Eliot the Spectacular (highkingeliot) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2017-11-12 16:43:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log/thread, eliot waugh, kylo ren / ben solo |
Who: Kylo Ren & Eliot Waugh
When: October 12th
Where: Time Square Disney Store & their hotel
What: Eliot and Kylo stumble on the The Force Awakens playing in a store. Emotions are later discussed.
Rating: Teen. Discussions of events in The Force Awakens and corresponding feelings.
Status: Complete.
Eliot and Kylo were coming up on the last day of their trip. While the first couple days had been largely for sight seeing, they had still had chances for brushes with culture. On Sunday, they'd stumbled upon a concert in the park, and though they couldn't get into the main pavilion, they were in close enough proximity that they could hear the music and sit on the lawn to enjoy it by themselves. Eliot had even figured out, rather quickly, what the concert was and delved into a bit of an explanation of who Alan Cumming was; whom had been the vocalist Eliot had eventually recognized from their position in the grass. And on Monday evening, after their tour of Staten Island and some of the lower Manhattan areas, they'd gotten to watch a band perform in a Speak Easy. Tuesday had been more sightseeing and then Wednesday had been shows. Phantom of the Opera had always been the choice show for Eliot to take Kylo too, having felt the man would enjoy it, but Hamilton hadn't ever actually been part of his plan. But after a look of interest from Eliot, and discussion, Hamilton had also been seen Wednesday night; which had involved Eliot very quickly going over early American history for Kylo before the show had begun. And Eliot had forced himself to drink quite a lot from a bottle of water when the play reached the part of Hamitlon learning about Laurens death, just to prevent himself from getting any semblance of choked up. Still, that had been their first few days and they were very busy occasions, so now on Thursday it was time to just meander and relax. His City was a perfect place to just walk around and see what you could find. That was what Eliot intended for them to do on this final day. He figured if Kylo saw anything that caught his eye they could rush in. But, as they walked through Time Square, Eliot's eye was caught by the outer building of the Disney Store and he came to a stop. He looked at it for a moment before nudging Kylo gently with his shoulder and pointing across the street to it. "I want to run in there for a few minutes. Is that alright?" He assumed Kylo wouldn't mind but he was in the habit of asking anyways. Eliot wouldn't have spoke out loud why he wanted to go into the store but it was really rather simple. Margo was gone, Eliot missed her, and he knew Walt Disney would have some token of the famed deer he nicknamed his beloved Bambi for. It wasn't going to be the same as having Margo there but it was better than nothing. He'd taken any momento. And Eliot, unfortunately, was completely oblivious to the more recent acquisitions of intellectual property that the Disney Store now held in their grasp. He wasn't Quentin, after all. "Sure," Kylo shrugged, looking at the brightly colored windows and the whimsical animals. He recognized a few things from things he'd found on the television, or watched with Eliot, but a lot of it was a mystery to him, if not to the many children that seemed to be enjoying it. But if Eliot wanted to go in, then Kylo would go with him, even if he was thinking in his mind that he wanted to extend the weekend a little bit longer. A longer weekend would allow for more theater, something Kylo had enjoyed rather more than he'd anticipated that he would. But it was difficult to not enjoy it when Eliot was so obviously delighted, and Kylo rather hoped that Eliot's week had been as good for him as it had been for Kylo. He was a little more educated about things Eliot cared about now than he had been before, so that was something, right? He stepped in the door and glanced around seeing stairs in front of him. "I'll just wander," he mentioned to Eliot, as they stepped in. "Unless you need me with you?" Eliot shook his head against the latter question. "No. It's alright. I just want to grab one thing. I can come find you when I'm finished," he told him, giving his hand a quick squeeze of affection, before letting it go. He figured it wouldn't take more than five or ten minutes to find what he wanted then check out in the front of the store. He took a few steps away from Kylo and watched for a moment as the man headed away, before he moved further inside. A clerk passed him and asked if he needed help with anything but he shook his head, giving her a quick thank you, as he made his way past racks of shirts and shelves of mugs. Spotting the corner with stuffed creatures, he made a beeline and then let his eyes scan across them all. "Bambi, Bambi, Bambi..." he muttered to himself before spotting the deer near the bottom. "Bambi!" Snatching it up, he tucked it under his arm and then made his way towards the front of the store. And, right at the cash register, he blinked as he spotted a stack of action figure on display. His smile faded and the girl at the register called out for him, 'Sir?' Now with a frown, he stepped forward, and motioned to the stack of action figures. "Why are you selling those?" He asked, looking at her, glancing back to them every few moments. His eyes kept falling on the one of Kylo. 