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Uchiha Makoto ([info]nishibi) wrote in [info]tgr_ic,
@ 2008-02-08 18:02:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
[action log]
Who; The twins.
What; Tea and the like.
When; This evening.
Where; It's a secret?
Warnings; IDK, possibly. I'll be getting progressively more drunk during this log so...

Whenever Hayato asked something of him, Makoto couldn't really say no. Whether it was for tea or to sleep in his room tonight or tell me a bedtime story 'Koto, even as a child, Makoto had never been able to resist. Because Hayato was his foil.

It was enough to make him curse silently to himself as he prepared their tea. After a series of warnings of not to go talking about this place to anyone, Makoto had led his brother into the back room of the student government offices. It was a small, lounge-type area that they rarely used for important business, but which was there (mostly for Shingari's naps) in case they needed refreshments or a break. It came equipped with a hot water heater, refrigerator, cupboards, sink...the kotatsu Makoto had shipped from Earth himself.

Not that he got much time to use it, but it was nice to know it was here. It reminded him a bit of their childhood; at one point, a similar piece of furniture had encompassed his entire world at their home. Wasn't it Makoto that was always found beneath one of these tables? Hadn't it been Hayato to always come join him in the night, to seek him out like a security blanket? Makoto expected that now. He wanted to be that for Hayato...maybe that was why he always gave in.

"Hai," he muttered under his breath as he carefully picked up the two steaming mugs of tea and knelt to place one on the table in front of his brother. Backing up, he pulled the skirt of the thick comforter up over his lap and leaned against the table with his own mug. It had been awhile since they'd been like this together...recently, there had always been others.

"My specialty," he teased with one eyebrow raised before taking a sip.


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[info]goraiko
2008-02-08 09:40 pm UTC (link)
It wasn't really about the tea [though he really did like the way Makoto prepped their teas]. It was about getting to spend time with his brother. Lately, it just seemed that something had been on his twin's mind. Even if he could instinctively know thing about Makoto, it didn't mean he had access to every thought that passed through his brother's brain. Which was frustrating.

But more than not knowing what Makoto was thinking was the distance he felt between them. Even sleeping in bed together was strange. Makoto seemed to have pulled away from him, less of those quiet, intimate touches and more just. . .being there. As if, somehow, just being there would cover over the fact that Makoto had just. . .stopped.

In spite of it all though, Hayato grinned happily when the tea was set before him. He had immediately [complete with excited little bounces] bee-lined for the kotatsu, shoes off and legs tucked neatly beneath.

"Ne. . .'koto. . .I like it here," he said, fingers dancing over the outer edge of his cup. Hayato offered his brother a bright smile. A brilliantly gesture to cover his worry.

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-08 09:55 pm UTC (link)
Makoto nodded at his brother's approval, valiantly ignoring the bright smile that hid his brother's concern (as if he could hide it, not from Makoto...but Makoto could pretend, for a little while) as he situated himself. It was a little slice of home, though now that Makoto thought about it, even this reminded him of one of the many things on his mind. Shingari wasn't here tonight, but she still wasn't speaking to him without that clipped message of anger in her tone. Funny, to be treated like that by someone who you'd known since childhood...

"It gets cold back here sometimes," he said after a sigh. It loosened that flagrant thoght and allowed him to feel more content with just the fact that he was here with Hayato. Under the table, he gave his brother's leg a nudge. A childish tease.

He was letting his tea cool down before trying to swallow it. In a few mintues, Hayato would probably try for his, and from there, Makoto could imagine a thousand different instances from their childhood. With so many things that felt like home, it made him glad to know that his brother was here. However long they would be together.

"Ne," he said, nudging his brother beneath the table again, "what do you want to do this weekend?" He wasn't going to spend it here. Not with how tense things had been in the office, and not when later, things would be getting worse. Besides, with everything that had been occupying his mind lately...Seika's injury and recovery, Shingari's seclusion, his own plans, and Nathaniel's stupid sunt...he'd missed just being them. Just spending time with his brother.

"I have this weekend off."

