WHO: Jesse Pinkman and Joan Watson WHEN: After just after Atlantis. WHERE: Joan's suite. WHAT: Jesse and Joan give the turtles a bath and Jesse somehow manages to make it sad. WARNINGS: Talk of addiction and overdose. STATUS: gdoc, finished!
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With things starting to calm down again on the ship, back at sea with people resting and healing up, Joan opted to take a little time one day to make sure Bonnie and Clyde were suitably cleaned, rested and checked on. Jesse’s assistance was a welcome one, the company just as much as the help, since they had two turtles now rather than just the one.
The topical ointment for shell cleaning wasn’t a surprise, and the small, soft toothbrushes that Jesse had already got -pink and blue, because it worked- were ideal for getting along the grooves and making sure neither of the little hardback homes got damaged or flaked from any kind of bacteria they might’ve picked up.
With a head of lettuce between them on the floor, a bowl with lukewarm water and the ointment bottle near, Joan was enjoying the therapeutic routine that cleaning brought. “Are you getting used to the ship?” It was a bit of a change, from the small town to the roaming cruise liner, all the facilities it offered, and apparently also the degree of danger too.
Jesse liked working with his hands. If he would have took a different turn in life, maybe he would have put those good grades in shop class to good use. But things have a way of getting away from you like that. People come into your life and change it, and for him, it was usually for the worse.
Except for Joan and Sherlock. He thought of them as a team. Not a couple, but a nice, healthy platonic partnership. He envied it. But was also glad he was welcome among them.
He thought the idea of getting pink and blue toothbrushes might have been seen as slightly sexist, but Joan seemed to think it was cute. He had his legs crossed under him and he was scrubbing one of the turtles. To be honest, he didn’t know which one-- wait he had the pink toothbrush, this must be Bonnie. It was certainly calming to be doing this work. “I think so. I haven’t gotten seasick since they gave me that shot. And room service is great. My roommate’s this awesome, strong teenage girl. So yeah, I think so.”
“Oh, that first few hours,” Joan rolled her eyes, because usually she wasn’t so easily queasy, she’d been a surgeon, gone through medical school and then progressed to working some of the worst crime scenes with Sherlock. She did not have a weak stomach. But the sudden shift to the ship had left her gulping down air to stop seasickness getting the best of her. “That shot was a lifesaver.”
Imagine several weeks of feeling ill and constantly uneasy. No thank you.
“Even with the impromptu battle at Atlantis?” It’d been a surprise, and Joan wasn’t exactly equipped for battling sea warriors. Thankfully her doctoring skills came in handy, “I could’ve done without that. I had thought going back to Tumbleweed after an extravagant cruise like this would be hard, but if every stop is like that? No thank you.”
Jesse’s mouth twitched with a despondent little face. “Yeah, I was really sick. I tried to find you and Sherlock but heard about the shot and went straight for that. I’m not used to being in water, I’m a desert kind of guy.”
With mention of Atlantis, Jesse shook his head, “I’m trying not to think about that. Weird stuff happened in Tumbleweed, it’s bound to happen here too. Whatever is throwing us around needs to keep us on our toes. It was cool that you were able to help out, though!”
She was glad she was able to help, because otherwise she’d be unsure why she was there, unable to do anything or contribute to anything. So far, not much about Tumbleweed or this cruise was making sense, but she didn’t think it was supposed to, and trying to find sense in it would probably drive her mad. So she focused on cleaning Clyde, being sure to give him small cut off pieces of lettuce as she went.
“It’s so different from home,” just an average New York world, catching criminals, working through the days. She definitely was not the sort to be fighting merpeople. “You’ve been here longer though, do you… do you miss your home?” All the different people from all the different worlds, this place was full of interesting people, and Joan couldn’t help but be curious about them and how they were coping with this place. Even more so with Jesse, because she counted him as a friend.
