Ren Waugh-Solo (behindthemask) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2017-08-07 21:00:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log/thread, eliot waugh, kylo ren / ben solo |
Eliot & Kylo --> Log
Who: Kylo Ren & Eliot Waugh
When. July 15 (after this.)
Where. Physical Cottage
What. Kylo & Eliot have some important follow-up conversations.
Rating. Teen, it's pillow talk.
Status. Complete.
Eliot had asked that they go home. The party had no longer held any meaning for him. The notion of even saying 'goodbye' to their assortment of friends hadn't even seemed important to Eliot in the moment. Margo would understand and Quentin wouldn't be surprised. One of the two would likely make an excuse for him, give apologies or shrugs of indifference, and he'd confront any upset feelings at a later point in time. Home was largely meant as a way to be far from crowds and eyes. He didn't know what to anticipate upon their arrival back at the cottage. He had no expectations for where the night would lead him. All he knew was that things had shifted considerably this evening. Earlier in the day, he'd been holding back all of his feelings and desires for Kylo, fully convinced that Kylo was going to remain a friend and a friend alone. He had told himself he was fine with that. That it was enough just to have him in his life. And now things had shifted completely. His affection for Kylo was not only welcomed but returned back to him. Upon reaching the cottage, there could have been time for further discussion. There was plenty they still needed to talk about. But, with the cottage door shutting behind them as one led the other into the hall, words felt unimportant. Instead, it felt important to press lips to tender spots while fingers danced across skin, all the while trying to navigate for the stairs to get up to either of the two's bedrooms. Once on the second floor, a bedroom door was thrown open and kicked shut moments later, as Eliot inched them towards a bed. And now, as the night was coming to a close, he laid still with an exhausted but blissful look. He was on his side, presently, with his arm tossed around Kylo, and eyes soaking in his appearance. Kylo lay on his back next to Eliot, closing his eyes and breathing in with a full, deep breath not unlike breathing exercises he'd been given however many years ago when he'd first begun to learn the Force. It was more content than any of those breaths had ever been, however. He let the breath out, and turned his head so that he could gaze at Eliot, whom he could feel looking at him. He was pretty certain he could feel Eliot's contentment as well. Or maybe it was just Kylo's own. Whether it was his, or a blend of their emotions in a swirl Kylo kind of approved of, the only deeply important point was that Kylo Ren could not remember a time in his life he'd felt quite as blissfully happy as he did at the moment. It was such an intense feeling that it was almost terrifying. He swallowed, and lifted one hand over to push a stray curl back from Eliot's face. Perhaps he should focus on the fact that this felt too perfect to last, but he wasn't going to allow himself to do it right now. There would be plenty of time for that anxiety to rush in when he wasn't still wrapped up in this evening. He could easily fall asleep at the moment as well, but that would have required him to keep his eyes closed for longer and he would have lost the opportunity to watch Eliot just as closely as Eliot was watching him. For weeks he'd been sneaking glances, and watching when he didn't think Eliot was paying that much attention to him, and all he'd wanted to do was to have full permission to watch him openly, and to learn everything there possibly was to know about him. "You're staring," he pointed out, his lips curling into a small smirk as he did so. It wasn't as if Kylo wasn't doing so back equally. His hand found Eliot's and curled into it, warm, maybe just a little bit sweaty, and with the promise of familiarity lingering. "You've already seen all of me there is to see." As Kylo reached out to push back his curls, Eliot's eyes momentarily closed and he gave a small content murmur of sound. He'd always liked the feel of people touching his hair and it felt even better with the knowledge that it was Kylo doing so. Reopening his eyes, he gave a tired smile in response to the statement, as his finger tips shifted to rest against the back of Kylo's hand in response to him taking hold of it. "I am," he agreed, offering up a small smile as he said so. "I don't foresee me tiring of seeing all of you anytime soon," he then admitted, thumb idly stroking against Kylo's hand. Kylo catalogued the sound away, and the gesture that had spurred it on, nestled in the back of his mind for repeating at some point in the future when he