of it down, not wanting to get into any of that with him. Trying to stick to just sex had obviously not worked back home. He’d developed feelings. She’d developed them as well and if Kady knew anything about life, that was a surefire way for someone she knew to either die or and up leaving her. Better to stamp them out then and there than add another notch to her heartbreak.
“Both.” She held up the nifty looking pipe that she’d bought. Not that she’d really paid anything for it since their money was endless but whatever, it counted. “Figured might as well have some fun and these guys look like they’re enjoying it when they use the thing.”
Plus it would be a neat souvenir.
Penny smiled at her, a sincere and soft smile. He looked at her like she was made of stars, actually, it was kind of pathetic. He snapped out of it and looked around for a place to sit. There was a crate that looked like it could hold his weight and he hunkered down on it.
“So how weird is this shit? Are you doing okay with it?” They had been through stranger things, with Martin Chatwin and all that, but still. “I never saw the movies or read the books, I just know what I’ve heard from Quentin.” There was a frown at the mention of Q. God, he hated that guy.
“With you and Julia showing up, that’s all of us.”
Kady shrugged but didn’t bother finding anything to sit on yet. She wasn’t quite ready to be comfortable, preferred being slightly off kilter. That was her normal. “More magic is real. More weird places are real.” Honestly it felt like another random day back home. Except this time nothing horrible was happening to the people she knew. There was no insane demigod intent on ruining the world. None of the fuckery that seemed to envelop the others. “It’s not that bad.”
It could have been worse. Not that she wanted to think of just how that could be though. Thinking about it usually led to crap happening and Kady was more than willing to not think about anything if it meant they might get some actual peace.
“I mean. Little people who’ve got good weed. What could be wrong with that?”
Penny shrugged with one shoulder and stuck his legs out in front of him. “No, it’s not that bad. Everything’s free, I don’t have to worry about traveling to another fucking dimension, and I don’t have to be a librarian.” He leaned back against the wall, resting his head against the brick. He was dressed normally, none of the elf or ranger shit for him. A tank top and big hooded jacket.
“They have weed and tobacco, Kady, that second part’s important. “ He’d been saving his last few cigarettes, rationing them out by the week. “I thought I was going to run out.” Smoking was one of the things that calmed him down when the voices got loud. Usually at night, when people weren’t paying attention to what was going in and out of their minds.
“My roommate moved out, so I don’t have to see his fucked up dreams anymore,” he added, remembering that detail.
She hadn’t remembered any cigarettes being sold on board. There was the cigar room but those could be an acquired taste and didn’t help much if they could only be smoked in the one place. Kady was well aware of how much he relied on them at times, especially when his other vices to push away others’ thoughts weren’t available. “Good. On the roommate part. The fact they put us in with random strangers is bullshit.”
Finding out she had some random roommate that wasn’t anyone she knew had not been all that pleasing. Thankfully the fact she only needed the room for sleeping made it a lot more tolerable. “You working on being able to block people out better though? Without needing the smokes?”
“I got a new roommate but I haven’t talked to him yet, nor have I seen into his stupid head.” Penny frowned and shifted his weight on the crate. “I don’t know if I’d want to share a room with Eliot and Kylo, though. I was living at the Cottage in Tumbleweed.” A beat. “In your room. Guess I’ll have to find an apartment.”
He left out the part where he slept in Quentin’s room a few nights, on the couch. That would sound kind of pathetic. At least he was familiar with Q’s dreams. Less weird to end up in. “I’m getting better. Alice, Eliot, and Kylo were helping. Been practicing. Stuff still gets pass here though.” He tapped his temple.
“The more you work at it the better you’ll get.” Or so the saying went. Kady doubted how accurate that was, especially with how powerful other people’s dreams could be. And with the group that was here she had a feeling it was even worse than back home. Even with all the crap they had all gone through.
The part about him staying in her room threw her for a bit of a loop. She should probably nod and agree with the apartment comment. That was what a piece of her was screaming for her to do. They weren’t together. She didn’t want them to be together. He was so much safer not engulfed in the madness that was her. Even being in a new dimension didn’t cancel all of that out. “We’ll figure out living situations when we’re back in Tumbleweed.”
“Is that how you learned,” he asked with a wry little smile. And it was true-- this group of people had a lot more trauma than a regular college student, or even a magical college student. Loki’s dreams were nuts, the guy after him had night terrors, and the new guy, well, he turned into a big green monster. That was going to be fun to delve into, wasn’t it?
She didn’t exactly say he couldn’t stay in her room anymore. The excitable part of him perked up. He kept his wards up and didn’t peer into her mind to figure out what she was thinking, that would only piss her off. And it wouldn’t be fair. “--Yeah it doesn’t matter now.”
“Something like that,” she replied, edgy as ever about her past. There were parts of her life she wasn’t ready to share, might never share, not with the life she’d led. It was enough that she was able to block her thoughts like she did, that she knew as much battle magic as she did. Explaining the reasons why she had acquired them wasn’t something she would willingly delve into. Even if Penny was one of the two people she might eventually explain it all to. Someday.