'What do you mean? Have you not seen the new Star Wars?' His shoulders fell. He frowned more. "You all made it..." And then she nodded her head. His head dropped and he sucked in a breath, repressing the urge to swear, since he'd spotted at least one child in the line beside him. Pushing the stuffed animal forward quickly, he yanked out his wallet, and suddenly appeared to be very impatient. All the while, his eyes were casting around the store quickly, looking for Kylo. Had he gone upstairs? Once the item was purchased, he snatched up the bag and began moving quickly to find Kylo. Maybe it would just be the toys. He doubted it. Kylo, on the other hand, had left Eliot and wandered up the stairs and further into the store. It was an interesting look, definitely interested in selling to children, which made Kylo somewhat curious as to what it was that Eliot wanted in this place. But then again, there were a number of adults lurking around as well. As he reached the top of the stairs and turned his attention towards what appeared to be a display of things selling a Disney World, his attention was grabbed by the sense of being watched. He frowned slightly, extending his sense in the Force until he located the source behind him. He turned, his dark eyes taking in two young children, a girl and a boy, both probably school age, who - upon being noticed - eyes widened, and they took off behind another display. Kylo would have gone after them, but the display they'd ducked behind had a YT-1300 light freighter on a box on it. Under that was an X-wing, and what appeared to be… his silencer. Kylo stepped forward and headed towards it, curiosity and a sudden pang of missing his TIE silencer drawing him in despite himself. He knew, intellectually, that there were films and people could watch them, and of course it wasn't possible to walk into stores and walk out without any knowledge of the fact that merchandise carried things from his home galaxy, but he hadn't gone looking for any of it, so his ship on a box, what appeared to be small blocks that it could be assembled out of, was intriguing even as he wasn't certain how he felt about that being for sale, or within proximity of the Falcon. He picked up the box, his eyes catching sight of the next shelf over, and staring at a dozen small, maybe five inch, plush… toys, for lack of a better word. Poe's damn droid, Rey. Vader, him… It seemed insane on many levels, but as he pulled his gaze up and around, he realized that it wasn't just this shelf or that, it was an entire level of what appeared to be various things that he either recognized explicitly or knew were representative of something in his galaxy. On the wall, a series of costumes for children including his grandfather, and himself, Jedi, a senate gown that he supposed from the picture was supposed to be his mother. And to the right of that wall a giant screen and the flash of lightsabers that he realized in a blink was his and - the scavenger girl. Rey. He felt caught, uncertain if he should move forward, or if he should turn around and go downstairs. In the back of his mind, as the box rested somewhat forgotten in his hand, he realized that this was probably why the children had been staring at him. He hadn't been wearing his mask in that fight on Starkiller. Nobody had been filming that fight on Starkiller either, though. And maybe it was different in this film anyway… Maybe he actually managed to defeat her. Eliot didn't see Kylo anywhere on the first level. While the store was full of people, both because of the fact they were in Time Square and because it was the Disney Store, finding Kylo in a crowd shouldn't have been incredibly difficult. The man was incredibly tall, after all, and as far as Eliot was considered, quite recognizeable. Frowning deeper, he moved for the stairs, and did not wait for the escalator to take him upwards. Instead, he climbed the moving stair well, before emerging onto the second level. He felt his shoulders slump as soon as he spotted the decor of the top level. While there was decorations and merchandise for the Marvel Universe also in abundance up here, his eyes were swooping over everything that he recognized as being tied to Kylo's universe. Sighing, he made his way deeper into the store, eyes scanning across to try to find Kylo. Coming up by his side, Eliot's eyes did not leave the screen that was laid out in front of them. It was one thing to be told stories of events in someone else's life. It was another to see them displayed out in front of you for all the world to see. While Eliot had seen a few of the Star Wars films in his past, he hadn't ever seen the film that featured Kylo. He had no desire to; just as he had no desire to see his own show. He didn't want to see his own pain displayed on the screen and he didn't want to see Kylo's. And yet, here it was, for