|leia organa (anotherhope) wrote in the100,|
@ 2016-04-06 07:01:00
I've been losing people all my life. I know that it's the sacrifice one must makes for your people, but you'd think that some time, some day, it wouldn't hurt so badly anymore. You'd become numb to it.
It never stops hurting. The galaxy still turns, and with it systems, but it never stops hurting.
I was nineteen when I lost my family, lost my homeworld. I never once thought that was a possibility. I knew that one day, my parents would die the same way everyone has that vague notion that one day their parents will be gone. Some far away thing not to be thought of. It was my lie to protect the Rebellion that sealed their fate. I did what I had to, and not a day goes by that I don't wish I could have made a different choice, especially in light of everything with my son.
Too many times, for too many years, I have put lives on the line every day, and every time a pilot goes down or disappears, I feel it. I don't show it, because showing it is not what the Resistance needs, but I feel it. I remember every name I can, but I'm getting older. I'm still sharp as a whip, but there are so many names, and it keeps growing. I've taken to writing them down.
Rey, Finn, Poe Dameron.
Anakin, Jaina, Han Solo.
They weren't mine, but they still felt a little like home. Jacen, when he was here, reminded me so much of Ben. They shared so much of the same passion. I will miss them, and I will remember them along with my own son and husband. They showed me what life could have been like in some far away galaxy.