|Anakin is the youngest Solo (youngestsolo) wrote in the100,|
@ 2016-04-06 23:08:00
Adrenaline was a funny thing. If someone had asked Angelo if he'd been running on the stuff the past week, he would've said no. He'd felt like he was just going along like normal. Maybe not his usual normal routine, but definitely normal levels of adrenaline.
But now here he was, staring up at the ceiling of the Smith’s guest room, his legs dangling off the side of the bed he sprawled across, and he could feel that rush seeping away. A quiet moment. Not just moving from one thing to the next to the next to the next. All he had to do was rest and wait. His one bag was already unpacked. He couldn't do much more with that. And without anything to focus on next, there went that drive. And in came all the thoughts that rush had been keeping at bay.
Oh God, what had he done…
Groaning, he scrubbed his hands over his face. “Shit…”
Pretty much you always knew when people weren't giving you the full story and Anakin knew right now that his parents weren't really giving him the full story with Angelo. They'd said only that he needed a place to stay for a while so he'd be in the spare room. Okay, they'd said a bit more than that, but only enough more to make Anakin certain there was even more still.
That was okay though, because Angelo might be older than him, but they'd always been friends, sort of. And Anakin had always liked Angelo - frankly he just seemed cool in a way that Anakin didn't think he would ever be - and so there were worse people by far to have spending time in your spare room.
Which was where he was headed right now, in time to peak his head around the corner and hear Angelo's comment and for a moment Anakin hesitated. He really didn't want to interrupt if Angelo didn't want someone else around. On the other hand… well Anakin had gathered enough to know the reason Angelo needed a place to stay was because his parents had told him he couldn't stay at home, which was… well. Anakin couldn't imagine his parents telling him not to come home, and he couldn't imagine how he'd feel if for some reason they did tell him not to come home.
"Hey," he said, stepping just in the doorway where he could really go either way - stay or go. "You figure out where to put stuff?"
Angelo started, his arm coming down to jam into the mattress and push himself up enough to look at the door. Double shit. His eyes went from Anakin to what was visible of the hallway. Ok, so Anakin was past that age where really if you thought your kid didn't know swears, you were deluding yourself. But after everything, he really didn't want to get booted out so soon because he got caught cursing in front of the younger man.
A second and then another passed of no yelling or parentals swooping in. He breathed out a heavy sigh of relief as he pushed himself to sitting on the edge of the bed. “Yeah,” he said softly as he ran a hand through his black hair. “Didn't have much to put away. I could probably move it all to a new place every day and keep myself occupied for an entire month.”
Anakin grinned just briefly and stepped into the room. It was a little odd to think about the spare room not being empty for any longer. The spare room had been empty for most of his life so far as he could remember except for guests. But this was somewhat more permanent than that Anakin knew.
"I mean I was going to offer to help?" He shrugged. "But I think then you wouldn't keep yourself occupied for an entire month so I guess it's good I didn't."
For a second he wasn't certain if he should add something or not and so he hesitated, but then added: "It'll be kinda cool to have someone in the spare room. It starts smelling funny when it's empty and the house cleaner always complains about it."
“The house cleaner might complain more when I get to the ‘pile everything on the floor’ stage,” Angelo joked. “Unless you helped with making sure that stuff got put away officially in other stuff instead of just ‘put away’.” He shook his head with a laugh. “Same goes with the smell. You might regret that with the way Alie…”
His throat got tight. Right. Alessandra… Away at college, who knew when the news would reach her… If at all… He doubted his parents to pass it on, so she'd be in for a shock when she got home. He should email her… Except… He didn't want to distract her, mess up her brain space while she was in the middle of classes… Plus… He wasn't sure he was ready to deal with that yet. Her possibly lumping on more compromise to go with his mom’s to get him to come back…
“...she… Uh… Alie seems to think…” He scrubbed his hands over his face, abandoning the train of thought and the sentence. His hands stayed resting over his mouth a moment before he blew out a long shaky sigh. “Sorry. Sorry… It… It's all kinda hitting me right now…”
Anakin wondered if there was a rulebook for what happened when you had a friend who was suddenly living in your spare room because his parents had told him he was no longer welcome at home. If there was, Anakin hadn't seen it, and beyond that he was having a difficult time even parsing exactly what had happened. It was almost impossible for him to imagine a scenario when his parents would kick him out. Yeah, sometimes he and his dad argued, but that was just normal. Parents and kids didn't always get along, and Anakin knew that first hand, but in his family that didn't mean you didn't love each other and make-up at some point along the way. This was clearly different. And if his parents had told him to not come home, what then?
I'd want a friend.
It was the simplest and most obvious answer and Anakin stepped forward and didn't stop to over-think it enough to second-guess whether or not he should put his hand on Angelo's shoulder - he just did. He chewed on his lower lip for a minute to try to figure out what to say and finally settled on: "If my parents had told me not to come home then I wouldn't be okay. It's all right if you're not okay. I won't tell anyone."