all to see in the middle of a children's store. He watched as Rey and Kylo struggled against one another with their blades activated, snow all around. Perhaps Kylo had once held the upperhand in this duel but when Eliot had approached, Rey was now forcing Kylo backwards, her blue blade making contact against Kylo's shoulder. Instinctively, though he hadn't spoke to make his presence known, Eliot's hand reached between them and took hold of Kylo's; as though this were a way to protect the man from an event that was now cast in memory. His frown deepened and his hand squeezed Kylo's tight as Rey's blade swung in an upper motion, slicing Kylo's face and leaving a wound that would become the scar that Eliot was all too familiar with. He'd set to memorizing Kylo's features long ago. Finally casting his eyes down, he turned his head towards Kylo, though his gaze remained on the floor. He didn't drop his hand. "Let's go," he said, in a quiet yet very protective voice. Kylo hadn't any desire to relive that particular fight or any of the moments around it. At least, he supposed, Eliot had missed the humiliation of Rey calling the lightsaber to her. It had been his grandfather's lightsaber, and it ought to have been Kylo's, but it had gone to Rey instead. He still didn't entirely understand why, even after the conversation with his Grandfather about it. Even with the noted information about kyber crystals, it ought to have been Kylo's and his call to it ought to have been greater than any scavenger girl's call could have been. Eliot's voice was soft in his ear, and his hand was gentle in his, but there was a strength laced through that grip, and Kylo pulled his attention from the screen that seemed to have moved into some other scene and to the face of the man beside him. "Yeah, okay," he said low, not sure if he even had additional words to say to the situation. Obviously Eliot had seen the lightsaber hit his cheek, and the way he'd been pushed back on the snow. He moved his hand, and the box with the small blocks came along with it,dumping onto the floor and he frowned, agitated, and used the Force to lift it back onto the shelf. "It's not a half-bad version of my ship," he babbled as he turned away from the shelf, suddenly just wanting to get to the door. It wasn't as if he'd completely made himself out to be the best at everything where Eliot was concerned, not completely, but it was different to see at least one of the most humiliating moments of his life on a screen and know that Eliot had likely seen it too. He tugged on his boyfriend's hand and pulled him towards the stairs again. Eliot watched as the box tumbled to the floor. He was just about to bend down to pick it up with the hand that now held onto the bag of his purchase but before he could, Kylo had taken care of it already. His eyes lingered on the shelf for a moment before he lifted them to look at Kylo. He cast his eyes back to the box set when Kylo made the remark. Eliot didn't know anything about ships or cars or anything remotely mechanical; but he let his eyes linger on it for long enough to remember the shape as well as the name. A Silencer. Turning to look back ahead, he gave Kylo's hand another tight squeeze, before walking with him out of the store. The day continued on. Eliot didn't press about what they'd stumbled on inside of the store. He was extra close though. His arm had slung around Kylo's shoulders, pressing up against him as they walked through the streets, not wanting to be out of his space anytime soon. And he'd pointed out different sections of the City they hadn't had a chance to see up until that point. But as the night closed in, and they retreated back to the hotel, he could feel the events of the day closing in on them again. Standing by the foot of their bed, he slipped his shirt off of his shoulders in a steady motion, before unbuttoning his trousers and kicking them off. He sat down gently on the mattress and his eyes lingered on Kylo. Kylo hadn't talked because he hadn't wanted their last day to be tainted by conversations about things he couldn't change and didn't want to remember, but that didn't mean that they hadn't been there on his mind the entire day. It was difficult for them to not be there. He hadn't ever considered what it would look like to watch that film, or wondered what someone would focus it on - the idea that it might not be focused on him, but on Rey was insulting as well. Surely that wasn't the case was it? These thoughts swirled in his mind as they wandered through things, and Kylo tried to pay attention, to note Eliot's descriptions and the pieces of information that were important to him. He tried rather valiantly, but he still felt as if he'd failed at entirely putting the event behind him. It still hung in the air as he reached to fill up water in the sink. He drank the whole glass in nearly one gulp and his gaze turned to Eliot. The smallest of smiles turned the corners of his lips up despite everything. Eliot was pretty, and Kylo couldn't help but be reminded about that, which pushed, for a moment, the background of the day to the side. He sat the glass down, and moved forward, pulling his own shirt