Jesse frozen up and shifted stiffly. “Uhh…” he stared down at Bonnie’s shell and tried not to scrub too hard. “My home wasn’t so great. I was probably going to get into a lot of trouble with the law if I didn’t come here.” He had to admit to it, even if her and Sherlock worked with the cops. Schrader was pretty much the most obnoxious cop in the world, but he tried to help Jesse before his end.
“What about you? New York was probably awesome. I want to go to the art museums. Jane really liked that sort of thing. She took me to the one in the ABQ.” He didn’t understand a lot of the abstract stuff or why a woman would draw the same door over and over again, but Jane did. And that was beautiful about her.
Joan gave Jesse a soft smile, not judging or condemning. She’d done a few questionable things -not unlawful, just maybe not right, since she started working with Sherlock, and she couldn’t ignore Sherlock’s unpredictability when his moods were fluctuating. There was the whole thing with ‘M’, and then the fact that they were almost black listed by the NYPD after Sherlock committed assault.
“I’m sorry to hear that, although I’m glad, at the very least you got some time to move away and get a different perspective on things.” A step back was usually a good thing, it was just unusual that someone did it in a different realm.
“The museums are amazing, there’s so much culture in New York. The MOMA is one of my favourites.” Although she didn’t get as much time as she’d like to see them all. “The city is amazing, and there’s always a vitality to it. Even if I’m mostly seeing death.” And some of the oddest and cruelest forms of it. “Can I ask who Jane is?” She didn’t want to push, she learned through Sherlock that sometimes it had to take a while to get things out, and she didn’t want to upset Jesse.
“Albuquerque was crappy. There wasn’t much to do there except get high.” Maybe he just didn’t like it because he’d never been anywhere else and he was bitter. “And yeah, it’s good to get a step back. Give me a chance to get back on the right track. Been off of it since high school. Here, I can be what I want to be now.” What he wanted to be was someone. Anyone. Someone you could talk to in the morning with a smile.
“Jane.” He repeated, realizing he actually mentioned her without it stinging. He hadn’t moved on when he started dating Andrea-- he didn’t love Andrea, she was just someone to keep him from being alone. And he got her killed too.
“Jane was a girlfriend of mine. I met her because she was my landlord. She would take me to art museums and look at my art and she was really encouraging and warm but not too sweet. She had a bite to her… She overdosed on heroin.” And Walter watched her die.
Joan had heard that some towns, with little in them and poor prospects, weren’t the best place for people who needed more to keep them active and focused. The alternative was rarely good for them. “It’s good that this place is working out for you, letting you find these things out about yourself, away from the confines of your circumstances.”
Taking the time to listen to Jesse, pausing in Clyde’s cleaning ritual, she figured there wasn’t a happy ending coming from this. The overdose was a mild surprise, and Joan instantly felt bad for prying just a little, “I’m sorry Jesse. She sounded like a wonderful person.” Tragically, she heard about people like that all too often. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” Although she did hope that maybe, just maybe it could be an assistance to Jesse’s own sobriety.
“It was a big city, it just didn’t have a whole lot to it.” Jesse shrugged. Maybe it did, and he just didn’t try hard enough. If Jane was able to find beauty in some of the corners, why couldn’t he? “Maybe if we make it back to Tumbleweed, we can get one of those teleporters to take us to NYC. You can show me the MOMA.”
He was very focused on Bonnie’s shell now that Joan paused. He didn’t mean to end the story so abruptly, or so sadly. But it was the truth. “I love her. She was the first person I loved. And she loved me back.” Jesse didn’t look up. He wanted to disappear now. “It’s okay, Joan. I’m not there anymore, I’ll be okay.”
“That would be good, a visit to New York. I could show you a lot of my favourite places.” MOMA and some interesting art galleries, some of Sherlock’s assigned reading places, there was plenty to find in New York, that was for sure. “There’s always something to see in New York.”