wanted a similar response from Eliot. How many gestures had he stored away tonight? But he knew he'd likely missed something and there were things still unexplored, and it sounded very much as if he were going to get the opportunity to catch all of those. At least, that was what Eliot's words suggested, and the look on his face right now backed it up, and the sense of him in the Force - something that as it turned out wasn't nearly as worrisome to look into as Kylo might have feared. "Good," he offered low, and intently. "I like being looked at." By Eliot anyway, even if not so much in general. His gaze dropped, finding their hands twined together instead of Eliot's face for a moment. "At least by you," he decided to qualify the statement. After all, he'd spent a number of years hiding under a mask for someone who liked to be looked at. And he couldn't remember having ever enjoyed the sensation quite so much as he was right now. His eyebrows raised with the slightest hint of amusement. "Now you sound like me," he told him with his smile still present. Eliot had always been one to strive for attention and enjoyed having all the focus upon himself that he could commander. Of course, this was far better than summoning gazes from his peers. It was infinitely better. "You're one of my favorite sights," he whispered in response to the qualification. This had been true well before tonight. Prior to Kylo coming to stay in the Cottage, he used to look forward to evenings when he could be in Kylo's company. In the beginning, he'd not been certain as to whether Kylo would want to partake in the types of activities Eliot frequented, but that hadn't stopped him from inviting him each time. And every time Kylo would arrive, Eliot would feel a sense of happiness that was solely in response to him. Kylo brought his gaze back up to Eliot's, uncertain precisely what to say in response to that, but knowing only that it sent warmth flooding through him, and it made him want to never leave the bedroom for fear of losing that somehow. He turned, rolling towards Eliot, and pushing himself up on his side so that he could look him straight in the eyes. "Maybe you're rubbing off on me," he threw back with a smirk. "I can think of worse things." And really Kylo could think of worse things. Everything about the past few months of his life felt strange and unnatural. Being in a place where he was as old as, or older than, his parents. Having siblings that weren't really his, yet kind of were. No longer having the demands or constraints of the First Order, or the guidance of Snoke. Having his Grandfather there in person, to seek counsel from. All of these things whirled together and barely felt real to Kylo at times. And yet somehow Eliot had held solid. And that made this moment, which felt impossible from one point of view, also feel a bit as if it were the only thing that really made sense. And rarely had Kylo wanted so badly for someone to like him. Yet he couldn't doubt that Eliot did. He could feel it nearly as certain as the sheets around him. He lifted his hand back up to slide against Eliot's hair again. "Why didn't you say something?" "Maybe," he repeated, smirking as well. It wouldn't be a bad thing, though Eliot was fairly fond of Kylo as he was now. Eliot didn't have much desire for Kylo to change. Well, perhaps a bit more color in his wardrobe, but that was more for selfish reasons in that Eliot liked the way colors looked against Kylo. As Kylo's fingers slid through his hair again, he let his head drop backwards momentarily as he sucked in breath through his teeth. He exhaled it shakily before looking to Kylo. He didn't answer immediately and it appeared as though he was collecting his thoughts on the matter. As he remained in silence, his hand shifted some so that he was just a bit closer, so he could throw his arm back around him. "A few reasons," he began, glancing downward at the sheets beneath them for a moment. "I'm not very proud of some of it," he then added, shifting his gaze up to look at Kylo. He didn't mind telling him. He just hoped that it wasn't going to make Kylo think any differently about him. A smile crossed Kylo's face at the reaction he seemed to be able to tease out of Eliot. Probably he'd smiled more in the past few moments then he'd smiled for whole years before that. Although it was possible that you could say that about the past few months too. Because really Kylo didn't smile much at home - the First Order didn't precisely encourage it, or maybe more precisely Snoke didn't as Kylo had certainly seen troopers laughing in their more casual spaces. Less so when they realized he was there. But there was something there behind what Eliot had said, and Kylo met his gaze, tilting his fingers in a caress across Eliot's cheek. Caught between