Alice Munroe (ex_barebones985) wrote in the_colony, @ 2010-07-10 03:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | ^ week 10, alice munroe, jed bailey, | alice and jed |
Week Ten: Wednesday
Characters: Alice Munroe and Jed Bailey
Location: Alice’s suite
Summary: In the early evening while it's still light out, Alice finishes the last of her packing after the mess with the marauding gang members is over. Jed, having heard of what had happened from Tom, comes to check on her.
Rating: PG-13 for adult language and themes.
Jed wasn’t sure if the visit from Jack made him feel better or worse, but it did make him get up. Everything still felt rotten, inside and out, but he couldn’t just sit there like a useless rag all day. Anyway, Tom had told him to keep an eye on Alice. Jack might not need him, but Alice did.
His knock was quiet on the door. “Alice?” he called out. “It’s Jed.”
The knock was enough to push the door open, as it had been left cracked. Alice sat with her back to the door on the floor, several boxes surrounding her, one of which she was currently in the process of filling, albeit slowly. Her head hadn’t even turned when she heard his voice, though she did stop briefly before continuing.
She’d heard from the others that he’d been hurt, though she hadn’t been to see him. How could she? Even after she’d gotten rid of Jared, she felt her entire being plagued with guilt. Tom had told her that everyone still needed her and depended on her, but how could they when she’d been the source of all their suffering? While it was true that she hadn’t been the one to come in and harm them, steal from them, and leave them in a state of anxiety and turmoil herself, she felt as though she might as well have; she’d been the one who was so adamant that Jared be given a second chance.
Honestly she felt a little surprised that she would have been allowed out of Tom’s sight for even a minute to bathe and then the next day to finish packing, but she had a feeling the man wasn’t far.
“What are you doing here?” she asked Jed, her back still to him. Her voice was quiet, neither angry or accusatory but simply an inquiry. It hurt anyway.
She didn’t want to see him. Part of him just wanted to leave. After what Tom had said, though, he knew he couldn’t. He also knew her; she was hurting, too.
“Wanted to see you,” he said quietly, stepping in and closing the door. Alice nodded mutely in response, pausing again before closing the lid of the box altogether.
She wasn’t even sure why she was packing. Having to move from her house had already been a horrible experience, and now they were planning to move away from her home as well. Why hold on at all? she asked herself, arms circling around her waist as the horrible feelings crept back up into her again. And why go? I don’t deserve to be with them. Everything I ever touch turns to shit.
“I’m glad that you’re walking around,” she said at last. Still she didn’t look at him, too scared of what she’d see.
“Yeah. My legs’re fine. Makes things easier at least.” His chest felt like someone was tightening it with a vice. He walked up behind her, wanting to reach out, wanting to hold her. Or, more selfishly, wanting to be held. But even looking down sent blood rushing painfully through his face. He swallowed hard. “Could...could you stand up?”
Alice felt a sharp twist in her stomach, but didn’t dare deny him. Wordlessly she pushed herself up to standing, turning toward him. Looking at his face alone immediately pulled a strangled sort of noise from her, a hand coming up over mouth. Aside from the arm in the sling, his nose was swollen, no doubt broken. The deep purple marks under his eyes were the worst of all, and Alice immediately felt tears come to her eyes.
“Allie, don’t... I juss... I wanted...” The words came out forced and he couldn’t think of any more. He just wrapped his good arm around her, shifting the other out of the way so he could pull her close. Alice pressed her face into his shoulder and hugged him as fiercely as she could allow herself, guilt and grief warring over which had more claim on her tears.
“I’m so sorry,” she wept, her fingers twisted in the cloth of his shirt. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Shh,” he hushed, a lump welling in his own throat and tears threatening for not the first time that day. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the too warm weight of her, the tight grip of her arms and hands. The world wasn’t right, but at least now it was grounded in something solid and real.
“It’s my fault,” she pressed on, shaking her head in protest as she clung to him. “All of this is my fault. It should’ve been me who was hurt, not you.” She dissolved further into her sobs, losing her words along the way but repeating them over and over in her mind.
“No, shush,” he said quietly, cheek resting against her head. “My own damn fault I got hurt. And his. But I shoulda stayed down and shut up.” He meant it, too. He knew he was damn lucky he didn’t end up like Luc.
Alice didn’t try to argue with him further, taking a small comfort in his rebuttal however wrong it was. She hated herself that she'd given chance for it to happen. Who else had gotten hurt nearly as much, and deliberately? If she hadn't already killed Jared, she would have very much liked to repay his deeds right then. It was that burn of righteous anger that finally helped quiet her sobs.
