Kathleen J. Forbes (![]() ![]() @ 2010-04-20 04:02:00 |
![]() |
|||
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
Entry tags: | ^ week 07, jacklyn baker |
Week Seven - Sunday
Characters: Jacklyn Baker & Kathleen Forbes
Location: Siena Suites, supply room, and Kathleen's
Summary: A little while after talking to Jed, Kathleen finds Jack in the supply room which Ian found disagreeable.
Rating: nothing shocking or maybe?
After leaving Jed’s suite, Kathleen had intended to go see if Jack was in the supply room right away but Ian’s needs came first. An hour or so later, she went back down stairs with Ian again. “Jack? Are you here?” she asked from the door of the converted room full of provisions and miscellaneous supplies.
Jack had switched back to using her headphones in the past couple of days, partially out of spite because that meant her music wouldn’t be too loud, Jed and partially because nothing said you wanted to be left alone like wearing a pair of headphones. Of course, that meant from her position on the floor where she was counting cases of water she had no idea anyone else was in the room until she straightened up.
“Oh. Kathleen. Hi.” Her voice was overloud in order to talk over her own music and and she pulled out her ipod to press pause and tug the earbuds from her ears.
“Hey what’s going on between you and Jed?” She decided to take the more direct approach. “I’m a little out of the loop, help me out.” Kathleen walked inside.
Jack didn’t know if she had the energy to rehash it all again. “I’m not staying with him anymore.” That was it in a nutshell.
Kathleen blinked. “What?” Jed had said nothing about that to her this morning. “Is it because of a fight you two had?” She shifted Ian in her arms and wished she wore the sling, she noticed that it really made a difference.
“I guess.” She shrugged. But yes, it had been because of the fight and because Alice was a bitch and because Jed wasn’t her father and because nobody liked her anymore.
“I see,” Kathleen said and then glanced at the supplies on the many shelves. “Do you want to talk about it?” Ian did not agree with his position in her arms and kicked which caused his mother to shift him again.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” She frowned and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “He doesn’t like me, doesn’t want me and I never should have stayed with him in the first place.”
“I don’t think it’s that bad. You guys had a little fight, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. Besides,” Ian sneezed. The distraction caused her to focus on her son. “Bless you,” he sneezed again, “oh bless.”
The baby was adorable and Jack wandered over to touch a fingertip to Ian’s tiny fist. “It wasn’t a little fight.”
Kathleen looked again at Jack after Ian’s little sneezes. “Oh Jack, I’m sorry about that.” She reached with her free arm to offer her a hug, but then Ian sneezed again, and she withdrew her arm to support Ian. “This room.” She looked around. “Must be dust in the air.” Ian kicked and sneezed again.
“Yeah, I don’t have time to really dust usually.” Jack frowned and concentrated on the baby, offering Ian her finger and watching as he wrapped his hand around it.
Kathleen smiled when he saw him grab her finger and the expression on his face as he tried to focus on the girl’s face, and then he made a fart noise. “Ian,” she laughed and Ian smiled because of the her reaction.
Jack giggled too, enjoying the feeling of Ian trying to hold her hand. He wasn’t such a bad baby.
“Jack, I’m afraid I can’t stay here with him,” there was no telling what had been stirred up in the room, and she could not allow Ian to keep sneezing if she could prevent it. “Can you come to my place? I really do want us to talk.”
“Okay. It’s not like there won’t still be stuff to count when I get back.” The two of them headed outside to the stairs together. “I’m just down the hall from you now. Number ten.”
“Number ten,” she committed the room number to memory. “Well at least, we’re neighbors.” Once on the second floor directly from the stairs she inserted her key card into the slot above the door knob An audible beep and a green indicator light flashed to let her know the door was unlocked and then she entered.
“Help your self to any drink in the refrigerator, while I check if Ian needs a change.” Kathleen walked to the diaper changing station in the nursery room.
Jack definitely wasn’t interested in helping with that, so she opened up the fridge to pull out a pitcher of juice. Dishware was in the same place in every suite so Jack poured herself a glass and went to sit on the couch while she waited.
It did take her a while to get back to Jack as she did have to change a diaper. She was getting better in seeing the signs when Ian relieved himself, and quicker at cleaning and changing him. When she returned to the living room she brought Ian in a seat carrier and tucked under a soft blanket to keep him warm in the air conditioned suite.
“I apologize,” she placed the carrier on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa next to Jack. “Baby made a little mess.”
Jack wrinkled her nose at the type of mess the baby probably made. “That’s okay.”
Kathleen had some time to think about what she was going to ask Jack when she was changing Ian. She decided not to approach this as a quasi-therapist, like they said in medical school and during her residency rotation in psych, she would learn enough to be dangerous. She also partially feared that she screwed up the last time they talked.
“I want to help you.” She placed her hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Will you let me?”
Instantly, Jack pulled away. The last grownup to say he wanted to help her had thrown her out. “I don’t need help.”
“Okay.” Jack’s reaction had caught her by surprise but she quickly adjusted. “Then let me be your friend, a grown up friend who could use your help.”
Jack bit her lip but nodded. “Okay.”