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[info]goraiko
2008-02-08 10:10 pm UTC (link)
The minute his brother's leg hit his, Hayato smiled. A genuine smile. Brushing his foot against Makoto's calf, he blushed, just slightly at the thoughts that suddenly crossed his mind. Completely unavoidable really when he considered how much time had passed since Makoto had last really touched him.

Not that this was anything like those moments. Actually, nothing like those moment. Just thinking about it. . .like in the hotel. Hayato could feel his cheeks warming quickly, and in an effort to cover the effects he brought the cup to his lips and . .immediately burned his tongue.

"Itaiiiiiii. . ." he muttered, tongue sticking out only seconds later in an effort to cool whatever scalding damage had been done. And then, he laughed. Carefree. Hayato ran a hand, sheepish, through his hair. The whole incident seemed to only make the redness of his cheeks all the brighter, and he could had smile in spite of it.

"Ano. . .not very cute, huh?" A foot brushed against his brother's again. "It's good though. . ."

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-08 10:28 pm UTC (link)
The moment his brother's face started to heat up, Makoto's lips began to curl. However sick others called this, he loved it. Loved to know that he could get these reactions from his brother. Loved to know that he knew exactly what to do to get Hayato to fall right back into being his. He had him in every way, and Makoto was so careful about that. Had to be. Hayato was the only thing that would see him through what was to come--Makoto knew Hayato would never desert him.

"Abunai," he warned affter Hayato had already burned himself. The slow creeping smile didn't leave his face, though, and Makoto leaned forward to gently brush his thumb over Hayato's lower lip. Slow and careful--soothing despite the fact that the roughness of his hands was probably just the opposite. "I think it's cute." He leaned back on his hands, uncurled his legs and slipped his foot just under his the hem of his brother's shirt. Teasing.

"You never answered my question, H'yato..." Makoto said softly. It was really him that was owed something, though. Wasn't Hayato supposed to give him something? But what was there that his brother wouldn't offer up to him, if only to make him happy? Hayato was just like that. Like that with both their parents, too, but mostly with Makoto. "About what you want to do this weekend..." he dropped his foot, finally picked up the teacup and took a sip.

It burned, but what didn't with them? Sometimes Makoto didn't understand how his 'Tou-san delved so deeply into the ice that their Chichue seemed to embody. Didn't he love fire? Makoto did.

"Maybe I should charge you for switching our tours...I'll have to think of something..."

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[info]goraiko
2008-02-08 10:43 pm UTC (link)
"About that. . ." he murmured, unsure of where he was even going with his thoughts. What did he want? Well. . .wasn't that obvious? He poked at his brother's foot as it crept under his shirt. It felt so different here. The touching of his lips. . .the teasing play of their feet. . . Makoto was touching him again in that suggestive way.

He liked it, but at the same time, it hurt. Because. . .because. . ."'koto. . .do you. .. not like touching me anymore?"

Hayato picked up his cup of tea and took a hurried sip. Embarrassed. Maybe even a bit guilty for feeling this way. It was just that. . .for some reason, Makoto had stopped touching him. In all those ways that made him. . .just forget about who they were and made him focus solely on the fact he was wanted by the one person he loved. The only person he wanted touching him like that really.

"Because if. . .if not. . .then maybe we could. . .this weekend. Anything really." Christ, he was making a mess of this. But he couldn't help but be a little insecure around Makoto when it came to this. Hayato poked at his tea cup. "I know! Maybe we can karaoke or something!"

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-08 11:10 pm UTC (link)
"Eh?" Makoto blinked, suddenly surprised by his brother's words. His foot retracted out of surprise, and Makoto sat up a little bit straighter, as if that would make him seem more accountable. But after a moment, it wasn't difficult for Makoto to understand what Hayato meant. Do you not like touching me anymore?--because..he hadn't. Not for a week. Longer, almost. And it was because...not because he didn't want to. Every night he had laid in bed thinking of all the things he could do to the boy before him, every way he could whisper into his ear..but he hadn't. Because he didn't want his goddamn roommate listening in, thinking he was privy to such things. Because Hayato was his.

Putting down his teacup abruptly, Makoto leaned across the kotatsu, feet and legs retracting behind him, and brushed his lips against Hayato's own. "Didn't you notice me...didn't you notice that every night I pressed against you...?" Because that hadn't been a roll of pencils in his pocket. He wanted...but the thought of his roommates capitilizing on what the two of them had disgusted him. And more than anything he wanted to hear just how much it pleased his brother to feel what he did to him.