asking, and the half wonder if it wasn't something Eliot really wanted to share. Then again, on the list of wounds one had offered the galaxy, it seemed that patricide probably was at the top of that list and it was difficult to imagine Eliot matching that. His expression turned serious as he spoke: "We don't have to talk about it tonight if you don't want to." For a moment, he nuzzled against the touch of Kylo's finger tips, focusing on his touch instead of the statement or the question. It was a small comfort that he didn't want to pull from. But he didn't want to evade the question. He could answer it. "I don't mind," he replied, hoping that he was believed. He'd thought of telling Kylo about so many things in the past but hadn't felt the time was right. But when Kylo asked him a question, he was determined to answer. He turned his head and pressed his lips to Kylo's finger tips, before he shifted completely to curl up against Kylo, pressing his forehead to his bare chest. "I've messed up things for people in the past. Or had a hand in it," he explained, slowly, sighing at that memory. He hoped one day he'd get to tell her how sorry he was for that. "And I didn't want to do that to you." Among a long list of things Kylo Ren wasn't particularly used to, was the idea that someone didn't want to mess things up for him, or cause him trouble in some way. So for a moment all he could really do was let the words settle in. As they settled it seemed to raise a few more questions, such as what this could possibly mess up for Kylo, although even as Kylo asked the questions his mind was ready with helpful reasons having someone like Eliot in his life was a very bad idea. Attachments, loyalty to the First Order, following in his Grandfather's footsteps, and while he was at it - attachments had been one of his Grandfather's weaknesses according to Snoke - Kylo pushed the litany to the side and shook his head slightly. "I don't believe you would do that to anyone purposefully. But you aren't messing things up for me," he determined. Because it was true, in its own way. All of those reasons that Kylo could so easily come up with, they weren't important here, because here there was no Snoke, no First Order, and everything that Kylo carved an identity from at home didn't exist here. Here he was trying to forge a different identity. This was more difficult than he would have given it credit for, but Eliot and the Cottage had somehow all wrapped up in that, and that meant if anything, Eliot was probably helping him set things straight. "Look, if it weren't for you, I'd probably still be stalking around in clothes better suited for Coruscant than Tumbleweed, and I would talk to hardly anyone, except maybe Millicent. And I like Millicent, well, I've grown to like Millicent, but you've made my life better here. By a lot." "I did though," he started, still with his eyes averted down. "I didn't care what I was doing or who I was hurting at that point. I just did what I wanted." He'd been drunk on alcohol and emotion. He'd been spiraling and he didn't know how to pull himself from it. He'd woken to find Margo and Quentin clutching each other by his backside. Quentin hadn't been the only one to make a mistake. Eliot could have kept himself away from that. He could have tried to stop them even. He'd not been drunk enough to not know what was happening in some subsection of his mind. It was that he didn't care. He'd felt no allegiance to Alice and he'd wanted Quentin. Instead of explaining that, though, he shifted some so he could look up to Kylo as Kylo spoke. He gave him the smallest smile. "You know how often I worried about you suffering heat stroke?" He said, before nodding his head just a bit. "I'm glad I haven't and I'm not, but that'd been my worry." Pausing, he tried to figure out how to say the other factor of it, as he glanced back to the sheets. "I didn't mean I'd mess up you, though. I meant...Hux," he began, as a sense of minor worry actually returned to him. They'd not talked about this. What if Eliot was right and Kylo would prefer the company of Hux if he ever came here? Eliot knew it would probably hurt him if that happened but he also knew he wouldn't be able to be mad at Kylo. "I didn't want to mess up what you might have had with him. Or if you wanted to have something more with him if he ever showed up. That was holding me back." He looked up now to Kylo, hoping that this wasn't the wrong thing to say. He was trying out an absurd amount of honesty and it was rather new for him. A range of emotions flickered through Kylo, all of them undergirded by a little surprise at what felt so honest. One instinct was to persist that Eliot was fine and he didn't need to worry, to laugh off Hux, to maybe even see if a kiss would tease this conversation away. It might, Kylo