She could sense that it was still painful to talk about Jane for Jesse, his over interest in a shell spoke volumes - Sherlock did the same when he didn’t really want to talk about something, distract or divert attention. And Joan stopped trying to force conversation about certain topics. “She might’ve been the first, but I don’t think she’ll be the last, Jesse. You have a lot to offer, and you’re a very strong young man.” There was obviously a lot to still get past, but Joan didn’t think anyone was a lost cause, not really. “You’ve already come so far, you’ll make it.”
“Is it really open all day and night? Are there places that don’t close?” He sounded childlike for moment, excited at the possibility of a burrito at 2am. He picked up a small washcloth and started to wipe the soap off Bonnie’s shell.
“I know,” he lied “I just…” He trailed off. Jane wasn’t going to be the last person in his life he loved, but he kind of wished that she was. He was set with her. “There’s a woman on the boat, looks just like Jane. Her name is Jessica Jones. She has no idea who I am. She looks like Jane would have looked if she had a couple of more years.”
“There are quite a few places that don’t close, shift work is common. Places like hospitals and police stations, they operate all the time, so there are businesses that put that to use and stay open too.” Which ultimately was helpful, and it brought something to New York’s aesthetic. Not to mention it lured in the tourists too. Joan liked how lively New York always was.
She couldn’t imagine how complex that must be for Jesse. She doubted it helped at all. She couldn’t tell for sure, because sometimes Sherlock was completely contrary to all the things she expected, but she couldn’t see someone walking around looking like Irene, or Moriarty as it should be, would be terribly healthy for him. “That must be a really difficult thing to deal with.” It only enforced her belief that Jesse was a far stronger person than he seemed to think he was.
Jesse was gentle when he wiped the turtle’s shell, taking his time to make sure all the soap was gone. He didn’t want it to dry or somehow seep into her through the shell. He wasn’t exactly how turtles worked, to be honest. “That sounds pretty cool, I want to go there. We should do that, the three of us, when we get back.” If they ended up back in the US. Hopefully they would, Jesse liked working at the zoo.
“It’s … I don’t see her a lot. She doesn’t really make herself known. I just saw her once and my heart leapt out of my chest. It’s been nearly three years now, so she looked a little older and I thought maybe … I don’t know, it’s stupid.” Jesse thought Joan was good to talk to about this stuff, but he didn’t feel important enough to continue. “How’s Clyde doing?”
“We’ll make a plan of it, a little vacation after this.” Because she wasn’t sure this counted as a vacation if all they were going to do was struggle with the different worlds they ended up in. And it would be great to see New York again, even if it wasn’t theirs. Time to see all the different places with Jesse, even Sherlock, they rarely went sightseeing after all.
“You thought maybe she’d ended up here before her passing, and somehow she was here, like you, doing better.” That made sense, it wasn’t stupid, Joan didn’t think it was stupid at all. Because it seemed possible, everything here was suddenly possible. “He’s doing good, sure you are?” Clyde gave little response, except to try walking again while Joan wiped off his shell too, giving a small stroke on the pad of her finger under Clyde’s head. “They’re such laid back little guys. I think that’s why Sherlock likes them.”
“A vacation, yeah.” He laughed a little, but he knew that this place wasn’t really counting as a vacation. Especially since they had to take cover from a kraken already. New York City wouldn’t have anything for them to fight. Unless they got mugged.
“Yeah, I did,” Jesse replied quietly. Then she started to talk about Clyde and he was happy to change the subject. “I like ‘em too, they’re slow and steady. I kind of want a dog, but I think they’re too high energy for me. I’ll just borrow the turtles sometimes.” He looked up at Joan and smiled goofily.
Time to decompress, to sight see and just be would be nice, once they got back to Tumbleweed, when they had some time. They’d make a point in it. The slide from serious to an easy topic wasn’t overly difficult, and she could tell it was needed for now. When Jesse was ready and wanted to talk more about things, she would be there to listen and she believed he knew that.
“They are excellent listeners, and you are free to borrow them whenever you need.” It wasn’t as snuggly as a cat or a dog, or even a hamster or rabbit. But sometimes, a turtle was just enough. And Clyde was part of the family now, like Jesse.