Tilting his chin forward, Makoto captured his brother's lips with his own. Ensuring in that kiss that he still wanted..still felt more than anything like having Hayato.

"Last week...I was in the dorm and Nathaniel grabbed me," Makoto said as he backed away across the table. "Like...grabbed me," he slipped one hand down to rest over the crotch of his pants. "I was so pissed that I slammed him against the pole between the beds and..tch..." Nathaniel was such an asshole. "He said to pretend that he was you." Makoto had been looking down, but now he looked up. He could never do that. No one could ever replace Hayato, not even a perfect clone.

"I don't want you near him. I don't want him to hear us." Makoto looked down. He wanted Hayato...to just be his. He sighed and took another sip of his tea. It was wrong, of course, but what could he do? It was the way he felt. "Of course I want touch you.." he murmured, feeling himself grow hotter. His pants were tight. "I couldn't say no."

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[info]goraiko
2008-02-09 12:49 pm UTC (link)
It was perhaps the best thing he could have heard. Still wanted. Still desired.

"Of...of course I noticed!" Hayato blurted out, flustered. Cheeks were a glaring red now, his embarrassment evident for any who saw. It's not like he could ignore the way his brother had pressed up against him sometimes. . .especially when nothing more came out of it when before Makoto had never really denied his urges on that front. "It's just. . .we're guys. . .I didn't know. That stuff just kinda happens to us. . ."

For all the games he could play out, inspiring all sorts of wrong thoughts in his classmate regarding his relationship with Makoto, it never failed to surprise him when he was alone like this with his twin. Poker-faced in front of his peers, shamelessly as he taunted his other half, and yet. . .when he started talking about it in such a private setting, it was more than enough to make him stutter and stumble over his thoughts. Completely uncool. Hayato couldn't even imagine his 'tou-san being so unsure.

There was no helping the fact, though, that when Makoto kissed him his body was willingly engaged in the act. Because it had felt like so long since. . .when had Makoto last kissed him? That realization, couple with the next explanation offered by his twin, was enough to draw a look of pain into his eyes. Someone else. . .had touched his brother. . .had acted like he could just be replaced. If you only wish it hard enough. . .

Hayato poked at his tea cup once more, eyes focused on the liquid as it swirled about. "Sou ka. . ."

And then that smile. The same one he had started out with. "I'm glad you still want to touch me, 'koto"

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-09 02:10 pm UTC (link)
"Tch..."

Makoto set his cup down and swung himself out from beneath the table. The movement was streamlined and purposeful, and he was beside his brother in a matter of moments. Then he settled himself beneath the kotatsu and reached over to take his tea.

He knew Hayato's smile, the way he spoke in that affirming manner, as if saying it to himself made it all that much more real. Makoto wasn't sure exactly what was going through Hayato's head at the moment, but he knew just what kind of imagination his brother had. It was as active as his own, the only difference was that they had different ways of working out that excess thought. Hayato tried to let things continue as they were, let things ride. Makoto got caught up.

"I could never replace you, Nii-san," Makoto said without looking over at his brother. It was whispered into his teacup in a manner that was fully composed. Stated as a fact, as if there could never be any other possibility whatsoever.

The cup was set down again, and Makoto finally looked over. There were things he could do, thing he would have to say or promise to fix what needed to be changed in the world. To get into the position to change them, to make a difference. But he would never forsake his brother. Scooting over until his thigh was pressed against Hayato's, Makoto passed one hand through his brother's hair. More gently than he usually allowed himself to be, Makoto nuzzled his face against the side of Hayato's.

"Believe me, Nii-san..." he whispered, lips moving against Hayato's ear. He placed a promising kiss.

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[info]goraiko
2008-02-09 10:51 pm UTC (link)
He loved it. Love the way Makoto was only this for him, and he hated how much it showed his selfishness. Because, if he could, he would demand this always. He would, without hesitation, throw a fit over not getting his way, ensuring that Makoto would never again betray him in the slightest of ways.