over his head as he did so. He tossed it to a nearby chair, the Force helping the shirt land there despite it being some distance away. He tossed his shoes off at the end of the bed, and he breathed in, a moment's pause before leaning forward and stretching out face down against the mattress beside Eliot. He left his face down for a moment before he turned it, however his voice still partially muffled into the duvet. "Do we still have the remainder of that bottle of wine?" Eliot glanced away from Kylo when the question was presented and his eyes landed on the small mini fridge they'd had in their accommodations, trying to think back to the night before. He was certain they did. Instead of verbally answering the man, he shifted, standing back up and crossing the room. He opened the fridge and yanked out the bottle, kicking the door shut with his foot, while he reached up to grab one of the few clean wine stems they still had available from the nearby counter. Crossing back over to the bed, he set everything down on the bedside table, before sitting back down next to Kylo. He leaned down and pressed a kiss against the top of Kylo's hair. "You're in luck," he finally said before sitting up. "Would you like me to pour you some now?" He offered, looking to the bottle. The kiss felt a little like support, even if it was just a kiss. Kylo rolled over, and his eyes sought out Eliot's gaze before he nodded, quiet. He wasn't certain what he was thinking and he wasn't certain if he needed to even say it here. He didn't always need to, he supposed. Overall the trip together had been everything he could have ever wanted. It was so different from anything he would have ever envisioned himself having when he was at home, and yet he'd fallen into it so easily. Maybe too easily, his darker thoughts pushed forward. He'd certainly been reminded of home today, and while it hadn't been spoken of, the memory of the fight for everyone to see was still there. He both wanted to talk about it and wasn't certain how to. Wine seemed like a better and better idea. Maybe with a glass of wine in his hands he could figure out something to say, either a dismissal or something else entirely. He should have expected to run into something like that even earlier - he knew it existed. Eliot was overall too good to him. Feeling the bed shift, he turned his gaze back to Kylo and met his gaze. He didn't want to push or pry. It was quite possible that Kylo wouldn't want to talk about the incident at all. But, to Eliot, it still felt as though it was hanging in the air. He'd considered apologizing for even taking Kylo into the store, but that also felt wrong. He hadn't known and it wasn't as though there weren't merchandise everywhere to some degree. And, really, he didn't think it was the consumerism that was the issue. Eliot would get him a glass soon but for the moment his eyes were lingering on Kylo. He was well aware of his scar. The scar had always been there from Eliot's perception. It was part of the face that Eliot adored. It was part of Kylo. And yet, now, having seen the blade swipe up and cut Kylo, even if only in a filmed perception of the event, it made him frown. Not because it changed the way that Eliot saw Kylo, but because he now knew how it had come to be. Eliot had been calm and protective in the store but that didn't mean he enjoyed seeing Kylo hurt. In fact, it bothered him immensely and none to pleasant of thoughts circled him in regard to Rey. His hand lifted and he reached out, brushing aside some Kylo's hair. Then he shifted, so he was closer to him, and he leaned in to press a delicate kiss to his lips. He didn't let it last long and instead leaned his head, pressing his forehead against Kylo's, while his hand moved to rest on the side of his cheek. Kylo leaned his forehead against Eliot's, leaning into the touch and savoring it a little while even as his thoughts swirled around in a dark gloom around him. The night had been humiliating, and the scar frequently served as a reminder of what had happened that night. He'd kept that partially on purpose, not wanting it to be something that he could ignore or forget. He had failed - failed to get his lightsaber, failed to beat Rey who had no training at all - he had failed in multiple ways. It wasn't something he really wanted anyone to see, but in particular it wasn't something he really had wanted Eliot to see. He let a breath out and he reached for Eliot's hand. "How much of it did you see?" He finally asked, more quietly than was typical for him. He didn't pull from the closeness and let his hand linger against Kylo's cheek for a second longer. Then his hand dropped to rest by their side, while he allowed the palm of his other hand to turn upward to meet Kylo's. And with Kylo's question, Eliot exhaled. "Not much," he replied. This was true. It hadn't been long. The scales had been tipped and Rey had gotten an advancement on Kylo. "I saw her hurt you," he said delicately and he pulled back now, his eyes casting down to Kylo's shoulder where Rey's saber had made contact; just moments before it had swung up for his face. Eliot's free hand moved and his finger tips brushed over the