A small grateful smile answered Anakin’s attempt. Simple. A bit black and white. But also reassuring in how… uncomplicated it was. For a moment, Angelo waffled. He could just leave it at that, admit he wasn’t ok and then just be. Or… He wasn’t sure if he wanted burden the younger man with this and after everything that happened, a part of him shied from the idea. Things had already gone bad once talking about it, why tempt fate? But Anakin was here. And he was being good friend…
Puffing out heavy sigh, he shook his head slightly. “That’s not all of it…” he said with a slight, nervous laugh. He pat the bed next to him, offering Anakin the seat. “But.. yeah… ok… yeah… I’m… I’m not okay…”
Since it had been offered, Anakin sat down, pulling one knee up under him so he could sort of turn and face Angelo. Maybe he ought to have just sat down beside him, but then Anakin didn't have a guidebook for what to do when someone moved into your parent's guest room so he figured he could adapt as needed. Instead he offered a small smile to Angelo and a shrug.
"Do you want to talk about it? Or, like I mean, we could do something? Like basketball? Or…" he trailed off. It would be easier to do something, but if Angelo wanted to talk, then Anakin would listen and he'd do his best to understand whatever it was. If his parents knew what had gone on, and Anakin very much got the sense that they did, and Angelo was here, then it seemed to Anakin that it was a foregone conclusion that Angelo's parents were in the wrong here. Then again, Anakin couldn't think of much that would justify a parent kicking their child out. Like - really bad things… like murder or something maybe. But that was completely obvious. "Mom and Dad didn't really say much except that you were going to be here for a while."
Angelo blew out a long sigh. He was grateful for the Smiths not going into details, even if it left him fumbling for what to do in this moment. Basketball sounded good. Just doing something. Pushing everything from his mind. But Anakin deserved to know why he had to share space now when, well, he wasn’t sure how much say Anakin really had in it all.
“Maybe in a bit,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair. “The basketball part. After…” He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees even as he threw his hands up in the air a little. “I don’t want to talk about it. Not this sort of situation. I don’t mind talking about just not…” He pressed his lips together for a moment and ran a hand over his face, collecting his thoughts. “I could go back…” he finally continued softly. “I could go back, but I wouldn’t… they don’t want me to be me. I’d have to do everything they want me to do and I just…” He closed his eyes. “I can’t do it anymore. Not when I don’t have to stay with them anymore.”
Anakin watched Angelo trying to make sense of it a little more. He knew that it would have to be something really bad before his parents would kick him out. Would there be something? Possibly. Anakin wasn't going to say he couldn't do something that would make his parents angry with him and make them turn him out, but he couldn't think of much. And most of the things he could think of, he was pretty certain that Angelo wouldn't have been allowed to move into the spare room after having done. So that meant it was something that his parents were all right with, but that Angelo's parents were not okay with and Anakin didn't really know them well enough to guess what that would be.
"You don't have to talk about it ever," he said. "But you're always welcome to if you need to talk about something, okay? You're…" And Anakin wasn't entirely certain what to say after that so he instead reached over and gave Angelo's knee a squeeze. "You're exactly as you should be. And obviously if Mom and Dad said you were cool to stay here, they think so too."
Angelo looked down at the hand a moment before looking up and over at Anakin. It was a simple gesture, but oddly exactly what he needed. A warm smile spread across his face as the tension eased out of his shoulders.
“Thanks,” he said softly before shaking his head. “I mean… I know I guess, considering I'm here and not at home, but it's nice to hear. Even if you don't have the whole picture.” He took a deep breath. “Ok, so, here it is because who knows how mom and dad’ll spin it in this town, so…” Another pause, less for dramatic effect and more just to steal his nerves. “I can't go back because I like guys. Like like guys in the whole kissing way and well..” He shrugged. “That really doesn't go with the family image they want right now.”
"Oh." And things sort of clicked into place. Why his parents hadn't really said anything, and why Angelo's parents might not be so fond of the notion. But on the other hand, it seemed to Anakin that it shouldn't matter. And the idea that people might start talking about it seemed - well, exactly like the sort of thing people would do, but not very nice at all.
"That sucks," Anakin said, frowning. He felt like that was sort of the understatement of the century, but he didn't really know what to say about this either. "Well, I can't make any of that stuff - okay at all. But I still think that you're all right."
Angelo let out a whoosh of breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Yeah, Anakin was cool and his parents were cool, but… After everything that had happened at home, there apparently was still that fear lingering around. That the other boy would pull back. Make a face. Suddenly not be ok with having to share his house. Something, no matter how ridiculous it’d seem for Anakin. So no matter how simple the words were, the fact that it was same old, same old felt like a weight lifted from his shoulders.
“That makes stuff better though,” he said. He rolled his eyes slightly as he realized how cheesy that sounded. “Really, ok, you saying you still think that really makes it better. Maybe not okay and all, but…” He shrugged. “Better.” He offered Anakin a sheepish smile before he nudged his shoulder against the other boy’s. “How ‘bout that basketball game now? See if you can actually get something to the hoop over me.”
Anakin's face spread into a lopsided grin. It really was unfair how much taller Angelo was than him, but surely Anakin would catch-up with him eventually. Angelo was older than Anakin was, and besides that Anakin wasn't about to run away from a challenge like that. "You're on!"