But, he couldn't. Because he really did love his brother. Sometimes more than Makoto probably could ever imagine. Hayato would take these moments, then, and treasure them. His alone, this person Makoto could be.

"How can I not, 'koto?" Hayato breathed out quietly. He leaned into the touch, turned his head to capture his brother's lips for a soft, solemn kiss. It was an honest act, one that expressed his trust in his other half. He would never lose faith in his brother. Loved him too much for that. A blind, accepting sort of love. The only kind of love that could have allowed for this relationship between them.

Lips moved against Makoto's once more, seeking affirmation of the feelings between them. To tell his brother that no matter what befell them, he would be here. Even if alone, wanting what he could never have.

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-10 12:59 am UTC (link)
Pushing his fingers into Hayato's hair, Makoto showed a bit more of his usual spirit. It was rough but careful, arresting enough to show that he knew his place, that he knew how to show Hayato that he was wanted. He pressed their lips together, harder, swiped his tongue along his brother's lower lip and leaned his body forward. It was one of the many things that he knew about Hayato. His brother trusted him. Enough to do this, enough to not question anything. Makoto almost felt as if he abused that.

The kiss slowly turned into an apology. It became slower, more considerate--questioning instead of taking. And before Makoto could move his hand underneath the hem of his brother's shirt, before he could slip his fingers against skin, show Hayato how much he'd missed...Makoto pulled back.

"H'yato..." he whispered softly, lashes closing to hide deep gray eyes from view as he leaned his forehead against his brother's. There were so many things Makoto wanted to tell him, all the things that had been piling up over the last few weeks that they never seemed to get time to talk about. Seika, Setsuki, Shingari, Nathaniel, Fidelma...Earth.

Earth. How long had he been letting that stew? Until now it had just been another thought, and then as the weeks had passed it had been urgent. But how could he even tell Hayato, how could he even say that word if it wasn't in conjunction with his brother's name?

"I love you," he said. He brushed his thumb just beneath Hayato's shirt, against the skin and let out a long breath. The arm that had slid around Hayato's shoulder tightened its grip. "I think...I need to tell you something."

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[info]goraiko
2008-02-10 01:13 am UTC (link)
Makoto had said it - those words he had wanted to so badly before the kiss. Hayato had wanted to say them, but couldn't. Because, really, he needed to hear them from his brother first. He didn't want to be the one needing, the one dragging Makoto down with words that knew how to bind the soul precisely.

Lips parted, releasing a sound caught midway between a sob and a laugh. God, he really loved his brother. . .and it was wrong, but he couldn't stop feeling that way. He was the one that had brought this upon Makoto, had woken up all those feelings, brought them to reality. Makoto. . .he would have been just fine pretending they didn't exist.

"Makoto. . ." he murmured. He took another kiss, knowing full well he had no right to this. But he wanted it. . .he wanted all of his brother. . .and he would never, ever ask for it. If he could just stay here. . ."I love. . ."

Wait.

Hayato pulled back, curiosity swimming in his gaze. As if he had completely forgotten all the drama of before. Makoto. . .had something to tell him. . .He swallowed.

"Ano. . .something you need to tell me?"

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-10 01:32 am UTC (link)
It was almost like a crushing defeat, to hear that sentence cut off so abruptly. That was what it felt like. Disappointment. But how many times had he heard it anyway? Enough. More than enough that this time shouldn't matter at all.

He swallowed and backed up a little. Slowly he drew his brother to him and then when he was comfortable with their distance (no distance at all), he pulled him down. Settled Hayato on his chest. He suddenly felt fidgety and restless, and shifted and moved until he was finally on his side looking over at Hayato on more equal ground.

"Aa..."

Aa...

"I think I need to..." How could he say it? I need to go to Earth again. It was simple as that, but not at all. It wasn't at all because of the same reasons before. It wasn't for him--but Makoto didn't even know if it would help. Everything that he'd ever thought about the future was being changed by this plague that was slowly working its way into the homes of all the destitute on Earth. And then it would be in the middle class and the rich, and Makoto...all his plans to save this race were being undone. He didn't know if he could do it now.

Frustrated because he felt like he was going back on his word I'll never leave you again (because he couldn't...couldn't let Hayato go down there...it was far too dangerous and if something happened, he'd never be able to live with himself. No. Never be able to live), Makoto ran a hand over his face.

