bethen avilla ; the circle mage (bethe) wrote in thedas,
Why had she come here? Had she suffered from a bout of temporary madness? Did she really think she could just set foot in the house of the Maker and ask such foolish, selfish questions? Reaching the threshold between the nave and the Revered Mother's office had been like slamming into an invisible wall, aided by the fact that there were two filled suits of armor making their approach, glaring down upon her with what she could tell was suspicion, even if their features were veiled by metal.
She suddenly felt small and childlike; though she had grown accustomed to seeing the glaringly polished helms of the order and accepted their presence as part of every day life in the Tower, the two men at guard inside her childhood Chantry instilled a fear in her that she only recalled experiencing the first time the Templars came to her parents' door. They had come for her. It was an almost crippling apprehension, making her knees feel weak, and her chest grow tight, just as knotted as her throat. The boldness she'd carried with her into the building evaporated, and Beth had no idea what to say or do next. There was no fighting back if they moved to strike her, not that she had any intention at all of reaching for spells, even on instinct. It was as if the building and her memories of it had rendered her completely powerless. She could only continue grasping at the wolf's fur, like an infant clutching at a stuffed toy for comfort.
Just when doubt and despair threatened to overcome her, a calm voice cut through her worries like a knife. Bethen turned, slightly, to glance at her savior -- the second time today, it seemed -- though burning guilt over having been so short with him made it difficult to keep her focus on him. She unwound her fingers from her lupine companion to clasp both hands together, and waited until his brothers had put a few feet of distance between them before addressing Alderic. "I..." she began, eyes searching the ground as if it contained a script from which she could read. The mage looked hesitantly up at him without turning her head, still tilted toward the wolf. "Thank you, Alderic. I honestly had no intention of causing trouble. And...perhaps it was not...the wisest choice to bring a wolf indoors," now there was an understatement, "though it seems he refuses to simply wait where I ask him to. I didn't think it any safer to let him out of my sight, either."
Bethen tried to smile at her friend, to smooth everything out between them. Her expression was feeble, at best. "I'm sorry if I was...short with you. I allowed the Enchanter to get the better of me, when I was already in a...delicate state of mind." She almost thought to ask where Thais had gone, as she hadn't accompanied the Templar inside and there were no others to watch her, but truthfully, she didn't care. The other woman had been a constant thorn in her side ever since they'd left the Tower, and the less time they had to spend together, Bethen felt it better. Recalling why she had even come to this place, rather than going to the local apothecary for things such as solvents and vials, Beth angled herself to look at both fellow Warden and the looming doorway.
"I didn't quite get a chance to explain myself back there. I have every intention of getting supplies soon. But...I came here to speak with her Reverence, in case she knows anything of...of my family. And even if she doesn't, I don't think I could just stroll through my hometown without even asking." She was uncertain that he would understand completely -- he was an orphan, with no siblings to speak of -- but she at least thought he would be sympathetic to her situation. After a moment's pause spent staring at the entrance, she added sheepishly, "Though...I find myself rapidly losing the nerve to do so."