InsaneJournal

Headlines from the Daily Prophet, Weekend Edition, Saturday June 15th.
Front page, "Ministerial candidates neck and neck, wild mass guessing over Ministry position reshuffles."
A few ads appear in the personals, page 41. One example:
"45yo VGL BHM ISO BBW 4 gala. DDF, NSA fun or FWB."

On the WWN, Sunday 16th.
Sandi and Canadian Dan in the evening.

"Hey guys, I'm Sandi and this is Canadian Dan."
"Hi."
"We're filling in for Alan, Jones and Bush this weekend. They're off in Aruba, for a very special mid-week travel show, don't forget to tune in!"
"You don't have to, though, they're probably just going to be insulting some locals."
"Oh, Canadian Dan."

"My goodness, doesn't Martha Campbell look spunky with her new haircut. It reminds me of that Muggle pop sensation, Kylie Minogue."
"Didn't Kylie cut her hair off because of chemotherapy?"
"Oh, Canadian Dan."

"You know, I'd be excited for all these activities too. Why can't we have a week like this, Canadian Dan? You could give me a piggyback."
[There is radio silence for five seconds]
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha okay."

"These are some really good questions and answers. Danielle Zhang was very philosophical. Canadian Dan, what has been the best moment in your life?"
"When I discovered the combination of maple syrup and bacon."
"You sound like you'd be right at home at the Longbottoms' breakfast table."

"Nothing warms my heart more than seeing the comaraderie between these guys-"
"Kittens-"
"-their rapport just leaps off the screen-"
"-ducklings-"
"-they just function like such a well-oiled machine, and you can tell they care. They do make a difference in the world."
"-baby giraffes."
"Oh, Canadian Dan, don't even try. I can see right through your cynicism."
"... fine, I admit it, Aidan McGovern's confessional really touched me."

"How about those scavenger hunt results, then? The winning team did very well."
"They seemed to have had fun, except for Laeli Delacour, who looks like she hexed that word out of all of her dictionaries."
"Oh, Canadian Dan!"

In Witch Weekly, Monday 17th.
"Our eligible bachelor list is fast-shrinking; they all seem to be getting snapped up! We encourage swift action, ladies and gentlemen, because only the best catch our attention, and those go fast. Alex Bulstrode, for this week, seems to be pursuing the Minister's daughter, but it's isn't over until we see a ring on that finger! Here is all we have found out about this pulchritudinous prosecutor..."