|Anne Blythe (annewithane) wrote in the100,|
@ 2015-08-12 12:44:00
|Entry tags:||!network post, anne blythe, kaidan alenko, mary margaret blanchard / snow white|
Filter to the Ladies Circle
I don't suppose any of you would be able to find a set of knitting needles and some yarn, and bring it to me in medical. I'm allowed to have visitors, I'm told, and would dearly love the opportunity to keep my hands busy while doing so.
Otherwise, I hope everyone is feeling better?
Shepard, thank you. I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't taken me to Medical. That I didn't lose the baby is a miracle, and I can only think that part of the reason why is you moving so quickly to help me.
Just two days ago I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to write those words, let alone say them to anyone. Just being here is a test, one which I believe every day I'm failing even when I'm not. But it's hard without you, dearest love, and I think that some days, the only reason I am able to go on is because of the life inside of me.
I almost lost the baby, Gil, and I don't know what would have happened to me if I had. The doctors say it's a miracle that I didn't, so I feel certain that Providence is smiling upon me. I'm fragile now, much more so than I was before this illness, and have been told that I must take care of myself.
I miss you. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. My heart is no longer a heart, but a lump that sits in my chest. It grows heavier by the day, and I fear that someday I will wake to find that I can't move for the grief of not having you here with me to share in all of the small wonders that come when one is growing a new life inside of them.
But I grow maudlin, and my doctors say that crying, while beneficial, will not help in making me strong again.
So I leave you, my dearest Gilbert,
your darling, ever-loving, gooseberry of a wife,