|Soleil Marie Benoit (salt_and_silver) wrote in the_deep,|
@ 2011-05-25 22:10:00
|Current music:||Highway Junkie ~ Gary Allan|
Can't Find Me Love
"Her life was a slow realization that the world was not for her, and that for whatever reason, she would never be happy and honest at the same time. She addressed the world honestly, searching for something deserving of the volumes of love she knew she had within her, but to each she would have to say, I don't love you."
-Jonathan Safran Foer
Soleil opened her eyes and immediately wished she hadn't. She was getting too old for the hangovers and "coyote ugly" bullshit, but she was still too young to give a flying rat's left toenail. Still, the guy in bed next to her wasn't that bad looking, but the pounding in her head wouldn't let her remember what the hell his name was. Mike? Matt?
She tried not to groan as she climbed out from between the cheap motel sheets, and grabbed up her stuff. She changed in the bathroom, just to make sure she wouldn't wake up what's-his-name. Soleil looked longingly at the shower, but couldn't risk it. She wanted to be a hundred miles away before he realized she was gone. Life was just better, easier, that way.
And then there was that dream. Most of it was vague and foggy, but there was no mistaking that the bayous were calling her home. The scent of her grandmother's spicy jambalaya and jouncy rhythm of zydeco haunted her as she dressed. She didn't even bother scribbling down her number or even 'had a good time' on a napkin. Soleil simply left the room, closed the door and climbed up into her truck before starting the engine and driving off.
Honesty came with a cup of coffee, a pickup and an open road. All her life, she'd felt that the world had never revolved around her. Everything that happened, everything she did, served some higher power. Her mother's institutionalization was a warning not to dabble in things half-way. Her going to Nana's taught her what she needed to know about things that went bump in the night. Her gift had taken her to places she never would have visited otherwise.
At the end of the day, she just wanted to be happy. She wanted the life she hadn't had. She wanted her kids to have a mama and daddy who loved them. But first, she'd have to find Mr. Right, and all she'd had were a bunch of Mr. Right-Nows. They didn't love her any more than she'd loved them. They were just a way to keep her from feeling lonely. She was all she had in this world. Mama had died in that asylum and Nana had been gone for fourteen years.
She didn't feel sorry for herself, not really, not when she'd helped so many others. To her, every time she vanquished another spirit or banished another demon or whatever, she felt a little bit closer to her mother. And every time she stopped, she found someone new. Someone she wanted to love. Someone she wanted to love her back. But then the dreams would start and she'd have to leave again, knowing with brutal honesty that love just wasn't in the cards for her.
[[OOC: This was a prompt response I did for Soleil over on LJ awhile ago that I thought really spoke to her personality. Also, she's not yet in Honfleur, but on the road getting there.]]