spot now, frown deepening. Kylo frowned, obviously he had seen that part because it had been when he'd walked up. It would have been nice if he'd also seen some of Kylo being on top of things, advancing on Rey, and actually possibly getting her pushed back. He supposed it didn't matter the end was what mattered. "It healed," he shrugged off. And that was mostly true, although he wondered sometimes if there weren't other wounds that hadn't yet healed. The rage that could gather when he thought about it, while he could pull from that, be stronger with it - it made him wonder if there were not scars other than physical ones. "Anyway, I knew there were films, I don't know why it startled me." Eliot didn't shrug it off. His gaze still lingered on the spot and he didn't want to pull his fingers away. His gaze dropped down, further, to another familiar spot he'd come to memorize. He didn't move his hand to touch it but he was looking now at the place around Kylo's ribcage. Eliot hadn't been privy to witnessing how that injury had come about and he wondered if it was another brought forth by Rey with her stolen weapon. Or was it from another battle that wasn't documented on film? How many came from battle and how many came from training? Friends or foes? He sighed and pulled his hand back with his gaze lifting to catch Kylo's once again. "I didn't know they'd be playing it," he then said, "Or that they'd have... everything that they had." He doubted Kylo was actually upset with him for that but he still wanted it said. Kylo glanced up, maybe catching a sense of some guilt, even if there wasn't any to be had. He shook his head. "I didn't assume that you had." He didn't know what he was feeling. Frustration, worry, he supposed at least it hadn't been showing him with Han. He swallowed and leaned up to catch Eliot's lips in a kiss, at least for a moment avoiding any possibility of having to talk further about any of it. The kiss lingered for a moment, Kylo hoping that this didn't change anything about Eliot wanting to be here with him. He knew he had been weak in that moment, weaker than he wanted to admit to anyone including himself. Everything about that day had gone wrong, and he'd never really had the chance to make it right. What had been intended to strengthen him forever hadn't. With Han's death he'd thought he would be free of the past, but instead it had continued to pull at him. And then he had ended up here: first for those few months on the island and then on a Coruscant that wasn't his and then Eliot. Eliot. Kylo's breath caught in his throat a sort of half catch of a sound tried to escape from it, sounding almost like a mangled animal. Eliot had given Kylo the slightest smile before the man had leaned in and caught Eliot's lips in a kiss. Most times, it was easy to push away all other thoughts and simply focus on Kylo in these moments. After all, Kylo was his favorite person to focus on. He'd usually gladly shut off his mind and savor the affection. But there was still the lingering feeling of wanting to shield Kylo. He hadn't been able to do so this afternoon. It wasn't his fault but it didn't change that he wished he had been able to. And he wasn't necessarily certain what was going on in Kylo's head. Kylo had shrugged off the injury that had been inflicted upon him in the past. And Kylo was right. It had healed, but Eliot worried about what was not being said. How close was that incident to the situation with Han? Eliot didn't know if it was moments before or hours. But it was that day, wasn't it? It had to have been and seeing a battle that took place on the same day as the death of a parent, even one with which there was such a difficult relationship as Han and Kylo had, couldn't have been easy. Eliot had leaned into the kiss and he wasn't pulling away. His arms had wrapped around Kylo's neck, trying to get as close as he could to him, to give off the sense of being there. He was with Kylo, in this moment, in the here and now. And Eliot wasn't planning to go anywhere. With the sound of Kylo's breath catching, however, Eliot did break the kiss. He exhaled, his eyes shut, and he pressed his forehead to Kylo's. "Ky?" He breathlessly whispered. He was unable to mask the concern in his voice. Kylo didn't answer immediately, instead his fingers pressed against Eliot's skin where they rested currently, and he let the emotion play out. He could have tried to stop all of it, but what good would that do? And really, he'd never been good at it. Snoke had allowed him to use the emotion, while his Uncle had constantly been trying to teach him to keep it at bay - controlled and domesticated, really. But he also wasn't going to break into destruction here in this space with Eliot. He pushed a breath out, his eyes closed. He could feel Eliot's concern and he didn't have an answer for it. Wasn't certain even what he should say in the aftermath of all of this. "She shouldn't have hurt me," he muttered. He should have been stronger than Rey from the beginning - all the way through the entire fight - if the damn wookiee hadn't shot him.... But even with that, he ought to have been able to embrace the Dark and draw power from