felt like he'd been a pretty good kisser, and that was certainly more comfortable than talking about any of this, but something made him pause. Kylo's relationships had never been stellar exactly. His relationships with his parents were strained and complicated, his father the worst of these. His relationship with his Uncle felt defined by all the things Kylo wasn't - namely Ben Kenobi if everyone were being deeply kriffing honest - and really that also applied to his parents. The First Order didn't strongly encourage relationships. Any sexual encounters he'd had before Hux had been encounters and that was all. Hux sometimes still felt like a weird dream brought on by the strangeness that was that island. Kylo didn't know if it would have turned into something more lasting or not. Maybe if it had been given space to grow, although it hadn't been anything like this. Hux had at times seemed to not even want to talk to Kylo, and certainly not about relationships past or future. It had infuriated Kylo and maybe that was part of why he paused right now. Or maybe it was Eliot's look. Unless Kylo was deeply mistaken, there was past experience fueling it's own pain under that. Kylo pulled in a breath like he might before a difficult climb and he shifted, propping himself up on one elbow and gazing at Eliot. He was kriffing beautiful but now really wasn't the time to be noticing that. "I don't want anything with Hux," he said simply. And then it was his turn to look down to the sheets. He could leave it at that and it would be easier than explaining, but did it need more? Kylo wasn't certain. It was a little strange to be in bed with someone you didn't argue with all of the time. But strange in a good way, like getting dessert. "We weren't like this," he finally added by way of explanation. "He didn't talk to me." He swallowed, nerves at wondering if he was going to mess this up eventually settling in the lower part of his stomach. He really didn't know what this was supposed to look like, but so far Eliot wasn't running. He could half hear his Uncle's voice nattering on about 'staying in the present moment' and normally he would growl those remnants of memory away, but it didn't seem like terrible advice for this moment. So he moved a hand over to Eliot's side, needing to feel Eliot's skin under his touch. And he breathed out in a slightly nervous whoosh, words tumbling out in an earnest rush. "I want you. This. I want to try to not break it." His eyes flickered up to look upon Kylo with the statement. This, of course, was a statement in Eliot's favor, because it was words that could tamper down the worry that had sprung back up inside of Eliot. But even still, it wasn't actually what Eliot had believed to be the case all these months. A small frown set in at the thought of misunderstanding that and keeping silent for as long as he had. But, then again, they were here now. That was what mattered. He glanced back down for a moment as he let Kylo's continued statements wash over him. And for a moment, his brows came together in disapproval. Kylo deserved someone who paid him attention and engaged him. Of course Eliot had enjoyed this evening. He didn't want the evening to end and he was looking forward to the notion of waking tomorrow with Kylo near. But he also enjoyed their frequent conversations. He said nothing about this though. In response to Kylo placing his hand upon him again, he instinctively moved his own to rest on his chest, fingers splaying out. And then he was looking upwards again and the corner of his lips turned upwards in a smirk. "You have me," he responded because it was the truth. Eliot liked the way this newly opened door of possibility looked for them both. "And I'm going to try to keep us from breaking, too," he added, because he knew he had his own history of ruining things. He didn't want that to happen here. Kylo's breath drew in as Eliot's finger's landed on his chest, and he looked across at Eliot. This was something that he wanted to keep, even as he wasn't certain he knew how to keep it. But he hadn't messed it up yet. And there had been conversations he hadn't known exactly what to do or say during, and it hadn't made Eliot not want him - obviously - because here they were. He was in Eliot's room, in Eliot's bed, with Eliot's hand on his chest, and he wanted to stay here for as long as was possible. Which, admittedly wouldn't be as long as he wanted more than likely. "We get to keep doing this?" He asked. It seemed obvious, but somehow it also felt important to ask Eliot, or maybe there was something in the fact that he felt he would get an answer from Eliot. A real one, not just a flippant push away. "And you'll tell me if you agree to help anyone else make someone jealous?" A lopsided grin accompanied this question. "And if