AA/NA
You don't need to do that. I need it as much as the rest of us, honestly. I don't have the structure in my life that I had in our world. SHIELD My job kept me busy enough, and it gave me focus that I didn't have otherwise.
I can't really understand what you feel, with those kinds of memories when you weren't in full control of yourself, but admitting that you need help is a huge step forward. I've spent a lot of my life feeling out of control for various reasons, and trying to figure out how to deal with that. And failing at it, most of the time. We're not going to judge you here. It's important to remember that we're all going to have good days and bad days. I almost relapsed before I got here, too. This is something we'll face for the rest of our lives. It's going to be hard. We're not always going to get it right. Don't beat yourself up over it. You're doing great.