it. He should have been stronger. He wasn't. Maybe he just needed to accept that. There was a genuine disconnect between what he felt in Eliot's presence and what he felt when confronted with those images again - the rush of memory of how he'd felt that day, and he'd nearly died. That was the other thing, if Hux hadn't come for him, even if he'd been sent… Sometimes Kylo was almost certain he was playing a different role altogether, that he'd dropped his mask for another mask that wasn't any more deeply him than was Kylo Ren. This mask was someone who could be in a relationship, and be wanted and loved by someone else. Except that it also didn't feel like a mask, or something he just wore, it felt like a second skin. Except for moments like these where it didn't. "How do you know who you are?" It felt like a dangerous question and it was whispered as if he could say it too loudly and draw Snoke here to correct him. But it could be asked with Eliot, maybe because Kylo suspected Eliot asked himself the same thing from time to time. The space of silence gave Eliot a moment of pause. He was still very much in Kylo's space. With the closeness between them, he wasn't sure where his personal space ended and Kylo's began. Eliot prefered it this way. With the silence still around them, and his concern still at the forefront, he'd just remained with his arms around Kylo. And then Kylo spoke and Eliot understood better. Eliot hadn't shrugged off the footage they had seen because watching Kylo be harmed had been difficult. He didn't like seeing Kylo injured and the emotions that had been on display in that duel had made Eliot want to reach out for Kylo, which he'd done regardless of who had been in the storefront with them. But now he understood better. It was a matter of pride and embarrassment. Eliot had known this but it was more apparent now as to how deep that went. He shifted, his arms unraveling from Kylo's neck, so one could rest more comfortably around the man's shoulder, and he gave slow movements of his hand against his back. He didn't speak and instead waited to see if Kylo was going to say more. Eliot didn't understand how Rey had been capable of overpowering Kylo, either. His knowledge of Rey was minimal and heavily biased. But he did know she was stranded on some planet with barely any access to people. She hadn't been some jedi hiding out and educating herself about the force. Eliot supposed, if he was right about the chain of events about Han, perhaps that had an indicator as to why Kylo had been overcome. It wasn't that Kylo weren't capable of succeeding in that fight. Perhaps it was a mixture of focus and the injuries he'd sustained, somehow, before Eliot had witnessed the rest of the events. The question made Eliot frown and though he hadn't said anything as of yet, he remained silent still for a few more moments. He wasn't going to give a flippant answer. "I show the world who I want to see," he whispered in return. It was true. Eliot still held himself differently when the pair were around others, especially ones who didn't live in the Cottage. He was softer than he used to be but that had more to do with the events before his arrival in Tumbleweed. But Eliot did not display vulnerability to strangers the way he would to his select handful, of which Kylo was shown the most. "I think," he began, "that we never completely know. We only begin to have a grasp when we look back and realize we aren't who we thought we were, because we always change," he offered. He didn't know how much of a comfort that was. "And I think... I think maybe the people we care about know who we are better than we know ourselves." Kylo understood showing the world who he wanted them to see intimately. In the First Order that had been every moment that he had been outside of his own room and seeing a glimpse behind that mask had usually meant discipline of some sort for the poor unfortunate underling who had stumbled upon it. Kylo had guarded every inch of his real thought or emotion from everyone except for those who could take it - like Snoke had been able to - or who had somehow sensed at it - as Hux infuriatingly seemed to be able to do. Hux had worn masks too, and perhaps he had been equally infuriated by Kylo's ability to run behind Hux's mask to who he really was as Kylo had been at Hux's constant attempts to unmask him. Kylo also knew that Eliot did this. He'd picked up on it quickly, but had picked up almost equally quickly that Eliot seemed to let his guard down around Kylo. Not immediately, not in huge ways - but in small ways that Kylo had responded to. One person in a sea of displaced that he saw himself reflected in. Or maybe he saw someone he wanted to be reflected there. The mask he'd worn had been an attempt to bring his Grandfather from the past into the present, but it had also been an acknowledgment of wanting the certainty that came with authority and power. He had power, but authority had been difficult to earn, and mask had always created a distance and allowed him to create a personna that was feared and respected. He'd stopped wearing it here, mostly because he'd realized from his memories of before that the