“I want to be strong for Ian, but I can’t without a little help.” She looked at her baby. “It’s hard for me,” she pressed a finger to her lips for a moment. If she was going to ask Jack to share her thoughts with her, then it was only fair she shared too. “I don’t have Ian’s father to help me or my mom. They can’t watch him for me, while I take a long nap or a bath. It’s not easy for me do this alone.” She tilted her head. “Do you think you can help me a little bit?”
Jack had an immediate and crushing rush of guilt. She wished so much that she could say yes because she genuinely wanted to help Kathleen. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Kathleen but I can’t do it. I’ll mess it up and something bad will happen and I’ll ruin it like everything else and you’ll hate me too. I can’t.”
Kathleen looked at her and thought Jack’s confidence in herself was sadly low. She would only go so far in allowing someone else to watch her precious son alone. “You don’t have to watch him alone. I’d still be here, and if I’m sleeping you can wake me up right away. I won’t ask you to do something you’re not comfortable with, and it’s not like I’ll ask you everyday. Just occasionally if you are available, that’s all.”
Jack shook her head. “You’ll hate me too. I don’t want anyone else to hate me.”
“I’m not going to hate you. I understand. I won’t force you either.” She smiled at her. “But you are going to come visit me, right? You are not going to run off somewhere because you can’t get along with Alice.” Her smile faded as she remembered the last time they spoke, Jack had been annoyed with the woman. “What exactly happened? Didn’t you tell Jed about your father?” She knew that Jack didn’t from today’s talk with Jed.
“No.” Jack stared down at her knees. “We’d had a fight and I really did want to make up and I tried to make up with him but it got all messed up. Everything gets messed up.”
Kathleen read her body language as saying she was ashamed. “Everybody messes up, Jack. Even us adults, more than you realize.” She lifted her chin up with her finger. “Hey, Jed is still on your side. He just doesn’t know how to treat you.” A part of Jack reminded her of herself when her mother married the man that was not her father. She was younger then, but there was some similarities. She acted out too at first.
“He’s a liar. He said he’d always want me around and that we were a team but he doesn’t want me. Doesn’t even like me.” She was so tired of talking about this, of feeling this way. She’d felt awful for weeks now. “I shouldn’t have been so stupid to stay with him. Jed’s not my dad.”
“Jack you can’t say he doesn’t like you, because I know otherwise, and yeah, you’re right he’s not your dad.” Kathleen frown and then reached to hold the girl’s hand. “Look at me.”
Jack didn’t know if she wanted to but she did anyways, bringing her eyes up to Kathleen’s.
“No one here knows this,” she sighed before going on. “I grew up without my father, I lost him before I was even born. So I sort of know what it feels like. I grew up thinking that he didn’t want me,” her eyes watered up at the corner of her eyes, the emotions were still that strong after all this time. She cleared her throat. “When I was a little younger than you are now, my mom married someone else, who wasn’t my father. Why am I telling you this you wonder?” She looked over to Ian. “Because I know he will grow up without his father too.
“It hurts to think that he might go through the same phase and think that he was unloved or abandoned. I don’t know if I can bear it, and if I can in some way show you that you are not unloved, that people don’t hate you for no good reason, maybe I can help my son when the time comes.” She gazed into Jack’s eyes. “We are not perfect people, Jack.”
“I just...it’s just that - “ Jack’s words collapsed under her sheer inability to explain everything that was going on. This whole thing was too hard for her to handle and she didn’t know why making up with Jed was supposed to be the solution. He didn’t want her, had called her a little snot and let Alice almost throw her out. Besides, he wasn’t her father and acting like he was didn’t change anything.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Nothing,” the girl half mumbled. “I’m really sorry about your dad and Ian’s dad but this is how things are now.”
Kathleen gave Jack credit for acknowledging the sad reality of their common situation. “Thanks,” she gazed at her for a moment longer. “Sometimes I forget that we live in a new world. It’s hard to let go, but you know what? I think you are going to be okay.” If Jack could except that simple fact that things changed, then that was half the battle.
“I guess.” She frowned down at her knees. “Can I go now? I got work to do.”
“Please, wait a minute,” she got up from the sofa and then looked down at the girl. “Can you watch Ian for me? I have something I want to give you in the fridge.” It would give her a chance to think a little more carefully.
Considering Ian was in his carrier and not likely to do anything that needed her, Jack nodded. “Okay.”
At the refrigerator, Kathleen removed a plate of Rice Krispies treats and placed it on the table, and then grab a clean one out of the dishwasher. She divided her share of treats evenly between the two plates, and then wrapped it with clear plastic. All the while she was thinking that she needed to back off from this situation and trust that Jack could navigate through it on her own.
“I brought you and Jed some rice threats this morning before I knew you moved out,” she placed the plate on the coffee table. “Take these back with you and enjoy.”
Jack smiled. “Thank you. You know, if you can’t bring Ian to the store room, I’ll bring up whatever you want for you. Just give me a list and I’ll get it for you.”
“You bet,” she opened up her arms. “Now come here and give me hug.” It was strange how during the time she was dividing the treats, she thought about what she learned about herself as well while trying to convince Jack that everything was going to be okay. There was something that Jack said that caused her to reconsider and accept the situation as it was. The little girl was right, this is how things are now.
After seeing Jack to the door, Kathleen returned to her son who was asleep. She watched him for a long good while until she fell asleep on couch.