bethen avilla ; the circle mage (bethe) wrote in thedas,
Why did Beth feel the need to do this to herself? It hadn't been necessary to speak to him, worry about him, act like nothing had ever changed. But everything had, and would never go back to being the same. It hurt, even years later, to feel like such a stranger every time they spoke. To her knowledge, Tranquility didn't cause one to lose memories, so he obviously knew who she was, but what good was the past when it had no significance? Still, this awkward exchange was better than the alternative, wasn't it? Beth suddenly felt selfish, on top of guilty, and avoided looking right at him, as if that would help her pretend his uncomfortably even stare wasn't focused right on her.
She thought to leave as soon as he said he was fine, but hesitated when he continued the conversation. It was surprising enough for her to glance up at him, but not long, as she immediately looked back at the dirt again. "Yes, I admit it's been difficult at times, with the uneven ground, and with the rain, the occasional puddle that's deeper than you'd expect. It's not the same as pacing the same stretch of even stone, I'll give you that. But none of us are dragging along such a heavy load. It's really not--" Bethen stopped herself. He didn't need her to ramble at him. Nothing she said was of any consequence. She cleared her throat, forced another smile, "Well, if you do ever need anything..."
He probably wouldn't. He could take care of himself, maybe even better now than before. With little desire to continue torturing herself, she took that as a cue to exit and pick a place to carefully lay out the pieces of tent. "Lirana? Could I have a hand?" Bethen called out to the elf mage, not really seeing her between the bustle of people, but hoping anyway that her tent mate would have the decency to assist her in setting up their makeshift shelter.