"You should be resting," she said around a wet sniff, her voice thick.
“Been resting all day an’ night. Gotta get up sometime.” His hand trailed up her back to give her shoulder a squeeze. “Gotta do somethin’. Can’t juss make ev’ryone else do the work.”
“You’re hurt; you’re allowed to rest,” she replied. She gave him a gentle tug, and lead them the short distance toward the couch to sit.
“Y’all actin’ like I’m glass or somethin’. Ain’t like my legs is hurt,” he whined but complied. The relief that washed over him as he sunk into the couch surprised even him. Maybe he was more tired than he realized. Without even thinking about it, Alice curled up against him, eyes closing and focusing on breathing slowly.
The horrible feelings hung around her like a fog, and Jed being there had mixed results inasmuch as she felt responsible for his injury, but being held was a comfort. I’ll miss this, she thought sadly, her grip tightening a little.
Jed’s arm draped over her back, too warm but comfortable. He leaned his head against hers, turning his nose to breathe her hair in. She smelled clean. Whereas he hadn’t bathed in a day and a half, and they weren’t a clean day and a half either. At least he didn’t think he had; Lord knew what they’d done with him last night, ‘cause he sure couldn’t remember.
It was hard to think of a suicidal woman bathing. Maybe it had just been a heat of the moment thing? Tentatively, he said, “He got what was comin’ to him.”
Alice tensed against him, her eyes opening and staring down at his knee. She didn’t disagree with him, but the fact that everything had happened, that she’d had to kill him, ate her up inside.
“I just...” she started quietly, her voice thickening again, “don’t know... how to feel anymore. I grew up believing everybody deserved second chances. What did I do wrong? I thought... I tried so hard.”
“You done nothin’ wrong. Hell...I wasn’t about to admit it, but you did the right thing with him.” His jaw tightened. “He juss turned out to be a backstabbin’ little fuck. Ain’t like anyone saw it comin’.”
Alice chewed her lip in response. I said in the beginning he was my responsibility, she thought. That I would deal with the consequences...
He brought his hand up, giving her head a quick pat. “Stop thinkin’ too much. I can tell yer thinkin’ too much,” he said, only half joking. She made an indignant noise, pulling her head back enough to scowl at him. It wasn’t a very convincing scowl, especially due to the fact that looking at his injuries once again made her feel guilty. For his sake, she tried to push her unease aside.
She shifted her weight just enough so that she could reach up to gingerly touch his face. It felt like soft pinpricks against his skin, but still all too gentle and soft. She’d never been that gentle with him before; there hadn’t been a need. Feeling heat rising behind his eyes, he turned away, trying to clear the lump out of his throat. “People need to stop lookin’ at me like that. Startin’ to think I’ve lost my good looks,” he said, having a go at a smile.
“You?” she said, giving a weak sort of smile in response. “Never.” Her thumb followed the line of his jaw. Alice studied his face, seeing the reaction to her touch, and found herself unable to deny anymore that she felt something for him. It might’ve been her last chance to express how much she cared. Taking a steadying breath, she pressed a faint kiss to his lips.
Sparks and heat raced down his spine, pooling in his abdomen. He could feel the pulse of blood as his face flushed, on the verge of pain but not quite there. Before she could pull back, he leaned into it, his kiss more insistent, more needy. His reaction only seemed to spur her on, her free hand coming up behind his neck as she deepened the kiss further.
Emotion swelled in her chest, causing her breath to hitch and the tears to burn behind her closed eyelids. How could he forgive her so easily? She didn’t deserve his forgiveness, or to be the object of such need.
His arm slid around her waist, pulling her closer, though the movement sent pain shooting through his face. Anything too sudden, even the fervent moment of his lips, and there was a jab of pain. He didn’t mind; it wasn’t much, and it came with something so very worth it. But breathing was another matter.
When he couldn’t stand it any longer, he pulled back, gasping like a drowning man as he brought his hand to cup her cheek. “Sorry,” he breathed.
“No, it’s okay,” she murmured back, pressing into his hand, her breathing shallow. She kissed him again, briefly but with the same intensity as before. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“‘m fine,” he said, his eyes searching hers. Or trying to. His head was spinning and pounding, making it hard to focus. “You?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted, feeling a tightness in her chest. “I don’t... know if I should go with everyone.”
He forgot to breathe. She couldn’t mean that. She couldn’t just leave them, not after everything, not after this. The plea crept into his voice. “Alice...”
The arm around his waist shifted and she brought both hands up to his face, not quite touching for fear of hurting him worse. “I’ve brought this on everyone. I don’t deserve to stay. If we had left, we could’ve avoided this. If I hadn’t kept Jared around, nobody would’ve been hurt. And you...” Her face twisted in sadness, “everyone I’ve ever cared about has left or died. I can’t...”