mask would make him more recognizable rather than less, and wouldn't actually help with anything. But he knew that who he was without it was different from who he was with it. Maybe that wasn't a bad thing. He wasn't certain. Looking back too, he wasn't certain who he wasn't. Maybe he wasn't Vader. He wasn't Ben. Sometimes he feared that Eliot didn't know him at all and when El learned something about who Kylo really was that he would run away. Then there were moments like this one, when he was certain that maybe Eliot was right. Eliot knew Kylo better than Kylo could even begin to know himself. The words came out before he could really think twice about them - before he could second guess asking in case there were things he didn't want to hear: "What do you see?" Eliot pulled back with the question. It wasn't enough to be out of the man's personal space, and in fact he was still lingering there quite comfortably, but just enough so that he could look the man in the eyes. His hand shifted to caress Kylo's cheek as he gave the question the amount of thought it deserved. Eliot knew Kylo was asking about the man behind the mask. Eliot understood, and saw, how Kylo wanted to present himself to his fellow Tumbleweed community. It wasn't very different from how Eliot acted. Eliot saw a man who held a great deal of strength inside of him. Obviously, Kylo had a strong tie to the Force and his physical prowess was intimidating to advisories. After all, even though Rey had overtaken Kylo, Eliot was capable of seeing that the fight had been long and unbalanced. Kylo had been injured so the odds were more heavily in Rey's favor because of that. But this wasn't the type of strength that Eliot was thinking of. No, Kylo had the strength to fight opposition and not back down, regardless of the consequences it may have for him personally. His own Mother had opposing views from Kylo. Being willing not only to voice his stance but to stick by it, even if it meant damage to his earliest personal relationships, was a strength that many didn't have. He was someone who made sacrifices. Hadn't he done so many times in Tumbleweed? Eliot could think of example after example. He'd been willing to live with Han and Leia, even if it meant he was uncomfortable, for his Mother's happiness. He would have likely gone back, too, if his and Eliot's bond hadn't grown closer during the period when Kylo had intended to temporarily move in. He'd been willing to accept that he and Eliot couldn't go away from the Mountains, for fear of spreading the Space Flu, even though it was a disappointment for them both. And when the portal had opened? Kylo had been among the many who fought to protect Tumbleweed. It didn't matter if it had been spurred on by Rey's taunts, he'd still been out there. And that circled back to the feeling of protection. Kylo protected people that he cared about. Eliot wouldn't necessarily go out and say that Kylo, nor himself, particularly loved Tumbleweed; but it was home now, wasn't it? He tried to protect Leia from despair for months by holding back the secret of Han's fate. And as for Eliot himself? Kylo was always there when Eliot needed him. When Eliot had found out about his daughter? It wasn't Quentin who had chased after Eliot into the night. It was Kylo. Kylo had a great capacity of caring for people if they just let him. It wasn't just Eliot that Kylo cared about, or so Eliot believed. He was fairly certain that Kylo cared about Petunia and Quentin. He cared about his family, even if he wouldn't admit it. Putting this all into words was harder. "I see someone I never want to go away," he whispered. It wasn't putting all of the traits of the man into spoken sentences but didn't it convey the feelings? Eliot wanted Kylo by his side, now and always, which by itself inflected how important he was. "I can't imagine a world without you in it." The words unsaid, seemed to hover in the background of those that were. It was nothing Kylo could have made out, but it supported everything that he could make out, which was Eliot in front of him, saying that he was wanted - always. His stomach seemed to flip, or maybe his heart just stepped out of place, stepping forward for a moment to take the place of everything else as his entire attention was hyper focused on the man in front of him. The earlier fears that Eliot might see something and turn away had dimmed, whether Kylo had completely lost that fear, or whether more likely it had simply been pushed out of the spotlight, might matter - but not in this moment. In this moment, he felt known and wanted and seen and far from being a terrifying thing he wanted to run from or yell at, it felt like the entire galaxy. Rather than answering Eliot with any words, he leaned forward to press his lips to Eliot's, while sliding his hand up against Eliot's neck to pull him nearer again. Kylo felt sometimes as if he'd been lonely forever before he'd come here and found Eliot. It maybe made sense that he'd always been lonely in his galaxy when the person who could help him solve that was sitting in another one. His original request for wine was forgotten as he sought to deepen the kiss he offered. |