Abruptly he pushed himself out from beneath the kotatsu and walked to a file cabinet. After rifling inside for a few moments, he pulled out a sheet--it was the briefing sheet he'd given to Shingari...the one she hadn't read because she was angry with him. Hesitantly, he handed it to his brother. It detailed plans for going to Earth, setting up relief camps, getting volunteers. "I think..." he trailed off.

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[info]goraiko
2008-02-10 01:49 am UTC (link)
Why was it so difficult for his brother?

Hayato felt the hurt crawling up his throat again in the form of tears. And then Makoto had left him, after it had finally felt like they had gotten close once more. Makoto was gone. . .back to the things he had to attend to, because really, Hayato knew his brother would never be satisfied if he was kept from them all those grand plans of his.

He had known it even before Makoto had begun shifting papers in the drawer. But, when the paper was presented to him, Hayato read it dutifully. With every word, the look on his face faded from one of almost-there joy to a solemn acceptance. The smile that took this for what it was, the one that told his brother he would support him no matter what. Even if. . .even if those dreams of his took him away again.

Inevitably they always would.

Hayato. . .he could never keep Makoto here.

"It looks good, 'koto. . .As I would expect from you," he finally said. There was no denying the pain. But despite it his tone was controlled, supportive as would be expected from someone used to peril. Used to watching the one they loved charge into that sort of terror-called life. The only thing Hayato wanted was to be strong enough to protect his brother. Makoto's sword. It was the reason he trained so hard in that discipline. . . all for his brother. To support Makoto's ideals.

"Ne. . .'koto. . .I love you."

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-10 02:05 am UTC (link)
He was well aware of the pain that he caused his brother, perhaps that was why he was so reluctant to ever solidify his ideas...to present them. Because if anyone could have ever stopped him, it would be Hayato. He would stop, if Hayato wanted it. And part of Makoto thought that Hayato did want it, but he would never say it. He would rather suffer in silence. Makoto wondered which one of his parents his brother got that from...or perhaps it had come from their grandmother.

Dropping to his knees, Makoto bent down and offered his brother another solemn kiss. He wanted to speak words about them, to say that he would stop, would stop for Hayato. But when he opened his mouth it was to issue a low, tired sigh. "I don't know if I can help them, Nii-san," he said quietly. A silent admission that for all his bravado, deep down he wondered if he could truly ever make a difference. It was a face he showed to Hayato alone.

And then that was pushed away in favor of what he wanted to hold onto. Makoto resumed his strong sense of dominance and took the paper from his brother's hands and set it aside. He slowly pushed Hayato to the floor until he could lift one leg over him, kneel and straddle him.

"I hate hurting you," he admitted. Lips descended upon his brother's neck. He wanted Hayato to know that this had nothing to do with him. It wasn't because of any inadequacies on Hayato's part, it wasn't because he wasn't enough. With a fervor that was unmatched by any he'd offered before, Makoto tried to impart that into his brother's skin with his kisses.

"I love you," he said it again, breathing it hotly as his tongue darted out against his brother's earlobe. "Please don't hate me."

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[info]goraiko
2008-02-10 02:18 am UTC (link)
He let Makoto do as he wanted to him. As he always would. Because that was how this would go - he would serve his brother, serve his ideals for as long as he could. When he had said Makoto had all of him, he had meant it. Everything he was, was Makoto's alone.

"You'll do it, 'koto," Hayato said. A solid statement that held no hurt, only conviction. All in a tone that said whatever it took, he would be there - even if it took all of him. Makoto could have it.

Without thinking, he ran his hands up along his twin's sides. Careful, in a manner that sought knowledge though he knew every inch of his brother's body intimately. For once, however, showing his own strength, a power to endure the things that would come in spite of his pain. Because it would hurt, terribly at times. But, he was his fathers' son.

And he would give in to this. Hayato slipped a hand up beneath Makoto's shirt, tested the heat of the skin beneath. "I can't hate you. . ."

He gasped suddenly, reacting to his brother's attentions for the first time in. . .what seemed like forever. "I can't. . .Makoto. . .ever hate you. . ."

figners dug into his twin's sides. Wanting. Needing. "Just keep me close. . ."