The fear and desperation hardened into anger, mostly at himself. “If doin’ that means you deserve gettin’ kicked out, then what I done deserves gettin’ shot,” he said, drawing deep breaths. “Security was my job, Al, and I fucked it up from the start. Took Tom to make me build a fence, took Holly to make me think about cameras and phones. If that stuff had been ready, I could’ve warned you. But I pissed away my time and now ev’ryone’s paid for it.”
"Even if it could've been ready, the power went out. There was nothing you could've done for that; don't blame yourself," she told him, eyes darting between his. Since she couldn't stroke his face without hurting him she moved to his hair, knowing how much he liked it. It was just getting long enough that she could tighten her fingers around the strands.
"You did the best you could do. I don't blame you."
Even her touch couldn’t calm the ire boiling inside him. “I don’t blame you; that make you feel any better?” he snapped.
Alice grimaced lightly in response, fighting the urge to recoil. Was he really that upset? If it were possible, she wondered if maybe he were more upset than she was. She’d been angry like him at first, but now all she felt was shame. Maybe he reacted differently than she did to all that had happened, but nevertheless, she couldn’t even compare his mistakes to hers; she still felt hers were much worse. Not knowing how he would respond if she tried to kiss him again, she rested her forehead against his.
“No,” she admitted, one of the hands in his hair moving down to his neck. “But I can forgive you.”
His scowl crumpled and he screwed his eyes shut. It felt like everything inside him was collapsing, and he couldn’t stop it. Jesus, what was wrong with him? He slid a hand behind her neck, to keep her forehead pressed against his. Keep her from seeing. He took deep slow breaths but it was a while before he trusted himself enough to speak. “I don’t want you to go.”
His words immediately pulled that same strangled noise from before out of her, and she tilted her face enough to kiss him again. It was a struggle not to put her full force into it, for all that she wanted to press to him until they were fused, if it meant taking away his pain and mental anguish. Even Leo’s absence left her mind, opening and filling up with only the man next to her.
Jed returned her kiss, but his mind wasn’t in it and he soon pulled back. He kept his lids lowered, afraid to see her answer before she gave it. “Tell me you’re stayin’ with us.”
Alice nodded dumbly in response, nose to nose with him as she felt fresh tears well up in her eyes. “Until you’re sick of me,” she answered, the hand at his neck sliding first up into and then through his hair.
He opened his eyes. “Stop sayin’ shit like that,” he said, his tone gentler than his words. “Ain’t never gonna happen.”
She gave a watery laugh, then sniffed, pulling one hand back to wipe her tears away. A brief flicker of awkwardness settled in her stomach as she debated what to do or say, given that she’d openly kissed him three times now without really saying why. Stop thinking so much she immediately told herself, hearing the echo of his voice on top of her inner monologue and laughing again.
“Can I tell you something?” she murmured.
He let out a breath of a laugh. “Can’t promise I’ll remember all that well, but yeah.”
Smiling, she turned so her cheek was against his and spoke directly into his ear: “You smell a bit like a foot right now, sugar.”
“Ah Jesus,” Jed said, laughter bubbling over his words. He felt his face grow red though and he pulled away from her. “Yeah. Been...busy. Forgot to get clean. Though someone done a halfway job of it last night.”
Alice’s smile lengthened, especially at his blush, though she felt one creeping up into her face presently. “Don’t get weird on me,” she started, “But I’m fine with helping. If you’d want me to. At least the harder things.”
He felt the blush deepening, like he was some clumsy-handed teenager. “Naw, s’fine. I can use my arm’n ev’rything, just gotta go easy,” he reassured her as casually as he could manage.
Alice kissed the side of his mouth, then gave him a faint poke in the side, making sure to avoid his ribs in case he’d also been hurt there; he hadn’t said. “And it would be easier to use it as little as possible,” she said. “Really, I want to help.”
The thought of being naked with her was itself enough to get his blood pumping. He knew what his reaction would be if he said yes. He didn’t know where it would lead, but he had a couple ideas. That was the problem. He wanted her, yes. He wanted the feeling of losing himself in someone, in having the whole twisted world fade away. But he didn’t want it when she was tending to him. Not when he was weak.
“Well, wouldn’t hurt havin’ someone nearby to hear if I fall,” he said. “Balance ain’t quite what it was right now.”
“Psh, to ‘hear,’” she snorted, ruffling his hair lightly. “You’re not getting out of this so easily. I’ll go draw up some water. Be back in a minute.”