we keep doing this, sooner or later, you're going to get ginger cat hair on your comforter. I hope that's not a problem. Millicent doesn't like sleeping alone." He reached a finger over and pressed it up against Eliot's temple. "Neither do I really." Eliot's expression flashed a look of surprise with the question. He immediately thought of a playful comment he could say in response but he refrained. The realization that he'd had the dynamic misunderstood between Kylo and Hux, and the feeling that Hux hadn't been very forthcoming with affection, made Eliot feel as though this wasn't something to give a playful response to. His hand shifted, moving to rest against Kylo's cheek, with fingers finding their way back into Kylo's hair. "I want to," he told him before allowing for an added bit of levity by adding, "Often." Then his wide smile returned. "I'll let you know if that type of request is asked again," and even as he said this he couldn't help but give a small chuckle. "Millicent could never be a problem," he replied, because this was definitely the truth in that matter. Eliot was quite fond of Kylo's cat. "I don't like to, either," he agreed before adding, "though I should warn you, I am going to try to cuddle in my sleep." Kylo chuckled at the 'often', a smile staying on his face. "I could get used to this," he offered lightly, a tease, but with so much truth behind it. Space was cold and lonely and Eliot's room was anything but. The Physical Cottage likewise was anything but. And Eliot, well, Kylo could easily see how warm he was right now. Kylo could get used to this sleepy contentment next to him. Add Millicent with her turning and small demands, and it held the promise of comfort that Kylo wanted to lean into. His cheeks flushed slightly. "I cuddle more than you might expect," he shrugged. "I'm not used to sleeping with someone, but when I have someone I tend to stay close to them." And as if to illustrate this, he lifted a leg to hook over one of Eliot's with arched eyebrows. "Besides," his voice settled low, "I don't think I can complain about you staying close. Every time you've touched me, I've wanted it to be for longer." Eliot hoped Kylo would get used to it. He wanted Kylo to feel appreciated and desired, which were certainly feelings that Eliot could easily convey when it came to the man by his side. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of his cheeks flushing. He liked how Kylo looked in that moment, though he'd have said the same for pretty much every moment since realization had sunk in. "Do you?" he asked with a tone of hope. That would certainly work in Eliot's favor, as Eliot usually clung to those he cared about. He did this so often in his waking moments that it need not be a surprise that it happened regularly in his slumber, too. He took in a steadying breath at the movement, eyes fluttering for a moment, as he made a mental note that the low voice was incredibly attractive. "You should let me know not to stop," he returned in a lower voice himself. "I'll do anything you ask." This was quite true. He'd give Kylo the world if he could and that had been before he'd taken him to his bed. Kylo's gaze shot up to settle on Eliot's face at those words, his breath caught in his throat. It didn't really matter whether it was a forever promise or a just now promise, Kylo had never been on the receiving end of such, and the sensation was weighted with possibilities. He moistened his lips with his tongue and kept his eyes on Eliot, the smallest of smiles on his lips as he watched him. There was something heady about this, and something that made Kylo want to protect it - not misuse it. "That's a dangerous promise," he spoke in the same low tones, but he brought his hand up to rest against Eliot's chest, so easily aware of the life there. "I might tell you to never leave this bed." Eliot was fairly certain that he'd do anything to see that smile. Slipping his hand away from his cheek, he let it drag down to rest against Kylo's upper arm, as an almost devious look spread across him. "If that's all the danger I'm in, it's worth repeating," he whispered, smirking up at him. Eliot would be fine with staying in this pocket of time, having it cycle on repeat. At least for the immediate future. Kylo's smile slid into a grin as a shiver ran up his spine from Eliot's touch. Maybe it was less difficult to stay centered in the present moment when the present moment looked like this,felt like this. His gaze focused in on Eliot with that delightful smirk on his face and all the promise of being wanted was there etched in his presence so beautiful it was almost painful. Kylo sidestepped that and leaned forward to catch Eliot's lips in a kiss, teasing his lower lip for a moment before pulling back just enough to say: "worth repeating, hm?" |