But not today.
“Are we smoking or what?” Deflection was easier than honesty.
Penny shrugged. “You’ve got the stuff. Sit down with me.” He scooted over to hang halfway off the crate, enough room for her to sit. “We’ll have a walk about when we’re done.”
He watched her to see if she’d sit next to him. Or if she’d just lean against the wall. Anything, he was begging for scraps.
Kady slid down against the wall, rifling through her bag to pull out what they needed. It meant less contact with him, but that was what she needed. Or at least that was what she kept working to convince herself of. ‘Connections were bullshit’ was the motto she was still clinging to tightly. Suddenly ending up in some random world wouldn’t change that. And it was better. He wasn’t dying here. Better to not drag back down into the chaos that was her life.
She handed him the wrapped leaves, taking some for herself. “Let’s do this.”
Penny signed and righted himself on the crate. He reached out when she handed over the weed. He thought of a million stupid things he could do right now, but instead just settled back against the wall. “Tell me you got a lighter?”
He suddenly felt nervous around her. Whenever she pushed him away, it made him feel more aware of his feelings for her.
Kady arched a brow at him. No lighter, but it took a moment to do the appropriate hand movements and words to spark enough of a flame for their purposes. She offered him some of it as well, well aware that he couldn’t make his own magic because of more bullshit that had happened back home, before settling back against the wall. Smoking from the hobbit pipe was different but considering where they were, it was also pretty damn amusing. Maybe they could simply sit there in silence and smoke, just breathe it in, and enjoy taking up each other’s space for awhile.
Penny frowned when she used magic, mostly out of jealousy. He leaned his pipe into the flame and sat back down on the crate. He felt ridiculous but was already starting to feel like everything was getting smaller and his head was getting bigger.
He started to say something, but thought better of it. She’d probably rather sit in silence. He watched her, without really realizing he was staring. Quickly, he looked away at passerby. “Afternoon!” the hobbit hollered at them. Penny just gave him a dirty look.
Kady shook her head at the ridiculousness of the situation, the sour look on Penny’s face almost normal. Except for the tension that lingered between them. And this time it wasn’t their usual sexual tension, though that was still there under the surface of it all. No, this was the awkward kind that was entirely of her own making because she refused to give name to her own feelings, to allow him close again after everything that had happened. Her own tragic circumstances were her own making, but she had lost so much already. She wasn’t going to lose him too. And at least with distance he was alive.
“Stop glaring at the natives.” Because if he kept that up they might need to wander to somewhere more secluded.
His eyes snapped to Kady shaking her head. “What?” He always had a look of surprise when someone commented on his rude actions. Like he didn’t understand why they weren’t on his side. Penny continued to look at Kady while he inhaled the weirdo hobbit weed.
“I’m not glaring,” he said as smoke gently wafted from his mouth. He wanted to ask if the flowers were stupid. How she felt about him. But it all got choked in his throat. “This is nice,” he said, finally, after hemming and hawing over what to say.
“Yeah, it is.” She shrugged, ensuring she didn’t give off any air of comfortableness. It was best to keep up the charade of aloofness anyway. Even if it was just Penny that she was with. Especially since she was with Penny. “We’ve got about thirty more minutes before I have to go. Plans and all.” Not that she actually had any, but it was best to give some sort of reason. She guessed it was, at least.
“Why do we hang out? Are we even friends? Are we fucking? Are we something?” With that outburst, Penny leaned back so hard against the wall his head nearly bounced. He inhaled deeply and held it for a few moments, watching for her to give him his inevitable verbal beatdown.
Of course this would happen. Kady should have expected it from the get go. She was honestly surprised he had kept all of that in as long as he had. She didn’t have an answer for any of his questions though. None that would satisfy him. Maybe it would be better to not hang out at all and keep her distance as best she could. It wasn’t what she wanted but Kady had learned a long time ago that what she wanted and what she got were rarely ever the same.
“Way to ruin the buzz, ass.” She rose, dumping out what was left of the leaves in her pipe before stashing it in her bag. “See you around.” She headed off, intent on getting back to the portal and putting as much distance as possible between the two of them.
Penny jumped up and rush to follow her, “Kady, I’m sorry, come back. I won’t … I-- I’m sorry, I’ll shut up. Just sit with me, please?” If that was all he could get out of her, it’d be worth it.
“If you don’t love me back, whatever, but at least be my friend.”
She nearly stopped, almost turned around to say they could at least be friends or maybe even tell him the truth, but Kady knew that would only feed into everything he wanted. What she wanted too but wouldn’t let herself have.
“I’ll see you around, Penny,” she muttered, offering a half wave as she continued walking, trying to put the distance between them.
He didn’t want to be the guy who grabbed the girl. Didn’t want to be the guy who stopped them from leaving. Penny knew there was something she wasn’t telling him. He had hope she loved him back, but he wouldn’t push it. It would only make it worse.
Penny turned and waved his hand off to the side, “Yeah, Kady, whatever.”