Wield me in whatever way you see fit.

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-10 02:58 am UTC (link)
"The closest," Makoto whispered. It was a shuddering breath, sounding almost virginal. As if this was the first time Hayato had touched him when really...but Makoto...he supposed he did most of the touching. He wondered, sometimes, that with all this...was he just taking and taking and giving nothing? He could't stop, though. It was strange, not to have control...when it came to Hayato, he sometimes felt like everything was lost. Like he was walking backwards in a circle, an extended stay in his favorite place.

Who would want to give that up?

He pressed his lips to Hayato's once more, took and took from him what he wanted, hoping that Hayato could see some of it as giving, in some manner. Most of him, perhaps more of him than what was devoted to himself, wanted to give Hayato what he needed. Maybe it was just that he didn't know how (questions of is this what you want? do you like this? is this okay for you? always returned the inevitable whatever you want, 'Koto...) or...was Hayato just that much better of a person than him?

Part of Makoto didn't care, part of him wanted to say that he could play the demon to his brother's angel. But when you figured love into it, it just fucked things royally.

Fuck...

Makoto moaned softly, hands pushing his brother's shirt up far enough that he could press his lips to Hayato's stomach, where he laid a trail of wet kisses.

"What do you want, Hayato...?" It wasn't meant to be a sinister question. Not the boy who liked getting off on his own voice, on someone else telling him that he was god. He wanted to know...honestly had only ever wanted to know. So much that it almost hurt.

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[info]goraiko
2008-02-12 03:43 am UTC (link)
Everything.

That was the truth. If he could have everything that was Makoto, he would take it. The only problem was that it wasn't just them, and all of that everything else concerned his brother. Makoto had. . .dreams. In light of that, the only thing Hayato wanted, could want was to remain by his brother's side.

A damning thing really. Just like the way Makoto was touching him right now. Hayato reached down and ran his fingers through his brother's hair. For once, he felt the older of them. Makoto was. . .Makoto was everything to him. And he knew it was wrong, but there was nothing in him that rebelled against that notion.

"To be with you. . ." he whispered, a quiet, solemn edge to his tone. There might come a time when this - the this</> right now between them - might no longer exist, but even so, Hayato wanted to be there at Makoto's side. Even as the one in the shadows.

He ran the tip of his thumb over his twin's lower lip, bit his own in an unconscious response. Honestly. . .with every feeling like it was, why did Makoto have to be touching him like that right now?

"Always. . .Even if. . .even if never this, 'koto."

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[info]nishibi
2008-02-12 04:00 am UTC (link)
Makoto swallowed, because he didn't know what that meant. Did that mean that Hayato didn't want this, only wanted Makoto beside him in the way that it had always been? Did he honestly think that in a world that Makoto had created, that he would ever have a position that wasn't where he needed to be, where he wanted to be the most?

Didn't Hayato know that he could ask anything of him, that he could take and take and take and all Makoto would ever do was give?

A flash of that passed through his eyes. The desire to make his brother happy, to protect him, to give him everything he wanted...if only Hayato would just take it. Somehow, Makoto had a feeling that he wouldn't, that Hayato...Hayato would do what he thought was best. And it was almost painful to think that they couldn't be on the same track, because somewhere deep down Makoto knew that he had something to do, and if it came between Hayato's wants and his wants and what needed to be done....Hayato wouldn't contest.

He let out a long sigh. The quiet admission of those resigned to their fate--what Dante had seen in those sighing in hell. But Makoto knew...someday..he could make a heaven of this if he tried. He could give Hayato what he needed. Someday.

Tilting his head down slightly, Makoto pressed his lips to Hayato's thumb in a fleeting kiss. He glanced away from the way his brother was biting his lip like that, for it brought up a multitude of emotions and desires that Makoto didn't know if he could control at the moment in the face of everything. And carefully, quietly, he lowered himself onto the ground next to Hayato.

One arm slipped around and pulled his brother close to him in a tight embrace. Quietly, his body murmured for action, but when Makoto opened his mouth, the words were controlled. "I'll never let you go. I promise you Hayato...I'll always come back for you."

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